I Can't Die Alone (6 page)

“I’m in the kitchen,” Benjamin said.

Releasing a deep breath, I took Bo’s hand and let him lead me into the kitchen. The man’s face came into view, and it was Benjamin. He looked almost exactly how I pictured him in my mind. My eyes glued to him and I couldn’t look away. Bo took extra care with me as he placed me at his side. He squeezed my hand a little tighter and I looked at him. His light smile reassured me that everything was okay. 

“Dad, this is my friend Tori. Tori, this is my Dad Ben.” 

Ben was what he liked to be called?

“Nice to meet you,” Ben said stretching his hand out to me. We were close enough now that I could see the wrinkles next to his eyes. He had a wide smile and eyes the color of the sea. Those eyes were the same as they were in the picture that I carried in my backpack, the one of him and my Mom. 

“Nice to meet you.” I said back though my voice was a bit shaky. 

Bo chimed in to tell his dad that he’d brought coffee and that we should sit down for a minute. Ben narrowed his eyes at Bo, and I assumed that he’d figured out that something was up. 

When I took a seat in the cherry wood kitchen chair I hoped that Bo would do most of the talking. Sitting this close to him made my nerves go haywire. I was already the type to ramble. I’d surely mess this up completely. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Bo said directly to his Dad. “I met Tori just a couple of days ago at the park. She traveled here because she was searching for someone.”

I looked down at my hands then back up again, and then quickly looked back down at my hands. 

“Turns out she was searching for you.” 

“Me?” Ben’s eyes grew bigger. 

Instead of trying to explain myself, I reached in my bag and pulled out the letter and photograph. “You might recognize these,” I spoke as I slid them across the table. 

Ben looked at the photograph for a long while not saying a word. 

“Do you remember Dad?” Bo asked.

“I’d never forget.” He looked at me again. “Candice is your mother?”

“Yes Sir,” I replied. I didn’t know if he knew she’d passed away, but I needed to tell him. “She died a couple of years ago.”

He cupped his hand over his mouth, and I could see the tears in his eyes. He really did love my Mom. A blind man could tell that he did. I could feel the hurt coming from him, and I wanted to cry too. I didn’t have anyone to cry with when it happened, aside from a nurse who showed up at her funeral. It’s hard having no one. The tears fell down my face as I watched them fall down his. 

“I’m sorry,” he spoke and I could hear the unsettling emotion in his voice. 

Standing up from the table, he walked down the hall and tucked away behind one of the doors. It was hard to watch. Even Bo was choked up. 

He pulled me to him, and I buried my face in his shirt. 

“Make sure he’s okay Bo,” I said as I pulled back away from him. “Go, please.”

Bo walked down the hall and I searched the kitchen for a napkin or paper towel to wipe my face. 

Through the thin walls, I could hear the two of them. I couldn’t make out every single word but it sounded like they were shouting. 

They were shouting. 

Ben said, “Why is she here?” 

I felt the lump in my throat grow larger. The two of them were arguing about me. What had I done? 

I couldn’t listen anymore. I screwed up by coming. Grabbing my backpack, I made my way quickly to the front door. My feet felt heavy against the concrete as I jogged away from the house. It was like the weight was being carried on my shoulders. I didn’t want to be the cause of a fight. I didn’t want to ruin his life by showing up and breaking all the bad news. It wasn’t my intention at all. 

Once I was out of sight, I slowed down to catch my breath. The park was only a block away and I could find my bench and rest. The guilt hurt me badly. I told him that the woman he loved was dead. I should’ve thought things through better. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid…

I don’t know why I thought he’d want to see me. My plan was ruined, and I was to blame.

I sipped on the bottle of water I had in my backpack after I washed down a pain pill. My stomach was knotted up from the need to get away so quickly. I’d overdone it. Between the heat, the pain, and the nerves, the pill couldn’t kick in fast enough.

I figured that I could call that limo rental place and have a ride home by the end of the day if they weren’t busy.

“Tori,” Bo called out to me, and I regretted having stopped at this bench. He knew exactly where to find me. It was our bench.

