I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1) (3 page)

The weight of his body crushed me down deep into the mattress. He was chuckling in delight and his hot breath tickled my face, at my many meagre attempts to push him off and break free.

Enraged by my lack of strength I screamed out in frustration. “Get off me Joel, I mean it I will kill you for this.”

I wanted to rip him limb from limb, till he was nothing but a heap of dismembered body parts piled up on the floor.

He laughed, openly mocking me. “How are you going to kill me when you can’t even move?” He emphasised his point further by slowly running his nose along mine. I immediately stopped breathing, every part of my body reacted to the soft sensation. I focused on the fact his lips were barely inches from mine.

Despite my many death threats, he was the one killing me. Every look and every touch was pure torture. I wanted him so bad but I knew to him this was only a game. I had to fight against it, despite the fact every part of my body was willing to surrender.

I thrashed my head to the side, screwing my eyes shut. I felt his soft lips brush up against my ear. “Iz, give me the charger and I’ll let you go.”

“No, never,” I growled, screwing my eyes tighter.

I would never back down.

Not while there was still breath left in my body.

“Well, you’re giving me no other choice but to get it myself then.”

My eyes wrenched open at his words. My head snapped round to catch his wicked grin. I knew he was about to take great enjoyment in what he was about to do, and a rush of excitement ran through me at that very thought, much to my own disgust.

He grabbed both hands together and gripped them tight in his large, overly strong ones. I tried in vain to twist them free, but his vice like grip was too much. I flinched slightly in surprise, as his other hand slowly slipped down my body, brushing against my ribs, to rest on the bottom of my t-shirt. He held it there for several moments and we both panted together, staring deep into each other’s eyes.

Oh god.

My heart rate accelerated and I trembled in anticipation, holding my breath, waiting for his next move. My eyes grew wider, as I felt the material shift up, slightly exposing my skin. I gasped lightly when his hand softly grazed against my belly button, sending shivers through me. The plug began to uncoil out of the safe confines of my bra. The sensation of the metal prongs drove me over the edge, as he painstakingly dragged the charger slowly along my skin.

I could tell I was affecting him too. His lust filled eyes continued staring deep into mine, igniting the flames inside even more. He parted his lips slightly, flicking his tongue over his lower lip, teasing me.

I wanted those lips on me right now.

As if reading my thoughts, his face moved achingly closer to mine. I closed my eyes, willing him to give me the moment I had dreamt about so long. I literally stopped breathing, waiting for his sweet, soft lips to finally touch mine.

For a few moments he hesitated.

Then a huge wave of rejection slammed against my body, when his lips brushed up against my forehead. My eyes fluttered open in surprise. I tried desperately not to express the look of bitter disappointment, I knew was about to cross my face.

“See that wasn’t so bad was it? I think you may have even enjoyed it,” he said grinning, his eyes filled with amusement.

His words were like cold water against my skin, they quickly extinguished the strong, intense flames I was feeling only moments before.

“Go to hell,” I snapped, no longer wanting to be part of his cruel game. I tried my hardest to appear unaffected, even though I wanted to scream till my throat bled.  He chuckled, slowly pushing himself off me. I closed my eyes, breathing deep, to try and gain some kind of composure.

When the door creaked my eyes wrenched open and he shot me a cheeky wink, before closing the door. I screamed with frustration, despising myself for the hold he had over me. I heard his laughter all the way back to Mike’s room, like rubbing more salt into the gaping wound that was my heart.

But this was nothing new, the years of constant teasing and ridicule had taken their toll. I had to change, to grow a thicker skin. It was no fun living with these two idiots. I kept out their way most of the time, it was the simplest solution to escape the torment. I never let my guard down or expressed my feelings, especially the ones I had for Joel. I kept those locked away. What started out as a silly first crush, had now developed into something deeper. It consumed me, but as it was not reciprocated, I guarded that secret with my life, knowing it was one I’d never tell. 

As predicted Joel had became a huge hit with the ladies, attracting attention wherever he went. No matter what his reputation the girls made it their mission to get with him. It became unbearable to watch and as it happened on a regular basis, it became my own personal hell.

I’d go crazy hearing all the stories, the detailed conversations about I guy I would never have. The tears and the all to familiar tight pain in my chest became my routine. I had my own coping mechanism, never giving into it till I was safe in the confines of my room. Only then I’d allow myself to grieve, before locking it away again. It was how I dealt with it. I had to turn my feelings off before it swallowed me whole, dragging me into a world of darkness I would never escape from.

