Imagined Love (10 page)

Her plan was to talk to Jade and make her snap out of it but Katrina stopped by after school and Willa heard her daughter laughing for the first time since Dorothea’s death and hoped things would finally go back to normal. So she grabbed a bag of chips and a few cans of soda and was taking them to Jade’s room when she overheard part of their conversation.

“. . . I wish she was more like Granny but . . .”

“You know what?” Willa screamed, as she burst through the door and hurled the chips and soda at the wall. “To hell with you, Jade! I’m me, okay, so take it or leave it! And I’m sick of you moping over Mama like she was some kind of saint when she definitely was not! But you know what, the more I think about it, maybe I’m a lot more like her than we thought. See, Mama had a bunch of skeletons in her closet. My daddy didn’t leave us to be with his mistress like the story goes. He left because your granny was screwing the neighbor’s husband every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and we got run out of town back to Big Mama’s. And that bastard Charlie Mays wasn’t exactly single when they got together. So maybe you should think about that before you go wishing for me to be like your precious granny!”

Jade and Katrina stared at her with a look of shock.

“Uh, Willa, Jade didn’t say she wish you was like her granny. She said you think she wish you were like her but that’s not true. She love you the way you are—well most of the time anyway,” Katrina laughed nervously. Feeling utterly humiliated and ashamed, Willa dropped on the bed beside Jade and started crying. “And then when that letter came from Ms. Dorothea,” Katrina continued, “Jade felt bad for loving somebody that treated you so bad. That’s why she been moping around all depressed because she felt guilty and thought you was mad at her.”

“What letter?” Willa asked, as she wiped away tears.

“Aunt Vera gave it to me. She said the stamp fell off so the post office sent it back to the house. It was the last letter Granny wrote to me and she told me the truth about a lot of things that happened in her life. And I just felt bad, Ma, for not always believing she had treated you the way you said,” Jade cried. “I thought you were just being mean and trying to make me hate Granny because you did, but she told me the truth and I’m sorry.”

“Come here, baby girl,” Willa said, pulling Jade close to her. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about. I’m the one that’s stupid. I was being mean because I was jealous that Mama loved you so much and only seemed to hate me. And she did love you, baby girl, more than anybody in the world. From the day you were born, regardless of what was happening between me and her, she was always there for you. You were her pride and joy. So of course you’re sad she’s gone and I had no business trying to make you feel bad for that. Mama was a wonderful, devoted, loving grandmother to you and she deserves your love. You don’t have to be mad at her for me. Your mama is a damn fool sometimes so don’t pay me no mind, hear? It just seems like I’m always doing the wrong thing. I’m sorry,” she said then hugged Jade again.

Like always, Katrina joined them in their hug. She couldn’t stand to see them cry. “So who gone fix these dents you put in the wall?” she laughed loudly and so did Willa and Jade.

The week before Christmas mother and daughter decided to take a trip to Alabama after all. Even though Dorothea wouldn’t be there to celebrate her birthday with them, they thought it was a great way to honor her memory. In the three months since the funeral Willa came to terms with a lot of the unresolved feelings she still had towards her mother. That was due in big part to her visits with a psychologist named Dr. Kwasi. She provided Willa the opportunity to vent her rage and anger without apology or having to consider anyone else’s feelings. She also got to cry and grieve for all the things she’d lost; her innocence, Justin, her marriage, Jamal, and Jade’s trust to name a few. At the end of it all, though, Willa had to make a choice. She had to decide whether to forgive and move on or keep allowing that same pain and bitterness to wreak havoc in her life. And for a while she seemed to be doing well. Craig was no longer a part of her life, she and Jade were closer, and the world just seemed better. Unfortunately, it was only a matter of time before Willa resorted to her old ways.

“Take that mess off!” Katrina yelled. “Don’t you come in my house with that Beckman junk on! This is a Bailey household,” she laughed, playfully tugging at Jade’s t-shirt.

Because they lived in different parts of the city, Katrina and Jade had to attend rival junior high schools. It wouldn’t be that way for long, though. Both girls would be attending Lew Wallace High School next school term to start their freshman year. Until then they were stuck harassing each other and cheering for opposite teams.

