I Can't Die Alone (9 page)

His lips spread into a wide grin. “The night is still young.”

The two of us spent the next hour in the kitchen whipping up something for supper and waiting for Benjamin to get home from work. The spaghetti was a big hit, and it was nothing but a box of noodles and a jar of sauce. 

After cleaning the kitchen, the three of us made ourselves comfortable in the living room. The popcorn bowl was being passed around between us, and it felt like real family time. I loved every minute of it. 

We were about to put in Mockingjay - part one, when I heard a light snoring coming from the recliner. Ben had fallen asleep. 

I smiled as I watched him, knowing that he’d stuck it out through two whole movies. He was a champ in my book. 

I took the blanket that was lying on the back of the couch and covered him up. 

“You want to watch the rest of the movies in my bedroom?” Bo asked.

His bedroom?

The thought made my stomach tighten into knots. He wanted me alone in his bedroom. Holy vomit… 

“Sure,” I said nonchalantly. 

I followed him down the long hallway to the last bedroom on the right. It was painted dark blue. The walls were nearly bare, and the white bedspread stood out on the queen size bed. The wooden frame had tall posts that were taller than me.

“You can get comfortable on the bed, and I’ll start the movie,” he told me. “Left side is mine.”

“Perfect, because I like the right.” In my head I sounded way more confident than it actually sounded in person. The jumpiness in my voice was evident, but Bo didn’t say a word. His back was facing me as he put the DVD into the player and turned on the television. The shorts he was wearing hung low on his small waist. The sleeves were cut out of his shirt, and I could see the muscles in the back of his arms and shoulders. There was something irresistible about him, even in the way he moved. If I had to use one word to describe him I’d say nothing, because it would take way more than one word. He was charming, and funny, and very good-looking.

He switched off the light before crawling into the bed next to me. “You can get under the covers if you’re cold.” He said.

I swallowed down the nervousness and climbed underneath, resting my head on a pillow. For the first time ever I was in bed with a man, and we were close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off of him.

The sounds of my own thoughts were loud enough to drive a sane person crazy. It was incredibly annoying. 

This was Bo.

We were friends. We’d sat much closer than this on the motorcycle. I guess it was the bed that made me nervous. Dammit, every physical situation made me nervous. I hated being so inexperienced. I hated that I was days away from dying and I wouldn’t know what it felt like to be with a man. 

“Tori.” Bo tapped my arm. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Oh, if he only knew. “Nothing.”

“Uh, huh, I don’t believe that. I said your name twice before you even heard me.”

“Sorry,” I apologized. My brain was getting carried away.

He looked over at me, and I could see a light outline of his face from the glow of his television. “Are you feeling okay? I can tell you’re breathing hard. You sick?” He asked with a concerned tone in his voice.

“I’m not sick. I should be honest with you, but it’s hard for me to talk about.”

“Now you got me worried. You sure you’re okay?”

“Positive.” I responded with a deep breath. “I’m nervous.”

“About what?” He asked.

And before I could get the words out, he guessed it. “I didn’t think about it, Tori. I’m sorry. It didn’t even cross my mind. I swear. I mean, the thought of us always crosses my mind, but I didn’t have bad intentions about this movie night. I promise you. I won’t lie to you. I did think that we would end the night with a kiss, because I wanted you to cross that off your list.”

He had a way with words. I’m not kidding. No one had ever talked to me the way that he did. He turned me into jelly every time. 

“You planned this whole day for me, everything we did. It was the best day of my life. I never thought that you had anything but good intentions. But laying here with you changes everything. I’m nervous because it’s new to me. I’m ashamed of being so inexperienced and for not being able to talk about it. My heart is beating like crazy, and my hands are sweating.” I tried to laugh it off. “I’m not strong, and I’m not used to feeling this way.”

“Listen to me.” He turned to face me. He ran his fingers through my hair and stared into my eyes. “I wanted you from the moment I sat down next to you on that park bench.”

I blushed.

