Imperfectly Bad (5 page)

“It’s not a fear,” I argued.

Emma rolled her eyes. “Okay, so your lack of understanding about relationships and their purpose.”

I sighed. “Can’t we just have a Dance Party instead? It
is
Friday after all.”

“Nice try, but no, not until we finish talking like normal people. Like friends do.”

“God,” I groaned. “You are such a girl.”

“Good job, genius!” She clapped, like the total douche she could be. “And it only took you fourteen years to figure it out. Now, what is it you don’t understand?”

Damn Emma Slo—Strout. Whatever her name was. Even after all these years, she was the only girl who could get under my skin, put me in my place, and make my tail go between my legs. I looked to Shane, hoping for a little help, but he just shrugged his shoulders. He was all too familiar with her “no bullshit” attitude.

“You’re so mean, Em,” I whined before taking a long haul off my beer.

“No, I just don’t tolerate your bull—” She paused, looking around the room for Felix. Realizing he was nowhere in sight, a small smirk filled her face. “Shit,” she finished, giggling. “God, that felt good.”

Safe to say I had met my match. Time to throw up the white flag and admit defeat because there was no way Emma would let it drop. I was still unsure how I had become the one under attack. We’d started out discussing Tyler, and his current relationship limbo with Elizabeth.

“Fine!” I said. “So as I was saying, the whole relationship thing, I don’t get it. Period. I mean look at you guys, you’re disgusting.” I gestured down to Emma and Shane’s intertwined hands.

“It’s called affection, you should try it. It’s all the rage with human beings.”

I scoffed at her. “Hardly.”

Tyler finally piped up. “C’mon Rob, you’ve got to grow tired of it all.”

“Tired of what? The regular sex with beautiful women? Of never having any expectations? Or having to worry about hurting feelings, or getting yourself hurt? Am I tired of being drama free? I hate to break it to you guys, but I’m about as far from tired of it as you can get.”

I stopped and chugged down the remainder of my beer.

“You all can have your intimacy and disgusting Public Displays of Affection, all while chasing after your happily ever afters, but I’ll be right here, holding down the fort. Just being awesome. And bad. Always bad.”

Emma threw her now empty water bottle at me. “Ugh, you’re a moron. And a pig. But mostly just a pig.”

“Oink oink, baby.” I blew her a kiss.

I was just getting ready to razz them all some more about the downfalls of relationships when Felix came tearing around the corner in his PJs. “Unc Ty! Unc Wob!” He stopped and smiled a smile cut from the same mold as Shane. “We play Candyland?”

We all stared at him, big goofy smiles on our faces. The kid was hella cute, and we all loved him like crazy. He had been the best thing to happen to us since we’d all found each other in the first place.

“Of course, monkey.”

I motioned for him to come and sit with me. He climbed up into my lap, throwing the game box on the table once he was settled. I playfully peeked into his ears and he giggled in response. “Candyland? You got any gumdrops hidden in there?”

He squealed in delight, laughter coming from deep in his belly. “No, Unc Wob. No candy in ma eahs!”

Listening to him laugh I knew without a doubt that I understood what Em had been saying. Deep down I got it, I just didn’t want to admit it. There was a positive side to relationships. There was a reason to find a soul mate, to fight for love and battle through the ups and downs. And that reason was sitting in my lap.

2 months later…

I slammed on the nightstand in hopes of silencing the godforsaken noise. The room shifted as I moved my head in search of the stupid button. The blurriness subsided as my eyes came to rest on the alarm clock and I blindly hit at the top, figuring if I hit all the buttons surely it would eventually shut up.

What felt like an hour later, I made contact and was rewarded with complete silence. One thing was for sure, I needed some Advil, stat. I twisted in my sheets, looking to my left and my mood immediately deflated at what I saw.

I’d brought home some broad last night, again, and she was
still
in my bed. Looks like I’d gotten a little too lonely again. For some reason I just couldn’t stand to go to bed alone. Sure, there were nights that I did, but those were few and far between lately.

