Illusions of Love (73 page)

He was slowly starting to accept that
India
really was never going to come back to him.
 
But this time it felt different.
 
This time there was almost a feeling of inevitability about it.
 
This time it was going to be easier because that heart attack had changed him, changed the way he thought about things.
 
He’d been given a second chance to make things right and he wasn’t going to waste whatever was left of his life chasing an impossible dream.
 
Not when he had someone as beautiful and as loyal as Layla by his side.
 
No, this time he was going to start living the life he should have started living a long time ago.
 
A life that didn’t consist of him waking up every morning wishing
India
was there with him, because he didn’t.
 
Not really.
 
Not anymore.
 
He didn’t wish she was there with him.
 
Not all the time.
 
She wasn’t his first waking thought or his last sleeping dream; she was just
India
– mother of his son, somebody he could never cut out of his life but somebody he was finally learning to love in a completely different way.

Taking another sip of bourbon he glanced over towards his ex-wife.
 
She was cosying up to Dominic MacDonald as they chatted to a group of interns who’d been acting as on-set runners and seemed slightly overwhelmed that the movie’s two main stars were giving them the time of day.

Dominic MacDonald.
 
The son he’d never known he had.
 
Michael sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, leaning back against the bar, closing his eyes for a few seconds.
 
Part of him was curious to get to know this young man that had crash-landed into his life in the most unexpected of ways, but part of him still felt there was a need to keep some kind of distance, after all, Dominic had hardly expressed a strong desire to start calling him daddy, had he?
 
He’d all but warned Michael off.
 
But he was his son, and that actually meant something to Michael.
 
Now.
 
So, maybe it was going to be up to him to make the first move.
 
Up to him to try and make a complicated situation that little bit easier to deal with.

‘You okay?
 
You look tired.’

Michael swung round on his stool to find
India
standing beside him.
 
‘Oh, erm, yeah.
 
Yeah, I’m fine.
 
Just been a long few months, that’s all.
 
I think it’s all finally catching up with me.’

She smiled, sliding up onto the stool next to him.
 
‘Tell me about it.
 
We certainly don’t do things by halves, do we?’

He smiled back, clasping his hands together on the bar in front of him.
 
‘No.
 
I guess we thrive on complicated, huh?’

‘Hmm.
 
You might be right there, Mikey.’

His heart lurched in his chest as she called him by the name she’d always used to use when they were happy – in love.
 
Together.

She turned to look at him, almost reading his mind, catching him totally by surprise when she spoke.
 
‘Take a look at me, Michael.
 
Take a really long, hard look.
 
Because I’m not the person you think I am.
 
I’m really not.
 
I’m not this perfect image you had me down as; I’m not even that nice a person…’

‘
India
…’

‘No.
 
Please, let me speak, Michael.
 
I changed.
 
When I came over to
L.A.
from
England
, that shy and quiet twenty-two-year-old, she disappeared real quick, believe me.
 
All too fast she turned into this movie star creation that sometimes believed her own hype, that forgot who she was on more than one occasion.
 
She turned into someone who hurt people around her without stopping to think twice about what effect that could have on the rest of their lives.
 
And at times I really didn’t like myself.
 
I didn’t like what I was doing, especially to Kenny.
 
He didn’t deserve the things I put him through, nor did Reece.
 
And, in reality, Dominic should also be giving me a wide berth because I’ll only end up hurting him too, in time.
 
Like I end up hurting everyone, eventually.
 
You see, I played the victim far too much when it was actually
me
who was dishing out the shit.
 
I wasn’t always the one receiving it, even though that’s how I made it look sometimes.
 
But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months, Michael.
 
And things are going to be very different from now on.
 
Very
different.’

Michael frowned.
 
‘I don’t understand,
India
.
 
None of what you’re saying…’

She sighed heavily, looking down at the bar.
 
‘When I get back to
L.A.
I’m going to spend some much-needed time alone.
 
Well, not exactly alone, I’ll have the kids with me.
 
But, alone in the sense that… that there’s no man around for me to hurt.
 
No man around for me to use or fall back on or… Just, no man.’

Michael looked at her, watching the way she fiddled with her watch strap, a nervous habit she’d had for as long as he could remember.
 
‘And what does Dominic think about this?’

She looked up, her eyes meeting those of a man she’d once loved so much.
 
Was that love still very much there?
 
Had she just transferred it to his son, meaning that she felt just that little bit closer to a man she could never really forget?

‘He doesn’t know how I really feel,’ she said quietly, glancing quickly over at Dominic as he continued to give the still-very-much surprised group of interns attention they couldn’t even have dreamed of before now.
 
‘How could he?
 
When I was never really sure how I felt myself.
 
Until now.’

‘Is it over, then?
 
Between you and him?’ Michael asked, quite enjoying the fact he wasn’t experiencing some ridiculous feeling of hope that she was declaring herself single.
 
Leaving the way open for him.
 
He didn’t feel that anymore.
 
And it felt quite liberating.

India
shrugged, resuming the fiddling of her watch strap.
 