“I’m serious. Before I knew you were sick I wanted you. After I knew you were sick, I still wanted you. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I think you’re beautiful, and sweet, and I love seeing everything through your eyes. It’s like seeing it for the first time.”

I released the breath I was holding and when I tried to speak he wouldn’t let me. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

“I don’t care that we’re not guaranteed tomorrow. I’ll promise you forever, every day of your forever.”

The tears poured from my eyes. I didn’t want him to say another word. He said everything I needed to hear. 

Reaching my hand out to touch his face, I quickly pressed my lips to his. I didn’t think twice. I wasn’t scared. My heart felt different. It felt full. 

Is this love?

The feeling in the pit of my stomach was so strong that I felt like I was floating inches above the bed, like it was a dream. His lips melted against mine and it never felt wrong. It was all kinds of right, and every nerve in my body was on fire. His hands gripped my waist and pulled me closer so our bodies were touching. I ran my hands through his hair and pushed our lips closer together. The heat between our bodies made me feel more alive than I’d felt in months. I never wanted it to end. I couldn’t get enough. The feeling was incredible and I craved more of his touch. 

When our lips parted, our foreheads touched. Our breathing could probably be heard from the other room. “I don’t have anything to compare that to, but that was the best first kiss ever.” I admitted, my eyes still closed.

“Is it okay to tell you that I love you?” Bo whispered.

“I love you, too,” I kissed the end of his nose. 

If tomorrow never came, I’d be okay because I could say that someone loved me, and I loved him. 

I loved him.

I had a pretty good nights sleep in Bo’s bed. I woke up hotter than hell, but for the most part I slept soundly. 

The bed was empty when I woke and there was a note on the nightstand that said –I’ll be home early from work today and I have a surprise. 

Another surprise? 

This must’ve been what it felt like to be spoiled. I lay there under the blankets thinking about what he had planned. It had to be something from the list. It had only been days and he was easily making my list into memories just like I wanted. 

I smiled as I held the note close to my heart. 

There was a noise stirring from the kitchen as I made my way down the hall. 

“Good morning,” I said to Benjamin. He was standing next to the sink wearing an apron. I kid you not. It was one of those manly ones that said Grill Master, but it was an apron. 

I snickered at him. 

“Don’t laugh,” he grinned. “I got you one too.” He handed me one that said Queen of the Grill.

“Thank you.” I took it from him slipping it over my head. “Are we grilling at nine o’clock in the morning?” I asked. 

“Nope, we’re baking.” His light blue eyes caught mine, and I knew exactly what he meant. Bo told him about the list.

“Baking?” I smirked. “As in cookies?”

“Right you are.”

“Do you know how to bake cookies?” I asked. “I don’t think the grill is involved.”

“Ha, ha, very funny.” He nearly bumped me down with his hip. 

“Seriously though, do you know how to make cookies?” I raised my eyebrows in question.

“I have a recipe. How hard could it be?”

Oh dear.

This was going to be fun.

“Here is the list of what we need,” he said, handing me the paper. “The oven is pre-heating.”

I rummaged the cabinets and the refrigerator, searching for all of the ingredients we needed for our cookies while Benjamin grabbed bowls and spoons for mixing. This was most likely going to be the biggest cookie fail ever, but I couldn’t wait for the fun to begin. So long as the cookies didn’t turn out burnt, I was going to attempt to eat them.

Benjamin read the directions carefully, as I added the ingredients to the bowl. There were a couple of words we had to Google, but for the most part we managed really well, aside from making the biggest mess ever. That was mostly my fault. I wasn’t graceful with my measuring. 

It was fun just spending time with him, and I didn’t care how the cookies were going to taste once they were finished. 

“You laugh just like your Mother,” Benjamin said. “I wish I would’ve gotten to see her before she passed away.”

“Me too,” I admitted. “I think she would’ve loved that.”

“Being with you is the best alternative.”

I smiled up at him. He was far too clean to have been baking, so I patted his face with my dough filled hand. “Do you think so now?” I joked, making light of the situation.