God, Rob, you’re such a motherfuckin’ idiot.

When was I going to learn that I couldn’t just sleep away my issues?

But for some reason, I never learned. And every opportunity that presented itself, I took, fucking things up as I went along. To say I was notorious for my bad decision making would be a vast understatement. As these thoughts ran through my head, I tried not to think about my latest mess up, just a few short months previously. It was a fuck up of epic proportions and I didn’t think it was something I’d ever truly forgive myself for.

Sitting up, I immediately knew that Tyler would be pissed if I left this one behind like I had the last few conquests. I laughed to myself thinking about him finding an endless string of random chicks in the apartment. This was not an uncommon occurrence and I would have loved to have seen his face when he came downstairs the other week to find my latest conquest sitting on the couch, watching TV like she owned the place. He’d bitched me out over that one, going on and on about how he didn’t need to relive his own whoredom by inheriting mine. Despite the jovial attitude, he’d been deadly serious, and so I knew I had to get rid of her. And fast.

Moving as slowly and as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake her, I carefully got out of bed. She’d have to get out soon enough but not quite yet—I needed a shower before I took out the trash so to speak. Tiptoeing down the hallway to the bathroom, I squeezed the door shut behind me and it groaned in protest. I cringed, cursing the old building.

Although not quite up to my usual standards, I couldn’t deny that the place was the perfect bachelor pad, but for whatever reason it still didn’t quite feel like home. Sure, it had plenty of charm to make up for the downgrade from the condo, but I missed that place.

When Emma and Shane decided it was time for them to move on, and move out, it hadn’t left Tyler and I with a whole lot of options. Staying in the condo wasn’t feasible because of the mortgage. Bottom line, the fucker was too damned proud to let me pay more than half and so we couldn’t afford to stay. Moving wasn’t ideal but continuing to live with Tyler was of the utmost importance to me, so I sucked it up. This place had been the best thing we were able to find in his price range..

I fidgeted with the faucet before the pipes clicked on and I hopped into the shower. Taking the soap in my hand and lathering up, I scrubbed the filth off me the best I could, while trying to remember exactly where I’d picked this last chick up.

The previous night, like so many others before, was pretty much a blur, filled with holes. “Swiss cheese memory” I liked to call it.

I started with what I did know. I’d met Tyler at the sports pub for wings and beer. After dinner he’d left, saying something about a date with Elizabeth. I made fun of him for not tapping that ass… again. Apparently they were still taking it slow, giving their relationship a chance to grow instead of relying on the physical side of things like they initially had. Idiotic if you asked me. What was the point of a relationship if you couldn’t get laid?

Anyhow, after he left I remember wallowing a bit and then…

Well, obviously I knew what transpired sometime after he left because the remnants of that bad decision were still in my bed.

I groaned and slammed my head against the wall. There were times that I hated myself and this was definitely one of those times. But I refused to let it get to me. Keep on keeping on, that was what I did. I did what I wanted, and never looked back.

Once I finished my shower and dressed—thank God my closet was in the hallway—I headed back into my room with my cup of freshly brewed coffee. Her naked body was now sprawled across the top of my sheets and I admired her ass for a second. I had to hand it to her, the girl looked good, and I was glad to know I still had it. I placed my foot on top of the mattress and pushed it down harshly. The mattress quivered, causing her whole body to shake. Her ass jiggled, and it made me smile.

She moaned.

That brought back some memories. Yeah, I’d definitely heard that sound before. I laughed to myself.

She didn’t move, so this time I lifted my foot and tapped on her ass.

That got her to stir a bit more and she turned to look at me, her eyes narrow slits, swollen from sleep.

“Yeah…” she groaned, rolling over and revealing her very fake breasts.

“You gotta leave, dollface,” I muttered before taking a sip of my hot coffee.

