Imagined Love (16 page)

They were in Jade’s bedroom, both nearly undressed, when the guilt of sleeping with Alonzo overtook her and she began to cry.

“Sh, sh, sh,” Damien whispered, as he embraced her tightly. He just held her for a while and gently stroked her back. “I love you, Jade, and I really wanna be with you . . . more than I’ve wanted to do anything. But if you’re not ready to do it we don’t have to, okay?”

The truth was Jade didn’t know what to think or feel. She wanted to make love to Damien but there was a part of her that no longer trusted him. The deceitful way he answered her questions about whether he’d slept with someone else or not made Jade believe Katrina was right. Yet, she felt like a hypocrite for being distrustful of Damien when she hadn’t told him about sleeping with Alonzo. Nor

had she mentioned the constant phone calls or letters he’d been sending trying to coax her back into a relationship with him. Jade hadn’t responded to any of them, though, because she wasn’t the least bit interested in Alonzo. She loved Damien and wanted to be with him.

Then she began to wonder if, like Katrina pointed out, it was unfair and naïve to expect fidelity from a young man who’d already been sexually active, especially when she wasn’t having sex with him. So Jade convinced herself that it was better to let Damien have his secret and she’d have hers. And she hugged him tightly.

“Jade, baby, please make love to me,” he whispered. “I want you so bad. And I promise to make it worth your while.” Damien kissed her. “Please let me have you, okay? Please,” he moaned, caressing her body. “Please, Jade.”

“Okay,” she said, turned on by his pleas. “But I need to tell you something first.”

“Girl, what planet are you from?” Katrina asked, as Jade drove them to school the next day. “How could you think about stopping the groove to tell him anything, let alone some junk about Alonzo? I swear, you ain’t got it all,” she sighed. “So what he say?”

“Well, he basically told me to shut up and finish getting undressed,” Jade laughed. “Damien wasn’t the least bit interested in having a conversation at that point. He just wanted to get to it.”

“So did you? Or was you determined to ruin everything by telling him stuff that ain’t his business?” she huffed. “Girl, I swear I don’t know what you be thinking sometimes! I told you not to open your mouth about it and what you go and do? And I bet he broke up with you, didn’t he? Well, no I guess not since you sitting here grinning like you ain’t got no sense. You didn’t tell him, did you? I’m in here fussing and you didn’t . . . hell, what happened?”

“If you would shut up then I could tell you, bucko!” They both laughed. “Well, like I said he didn’t want to talk right then. So we spent about an hour, uh, you know. And then after that we . . .”

“Hold on! How you just gone skip over the good part? How was it? I woulda bet money on the pretty boy having some skills.”

“It was pleasant.”

“Pleasant? Uh, I don’t even know what to say to that one. I had some that was dull as ever and some that had me screaming my lungs out because it felt so damn good. But pleasant?”

“I don’t know what else to say. I mean, it was nice,” Jade said, hunching her shoulders. “Damien was really attentive and reassuring. He must have told me I was beautiful and he loved me a hundred times. And then . . .”

“Well that’s the problem! Next time tell him to shut the hell up and he might just get upgraded from pleasant!” Katrina shouted. “And if that don’t work then we gone take you to the doctor to make sure your coochie ain’t broke! I’m starting to get worried,” she laughed. “Or maybe it’s just difficult and hard to please like the rest of you.”

“Shut up, stupid,” Jade chuckled. Then she began to wonder if perhaps something was wrong with her. Everyone else seemed to enjoy sex tremendously. So why didn’t she? And what was with that hard to please comment?

Because they only had fifteen minutes before the first bell rang, Jade gave Katrina the highlights of her encounter with Damien. What she was most interested to find out, however, was whether Jade had told him about Alonzo or not. And as expected, she went ballistic once she learned the answer. Regardless of what Katrina or anyone else felt, Jade knew she had to be true to her own conscience. She believed Damien had a right to know what happened and decide for himself whether he wanted to continue with their relationship. So after they made love Jade told him the truth about Alonzo—well, most of it anyway. She got as far as being slammed against the wall and having her shirt ripped apart when Damien stopped her believing he knew what happened next. It explained why she’d been so distant and reluctant to let him touch her or why Jade had responded so forcefully when he grabbed her and tried to keep her from locking him out of her house.

Initially he was mad at her for not telling him but the guilt Damien felt for not insisting she leave when he left superseded his anger. He apologized for leaving her and held Jade close. She cried and admitted her fear that he wouldn’t want her after he found out about Alonzo. Damien reassured her how much he loved her and wasn’t going anywhere. Then they made love again with birth control in full effect.