“You little shit,” he laughed. I grabbed the bowl quickly and rustled to the other side of the counter so that he couldn’t get me back. 

“Having fun yet?” I grinned wide. 

He shook his head. “Come on, let’s get those cookies in the oven.”

I slid the bowl back across the counter and walked back around. Before I realized what he was doing, I had dough smeared across my forehead and in my hair. “I can’t believe you did that,” I growled.

“I’m having the best time,” he laughed and so did I. The two of us were covered in cookie dough and we didn’t care. It was the best fun. 

I placed the cookies in the oven and used the kitchen sink to wash myself off. We talked a little more about my Mom, and I told him about some of the good times we shared before she got so sick. He clung to my every word and wanted to know more and more about her. You could tell that he still loved her so much. It was evident in the way he spoke her name and the way he needed every little detail. I thought that it’d be harder to talk about her, but it wasn’t. He made it easy for me, mostly because we didn’t talk about the bad things, only the good. 

The timer on the oven went off, and I reached in to pull out our cookies. They looked a little rough as far as shape, but they smelled great and they weren’t burnt. We must’ve done something right.

“You first,” I said, pushing him to take the first bite.

“I’m not scared,” he said, lifting the warm cookie to his mouth. I watched him intensely waiting for him to gag or spit it out, but he never did. “Pretty damn good. We need milk.”

I took a bite. 

He was right. They were really good. We made edible cookies. Hot damn! I was on cloud nine. The two of us were regular Betty Crockers. 

We put the cookies on a plate and carried them to the living room, where we devoured every last one. I was in a cookie coma on the couch, while he was stretched back in the recliner. 

It was the best Benjamin time I’d had yet, and I was so excited that I got to share this time with him. I heard him lightly snoring and took it as my cue to nap too. We were tuckered out, and there was no better way to end our little adventure. 

***

“I leave you guys home together for one morning, and I come home to this. You couldn’t save me one cookie.” Bo’s voice woke us up from our nap. “Look at you two,” he smiled. “How could you bake cookies and not save me one?”

I glanced at Benjamin sheepishly. “They were awful. You wouldn’t have liked them,” he chimed in.

I snickered under my breath. “Right. They were awful.” I couldn’t keep a straight face. 

“You little liars,” he laughed. “Get up, we have work to do,” Bo said.

I looked at Benjamin, and he rolled his eyes. I swear we were thinking the exact same thing. All we wanted to do was go back to sleep. 

“Come on!” Bo called out from the kitchen. “Jeez, look at this mess.”

This time, I rolled my eyes.

I spent the next twenty minutes slowly moving around the kitchen trying to clean up, while the guys got things together on the picnic table out back to build a bird house. That was Bo’s surprise for me. It was sweet of him to do, but I was still tired from cookies and napping. I didn’t feel much like building things. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. 

Closing the door behind me, I carried three bottles of water to the picnic table. 

“Did you guys start without me?” I asked.

“No, we’re still setting everything up.” Bo leaned in and kissed my cheek. “We’re going to make one big one, and Dad’s going to set it up over there by that little tree.” He pointed to the far corner of the lot. 

It looked like the perfect place.

“How are you at painting?” Bo asked me.

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, better than I am with a hammer.” 

“I figured.” 

He had a spot set up for me at the edge of the table where I could paint, and they could do the building at the other end. As I sat there in the evening air, I realized that by wanting to do this, I was giving the two of them some real father-son bonding time. Maybe this was something they’d look back on and share some laughs about. It was worth sitting out there with a paintbrush, even if I didn’t really want to. 

I excused myself to go take another pain pill, and when I came back the boys were nearly finished. You’d think that the two of them were professionals by the way it looked. I was impressed. The craftsmanship was great.

“Those birds are about to have a mansion.” I said as I slowly took a seat on the wooden bench. 

“I know. I’m kind of impressed myself,” Benjamin said.

“You okay?” Bo asked when he saw my shoulders sagging. I was tired and worn out from the day. It didn’t seem to take much to make me sluggish.

“Just tired, that’s all.”