After finishing school Joel began working in a pub called The Cock and Bull. Which was ever so ironic, considering he was so full of bullshit himself. It was the perfect pulling ground for him to practice his technique, packed with eagerly willing gorgeous girls, all after a slice of Joel. He never failed to go home empty handed. Mike was just the same, he had the looks and the body that enabled him to attract his fair share of attention from the ladies.

Joel would spend the majority of his time at our house, almost from the time he and Mike met. He looked on it as more of a home than his own, but that wasn’t hard considering his circumstances.

We lived in a four-bedroom house in Camden, London. My Mother Helen had gotten divorced from my Dad Geoff when I was ten. He had the typical cliché affair with the secretary in his office, which had totally devastated my Mother and so they separated.

My Dad shortly after took a position in Sydney, Australia. His firm were expanding at the time, so he was given the role to manage the company there. I was never the same with my Dad after the affair, I saw the irreparable damage it did to my Mother. Despite several attempts at contact we drifted apart, the devastation was too much to bear. Once he moved to Australia it was like we didn’t exist anymore. We’d receive birthday and Christmas cards with a cheque inside, but his life had changed and we no longer factored into it.

Up until the affair my Dad was the closest person to me. He was the one I would confide in, he was my rock. My Mother had always been jealous of our relationship, never accepting the fact I was a Daddy’s girl from the moment I was born. I loved my Mother but she had a way of getting under my skin. She was constantly overbearing and highly-strung, always wanting to know every detail of my life. I resented how intrusive she could be at times. I liked my privacy, not welcoming her interference in parts of my life that I tried desperately to keep hidden.

I missed my Dad’s laid-back attitude, his patience and kindness. He had nurtured my book obsession, taking me to book fairs, instilling in me from a young age, the joy of escapism through the pages of a book.

He was the one who bought me all the classics, taking the time to learn and understand the real me. He never pressurised me to be something I wasn’t. He was my entire world, until he ripped it to shreds, till it was broken and beyond repair.

Joel lived not far from us, only a couple of streets away with his Dad, who to put it bluntly was an arsehole. His Mother had died in a hit and run accident when he was four and since then his Dad had raised him alongside his Uncle. Well I use the term ‘raised’ loosely, for the best part of his life after his Uncle relocated for work, Joel had basically brought himself up.

Joel’s Dad never praised or gave him any credit for any of his achievements, always taking great delight in enlightening him on his many failures. I came to the conclusion that nothing Joel did would ever impress him. The amount of alcohol he drank didn’t help with his anger issues, and being of the whiskey variety that was enough to stir up trouble.

I would often overhear snippets of conversations between Joel and Mike about their arguments, but then there was the obvious signs, a black eye, a split lip, the number of times unexplained bruises would appear on his body. My Mother had tried to intervene but Joel had asked her not to say anything, which in the end she had relented, much to her own displeasure. So she did the next best thing in opening our home to him, so he’d always have somewhere to escape to when things got bad.

* * *

After an hour of escapism with my kindle, I headed downstairs in need of a caffeine fix. Joel was busy making coffee too, but he was too distracted by the music to notice me enter.

I stood mesmerised in the doorway, watching him hum and tap the spoon along to the beat, as his muscles flexed with each and every movement. Everything about him was just so captivating. I would often find myself just lost in the moment, as I took him all in. The majority of the time I managed to get away with it, but on the odd occasion he had caught me out, and the smile he wore each time told me he knew it.

But I was not even close to forgiving him for his earlier stunt, so I breezed through into the kitchen, purposely giving him the cold shoulder.

Joel spun around grinning but I’d had enough of his cruel games, he didn’t deserve my attention. I secretly took great delight in knowing my deathly silence would soon get to him.

His lips curled up into a grin, clearly enjoying my little act. His eyes surveyed my every move, as he waited patiently for me to look at him.

But I refused. I would not break.

“Do you want a cuppa Iz? I’m making one for us.” His eyes burned into me, waiting for some kind of acknowledgement. I carried on ignoring him, grabbing a cup before reaching into the cutlery draw for a teaspoon.

I leaned past him to get the coffee jar but he grabbed it, quickly holding it aloft, out of my reach. I blew out some air in frustration. It was all just one stupid joke to him. He always did get such enjoyment from torturing me, you would think he’d be bored by now but still the games continued.