“It’s okay Bo. I’m fine, and I’ll have a ride home in no time.” I rushed the words out. “I’m sorry to screw everything up, and I didn’t mean to upset him. I swear I didn’t.”

“Stop,” he said, kneeling down in front of me. “It’s not what you think.”

“I heard you arguing. It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not. We weren’t arguing. He was just upset about your Mom. I told him everything. When he asked me what you were doing there, I told him. He dropped to his knees and cried. I’ve never seen him this upset. He’s worried about you, and when we saw that you ran off, he begged me to go and get you and bring you back,” he explained. “I promise that he’s not angry or mad at you. He’s mad at himself. You have to come back. He wants to talk to you.”

I wanted so badly to believe what he said, but I heard the anger in his voice. He was mad. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. The damage I’ve done can’t be fixed. I should’ve never told him.”

“You’re wrong. He would want to know.” Bo placed his hands on the sides of my face. “Everything is okay. He’s okay. Please come back with me to talk to him. I promise you that he’s not mad at you.”

I shut my eyes as his hands stroked my cheeks. They were warm against my skin. The smell of his cologne was thick and I kept my eyes closed to remember the moment. I believed what he was saying. He had no reason to lie to me. 

Opening my eyes, I stared right into his. He had eyes that a person could never forget. I saw them in my dreams, and I hoped that I always would.

“I’ll go back.” 

He wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him back. No matter the outcome, I knew just how much Bo meant to me, and how glad I was that he’d come into my life. 

Benjamin was waiting on the porch steps when we pulled back into the driveway. He made his way quickly to the car as I was stepping out of it, and he held his arms out to me. I didn’t know him, but he was the only connection that I had to my Mom and I hugged him as hard as I could. We cried together as he rubbed the back of my head. Neither of us was letting go. We were two people who needed each other in the worst kind of way.

“Come inside, and let’s talk,” Ben said, keeping me wrapped up in his side as we made our way back into the house. 

They were the words that I’d been waiting to hear. 

The three of us sat down on the couch, with me in the middle. I didn’t feel uncomfortable. If anything I felt like I was part of the family. 

“Bo told me that you’re sick, and I wanted to know you’re reasoning behind coming to find me, if you don’t mind me asking? And I’m glad you’re here, so please don’t think otherwise.” Ben’s words were sincere. 

“I found the letter that you wrote to my Mom, but not until after she passed away. She never told me about you, but I knew by that letter that you loved her once. My grandmother is in a nursing home and doesn’t even know who she is, and my Aunt died a few years before my Mom. I don’t have anybody left. Other than a couple of people from my apartment building, I have no acquaintances. I have a funeral to plan that I imagine no one will show up to.” I swallowed roughly. “I swear to you that I didn’t come here for pity or for money. I have a lot of money since I sold the house. All I wanted was to find someone I could share my last few days with, because I’m scared.” And the tears were coming once again.

“Sweetheart,” Ben said as he pulled me close to him once more. “You won’t be alone. Don’t you dare worry about that anymore.” I could hear the sniffles around the room, which made me cry harder. It wasn’t easy watching or hearing grown men cry. 

I wiped my face clean with the edge of my shirt, before excusing myself to go to the bathroom. A few splashes of cold water didn’t seem to help my ragged face. I looked bad. My skin was pale, and there was a ring of darkness under my eyes. I was tired, once again. I seemed to stay that way. The medicine was working, and I needed Bo to take me back to the motel soon.

Ben stopped me in the kitchen and insisted that I stay for dinner. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. I agreed, but wondered how I’d stay awake until then.

“Why don’t you rest on the couch? I’ll just let you nap for a little bit.” Bo was adamant. Between the two of them, I couldn’t tell which one was more persistent. It was a nice change compared to being alone for so long. A person could sure get used to it.

I agreed and slipped off my shoes, tucking my feet up onto the couch. I felt a blanket drape over me, and that was the last thing I remembered. 

I had no idea what I was dreaming about, but it must’ve been good because I didn’t want to wake up. Bo laughed and nudged me a few times, and I believe I may have told him five more minutes. When his lips touched my cheek that was all it took. My eyes shot open and I glared up at him. It was by far the best way to be woken up, although I wouldn’t admit it to him. 