“Okay, I’m confused,” Katrina said, as they got out of the car. “Your conscience is okay with letting Damien believe something that ain’t all the way true? To keep your good girl rep from getting smeared you’d let him think my brother raped you?”

“Didn’t he?” Jade snapped. “I didn’t have sex with your brother because I wanted to, Katrina, or did you miss that part of the story?” she spat. “Alonzo may have stopped manhandling me but he damn sure wasn’t letting me out of that room until I gave him what he wanted. So if that ain’t rape then what do you call it?”

“Yeah, you right, girl,” Katrina conceded. “You right.”

“Whatever,” Jade huffed, angry that she’d been dumb enough to confide in Katrina. She would find out soon enough just how dumb it had been to do so!

Government and Economics class was almost over when Ayanna had the letter she was writing confiscated. Mr. Emmons thought it was extremely rude and disrespectful for his students not to give him their undivided attention. So anything they were focused on that didn’t have to do with his assignments was taken. However, when it came to letters, Mr. Emmons had no qualms about humiliating a student by reading it in front of the entire class! Ayanna, just like all the others who’d been caught, pled with him not to read it aloud. She claimed it was really personal and would embarrass someone else unnecessarily.

“Dear, Jade,” he began, undeterred by Ayanna’s pleas.

Jade was stunned to hear her name. She and Ayanna had been in classes together over the past three years but they barely said more than a few words to each other. So Jade was definitely curious about the letter but would’ve preferred the whole class not hear it.

Mr. Emmons read a few more lines but then he stopped, to the protest of some of the other students. He asked Jade and Ayanna to stay after class and promised to write a pass for both of them so they wouldn’t be marked tardy for next period. The bell rang and Mr. Emmons silently read the rest of Ayanna’s letter while the classroom emptied. He scolded her about writing letters during his period. Ayanna apologized then thanked him for not reading the entire thing aloud.

“Well, to be honest I’m actually impressed. This is probably the first time I’ve seen a student thinking about someone other than herself. I think it took a lot of guts to do this,” he said, waving the letter, “and it shows what kind of character you have. I appreciate it and I imagine Ms. Caldwell will too.”

“Appreciate what?” Jade asked, as she grew tired of being kept in suspense. “What’s going on?”

“I didn’t get to finish but maybe we can talk during lunch hour if you want to,” Ayanna offered.

“Okay,” Jade said, anxious to read the letter Mr. Emmons finally handed to her. With the tardy pass in hand, Jade went to the bathroom instead of her next class. She checked under all the stalls to make sure she was alone then began reading the letter:

Dear Jade,

I’ve been trying to decide all morning what to do. There is something I think you should know, but I’m not sure it’s my place to tell you. If it were me, though, I would want someone to care enough to let me know. I’ve always thought you were a really nice person and I can’t sit back and watch someone you trust continue to betray you. I know you and Katrina have known each other a long time but I don’t

believe she’s really your friend, Jade. Not the way she talks about you and brags about using you to get what she wants.

Katrina and I have first period journalism and sixth period drama together. In both classes she always makes you the topic of conversation. For a while she’s been doing this thing called “Breaking News” where she basically tells everyone your business! And true, she never says your name, but you’d have to be stupid not to know she’s talking about you. Ms. Goody Gooding is how she refers to you. And for the most part her stories were goofy and a little embarrassing maybe, but nothing major. This morning, though, her “Breaking News” was extremely personal! Katrina ran into class and announced that she had a breaking story. “Ms. Goody Gooding is good no more, she went from a virgin to being a whore!”I don’t remember everything verbatim but the point was that you had gone from not sleeping with anybody to sleeping with two boys. And then she said something about when good girls don’t want their reputations ruined they cry rape!

In my opinion, Katrina is really jealous of you. Everybody always says how pretty and nice and smart you are and she hates it. If what she says is true then her mother is like the main person saying all those wonderful things about you and Katrina can’t stand it. So as soon as you do something wrong or bad she tries to show everybody that you aren’t as perfect or as good as they think. But the crazy part about it is that I’m not always sure she means it to hurt you. Katrina always makes it known that Ms. Goody Gooding is the best friend she’s got and the only person she can ever count on. So I guess that’s why I was kind of torn about whether to tell you or not. But like I said, if it were me, I would want to know that somebody I was confiding in was going back telling other people regardless of whether she actually said my name or not. Tawny’s in our first period class too and she obviously never said anything to you about it so I thought I . . .”