I jumped up to grab it, but he stepped back, much to my dismay.

“If you want the coffee you have to speak to me Iz.”

Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen.

I tried several more attempts to leap up to grab it, but it was beyond useless.

I squealed in frustration. “Just give me the coffee Joel.” I stood back and crossed my arms over my chest. I was not in the slightest bit amused, I was about to blow.

“Say please and I will,” he answered smirking.

Ugh, I wanted to knock that smug smile off his face so bad. Here we were back to playing these childish little games, he so easily got a thrill from.

“Please,” I muttered, hoping it would end my torment.

“Please what?” he asked chuckling.

I glared at him as I knew exactly where this was heading. “Please Joel, can I have the coffee.” I moved towards him but he stepped back, holding the coffee in the air.

“Uh huh, please Joel you are the king and the master and I’ll maybe think about it. ”

What a complete idiot.

I shoved him back hard and he let out a small groan, when he hit the counter. “Get stuffed, I’ll go out and get a coffee, I’m not stroking your ego you’re big headed enough as it is.”

“I know what I would like you to stroke,” he remarked grinning. He suggestively raised his eyebrows, emphasising the point further.

Oh god.

His words had the intended impact and I instantly felt my face flush. “Fuck you Joel.”

I needed to get out of here.

Now.

I spun around to storm off but he grabbed me, pulling me back into his hard chest. With one arm holding me in place, his other hand tucked the loose strand of hair behind my ear. I groaned softly when his fingers brushed lightly against my skin, gently stroking my cheek.

“Only joking Iz,” he whispered.

I felt his hot breath tickle against my face, sending shivers down my spine. He breathed deeply, pressing his nose against my hair, before placing a soft kiss there.

I gasped lightly in shock, it was such a sweet move that it threw me. It was so completely out of character and I needed a minute to process it all. I stood clutching his arm and he held me for a few more moments longer.

He slowly released me and I stumbled a little, shaken by the fact I’d been wrapped in his arms only seconds before.

I quickly grabbed the coffee to keep myself occupied, turning my back to him. I needed to quickly regain some kind of composure.

After a minute I heard him start whistling and he headed back upstairs, acting like nothing had happened. Which was typical Joel and unfortunately for me the story of my life.

The alarm woke me early and I groaned, instantly hitting the snooze button and snuggled deeper into the pillow. I refused to leave this bed just yet, well not until I really, really had to.

I was not a morning person.

I hated everything about this time of day. I had to get several cups of coffee inside me, before I practically felt human again.

Five snooze delays later.

I admitted defeat and dragged my tired cranky body out of bed, heading for the shower. It was my first day at college, and turning up as a sleep zombie I was guessing was not an option.

Stumbling towards the bathroom, my eyes snapped up to the sudden flash of white. As I took in the sight before me, of Joel stood in just a towel.

Holy shit, I was now awake.

His lips turned up in delight at my reaction and he chuckled, as the usual blush crept over me.

Great!

Just to add to my embarrassment.

I involuntarily flicked my tongue over my lips, zoning in on the beads of water that clung to his hard chest. God I wanted to lick those off so bad.

He grinned, like he could read every damn thought in my dirty little mind. I was probably an open book right now, with every single emotion on display.

Fantastic.

“Like what you see?” he asked teasingly. His eyes were alight with amusement, staring tantalisingly deep into mine.

Did he even need to ask?

I swallowed slowly. I knew I needed to remain calm, but a large part of me was all for lunging forward to act out my fantasy.

“You know you’re not all that Joel,” I retorted.

Wow, worst reply. Ever.

He grabbed my arms and pulled me into his tight, hard body. “I think your face is telling me different.” His warm, minty breath tickled softly against my face and I shivered, feeling the effects all the way down to my toes. But it was his cocky tone that soon sent me crashing back down.

I wrenched myself free of his hold. I hated this whole egotistical side of him, it was that part that always brought me back to my senses.

Why did he have to act this way?

I scowled and stormed past him, slamming the bathroom door in disgust. But not before I caught sight of his amused smirk, as he shot me a playful flirty wink walking off.

* * *

After Joel’s unexpected bathroom encounter, the morning had grown steadily worse. I arrived at college to collect my welcoming literature, and to grab a coffee before the opening lecture. So far I’d collected the pack but I was still yet to enjoy a welcoming caffeine fix. Plus despite having the aid of a map to direct me, I was now outright lost. I could feel my mood growing darker by the minute.

