I Won't Give Up (4 page)

“Mom?”

“Come in.”
I opened the door; s
he was in her bed
watching soap operas in her
navy blue
Juicy
sweat suit
that I got her last Christmas, her hair pulled into a messy ponytail
.

“I brought you some lasagna, you really should eat something.” I placed it on the end table and sat on the edge of the bed.
When I looked at her it brought all the pain to the surface.

“Thanks sweetie. How was your first day?”
She smiled but it definitely didn’t reac
h her eyes. We had
both
become
pro’s at
faking it
.

“Awful. Everyone was talking.” I said
solemnly
willing myself not to cry
again
.
I just wanted to make myself forget again.

“I know, hopefully something else will happen and it will be old news soon.”
She said
trying to sound hopeful
.

“Maybe.”
I kissed her forehead and
stood up
. I
walked out closing the door behind me and headed to my room. I
walked over to my desk and placed the lasagna down and
pulled out my bottle of J
ack
D
aniel’s
and
opted for some liquid dinner instead. I poured a shot
,
downed it,
then another and let the burn ease my pain away
until finally I fell asleep
.

When I woke the next morning I didn’t even want to get out o
f bed
. I
t was gray and rainy out. The rain
was going to make a bad day horrible. I
was heading
towards my bathroom when a huge boom of thunder came radiating through the house making me jump and crash into my dresser and bang my hip. Awesome…
that’s going to leave a mark.

I hurried through my morning routine choosing just
to throw my hair up and put on
PINK sweats and
my UGG boots. I
headed to
the kitchen to grab my keys and a granola bar, I caught a glimpse in the mirror on the way out I was
looking and feeling like the weather, crap. I
opted for a more cheery
Capital Lights CD
hoping to brighten my day
up
just a little, I turned it up as loud as I could
to drown out the rain and headed off to school.

As soon as I
pulled into the parking lot I wanted to go home.
Sitting there taunting me was
the motorcycle
from yesterday, the one I almost hit.
That could only mean one thing…
he must go here now.

W
here’s my fairy godmother when I want to disappear.
I
blew off Casey and Harper choosing the self-loath in my own car. I
waited in my car until I
was going to be late
.
I
was completely unenthusiastic as I attempted to
drudge
my ass
into school. As soon as I stepped out of the car I felt my boot get soaked, of course a puddle
,
next thing I know I’m going to get stuck by li
ghtning
. Everything
was going wrong today, my teacher called on me when I wasn’t paying attention, I got my books mixed up and brought Sociology instead of Biology. Thankfully it was finally
lunch
I was standing on the long line
when I felt a tap on the shoulder.
I turned to see who it was.

“Hey C
rash.” He said
grinning
.

“Excuse me.” I said in the bitchiest tone I could manage
. H
e was probably the sexiest guy
I had ever seen.
I was trying not to drool.
I drank in
his
t
all
, muscular frame
, his d
ark
hair that wasn’t quite black
,
his
hair
style
look
ed
like it was from the 1920’s
;
he was
very
handsome.
He had a barely there
goatee
and spider bite piercings on his lip. I
finally
looked
up
to his eyes
,
they were the brightest green I’d ever seen
,
they looked like emerald
s
and for a second
I was
completely
mesmerized
.

“I nicknamed you c
rash after you almost killed me.”
Oh he
thinks he’s funny too. H
e was smiling at his little inside joke.

“
Um yeah, s
orry about that. I was having a bad day.”
Now take
your apology and run along
big guy.
I was trying to blow him off before he attempted to wear down on my self- control.

“Looks to me like you’re
having
another
bad day.”
He said looking down at my appearance
and still soaked shoe. Damm
it!

“Wow
thanks for stating the obvious. Wait
,
you’r
e a rocket scientist aren’t you!
” I turned away from him and start
ed down the line grabbing a disg
usting looking chicken sandwich and a water.
I felt him still standing close to me.

“
Just perceptive.”
He lightly grabbed
a hold of
my arm
trying to bide my attention or possibly
keep me from running away.
He had a great smile.

“Wanna grab a bite
after school
sometime?” He asked hopeful.

“Sure I’m free February 30
th
.” I spat feig
ning annoyance.

“Hey what’s your problem?”
He looked concerned. I certainly didn’t want pity from anyone especially the new guy that looked like a Greek god.

