If Forever Comes (24 page)

Speculation twisted Natalie’s expression, like
what I’d said was an impossibility. I hoped to hell it was. “Do you
know
something is going on? Or do you
think
something
is going on?” she asked.

In frustration, I drummed my fist to my
forehead. “I don’t know…it’s just one of those things that hit me,
you know?”

“Damn it.” Matthew scrubbed his palm over his
face as if he didn’t want to believe it either. “Did you talk to
her about it?”

“I’ve
tried
. I went over there on
Tuesday and she said she couldn’t talk to me. I knew I had to get
through to her, so I went back today, but she was
gone
.” I
turned to Natalie, looking for some kind of reassurance. For her to
tell me
something
. “She’s different, Nat. I can see
it.”

Natalie’s voice was low, cautious. “You know
I’d never lie to you, Christian, and I promise you, she’s never
mentioned anything about this guy. But she hasn’t really talked to
me about anything. I made her come out to lunch with us a couple
weeks ago, and she had a meltdown right in the middle of the
restaurant. But in the car…” She worked her jaw as she seemed to
think back. “I thought maybe I’d gotten through to her. I told her
it was time, and she promised me she would try.”

It is time
.

Those three words. Who knew they could be so
destructive? Every time they were said, I lost a little
more.

Hopelessly, I searched Natalie’s face. “What
does that mean, she’s going to try?”

She shook her head, her words subdued with
regret. “I honestly don’t know. But I’m worried she’s not capable
of making the right decisions in her current state of mind. She
can’t see through her grief, and I have no idea what’s really going
on in her head. But the one thing I do know is the two of you
belong together. Nothing is going to be right for either of you
until you are.”

Matthew leaned forward, sitting on the very
edge of his seat. “If she really is messing around with this guy,
is it going to change anything? I mean, fuck, Christian.” His gaze
fell on Natalie who fidgeted at my side. Adoration filled his eyes.
His head slowly shook as he turned back to me. “I can’t even begin
to imagine what you and Elizabeth have gone through, but I can
guarantee you if I did, I wouldn’t stop until I got Natalie
back.”

Tremors shook me, and I dropped my attention
to the floor. Would it change the way I felt? Knowing she’d been
with someone else? I swallowed hard. It would kill me. God, could I
see through it?

Sitting back, I laid my head on the back of
the couch as I crammed the heels of my hands against my eyes. A
tortured groan flooded from my open mouth. “What the hell am I
supposed to do?”

But I already knew the answer to that. There
was only one.

I had to get her back.

Present Day, Early
October

“Are you ready, sweetie?” I leaned on the
doorframe of Lizzie’s room and crossed my arms over my chest as I
watched my daughter pack for her first sleepover.

“Almost…I just gotta get my toothbrush.” She
was on her knees, stuffing her backpack full of things I was sure
she really didn’t need—Barbies and little dolls, markers and
stickers, and about different pairs of shoes.

Amusement tugged at me. This little girl was
just too cute. I bit back my laughter as she struggled to close her
zipper. “Do you really think you need to take all those dolls with
you?” I asked.

“Uh-huh. Adriana has the same kind and we’re
going to play with them
all
night,” she drew out.

I was betting she’d be asleep by
ten.

She clamored to her feet, her little legs
taking her as fast as they could as she rushed by me into the hall.
I heard her digging through the drawer in her bathroom. She was
back in seconds. She stuffed her toothbrush case into the side
pocket, slung her backpack on her back, and grabbed her pink
sleeping bag. She grinned as she rocked back on her heels. “All
ready!”

“All right, let’s get you over
there.”

She raced downstairs, and I followed her out
into the cool evening air. I raised the garage door, and Lizzie
climbed into the backseat of my car. I backed out and put the car
in drive, couldn’t stop my smile as I glanced at my over-eager
daughter through the rearview mirror. A suggestion of joy hinted at
my heart, slowly pumping, pulsing through my veins. I drew in a
breath.

“Are you excited,” I asked, knowing full well
just how excited she was.

“I can’t even wait!” she squealed from her
spot, holding her sleeping bag snugly on her lap.

At the stop sign at the end of the street, I
peered at her reflection, searching, making sure my six-year-old
child was really ready to take this big girl step.

I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready for
it.

“Are you nervous at all?” My eyes narrowed in
question.

She was growing up so fast. And the last few
months had been such a blur. I felt as if I’d missed so much. Now,
I had the urge to hold on, to cling to her, to relearn my little
girl. No doubt, I’d missed much that had shaped her, missed all
those little things that had been important to her life.

And as important as the little things were, I
had to accept that I’d essentially been absent as Lizzie had to
deal and grow accustomed to the trauma she’d been dragged through
over the last few months. There was no question it had made a huge
impact on her life. Lives had been ripped apart when Lillie’s had
ended, the hopes and dreams we’d all had crushed.

Sadness thrummed, beat along with that joy I
now felt slipping through my veins.

God, these conflicting emotions were
overwhelming.

I knew I had to talk to her about it, that I
had to
talk
, when I’d done so very little of it since Lillie
had been taken from us. Fear held me back, though, fear of opening
myself up to the profusion of pain. But for Lizzie, I would, and
I’d have to do it soon.