It was at that point that Mr. Emmons took the letter from Ayanna. And although it was incomplete, Jade learned exactly what she needed to know. Neither Katrina nor Tawny was a real friend and she could no longer pretend they were. Jade was about to leave the bathroom when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. “You are so damn, STUPID!” she yelled at her reflection and began crying so hard that it looked like she was convulsing! The rage Jade felt was unbearable. Suddenly, all she could hear was Dion’s voice telling her that Katrina wasn’t a friend. Jade had been so stubborn and refused to listen when people tried to warn her about Katrina, Alonzo, and Cicely!

Jade went to the office to have the secretary call her mom. Since Lew Wallace was still a closed campus because of the four girls who left during lunch hour and murdered an elderly woman, she needed permission from a parent before she would be allowed to leave. Willa offered to come home to be with her but Jade lied and said it was just really bad cramps and that she was going home and

straight to bed. She cried the whole ride not knowing what to do. However, as bad as Jade thought things were, they got even worse and her life was turned upside down!

“What’s wrong? You don’t think you can get the money?” Mia asked.

“Girl, please. All you gotta do is shed a few bogus tears and tell Jade how much you love her and she’ll give you whatever you want. Just ask Alonzo. That fool actually raped her and then played her to the point that she actually think it was her fault! Now that’s skill. And then Jade gone confess to her boyfriend who boned his ex-girlfriend at least twice that I know of! She is so stupid!”

“What?” Mia shrieked. “When did all this happen?”

“I’ll tell you about it later. Right now I gotta think up my excuse to get this money from Jade. It’s gotta be something important enough that she’ll give it to me right away but it can’t be something that she gone wanna take me to. You know what I mean? If I say I need some medicine or clothes then Jade will just take me to buy it and I need the cash so we can have this party . . . oh, damn it, girl, you scared me,” Katrina gasped when Honor came out of the den. “Anyway, help me think of something good. It should be easier ‘cause she think we been getting close again. I don’t know why she so needy like that. For somebody’s that supposed to be so smart and well put together she’s a gullible little thing.”

“Lucky for us,” Mia laughed.

“Yeah, I know, huh? I just hope Cicely didn’t wipe her out before I can get to her. Now there’s a true con artist. She be getting Jade to give her money for any ole thing. One time that dumb heifer gave Cicely all the money she was supposed to buy her school clothes with so my mom could get some kind of special medicine! Can you believe that? And Cicely got some medicine alright. Her and one of her raggedy ass boyfriends was in the room drinking, smoking, and eating up what Jade’s money bought them! Oh dang, here she come now. You can hear that loud muffler from a mile away. She need to get that stupid thing fixed. I be so embarrassed riding around in it,” Katrina said, as she looked out the window. Jade’s car came to a stop in front of the house. “Wait a minute.”

“Ain’t that your mama?”

“Yeah, but what is she doing driving? Where is . . .” The color drained from Katrina’s face when she turned and saw Jade standing there! “Oh, uh, I . . .” she stuttered. Then Katrina looked at Mia and Honor as if to ask why they didn’t tell her Jade was there. It wasn’t hard to figure out why Honor hadn’t told but Katrina didn’t understand why Mia didn’t say a word once she saw Jade come into the living room. Why she was laughing about the whole thing made no sense either. “Jade, I’m sorry, okay? I was just . . .”

Jade snatched her keys out of Cicely’s hand then stormed out the front door, ignoring Katrina and Cicely as they called after her.

“What the hell did you do to her?” Cicely demanded.

Katrina was sobbing as she ran after Jade trying to explain. Then she made the mistake of grabbing her and Jade went crazy! She punched, kicked, and screamed how much she hated her until Katrina finally ran back into the house. Jade sped away not ever planning to return. They had hurt her enough.

“Wow, I guess that’s what happens to so-called friends who mess around with other people’s man,” Mia snorted, as she headed out the door. She knew about Katrina and Mooney and couldn’t have been more thrilled about the beating Katrina had received.

Honor sat on the couch watching everything unfold like an episode of One Life to Live. Katrina was crying hysterically while Cicely screamed and blamed her for everything that happened. Of course she never took responsibility for the way she’d used and manipulated Jade. Although, Honor was sure her mother didn’t see it that way. Cicely could find a way to make whatever she did seem holy!