“Hey, beautiful. Food’s ready.”

I could get used to that. 

The smell of food surrounded me and it was amazing. I’d slept up an appetite. I stood up, stretched my arms wide over my head, and made my way into the kitchen with Bo. 

“Hope you like fried chicken?” Ben asked as I took the empty seat at the table. 

“YES!” I nearly shouted and everyone laughed. It wasn’t supposed to come out so enthusiastically but I guess I was hungrier than I thought. 

“I’m glad you stayed to have dinner with us. I was hoping that maybe we could talk some more about your Mom,” Ben suggested. 

After the cry I had earlier, I was fairly sure that I could talk about her without getting too upset. I wanted to know more about her past. “I’d like that.”

Bo smiled and patted my knee under the table. It was sweet.

“She and I met in college,” Ben explained. “She was assigned as my lab partner in Biology, and she forced me to do all the dirty work.” He smiled when he talked about her, and so did I. That sounded like something my Mother would’ve done. “She was smart, kind of a loner, and had the most philosophical mind. It was love at first sight.”

I blushed and cooed over his every word. The way he spoke of my Mother was far better than I could’ve imagined. I imagined that she was sitting at the dinner table with us, and her smile would light up the room. She’d tuck her straight hair behind her ears, and smile at everyone. She was kind-hearted and passionate. She was everything that I hoped I was. 

Benjamin’s pleasing smile was charming, and I could understand why my Mom loved him so. Bo was just like that. He had lightness about him, and a bit of a cocky attitude that was hard not to find attractive. 

“How long did the two of you date?” I asked before taking a bite of my mashed potatoes that were delicious by the way. 

“Three years.” 

It was a long time, but I knew why they’d parted ways. It was all written in the letter. No sense in rehashing the ugly parts. I wanted to know all of the good things.

“You look like her in some ways,” Ben told me. “I mean it’s been many years, but I can still see her face. You have her eyes and her smile.”

“Thank you.” I glanced away.

“I’ve never heard you talk about her, Dad,” Bo said. 

“Mom never spoke of you either.” I interrupted. “If I hadn’t found the letter, I’d never have known about you.”

Ben leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I guess…” He paused. “I guess after so many years you move on. You forget about the things that hurt and replace them with new good things. I loved Candice more than anything. I still do I suppose, but life happened and years passed. I have many good memories tucked away in here,” he admitted pointing to his chest. “I’m glad I could share some of them with you. With both of you.”

“Me too.”

“I have a few things in a box in my closet that you might like to see,” Ben said. “I’ll get them.”

How exciting. 

Bo started to clear the table, and I stood to help him. 

“I’ve never seen him so happy,” Bo said as he nudged his elbow on my arm. “You’d think he was twenty years old again.”

I flashed him a grin. “He’s no nice. Thank you for bringing me back.”

“Of course.” 

We spent the next few minutes scraping dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. I loved how it felt so natural. The two of us moved around the kitchen like we’d been doing it for years.

“Come on Tori. Come in the living room.” Ben called out to me as he passed through the kitchen. 

Bo raised his brows. “Go ahead. I got the dishes.”

I didn’t argue. I twisted the towel and snapped it in his direction. It was totally out of character for me, but Bo brought out a whole different side that I never knew I had. 

I was playful.

Who knew?

Benjamin had an old shoebox opened up on his lap as I walked into the living room. He called me over with a nudge of his head, and I sat down in the spot next to him. 

“I saved a few things from when we dated, and there are a few things that she threw at my head once.” His laugh was genuine, and I loved hearing it. “This is an old tee shirt of mine that she borrowed from me one night after we ran through the campus sprinklers. She gave it back to me the night we broke up.” He handed me the old worn out, light blue tee that had Tarheels written on the front. I held it close to me. “Here are the photos that we took in one of those booths, you know the ones. They shoot the pictures out after a couple of minutes.” They were making goofy faces in all of them but one. The last one was my Mom kissing his cheek. It was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen, and so clear that the two of them were in love. “Here are the ticket stubs to the fair I took her to. She hated every minute of it, until I bought her cotton candy and won her a stuffed alligator. Oh, and this is the program from our graduation. Our names are highlighted.”