I Will Always Love You (7 page)

An hour later, Melissa finally put the shoebox with the picture and letters
back into her closet. She wiped her eyes one more time and quietly left the
safety of her bedroom to say good night to her daughter.

Chapter 10

Three days later, Melissa was sitting in the same seat in front of Dr.
Foster’s desk for her second appointment.

“Did you complete your assignment, Melissa?” Dr. Foster asked.

“Yes, I brought the letters with me, along with my responses and feelings
to the letters.”

“Good. Would you like to read it all to me?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think I want to read Stefan’s letters again. It’s
just too painful.”

“Okay. Would you mind if I read his letters and your responses? Then we
can discuss them.”

“Okay.” Melissa handed the letters and responses to Dr. Foster. While she
read the letters, Melissa studied her psychiatrist. She guessed Dr. Foster to be
in her
mid-40
’s. She had brown hair with a hint of gray which she wore in a
fashionable bob and expressive hazel eyes that were now hidden by glasses
that she wore to read the letters. Melissa admired the stylish blue suit the
doctor was wearing.

“Okay,” Dr. Foster said as she sat the letters on her desk. She took her
glasses off and gently laid them on the desk. “Let’s go over the first letter that
Stefan wrote to you. You wrote in your response that you felt ashamed that
you did not write to him after you received the first letter. Why didn’t you
respond to it?”

“I didn’t know what to write. My parents and sister were getting on me
about Stefan almost every day. It seemed like we couldn’t get through a meal
without the subject being brought up.”

Dr. Foster nodded. “Okay. Now for the second letter Stefan sent to you.
You wrote that you ruined your life at the age of eighteen. What did you mean
by that?”

“I meant because I knew that I could not go back to Germany and marry
Stefan. I knew then that my parents would never permit it.”

“I see. Now let’s go over the letter you sent to Stefan. Tell me what you
were thinking when you wrote that letter and how you felt when you mailed
it.”

“I wrote him the letter because I knew that my parents would not let me go
to Germany to be with Stefan. I was so tired of feeling like I was the one that
was making my parents’ lives miserable. My mother cried all the time and my
father blamed me for it. He just about ignored me until I sent that letter. They
were so happy when I told them I sent a letter to Stefan telling him that I was
not going back to Germany to be with him. I cried myself to sleep for weeks.

I lost interest in everything. My best friend, Valerie, tried to set me up with
other guys, but I just wasn’t interested. I only wanted Stefan.”

“How old were you when you sent the letter to Stefan?” Dr. Foster
inquired.

“I told you, I was eighteen.”

“Yes. And in this country the legal adult age is eighteen, Melissa. You
could have gone back to Germany and to Stefan if you wanted to.” Dr. Foster
waited for her reaction to that statement.

“If I wanted to!” she exclaimed. Melissa stood up and walked over to the
window. She spun around and stared at Dr. Foster. With tears in her eyes and
her voice, she said, “I did want to. I wanted to go back to Stefan more than I’ve
ever wanted anything. But I couldn’t do that to my parents. I owed that to
them.”

“You owed what to your parents.”

“I owed them loyalty. They’ve done so much for me over the years;
sending me to private school and taking care of me.”

“Melissa, that’s what parents are
supposed to
do, take care of their children.
But they shouldn’t expect the children to give up what they want in life,
especially when that child is now an adult.”

Melissa hugged herself as she stood looking at Dr. Foster. She turned back
to the window and looked out at the clear blue sky. A blue sky that was so
much like the color of Stefan’s eyes. She smiled wistfully to herself and
slowly turned back to Dr. Foster.
Melissa quietly said, “You know I did go back to Germany.”

“No, I didn’t know. When was that?”

“Three years later.” She crossed the room and took a seat once again in
front of Dr. Foster’s desk. “Valerie and Dennis were getting married in
September 1988, so she and I went to Germany for two weeks for a girl’s last
fling. Of course, Valerie saw right through that. She knew that I was using the
excuse of her upcoming marriage as a way to get back to Germany. And the
wonderful friend that she is, she didn’t mind one bit.”

“And did you see Stefan while you were there?”

Melissa’s eyes clouded over. “Yes,” she said darkly. “Valerie and I were
at a festival when my cousin Brigitte told me that Stefan met someone the
previous year and they were married a few months later. At that very moment,
Stefan and his wife,
Elke
, walked into the festival tent. You should have seen
her. She’s beautiful with long blonde hair and big, brown doe eyes.
Everything that I’m not and never will be. I wanted to die right on the spot.”

“Did you talk to Stefan?”

“Yes, we spoke for a few minutes the night that I met his wife. I was
leaving the festival after only being there for an hour. I just couldn’t take
seeing Stefan anymore. My heart was break
ing just seeing him with
Elke
.”
Melissa shuddered at the memory. “I made an excuse to Valerie and my
family and I quickly left. When I walked out of the tent, I walked right into
him. He was alone and asked me how I was. Can you believe that? My heart
was ripped to shreds and he was asking me how I was.”

