I Said Yes: My Story of Heartbreak, Redemption, and True Love (25 page)

I am embarrassed to admit this, but the weather was so bad, I wanted to cancel. As smoking hot as Tyler was, all I wanted to do was get in my pajamas and curl up in bed under warm blankets. There was no way I wanted to go out in such bleary and cold weather. Yet, I didn’t want Tyler thinking I was a flake. Also, our mutual friend Lori had recently been pestering me to go out with Tyler. She was a smart gal, not one to blow smoke, so I trusted her.

Despite the storm, neither one of us bailed—and thank goodness for that. Tyler and I settled on meeting at a nice, but
as it turned out very stuffy, restaurant in town. It was one of the few places that was open. Except for a cook, a waitress, and a hostess, the place was empty. Dinner was delish, but so quiet that it was weird to have a conversation with almost everyone within earshot. After Tyler picked up the tab, we decided to have dessert at a nearby lounge, Zinc, which had a surprisingly large crowd in spite of the icy conditions outside.

As we indulged in mouthwatering chocolate delicacies, I was so glad I hadn’t canceled the date. Tyler and I talked for hours. We talked about our faith, our pasts, our families, our futures, what we were looking for in life, in love. He was very mature and responsible, and he had his life together and figured out. What attracted me to Tyler the most was his deep faith. He didn’t just call himself a Christian or simply believe in God; his spiritual life was personal, deep, and real. I really liked that. And I really liked him.

While a part of me was used to guys blowing up my phone with voicemails and text messages, Tyler took his time communicating with me, waiting a day or two to call and ask me out again. He didn’t play games, but he wasn’t desperate. It was a balance I wasn’t quite used to. Maybe this is sad to say, but Tyler was the first guy I liked in a long time who didn’t have a jerk edge or whom I wasn’t trying to fix or turn into someone else. Tyler was Tyler, and I had no desire, and no need, to change him. As a matter of fact, he was beginning to inspire me with his passion for Jesus and his confidence in following God’s plan, not his own, for his life.

Tyler and I continued to see each other regularly, and he quickly became my best friend. Our relationship was very different from the others. He got me on every level, knowing when
to give me space when I was in a bratty mood, unlike other guys who would pick fights with me instead of leave me well enough alone. Tyler was the most confident guy I had ever met, and even though he has reasons upon reasons to be self-assured, his confidence comes only from God and his identity in Christ.

Tyler was also the most positive male figure in Ricki’s life. When we dated, he would come over with his yellow lab, Knox, and play with Ricki, who was as much of an animal lover as myself. She always had a blast with Tyler, who has a knack for making anyone feel comfortable. And while she was immediately enamored by Knox and his playful ways, I noticed she was beginning to dig Tyler just as much.

But the closer Tyler and I got, the more I worried about how Ricki would feel about him, knowing he was my serious boyfriend and possibly, down the road, more. My daughter has always been very protective of me, and I have never wanted her to feel second place to anyone, especially not a man. Knowing my fears, Tyler prayed about it, asking God to soften Ricki’s heart and for opportunities for them to build a relationship. And you know what? God answered our prayers.

Tyler and Ricki developed a sweet and strong friendship organically, without my needing to intervene, manipulate conversations to ensure they were talking, or even desperately try to convince Ricki of what an amazing guy he was. They didn’t need my help. As a matter of fact, Ricki and Tyler started calling me the “fun police,” pouting if I tried to finagle my way into one of their fun activities, like doing cartwheels or playing Frisbee with Knox. I couldn’t help but feel that Tyler was a gift from God to Ricki. While I never used the word
boyfriend
when talking about him with Ricki, she was no dummy. Tyler
was around enough for her to do the math and figure out we were a couple.