“What time is it?”

“Time for you to leave. My roommate doesn’t like to have to take out my trash.”

That got her moving
.

She scoffed and was up on her feet, just like that. She grabbed her clothes from the floor and started throwing them on.

“You’re an asshole.” She glared at me, and I just shrugged. Had she really expected more from someone she’d put out for straight away?

“Like you didn’t know that already.”

I snapped my fingers, impatiently tapping my feet at the same time.

“Hurry up, I’ve gotta get to work.”

Like so many before her, she grabbed her heels and flipped me off before running towards the door. Hearing a sob escape her throat before she slammed the door behind her should have made me feel some level of guilt, but I continued to casually sip my coffee, chuckling to myself. It wasn’t my fault she had daddy issues. I was still laughing as I made my way back out to the kitchen. Tyler was standing next to the Keurig shaking his head.

“You’re such a prick,” he muttered.

“What can I say, it’s a gift really.”

“You’re sick, you know that?” Tyler said as he grabbed his cup of coffee and blew on it.

“You act like it’s some big surprise.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “One day, one of those girls is going to kill you.”

Looking up at him while my fingers tied the laces of my dress shoes, a sly grin spread across my face. “Well, I at least hope they do it ‘Carrie style.’”

Shaking his head he directed his attention back to his coffee. “So, what are you doing today?” he asked as he grabbed the creamer from the fridge and adding some more to his cup.

“Headed to court later on, but first I’m going to SoHo to meet up with Emma for coffee before she goes into work.”

“Have you seen her lately?”

“Not in awhile,” I said, grabbing an apple from the counter. Being as busy as I was, I rarely got a chance to eat a proper breakfast. My hectic schedule also meant that I didn’t always get to the gym and, given my fondness for alcohol, it was good thing I didn’t eat fried foods every morning because the last thing I needed was a gut.

“She’s getting big.”

“Well obviously, shithead. She’s what, like, six months pregnant?”

Emma and Shane had wasted no time when it came to getting knocked up again. I was still convinced she was pregnant when they got married, but Tyler disagreed. I stood by my story, the timing was hella suspect to say the least.

“You wanna come?” I asked as I grabbed my travel mug.

He shook his head. “No, I told Elizabeth I’d watch Emily while she was at class this morning.”

“Sounds like a relationship—without any of the benefits—to me,” I teased.

“Fuck off.”

I grabbed my briefcase off the table. “Just sayin’.”

I knew it irritated the shit out of Tyler, but he was just biding time waiting on her to make a move. She had him by the balls and he didn’t even know it. Well, maybe he did, he was just so fuckin’ lovesick he couldn’t see straight. It was nauseating. I opened the door before grabbing my keys off the hook.

“Whatever, Rob.”

“I’ll see ya tonight,” I called over my shoulder.

“Yeah, yeah.”

It was fuckin’ cold out, that was for sure. I hated winter. Always had because it was frickin’ miserable, and snow was dumb. It was so cold that I decided to spring for a cab. I was not walking to the subway just to save a couple of bucks. I lifted my hand in the air and within seconds a yellow cabbie was pulling up for me.

Yes, I was
that
guy.

I hopped in and told them the address of the coffee shop that Emma had told me to meet her at. The cabbie nodded and darted out into the traffic,

On the ride to SoHo, I did my daily search on my time suck of a phone. Seriously, the damn thing was addictive as hell. Pair that with my other unhealthy obsession and it was disastrous. I had tuned out many a conversation with a casual look-see on the web.

Nothing. No hits. No trace. Nothing.

I jammed my phone deep into my pocket and stewed. Twelve years later and I was still as pissed off as I had been the day she left. Nobody ever really knew how fucked up I was. Most likely because I put on a good show. Hell, there were even times where I managed to fool myself. Some of the time, I actually believed that I could be happy, and have a good time. But there were other times where I realized what a freakin’ mess I’d become.