If Only (38 page)

He’s still my Joe.

Heat sears through me and I
welcome it, I welcome it into every single cell in my body.

I return my attention the
child again. “Joe, please tell me you didn’t name your son after Jack
Daniel’s.” 

He chuckles, with a gentle
shake of his head. God, I missed that laugh. He finger combs back his hair, and
my respiration ceases to continue for a few seconds. Now it continues at an
accelerated rate. God, I missed that subconscious habit, too
.
“No.
Emily’s dad and her grandfather are called Jack.”

“I figured something like
that. He looks like you.”

His expression is soft and
he nods. “You’re back?” A small furrow settles between his brows.

“Yeah, I came home two weeks
ago. I have my own apartment.”

This time his brows pop up.
“You do?”

I nod, grinning, happy about
his response to that. All traces of my nerves slip away. “I hear you bought a
house?”

And as naturally as ever, we
fall into conversation like two old friends who simply haven’t seen each other
in a while. Jack adds a few cutely spoken words here and there and he asks me
what my name is. The talk between Joe and me isn’t a heart-to-heart and we
skirt away from anything that relates to heartbreak. It feels heavenly hearing
his voice again and being so close to him. I breathe him in, the sweetness of
his cologne, the faint smell of soap, and best of all – him. Joe.

Although I still don’t know
for sure what’s going to happen next, one thing I am certain of is that we
still love each other. And I’ll be sure to make that clear to him on my part.

I’m not making the same
mistake again.

I cross my fingers in the
hope that Su was right, and this is our perfect timing.

Sitting beside Callie I could easily convince myself
that it hasn’t been three years since the last time I saw her. I know those
years exist, but right now they don’t seem to matter. What does matter is the
words in her eyes; intrigue, amazement, wanting. All different from the last
time I looked into them.

She wants to be here.

That and the adoration I see
when she looks at my son mean everything. The signs are good, but I won’t
assume too much. She’s here, that’s all that matters right now.

As we talk about everything,
but us and what happened, I take her in, it’s impossible not to. I remembered
every single detail about her to perfection, but there’s nothing better than
seeing her in the flesh. Her pretty nose with a tiny, clear crystal stud, those
amazing big toffee-brown eyes; as expressive as always, and glossy full,
inviting lips – all the same. Even her body, still as desirable as ever,
remains unchanged. The only thing different is her lustrous brown hair,
cascading down over her bare shoulders.

My angel is back, and she
smells of apricot.

It’s crazy that three years
can feel like both an eternity and no more than a few minutes, at the same
time.

“Joe, did you know I’d be
here?” And she’s still capable of shoving a ton of sweetness and affection into
my simple one syllable name.

“No. You didn’t know I’d be
here, either, did you?”

She shakes her head. “Dane
and Su knew, though.”

“I was waiting for Adam.
He’s supposed to be coming with Saffron and Nathaniel.”

She twists around, searching
the amusements behind us. I can’t look anywhere else, but at her. “I think I
see Adam,” she says.

Our gazes collide as she
turns back to me. My heart stutters. And I just fell in love with her all over
again. I didn’t even know that was possible, I never stopped in the first
place.

We get up and walk to the
others. I adore the way she keeps watching Jack as he runs toward Nathaniel, a
smile playing on her lips. When we reach them, Adam and Saffron seem just as
surprised to see her, so it’s obvious only Su and Dane knew she’d returned.
Saffron and Callie lock into an excited and long embrace, muffled words passing
between them. Adam follows after.

For a short time the only
person missing is Gerard, and when he arrives he’s just as astonished to see
Callie as everyone else was. He charges at her, and she knows better than to
wait. We’re all highly entertained watching him chase her. Once she and Gerard
have their moment, it’s just like all the times we hung out before – only there
are two little people included in the group now.

It all feels perfectly
right.

We’ve spent the entire
afternoon in the carnival. When we get to the parking lot, Callie shows off her
hippie bus. Jack and Nathaniel have fun climbing around inside, though the
funky outside intrigues them the most. Gerard seems quite excited by it, too.
Cars are his passion, but I didn’t expect a vehicle like this to hold much
interest for him.

“You could totally pimp this
ride, Callie. Small TV, some nice seating, there’s a lot more you can do with
this. I could help you with it.” His eager gaze continues to roam the interior.

“I’ll have you know, I love
her as she is. I don’t need to pimp her.” Same cute attitude as always, she
continues, “Roberta’s perfect.”

He shakes his head,
blatantly disapproving. “Whatever. I still think you should pimp this baby.”

I can see by Callie’s face
that she loves it just as it is and no way in hell is she changing her hippie
bus.

It’s around ten p.m., I’ve just arrived home. Callie’s
been on my mind constantly since I left the carnival. If I hadn’t had Jack with
me, I wouldn’t have let her go. So now that he’s in bed at his mom’s house, and
I’m here, I’m calling her.

I sit on the couch, select
her in my cell, and dial. She answers, clearly surprised, but she seems happy
to hear from me. Damn, it’s been a long time since we did this.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“I’m in bed reading.”

“What are you reading?”

“Some murder mystery. It’s
quite good, I’m almost done.” So many other things she could be doing right now
instead.

“When are you coming to see
my house?”

“When you
invite me.”
I heard her smile. 

“You’re invited. Come
tomorrow.”

“
Tomorrow?
”
  That was a shock to her. I hope it pleased her,
too. I’m not sure where things are going with us, but I’m not wasting any time.
Not this time.

“Yeah,
why not?”