Lizzie’s gaze drifted out the window, and she
seemed to ponder my question. She slowly turned back to me. “I
don’t think so, Mommy. Maybe a little bit. My tummy kind of feels
funny, but I think it’s in a good way.”

A soft smile curved my mouth. She was truly
the most amazing child, the depth of her, the way she thought, and
the keen way she looked at the world. I studied the road then
glanced at her.

“Well, you know my cell phone number, right?
If you feel scared at all or just want to talk, you can tell
Adriana’s mommy that you want to call me, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.”

I turned right onto a narrow neighborhood
street and pulled up behind the line of cars parked on either side
of the road.

Lizzie was already unbuckled and out the door
by the time I went around to her side. She ran up the walkway ahead
of me, scrambling up two steps to the ranch-style house, the front
lined with lush trees. The front door opened before she had the
chance to ring the bell.

Logan stepped out, waving behind
him.

“Hey you two.” He flashed a wide smile when he
noticed us there. He tapped Lizzie’s nose. “Are you excited for the
party?” he asked her.

“Yes! I’m the most excited in my whole life.
Is Kelsey already here?”

“She sure is. Already inside.” He inclined his
head toward the door. “You better go catch up with her. She was
asking for you.”

“Okay.” Lizzie raced inside.

I cast a small smile at Logan as I edged
toward the entrance. “I’m glad Kelsey will be here tonight. That
makes me feel better.”

“Me, too. I’ve been worrying about this all
day.” He huffed a sigh. “Guess it’s time to let them grow up a
bit.” He ambled down the two steps, turned to the side so he could
slide by me. He gestured back to the house with his chin. “It’s
pure mayhem in there. Prepare yourself. I don’t think I’ve ever
seen so much pink in my life.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Thanks for the
warning.”

“Not a problem.”

I stepped through the door and into the chaos
happening inside. Girls ran, squealing as they howled with
laughter. Streamers and balloons hung from what seemed every
surface, confetti strewn across the entry table where the gifts
were set. I set Lizzie’s gift down just as Dana, Adriana’s mom,
rounded the corner.

Amusement filled her face. “Oh, hi. I thought
I saw Lizzie blaze by me about five seconds ago.”

I offered an awkward smile as I tried to peer
farther into her home. “Are you sure you can handle all these girls
tonight?”

“Pfft.” She waved a dismissive hand. “They’ll
be great. As long as they’re having fun, I figure I can handle
it.”

“Well, you’re a brave woman.” I hesitated
before I cast a cautious glance into the depths of her home.
Turning back, I lowered my voice. “I really appreciate you having
Lizzie. This is her first sleepover, so just give me a call if she
can’t sleep or you need me to come pick her up or
whatever.”

Understanding slipped into her expression. “Of
course, Elizabeth. But please don’t worry, I think they’ll all be
fine. We have tons of stuff planned for them, so I figure they’ll
all pass out by the time bedtime rolls around.”

I nodded my thanks then slowly made my way to
the end of the hall. The living space was large and open, the
kitchen and family room separated only by a large island lined in
barstools. Three little girls sat in the middle of the rug, playing
dolls, why another handful of them ran wildly from room to
room.

Apparently Lizzie was one of them.

“Lizzie,” I called as one of the girls flew
by, disappearing down another hall. “I’m heading out.”

Lizzie came running, appearing out of nowhere.
Laughing, she squeezed her arms around me. “I’ll miss
you!”

I hugged her back, hard and desperate and with
all the love I had for my little girl. “You be a good girl,
okay?”

She nodded emphatically. “Don’t worry, Mommy.
I’ll be just fine.” She almost looked like she was worried for
me.

I touched her chin. “Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Then she scampered off. I headed back down the
entry hall, wished Dana good luck.

The door snapped shut behind me, and I stood
in the soft coolness of the setting night. I hugged myself and
lifted my face to the sky. For a second, I stilled as one bright
star flickered as it slowly seeped into view. Wind gusted in,
scattering leaves across my feet.

A soft puff of air escaped through my
nose.

I realized no matter what life threw our way,
it still sped on.

Shaking my head, I pushed my worries aside,
wrapped my sweater a little tighter around myself, and headed down
the walkway toward the street.

Startled, I lost my footing when I caught a
glimpse of Logan leaning against the front end of my
car.

I guess maybe I shouldn’t have been all that
surprised.

Tucking a sharp shot of air into my lungs, I
pushed forward. I came to a stop two feet in front of
him.

“You doing okay? I can tell you aren’t all
that thrilled about this,” he said with a concerned tilt of his
head.

With longing, I looked back at the house where
I knew my daughter played. I pictured the smile that brightened
every inch of her precious face, the joy gleaming in her expressive
blue eyes, the fun she would surely have. Slowly I turned back to
Logan, felt the corners of my eyes crease as I got lost in
contemplation.

Logan just leaned back, his hands stuffed in
his pockets, completely at ease, casual as he watched me without
all the expectations I’d been running from. Another flurry of wind
whipped through the air, stirring up the messy chunks of his hair.
It flopped in his face. He roughed it back, revealing both of his
playful, green eyes.

I wasn’t blind. I knew the man was attractive.
But that had no bearing on why I liked him, why I liked being in
his space.