Landon was graduating with honors from Lew Wallace and Willa took it upon herself to throw him a party. He was ranked number ten out of a class of six hundred seventy-two and she thought that was fantastic and deserved to be recognized. As usual, Cicely was unconcerned about what was going on in Landon’s life and told Willa to do whatever she wanted. Katrina absolutely adored her big brother and wanted to be included in the party planning. So Willa and Jade stopped by to get her on their way to shop for food and decorations. Since Landon was leaving for California right after his graduation, it was going to be a farewell party as well. His father’s brother agreed to let Landon stay with him while he went to college and worked. He couldn’t wait to get out of Cicely’s house and vowed never to return.

Their relationship had grown even more tumultuous over the years. However, Cicely didn’t hit him anymore. One night during his sophomore year she accused him of taking money out of her purse. She knew it was more likely her new boyfriend had taken it rather than her son but she tore the boys’ bedroom apart looking for it anyway. And when Cicely found three hundred dollars stuffed in Landon’s mattress, she decided to take it. He had worked hard doing odd jobs to earn that money and told her she wasn’t taking a cent from him. He snatched it out of her hand and she hit Landon in his face and chest expecting him to cower from her. Instead, he went ballistic! The only thing going through his mind was all the times she had punched, kicked, or spit on him and he beat her with all of his strength. Thankfully Robert and Alonzo were there to pull him off her otherwise Landon may have killed Cicely!

At first she screamed for him to get out, but she hated the idea of him running straight to Willa so she made him stay. They didn’t speak or even look at each other for weeks. It was only after Cicely caught Landon with a girl in his room that she said a word to him. Every time she laid eyes on him she threatened to kick him out if he got some girl pregnant. As far as Landon was concerned, there was no need for her to say anything because he was always careful. His

friends had teased him for months saying he was gay for turning down sex with “hot mama” Jessica Simms because he didn’t have a condom! No one understood just how determined Landon was not to ever be like his parents or how far he’d go to prevent it from happening.

Towards the end of his party Landon noticed that Katrina had become quiet and withdrawn. He plopped down in the chair next to her hoping to make her laugh. Instead, Katrina burst into tears and threw her arms around him. Fighting back tears of his own, Landon whispered how much he loved her and how badly he would miss her. That only made her cry harder and she held tightly to him. Katrina knew it wasn’t right to have a favorite sibling but he had always been hers. Landon made living in their house bearable and without him she’d be lost and alone. He was the only good thing about their family and she would miss him terribly.

“Don’t cry, Kit Kat,” he said, wiping her tears. “You’re my baby and you can come wherever I am. I’m gonna work hard to get my business going and get a house and then you and Jade can come stay with me and we’ll all work together. As soon as you graduate from high school then . . . what’s wrong with you?” Landon asked when Katrina looked at him strangely. “What?”

“You love her, don’t you?”

“What? Who?”

“I never noticed it before but you love Jade, don’t you?”

“Yeah, like a sister but . . .”

“No, not like a sister . . . like a girlfriend.”

“Girl, quit tripping! Do you know how crazy you sound?” Landon snapped.

“That stupid Alonzo messed it up for you, huh? I don’t know what she see in that jerk!”

“Katrina! What I look like trying to be with a girl your age? I just graduated from the twelfth grade and y’all just about to start high school! Do you know how stupid that sounds?” he laughed. “Now come on and dance with your big bro.”

Katrina knew she’d hit a nerve with Landon but decided to let the matter drop and twirled around with him. It would turn out to be the last time they ever danced together.

After the party was over and Willa’s house was cleaned, she called Landon to the living room. She hadn’t intended on being so emotional but as she looked at the handsome young man towering over here, she began to cry.