“No reason, I guess.” Can I
wait that long?

“What are you wearing?” I’ve
wanted to know that from the moment I knew where she was and I’m past that
stage of not asking what I want to ask her.

She giggles. “Joe, are you
really asking me what I’m wearing?”

“I am.” My tone was serious,
and if she’s paying attention she’ll know I’m horny. In my mind, as always,
she’s naked. The thought alone is making me hard.

“Well.” She laughs. Not
nervous, just amused. “A green T-shirt, which is about two sizes too small. I
think whoever owned it first shrunk it bad, because it’s so not a kid’s.” She
giggles again, still surprised by my question.

“And?”

“Black
panties.”
Fuck yeah. Planted right
there, the image of her; sexy curves, tight T-shirt showing her lower belly and
hips, and her little panties.

“That sounds very nice.”
Tempting, tasty...

“Thanks.” She’s smiling.

“Hold up!” A thought occurs
to my just-about-still-there brain. “Why would you buy a green T-shirt that’s
too small when you could get one from any store? And why is it not suitable for
a kid?”

I pick up on the
embarrassment in her giggle now. I’m even more intrigued. “Because of the
design on it, it’s definitely, totally
not
okay for a child. Su and I
couldn’t stop laughing when we saw it at a yard sale. I had to buy it. Oh, no,
please don’t ask me to describe it.”

“Now that’s just asking for
me to ask, you can’t not tell me now.”

“It’s just, um ... you know,
different.”

“Tell me.”

She sighs. “Okay, it has a
toadstool on it. There you have it.”

“Not good enough.”

She chuckles. “Fuck you,
Joe. It’s a toadstool that looks like something else, which almost looks like a
toadstool, and it says ‘sit on me.’ There.
Next question?”
I laugh, and so does she. “What are
you
doing, Joe?”

I’m still amused, but let
her change the subject and only because I have other questions I want to ask.

I hang up the phone feeling overjoyed. Joe is just a
short ride away, and things are looking good. I can’t wait for his call in the
morning.

Relaxing back against my
pillows, I try to continue reading, but I realize after a few pages that I
haven’t taken in a single word. My mind’s on overdrive; not only is Joe calling
me tomorrow, but I’m going to his house.

I am going to Joe’s house.
Shittt! Stick a great big giant-sized happy face right on the end of that one!

I’m too thrilled to do
anything that requires focus. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. I feel like
I could run a freakin’ marathon with all this excited energy I have humming
through me.

 After a few minutes, I
return to where I was in my book before Joe’s call. Maybe I’ll get somewhere
this time.

As I turn to the last page
of my novel, my cell chimes. I glance at the name that flashes up on the caller
ID. “Joe?” I answer, unable to hide my surprise. He said he’d contact me in the
morning, I didn’t expect that to be on the stroke of midnight.

“Baby cake,” he says.

Hearing those two words
makes me tingle all over. “Yes?” I’m smiling like the cat that got the cream.
The buzzer sounds. “Just a sec, I think someone’s at the door.”

“I’ll wait.”

I put the phone on my nightstand,
drop my read on the bed and charge through to the intercom in the living room.
“Hello,” I answer, feeling majorly inconvenienced.

“Baby
cake.”

“
Joe?
” I’m grinning
again.

“Yes.”

“How’d you ... I get it, now
I know why you asked all those questions about my apartment.”

“Can I come in?”

I hit the button and let him
through the main entrance. Quickly, I slip the chain on my front door. I’m so
excited my hands are shaking. My hair is down and I don’t have the time to go
check if it’s messy, so I quickly finger comb it.

He knocks, twice, and I open
up, allowing only the gap the chain enables. Standing there in a black leather
jacket, dark red T-shirt and black jeans, he laughs, grasping what I’m up to. I
position myself behind the door, resting my forearm against the frame. My
heart’s flipping, my body’s tingling, but I’m playing it cool.

Joe shifts toward the narrow
space, mirroring my position, our faces just inches apart.

“What are you doing here?” I
look up into his darkened, intense eyes. Oh, wow.

“You invited me.”

“I did?”

He nods, smiling with
certainty. “Yes, you did.” Shit, he’s sexy.
Horny.
Intent.
Holy shit! 

“Okay. You’ll need to take
your boots off, no footwear in my place.”
Clothes, too
I think, but I
don’t say it aloud. I slip out the chain and step back.

Joe walks in. I close the
door behind him and lean back against it with my hands clasped behind me. I
watch him as he stands taking in my living room.

“Very nice,” he says. He
sounds so enticing, I want to eat him.

The only light is coming
from the lamp on my nightstand and it’s shining through from my bedroom. It’s
bright enough for a faultless and complete view of him.

He turns to face me. “Very
nice,” he says, again, scanning me from head to toe. His stare lingers on my
exposed tummy and hips, a knowing grin tugging at his lips. “That
is
a
nice T-shirt.” We hold each other’s gazes.

“Boots,” I say.

He smiles and complies.

After Joe puts his helmet
and his gloves down and hangs his jacket up, I watch him take off his footwear.
At what point did observing a man carrying out such a simple task become so
arousing? This right here, this sight is crazy sexy. The muscles in his back
press against his T-shirt, his muscular, inked arms flex with his movement, and
those hands, oh, those talented, capable hands.

I want to feel them all over
me, inside me. Damn.

As he straightens up, our
gazes lock again. Sure, there’s love, of course there’s love, but most dominant
right now ... fucking, having sex, making love. Call it what you like – we all
know what’s going to happen.