Though we had talked about getting married and our relationship was headed in that direction, Tyler and I didn’t discuss details, like dates and the like. But considering our relationship was serious, we chose to attend a premarital class in church. Before each session, we would both pray, separately, that God would open our eyes to anything that would hinder our relationship from taking the next step. If there was a reason we shouldn’t be together or if it wasn’t a part of God’s plan for our lives, we wanted to be the first ones to know. Counseling was rough. We had some uncomfortable but necessary conversations about life, finances, goals, even our theological differences. But never did I feel that we were doing something wrong. There weren’t any red flags that our relationship would end up as a total disaster. As 2013 drew to a close, I wrote in my journal about my feelings for Tyler.

I’m scared of telling the world about my relationship with Tyler, only for it to end in another disaster. I know it’s asking a lot and to be honest, I feel like God You have given me some indication of what You want for my life, but please give me signs in my heart that Tyler is the one for me, the one you have designed for me to marry. I don’t want to confuse my wants for Yours anymore. Lord, I’m truly so thankful for all the changes in my life, my newfound happiness and confidence.

A year from our first date, Tyler asked me to marry him. Ricki, he, and I had come back from a short vacation over the holidays. Before we left, I had a feeling he would propose on
the trip, specifically on New Year’s. You know, the start of a new year, the start of a new level of relationship. Blah, blah, blah. But I was wrong. And, as much as I tried to hide it, a bit disappointed.

The morning after our trip, Tyler surprised Ricki and me by coming over early in the morning and setting up the kitchen for a mouthwatering breakfast. But there was more than orange juice, waffle mix, and a beautifully set table in the kitchen. The room was also filled with colorful, fresh-cut flowers in every corner and lanterns with glowing tea lights on the counters. Best of all, there was a scrapbook that Tyler had made for Ricki and me, complete with ticket stubs and other memorabilia from our dates and fun times together. I just about came undone with joy. This was just the sweetest thing Tyler had ever done.

Before we dove into breakfast, Tyler sat Ricki and me down and opened up his Bible. He began reading us some of his favorite verses and then pulled out his journal, reminiscing about our journey and the important and memorable steps along the way. It still didn’t dawn on me that this was it, the big moment, until he pulled out a small gold ring and gave it to Ricki, saying, “With your permission, I’d like to ask your mom to be my wife.” My little girl shrieked an ear-shattering “Yes!” as my jaw dropped. And then, Tyler got down on one knee.

“Emily Maynard, will you marry me?” And with that question, he held out a box of stunning bands. Earlier, I had mentioned to Tyler that I didn’t want a traditional engagement ring. While I was on
The Bachelor
, I noticed one of the producers wore a collection of beautiful bands on her left ring finger. She told me each ring was from the different places she
and her husband had traveled to and had significant meaning. I loved that idea and had shared it with Tyler. While he honored my desire, my soon-to-be fiancé went over and beyond, including some bling in the collection of rings. The rings couldn’t have been more “me.” Obviously, I accepted the proposal wholeheartedly.

Tyler and I got married on June 7, 2014, with Ricki by my side as my maid of honor. And with the help of an amazing wedding planner, Ivy Robinson, the day was perfect. Not only did she create a breathtaking outdoor extravaganza with the perfect mix of elegant and rustic, colored in delicate hues of blush and gold—she did it all in just under three months! Stylist Mechelle from Our Place Boutique put together my look for the day, complete with a poufy princess dress that made me look every bit of a bridal cupcake, bangles from S. Carter, a pair of earrings I helped design, a beautiful ring my new mother-in-law gave me, and an antique diamond watch my mom and dad gave me the day of my wedding. The desserts were made courtesy of wonderfully talented women from the sex-trafficking ministry at our church, the church worship band supplied the music, and our pastor, David Chadwick, performed the ceremony.

One of the neatest parts of the day was that the wedding was a surprise. Our guests were under the impression the event was an engagement party. I’ve always wanted to do it that way because I’ve found putting the word
wedding
in a party invitation makes the event somewhat stressful and not as fun, especially for men. It was truly one of the most fun and happiest days of my life. Totally worth the long, bumpy road to get there. When the festivities were over, Tyler and I took a honeymoon break on a small island.