Willa lay in bed holding her daughter as she tearfully recounted the day’s events. It was difficult to keep her own emotions in check as she wanted to make a special trip over to Cicely’s to bash her brains in for the way she’d hurt Jade! However, Willa kept her thoughts to herself and listened to her baby cry and rant until she was too tired to say anymore. Jade felt so foolish for continuing to believe in them when people had tried to tell her the whole family was no good. She had loved them so much, though, and it was like a dagger to her heart to find out she’d been used the entire time.

The next day Jade stayed home from school because she couldn’t handle facing Katrina or Damien. After she told him what she’d heard, he finally came clean about sleeping with his ex-girlfriend. Damien cried his eyes out swearing it had only happened once and that he was drunk and never meant to hurt her. Jade broke up with him before slamming the phone in his ear.

Trying to sleep became impossible because her phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Jade went to lay down in Willa’s room since they had separate phone lines but soon hers started to ring incessantly as well. Eventually Jade went to the living room to watch TV and had the volume blaring to drown out the ringing phones. She knew it was no one but Katrina trying to explain and apologize again. She’d left several messages the night before begging Jade to talk to her. As far as she was concerned both Katrina and Damien could go to hell! After a while, though, the ringing got to be too much.

“Hello!” she snapped.

“Hey, Jade. You okay?”

“Actually, no, Tawny, I’m not okay! I thought you were my friend. Why wouldn’t you tell me what Katrina was doing behind my back?”

“I guess I was just mad, Jade. I thought we were best friends but you didn’t tell me half the stuff you told her and I was jealous. I’m sorry, okay? I should’ve told you, but listen . . .”

“It wasn’t like I didn’t wanna talk to you, Tawny. But like I told you before, nobody’s gonna dictate what I can and can’t say! You didn’t wanna hear about Alonzo because you hated him. And then you didn’t wanna hear about Damien unless you had a boyfriend to talk about too. So I don’t know why you were mad or jealous because you made it so we couldn’t talk about stuff, not me.”

“You’re right. And I’m sorry, Jade, but Katrina . . .”

“Oh stop, Tawny! I’ve had enough lectures about how sad her life is and how I need to be the bigger person and blah, blah, blah! I’m sick of . . .”

“Jade, she’s dead!” For a brief period of time everything seemed to go black. “Katrina’s dead,” Tawny sobbed.

All of a sudden Jade burst out laughing. “Good try, Tawny, you almost had me. I know what you trying to do. You tell me Katrina’s dead and then I’m supposed to start crying hysterically and say how I’d give anything to be able to talk to her again. Then you say psyche and try to convince me that I obviously still love her and should forgive her. That’s pretty slick. I almost fell for it. That’s a cruel joke, though. You shouldn’t play like that, Tawny. Tawny? Tawny!” Jade shouted when the girl continued to sob.

“I honestly wish it was a joke, Jade. I swear I do. But Katrina is dead. I talked to her mom and . . .”

Jade slammed down the phone then rushed to get dressed. Ten minutes later she arrived at the place that just yesterday she’d vowed never to return. Cicely opened the door and Jade stood there staring, trying to read her expression. She certainly didn’t look like a grieving mother and Jade knew she’d been played! Then Cicely burst into tears and crumpled to the floor. With her heart beating wildly, Jade’s eyes frantically darted across the room hoping Katrina would emerge. The whole thing had to be a prank. How could Katrina really be dead? She was only seventeen years old! No, it had to be some kind of sick joke! Jade ran past Cicely and bolted upstairs to Katrina’s room. She was fully expecting to see the girl sitting on the bed waiting. Instead what Jade found was the heart-shaped locket and burgundy lip gloss Katrina never left without sitting on the dresser. More upsetting, however, was the envelope addressed to Jade lying beside them. Tears poured down her face as she could no longer pretend it was a mistake. Katrina was gone.

“I guess she really did it.”

“What?” Jade gasped, startled by Honor’s presence.

“During one of our fights I told her to do us all a favor and kill herself. And she did it. She took that big bottle of aspirin from Mom’s room and swallowed them all.” Tears streamed down Honor’s face. “I didn’t mean it, Jade. We fought a lot but I never wanted her to die! Why would she do this? We’ve been through a lot worse times, so what was so different this time that she didn’t want to live anymore?”

The evil look on Jade’s face actually scared Honor and she took a few steps back. “So what are you trying to say? You think this is my fault? You think because we fought yesterday she . . .”