I threw my bag over my shoulder, mumbling away in anger but I was too caught up in scrutinising the map, to notice just what I was about to smack right into.

The pain was instantaneous and I reeled back in complete shock.

I was actually seeing stars.

I clutched my head in pain as my eyes flicked up to find it was no wall, but actually a rock, hard chest. His hands grabbed me, steadying me and I stumbled slightly, still dazed from the collision.

“Hey, sorry about that,” a husky voice said, chuckling above me.

I glared up in his direction, to find a cute, blonde shaggy haired guy towering over me, dazzling me with his smile.

“Are you okay? Sorry I was too busy texting to notice, but hey, you can crash right into me anytime darling.”

Yeah. Worse chat up line. Ever.

A scowl crossed my face and I quickly pulled away from his hold. I had no desire to be hit on. I was just about ready to storm off, when I noticed I was now minus a map. My eyes scoured the floor in search of it, ready to make a hasty exit.

Where the hell was it?

Though I didn’t know why I was bothering, so far it had been about as useful as a chocolate kettle.

“You’re new right?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

His brown eyes twinkled with obvious delight. They left mine to wander slowly up and down my body, as his tongue flicked over his bottom lip.

Genius and a pervert.

Lucky me.

“Yeah, I’m trying to find 40A, I have a lecture there in less than ten minutes,” I replied, plastering on a fake smile.

I just wanted to leave.

“Well let me escort you to your room, we can’t have newbie’s getting lost now can we?” He winked, with his cheeky smile still in place.

He bent down to retrieve the map from the floor. As his other hand touched my lower back, guiding me back down the corridor.

Hmm, patronising and forward. The guy just keeps on giving, but if he led me to the correct room, I’d be grateful forever. The thought of walking into a packed lecture hall late, was enough to make me bring up the entire contents of my breakfast.

“Here we are,” he chirped and I scowled. We’d barely been walking less than a minute. He chuckled at my look of annoyance. “You were nearly right, just needed to take a left instead, but then you’d never have met me, fate brought us together.”

I hated fate right now.

“Thanks again,” I bit out and took back the map, desperate to make my escape through the door.

“Anytime, hope to see more of your pretty face around college.” His hand gently brushed a strand of hair away from my face. His fingers grazed against my skin, as his eyes lingered looking deep into mine.

Oh god.

I inwardly shivered, breaking the contact.

I hoped not.

I gave him one last smile of gratitude, as I swung the door open. It came out more forced than sincere. He smiled walking backwards, and saluted me before he headed on his merry way.

Once inside I noticed the room was heaving and filling up fast. There were a number of empty seats dotted around, but I headed for the back. Hoping to lurk amongst the shadows, where there would be less chance of being noticed.

I caught a few people’s eyes walking up. Their welcoming smiles appeared warm and friendly, where mine in return were more of a grimace. I never did do well around anyone new, my awkward side always managed to make an unwelcoming appearance.

The lecture began and judging by the amount of handouts we’d been given, it was going to be a long and tedious morning. Luckily for me I’d planned ahead, I liked to prepare for these inevitable situations.

Pulling out my notebook and Ipod, I discretely slipped in my earphones. The inane chatter was soon replaced with the rockier tones of Nirvana. I retrieved my emergency bag of skittles from my bag, for a much needed energy boost. They were my only chance of surviving this long morning.

The moment my pencil hit the paper, my mind instantly wandered. Going back to that moment, with just Joel and the towel.

That damn towel.

I cursed it to hell, for concealing the part of him that held the most intrigue.

I shifted uneasily in my seat, imagining if the towel had in fact slipped. I smiled at my not so innocent thoughts. I had thought about removing it, believe me it would have answered a lot of questions.

I licked my lips, feeling the heat spread throughout my body. The mere thought of a naked Joel made me want to lose all control. I glanced down at my mindless doodling, to find I’d subconsciously scribbled Joel’s name like a hundred times.

What the hell?

I ripped the page out in disgust and screwed it up into a ball, tossing it in the bin. I turned to the next empty page, and began sketching the guy sitting in the row in front of me, to my right. He was providing the perfect side profile, and the fact he was a dead ringer for Edward Cullen, only intrigued me to draw him even more.

The bell rang signalling lunch and I suddenly felt a shadow cast over me. I shifted slightly in my seat, only to find a pair of prying eyes peering over my shoulder.