“Stefan didn’t know how you still felt about him,” Dr. Foster gently
reminded Melissa.

She sighed. “Yes, I know. But I was so upset that I played it real cool with
him. I told him how happy I was for him and his bride. He asked me about my
life, and I told him that I was
doing well in college and dating a few different
men, which was a complete lie. Stefan said that he was happy for me and then
we said good-bye.” Melissa looked away and with a tear in her eye said, “I
haven’t seen him since then.”

“How do you feel about that?”

She shook her head. “Terrible.” Melissa faced Dr. Foster again. “When I
got home from Germany, I completely changed my life.”

“In what way did you change your life?”

“I dropped out of college with only one year left to graduate, and I began
working as a receptionist for a construction company. That’s how I met
Jack.”

“Jack? Who’s Jack?”

“My husband and the father of my daughter,” Melissa simply answered.

Dr. Foster looked curiously at her patient. “Tell me about your life with
Jack.”

“Jack’s twelve years older than me and my family didn’t like him from the
start. But by that time I really didn’t care what my family thought anymore.
Jack and I dated for eleven months when I found out that I was pregnant. My
parents were very disappointed, but my father insisted that Jack and I marry.
My parents bought us a condo in the same building that they live in which
infuriated Jack. He said that my father was trying to throw his money around
and rub Jack’s nose in the fact that he’s only a construction worker and out of
work some of the time.”

Dr. Foster studied her patient. “Why is Jack out of work some of the
time?”

“Well, the construction business is seasonal at best. And sometimes Jack
doesn’t make it to work in time and he gets fired from a job. But he always
finds another job eventually.”

“Why is Jack late for work?”

“Jack works very hard and after a long day, he likes to come home, have
a few beers and unwind. I guess sometimes he has more than a few beers and
he can’t get up in the
m
orning to be at work
o
n time.”

After a moment, Dr. Foster carefully asked, “By any chance is Jack
abusive?”

Melissa was taken aback. She slowly nodded her head. “How did you
know?”

“I see a lot of abuse cases in my practice and my volunteer work at a local
shelter for abused women. When did the abuse begin?”

“Jack and I were dating for about two months when one night he was
drunk and he hit
m
e and pushed me. But the next day he apologized profusely
and gave me flowers.”

Dr. Foster frowned as she wrote something on her pad. “Did the abuse
stop there?”

“No.” Melissa sighed. “But it only takes place when Jack drinks.”

‘Classic battered wife symptoms’ Dr. Foster wrote on her pad. “How
often does the drinking happen?”

“It doesn’t happen anymore.”

“No? Is Jack in Alcoholics Anonymous?”

“No. He’s dead,” Melissa stated matter-of-factly.

“He’s dead? When did he die?”

“Two months ago.”

“I see. Is that why your family thinks that ‘you’ve lost it’?”

Melissa shrugged her shoulders. “Yes. My mother and sister have asked
me several times why I haven’t cried for Jack. My father says that I’m better
off without him.”

“Why do you think you haven’t cried for Jack?”

“I suppose because I never really loved him.”

“Then why did you date him for almost a year, marry him and have a child
with him?”

“When I came back from Germany, I was so lost and devastated. I really
thought that Stefan would wait for me.”

“Even after you told him to forget about you?”

“Yes,” Melissa said evenly. “So when I quit school and started working,
I met Jack and he showed a real interest in me. I felt like he was my last chance
to be with someone, so we started dating. At first, I didn’t mind that he drank.
But after a while it started to bother me. By
that time it was too late. I found
out that I was pregnant. Jack was so happy, and I thought that a baby would
get him to stop drinking.”

“Did it?”

“No. Things got worse between us when my parents bought the furniture
for the baby’s room. Jack really resented my parents having money. But he
was very happy when the baby was born.”

“Tell me about that.”

“Jack was right there with me when she was born. He was so proud of her.
And so was I. Most babies come out all wrinkled and red. But Stefanie was
born by cesarean section, so she was perfect in every way.”

“Stefanie?” Dr. Foster questioned. “You named your daughter Stefanie?”

“Yes. Jack told me that I could name our daughter, so I named her
Stefanie. Jack had no idea about Stefan, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

“What did your parents say when you named your daughter after your
former love?”

“My parents didn’t know that his name was Stefan. We never got that far
in any conversations. They always referred to him as ‘that boy’. Valerie is the
only one who knew that I named Stefanie for Stefan.”

“And what did she say?”

“She said that she completely understood.” Melissa smiled at the memory
of all the support her best friend gave her over the years.

“What about your cousin and her boyfriend? I thought they were friends
with Stefan? What did they say about you naming your daughter after him?”

“When Stefan married
Elke
, they moved to the town where she grew up
which is about forty miles from Knauppshausen, so Brigitte and Rolf really
don’t see him that much anymore. However, Brigitte and Rolf did think that
I was making a mistake in naming Jack’s daughter after Stefan, but by then it
was too late.”

“I see. How was life at home after Stefanie was born?”