“I’m so proud of . . . uhm,” Willa grunted as she turned away from him and took a few moments to compose herself. Memories of their last four years together flooded her mind and the tears continued to flow. “Okay, let me try this again,” she said, clearing her throat. “I’m so proud of you, Landon. You just don’t know how it made me feel to see you walk across that stage tonight. I couldn’t have been

more proud if I’d given birth to you myself. I think you’re an exceptional young man and I know you’re gonna make all your dreams come true out there in California. I’m really gonna miss you, but I want you to go for it, you hear me? Don’t let anything get in the way of doing what you set out to do. I love you, Landon, and I’ll always be your biggest cheerleader. You are truly like the son that I . . .” Willa’s voice trailed off as Justin and Jamal came to mind.

“Aw, man, Ma, you got me in here crying like a little girl! Why you do that?” he sniffed then pulled her into his arms. Landon squeezed her tightly. “Thank you so much for believing in me when everybody else thought I was crazy. Thank you for your support and constant reminding that I can be anything I wanna be.” They both were blubbering by then. “Thank you for being the mother I so desperately needed. You just don’t know what having you in my life did for me. You saved me and I love you to death, Willa Caldwell, despite what people say about you,” he laughed loudly.

“Here, ole crazy boy,” Willa laughed then handed him an envelope as she wiped away her tears. “It’s just a little something to help until you get on your feet out there. Be good, baby, and always know I’m here if you need me. I love you.”

“I love you too, Ma. Thank you for everything.”

The next morning Landon bawled as his train pulled out of the Amtrak station in Chicago. And the three girls who loved him most cried the whole ride home. He didn’t cry when he got there, though. Landon loved living in Oakland and he worked hard to start making his dreams a reality. Going to school and working full-time wasn’t easy but definitely worth the effort. He wrote to his favorite girls frequently but it was only Jade who really responded. Willa and Katrina sent cards and little notes occasionally but Jade wrote long, heartfelt letters that seemed to bare her soul. It was during those times when they were furthest away that Landon really got to know Jade’s heart. And his broke a little each time she talked about still being in love with Alonzo even though he treated her badly. He just didn’t understand why such a sweet and wonderful girl would waste time loving someone as undeserving of her affection as Alonzo.

Landon tried to convince her to see other people but she just wouldn’t do it. Jade described herself as a one guy, one girl type of chick and refused to play with someone else’s heart when hers still belonged to Alonzo. She was head over heels for him and convinced they’d end up married with a family despite how much of a girl chaser he was. Alonzo was gorgeous and there was no denying that. Standing at 6’3” tall, he had a chiseled, rock hard body and a pretty face complete with dimples. More than anything, he was very charming and adept at getting girls to do whatever he wanted. They fed him, gave him money, bought extravagant gifts, and let him have his way with them just for the chance to say they’d had a piece of the “Zo Man”.

Alonzo knew it was all a game and that he was being used just as much as he was using them. Those girls didn’t really care about him. They merely liked the way he looked and what he represented. No matter what the sport; be it baseball, football, basketball, or even running track, Alonzo was always the star of his team. His face was splattered across the local newspapers and his name was mentioned on the radio and throughout the city. People regarded him as some sort of celebrity and girls fought for a chance at him. They wanted to take pictures with him or wear his jerseys and be known as the girl who had his heart. When Jade joined him at Lew Wallace, a lot of them resented the fact that it was always her who had that title and they relished every chance they got to inform her of Alonzo’s betrayal.

The sad part about it was that Jade knew he was sleeping with other girls. He never lied about or tried to hide it. However, when he started parading them in her face, she was fed up and finally decided to call it quits! Yet every time Jade would get mad and start to leave, Alonzo would grab her and remind her that things didn’t have to be the way they were if she would just give him what he wanted. No matter how many times she explained that she just wasn’t ready to have sex he kept putting pressure on her to do so. And the aggressive way he went about it was a big turn off. It got to the point where Jade could barely be in the same room with Alonzo because the moment they were alone he was all over her. He even harassed her at school by pressing himself against her, whispering sexually explicit things in her ear. Or he’d sneak up behind her in the lunch line and stick his tongue down her ear or start groping her in front of everyone!