And in case you’re wondering, we waited to have sex with each other until after we were married. Best decision ever. While we were dating, we didn’t really talk about the issue for a long time, though it was a commitment both of us wanted to make. I, for one, felt that the person I was meant to marry would be the person who would be able to wait. He wouldn’t groan at my decision or try to convince me otherwise. He’d totally be on board and would, along with me, put boundaries in place to help keep that commitment. Well, Tyler was that man. Waiting to have sex until after the wedding wasn’t easy. Well, that’s an understatement. But we knew it was something we needed to do, honoring God with our bodies and our desires. And we are so glad we did.

I can truly look back now and see how God has guided me through everything, even the hard times when I thought I’d be alone forever, and used it all to make me the person I am so that I’d be ready. As humans, we often get so focused on where we want to be in our lives, what we need to do better, things we need in order to feel complete, and worrying about our futures that we forget to stop and live in the moment. I know every girl out there with Pinterest has some variety of “Live in the Moment” quoted on one of her boards, but what does that really mean?

For so many years I have questioned why God would bring me through something like
The Bachelor
and eventually
The Bachelorette
, knowing all along I would meet my husband through church just a few miles from my house. Couldn’t He have spared me all the heartbreak and humiliation? Still insecure about my past, I prayed a ton. And one day I heard God speak to me that my life now was my chance to give Him all
the glory. That He had already brought me through. Goodness knows I have a long way to go to be the person He created me to be, and I’m looking forward to all God has planned not just for me but for my family.

Though marriage is wonderful in countless ways, it’s not easy. Tyler and I pray together every day, we read Scripture, and we serve together. More than anything, we try to live out grace in marriage, because it gets hard sometimes. We have our share of arguments, and while I’m not proud to admit this, nine times out of ten, our fights stem from something I did, said, or felt. Of course, this is easy to see after the fact, but unfortunately not in the heat of the moment. Thing is, life has been about Ricki and me for a long time. I’ve grown to be very stubborn and just as independent. Which may not necessarily be bad things, but when you’re married and sharing life with someone else, they can become challenges. I’ve had to lean on God to help me squash my pride some to see that it’s okay to need Tyler or to ask for or receive help from him.

Our pastor has said that when you get married, the doors lock from the outside, meaning there’s no getting out. He doesn’t say this to define marriage as this oppressive or suffocating institution, but to remind those who are married to stay in the game whatever the cost. I’ve also heard him say that it’s easy to leave your spouse, but much harder to quit on your best friend. Tyler and I take that to heart. We work hard to continue to build our friendship. To hang out and do silly things even when he comes home from work late or I’m having a rough day. We are intentional about our friendship. And I find the more we focus on that, the more connected we are.

My love life, much of which has been publicized, hasn’t
been an easy road, but falling in love with God, my first love, has been a dream realized. I wonder how many of you are like the old me, trying so hard to find approval in others, especially guys, doing things for the sole purpose of getting someone to like or love you. It’s a losing battle, girls. One that’s sure to break your heart. There is such a comfort, a peace, found when you begin trusting God, believing that He loves you, no matter what has happened in your life, and knowing that it’s enough.

If you’re anything like me, you may have spent a lot of time wallowing in shame or self-pity, beating yourself up for mistakes you’ve made in past relationships and otherwise. Sometimes it’s easy to dish out grace to others but almost impossible to show yourself the same. When you deepen your relationship with God, He helps reshape your heart and you learn, through His love, how to love yourself better. For me, this was better than any self-help book I’ve read.

It’s easy to say you have a relationship with Him, as I did for so long, but if you’re not regularly reading His Word or spending quiet time with Him in prayer, simply sharing your thoughts with Him, how can you even begin to realize your faith? The only way you can fight the negative in your life and the world is to know what you’re fighting for. And the only way to do that is to practice, not just broadcast, your faith. Especially when no one’s looking.

I love the way
The Message
puts Jeremiah 29:11–14: “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.”