“
You don’t already know? Why don’t you j
ust ask anyone here.
I’m sure they’d all be more than happy to fill you in.”
I
tried
as
quickly
as possible
to get
away from him. I was biting the inside of my cheek trying not to cry as I
searched the cafeteria for
Harper and Casey.
I spotted them on the far side by the windows.

“How can I ask about you if I don’t even know your name?”
I barely heard him
as I walked away.
I hurried over to Harper and Casey
and sat down. I’d completely lost my appetite at this point and the dam was threatening to break at any second.

“How do you know the new Hottie McTottie?” Casey
purred
.
I gave her the death glare.
I wasn’t in the mood for twenty questions today
and no doubt she wanted to ‘bag’ him
.

“What’s with the attitude Fiona?
It’s been months.
You can’t act like this forever you know, he left get over it! It’s not all about you all the time you know.”
She huffed.
I
was
pissing my friends off
too
. I
knew I’ve
been
acting way
more bit
chy than normal lately but
I had enough going wrong in my life I didn’t need to loose my friends too.
So I decided to indulge in her inquisition.

“I almost hit him yesterday on the way h
ome from school. He rides a motorcycle
.
That’s all I know.
”

“He’s so
ooooo
hot! Looks like a total bad boy.
What’s his name?
” Casey said
dreamily
.

“I have no clue. Like I said he rides a motorcycle and is obviously new here.”

“Ohmigod
,
look at his arms.” Harper
squawked
.

I looked over to where he was sitting and he had pushed his thermal sleeves up to his elbows to reveal full sleeves of tattooed
fore
arms.
He had a girl on either side of him
, Ashley and Tabitha.
I felt my blood boil. Was I jealous? I didn’t even know him
.
I didn’t want to either. I swore off men after my dad left
and Jack
broke up
with me.
T
hey just couldn’t be trusted. He
chooses
that precise moment to look over and catch me staring and then he had the nerve to wink. That asshole! I threw my barely touched sandwich in the garbage and made a hasty exit
without bothering to say goodbye to Harper or Casey
.
I walked into the empty corridor and broke into tears. What was wrong with me, maybe I needed therapy or something. I felt so broken and alone even though I wasn’t.
Someone
slid down next to me
;
it was Harper.

“Fi are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I figured the more I said it that I might actually start to believe my own lie.

“You’re not but if you want to talk about it I’m here.” She stood up and walked away.

CHAPTER TWO

At Any Cost

             
Today was Saturday
,
which normally would be a good thing except Luke and I had
“
mandated
”
visits with
the
bastard and his precious
Raven
starting today. I didn’t want to go but my mom wanted us to at least try
,
so just this once I
was going to do it
,
for her.

I showered and dressed in my absolute sluttiest looking shirt and shorts I could find
,
I buckled my
six-inch wedge sandals
and put on a ton of black eye
-
shadow way overdoing the
smoky
eye look.
I looked in the mirror happy
I achieved
the look I
was going for, teenage runaway meets
16 and pregnant, and total bitch rolled into one. I inwardly smiled at my own little joke.

“Fiona
are you ready we have to leave in five
.” Luke said through my door. I walked over and opened the door and couldn’t wait for his reaction.

“What the fuck Fiona! Go change, NOW!”
He roared.
Yep. He’s pissed.

“Not happening big brother
,
let’s go.” I
tapped his shoulder and
grabbed my purse pushing
past him heading
downstairs.
I walked past my mom who just shook her head with a sly smile on her face, I swear I think I heard her chuckle.
I climbed into Luke’s blacked out Range Rover and slammed the door
. He climbed in and just shook his head at me. I was hoping that maybe if Gigi saw what a problem child she’d be getting by staying with my dad she might bolt
, s
he was only twenty-eight after all
and what twenty-eight year old wants to inherit a couple of bratty kids
. We drove to the outskirts
on the other side
of town to my family’s other too large home that was in the process of being renovated for the happy couple.
“Do we
really have to do this?” I whined suddenly anxious. I was
hoping Luke would just turn around and go home.

“Yes. Let’s at least try, it’s
just for today
. W
e don’t have come back after this if you don’t want.” I knew h
e felt bad making me do this.
I was in my own world of hurt without having to see them sickly in love I didn’t need it rubbed in my face.
I didn’t believe in love, not anymore, love was for suckers.