Jade was frustrated and didn’t get why Alonzo wanted her so badly when he had any number of girls and grown women giving him exactly what he wanted. He insisted it was different with her because he loved her and knew she was the only girl who genuinely cared for him. Yet, Alonzo continued to hurt and humiliate Jade despite his claims of love. It was something he never had an explanation for, but Cicely always did.

“Whoa, whoa slow down, baby girl, where you going?” she asked when Jade nearly ran into her as she bolted down the steps.

“I need to get out of here. I never wanna see Alonzo again in my life! I don’t deserve this crap and . . .”

“Okay, come talk to me,” Cicely said, as she took Jade by the hand and led her to the couch. “Now tell me what happened.”

Once again Jade told her about some girl coming to tell her about sleeping with Alonzo. She was tired of looking like a fool and having people laughing at her for being stupid! He didn’t care about her like Katrina, Willa, and Landon had been saying all along.

“Listen to me, Jade. Alonzo love you. It’s those tramps he don’t care nothing about. Just think about it. Who do he have on his arm at all the big, important stuff

like his sports banquets and award ceremonies? You. Who do he let wear his jersey and class ring? You! Those little hoes be doing everything they can to get that stuff and he only let you have it. And why do you think that is, Jade? It’s because he love you. Alonzo ain’t thinking about them stankin’ heifers. They ain’t nothing but something to screw and get rid of but you he plan to marry. Let me show you something,” Cicely said then ran to her bedroom.

A few seconds later she returned with a jeweler’s brochure. “Now I ain’t supposed to be showing you this, but I want you to know how serious this boy is about you. You see this?” she asked pointing to the most spectacular wedding ring Jade had ever seen. “This is the ring Alonzo pointed to last week and said he plan to get it for you. This is how much you mean to him, Jade. And I swear he gone get it because he love you, girl.”

Both Jade and Cicely were grinning from ear to ear as if it never occurred to either of them that Alonzo didn’t have twenty dollars in his pocket let alone six thousand dollars for an engagement ring!

“You the only one I ever heard him talk about,” Cicely continued. “Do you think he even mention those other tramps? Shoot, even his friends told you how much Alonzo talk about you. They was over here teasing him the other day about how in love he is with you. So don’t you let those nasty hookers win, you hear me? Alonzo will never leave you, Jade. He just being a man right now but trust me, when he ready to settle down it’s gonna be with you. I can already picture y’all wedding and all those pretty grandbabies you gone give me,” Cicely smiled, as she hugged Jade tightly. “Don’t give up on him, baby. Alonzo is your man and he only love you.”

Katrina had been listening to their conversation from the top of the stairwell. She rolled her eyes when she walked downstairs and saw the stupid grin on Jade’s face. No matter what people tried to tell her or even what she saw with her own eyes, she still chose to stick with Alonzo and believe the fantasy world Cicely described. Idiot, Katrina thought and resolved at that moment not to say another word about it. As far as she was concerned Jade was getting exactly what she deserved.

Despite her problems with Alonzo, Jade had a lot of fun her first few years of high school. She made new friends, became a varsity cheerleader, formed a dance group, and enjoyed being a teenager. Tawny Calloway and Dion Withers became two of her best friends during the first months of freshman year. Most of the teachers still sat students alphabetically so Tawny was seated behind Jade in their first period English class and fifth period Biology. They hit it off the very first day and were inseparable from that point on. The two of them had a lot of the same interests and were never at a loss for conversation.

Tawny thought Jade was the most beautiful girl she’d ever seen and said so often. Her reason for doing so was to convince her friend that she didn’t have to put up with Alonzo’s nonsense. She was smart and pretty and could have her pick of any guy in the school, or the city for that matter. Jade appreciated Tawny’s concern but if there was one thing she didn’t like about her, it was her inability to let things drop. It was quite clear Tawny didn’t like Alonzo. However, it was just as clear that Jade wasn’t going to leave him alone until she was ready and her friend didn’t seem to comprehend that. What aggravated Jade most, though, was the fact that Tawny was no better at choosing boyfriends herself. She felt, although Tawny denied it, that the girl was very insecure about her looks and dealt with boys who treated her badly because she didn’t think she could do any better.