“Hey, that’s really good,” he remarked from behind. His warm breath tickled against my cheek, as I breathed in his delicious scent.

“Thanks,” I replied smiling. I was rather proud of my morning’s handiwork. I’d really managed to capture his good side.

I quickly closed the pad and slipped it back into my bag, before the Edward Cullen wannabe noticed. I didn’t wish to be known as a stalker on my first day of college, no one ever shook that kind of label.

“He does have that sexy Edward Cullen vibe about him, wonder if he bites? I hope so.” He chuckled.

I turned to see his face was lit up in amusement, as he continued mindlessly staring at the Edward wannabe. He licked his lips, like he was imagining the very thought. I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be the one doing the biting. I chuckled at the very idea. He really was a good-looking guy, but it was pretty obvious by the way he was mentally undressing the Edward muse he was gay.

Typical.

His sandy coloured hair was styled into a meticulously perfect quiff. I could tell from that alone he was a perfectionist. His large, brown eyes sparkled with mischief and I smiled, wondering what kind of trouble he had in store.

He was about 6 ft tall and broad. He wasn’t as big as Joel muscle wise but he was clearly defined. Just by looking at him, I could see he had a great sense of style when it came to clothes. He dressed more for his own individual style, which was more unique and suited his personality.

“He may even sparkle too.” I laughed too loudly at my own joke, before cringing slightly. I tossed the sweet wrapper into the bin, making a mental note to buy some more later.

“Hey, I’m Elijah,” he said smiling. “Do you fancy hitting the canteen? I have a craving for chocolate fudge cake that needs fulfilled.” He widened his eyes, as if to emphasise his need further.

He was a man after my own heart. I think I’d officially found my cake soul mate.

“I’m Izzy,” I said smiling. “After this morning I need the extra sugar to get me through this afternoon.” It had been a long morning and I was expecting the afternoon to be even slower.

“Yeah, it’s going to drag, I’m going all out with the carbs, then get sleepy and doze for the rest of the afternoon.” He grinned, beginning to chuckle.

I couldn’t help but laugh along with him. “Sounds like a plan.” I smiled, looking up into a pair of cheeky, warm, chocolate brown eyes.

He was going to be a lot of fun, I could just tell.

* * *

Walking into the cafeteria the tables were already beginning to fill up fast. I looked out onto a sea of faces, only to spot the blonde guy from earlier.

Seriously?

I snapped my head back round just in time. I knew I had to keep a low profile, if I stood any chance of escaping his creepy clutches. I just hoped fate would be kind, but it always had a nasty habit of kicking me in the teeth.

I discretely stood behind Elijah, shamelessly using him as a human barrier, as I monitored the enemy. He hadn’t noticed me so far, he was completely caught up with the buzz and chatter on his table. His laughter was loud and could be heard from the other side of the room. He really didn’t care about all the stares he was attracting. I was slightly envious he had the ability to just enjoy himself, without worrying about the attention he created.

We grabbed some trays and worked our way along. The mixture of different aroma’s filled the air. My eyes widened passing each and every plate. I started loading up my tray, with all the necessities. I definitely needed them to get me through, what was looking like a long and arduous afternoon.

I looked over at Elijah and chuckled, his tray was loaded with every form of junk food imaginable. I guess he really was going down the death by carbs route.

Both our eyes widened approaching the cake section. We stood contemplating but the decision was taken out of my hands the moment Elijah nudged me, grinning wildly. He pointed towards the ultimate indulgence, hot chocolate fudge cake with cream.

I needed that in my mouth now.

We zigzagged our way through the crowded tables, scanning the room looking for an empty one. Elijah tapped my arm and pointed to one by the far corner. We manoeuvred by the last few tables and I unwillingly caught the attention of the blonde guy from earlier on.

Oh god no.

His smile dazzled me and he winked as he mouthed the word ‘fate.’

I inwardly grizzled.

If fate were a person right now, I’d punch them in the face.

Shaking my head in irritation I quickly scrambled after Elijah. We sat down opposite each other, unloading our trays. Our eyes grew bigger at the feast set out before us. I began unwrapping my sandwich as Elijah chuckled, taking a long sip of his drink.

“What?” Oh god did I have something on my face? I brushed my hand repeatedly over my skin, in an attempt to remove the offending article.

“Somebody already has an admirer,” he chirped in a singsong voice. A huge smile broke out over his face, as he leaned back in his chair, with his eyes monitoring my reaction.