‘I don’t know.
 
I guess that all depends on how he feels about everything.’
 
She looked back up at Michael who, despite all those once-familiar feelings of obsession and hope having now deserted him, couldn’t take his eyes off this woman.
 
This mixed-up, complicated woman.
 
‘I’m just not sure, y’know?
 
Whether or not to move forward with… with whatever it is that we have.’
 
And now that she’d said those words out loud, she knew it was what she’d been thinking for a while now.
 
And she knew why.
 
So it was only fair to Dominic that she backed off from whatever relationship it was they had, before she hurt him even more.

‘Yeah,’ Michael sighed, pushing a hand through his hair again, turning away from her to look over towards his son.
 
‘I know exactly how you feel.’

‘Anyway,’
India
said, her mood suddenly changing as she slid down off her stool, straightening her top.
 
‘I’m sure things will make a lot more sense once we’re all back in
L.A.
, away from the crazy goings-on of the past few months.
 
Things will probably seem a lot clearer back home.’

Michael smiled, a feeling of relief washing over him as he looked at her, all blond hair and blue eyes, a tiny hint of the young and naïve woman she’d been almost twenty years ago peeking through the Hollywood exterior she’d created over time.
 
Relief that his life was no longer going to revolve around trying to make her love him again, but also relief that she wouldn’t be out of his life completely.
 
How could she be?
 
When they had Ethan.
 
A link that would always be there, forever.
 
And he was thankful for that.
 
But now all he wanted for
India
was for her to be happy.
 
He just wanted her to be happy.
 
‘Yeah.
 
Maybe you’re right.
 
Things do tend to make a lot more sense when you’re in your own back yard.’

She leant over and kissed him quickly on the cheek, a kiss that reminded him so much of the days when she’d seen him as nothing more than some kind of father-figure; the days when he’d let that dangerous obsession grow into something it should never have become.
 
‘I’d better go find Charley.
 
I said I’d join her for a drink outside.
 
See you later, Michael.’

He watched her walk away from him, her head slightly down, her shoulders tense.
 
As usual she had more than a few things on her mind, and he couldn’t help wondering, if she just stopped thinking about everything so much would she not be a whole lot happier?
 
But it wasn’t his job to sort that out anymore.
 
She’d find her own way, eventually.
 
He just hoped it wouldn’t take too long because she deserved to be happy.
 
She deserved that.

‘Is she alright?’ Kenny asked, joining Michael at the bar, leaning back against it and folding his arms, watching
India
until she disappeared outside onto the terrace to join the al fresco party.

‘She’s fine,’ Michael replied, looking at Kenny through slightly narrowed eyes.
 
‘Why wouldn’t she be?’

Kenny shrugged.
 
‘She’s been talking to
you
, hasn’t she?’

Michael ignored that comment and finished his drink, standing up, shoving his hands in his pockets.
 
‘I’ll see you later, Kenny.’

Kenny watched him walk away, over to Layla who looked spectacular tonight, there was no denying that.
 
Could she have been his if he’d just tried that little bit harder?
 
Jesus, that was the story of his life, wasn’t it?
 
Should have tried harder.
 
India
, Layla, Casey – all amazing women that could all have been his, if he’d just tried that little bit harder.
 
But Kenny had reached a point where he was sick of trying.
 
It just wasn’t him.
 
He didn’t have the energy anymore; he was just no good at it.
 
He was destined to be
Hollywood
’s most eligible bachelor for the rest of his life and he was just going to have to get used to that.

Suddenly, his attention was caught by a tall, dark haired woman walking past the bar.
 
She was dressed to kill in a figure-hugging silver dress and matching heels, her cat-like eyes catching his as she sashayed past.
 
Kenny smiled.
 
Maybe there were some perks to be had as
Hollywood
’s most eligible bachelor.
 
And he’d be one crazy son-of-a-bitch to ignore that.

***

‘You’re tense,’ Martha said, gently massaging Reece’s shoulders as they sat at a table out on the terrace, making the most of the warm night air as all around them music blasted out from speakers that seemed as though they were hidden in the bark of palm trees or concealed underneath the patio.
 
And given that this was
Las Vegas
that could, quite possibly, be the case.

‘I’m just keen to get back to
Malibu
,’ Reece replied, letting Martha’s expert fingers work their magic on his aching shoulders.
 
Even through the material of his shirt he could feel her hands easing the tension he had, indeed, been feeling.
 
Because he just wanted to get away from Vegas now.
 
He wanted to get back home, back to normality.
 
Whatever that was.

‘We’ll be there before you know it,’ Martha smiled, reaching round to plant a quick kiss on his mouth before giving his shoulders a giant squeeze that caused Reece to both shout and laugh out loud as she managed to almost punch out a knot of anxiety.
 
But it made him instantly feel better.
 
It was like a weight had, literally, been lifted off his shoulders.

‘Y’know, you could make money doing that,’ Reece smiled as Martha sat down opposite him, taking a sip of her vodka and lime juice.