In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series)

In A Heartbeat

The Shameful Regret Series

Liz King

Copyright © 2013 In A
Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) by Liz King

This is a work of fiction.
Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s
imagination or used fictitiously and any resemblance to actual people, alive or
dead, business, establishments, locations or events is entirely coincidental.
Any reference to real events, business, organizations or locations is intended
only to give the fiction a sense of realism and authenticity.

All rights reserved. No part of
this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or
transmitted by any means (electronic, mechanical, photographic, recording or
otherwise) without prior authorization in writing from the author.

Cover designed by S.K. Hartley

Formatting by M.S. Willis

Dedication

To Momma, even though you
aren’t here on this earth with me any longer, you are always in my heart,
telling me that I can do anything that I set my mind to. I love you so very
much and I miss you each and every day. You are my sunshine.

Prologue

Chapter
One

Chapter
Two

Chapter Three

Chapter
Four

Chapter
Five

Chapter
Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter
Nine

Chapter
Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

“Matt! Come on! My curfew is in an hour! Maybe if you
actually got me home a little before, Daddy wouldn’t be so gruff around you.” I
called over my shoulder as I walked away from the movie theater. Daddy didn’t
really care for Matt, mainly because he was eighteen, had a car and I was only
fourteen. I really wanted Daddy to like Matt. I mean, I was only a freshman,
and I had the attention of the best looking guy in the senior class. We had
been out on a few dates, so I couldn’t have been happier. Looking back, I
probably should have listened to Daddy.

“I’m coming Lynae. We have
plenty of time.” Matt said in my ear as he bent down behind me, pressing his
chest to my back. He wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me to his
Explorer that was parked around the side of the dark theater parking lot.

As we got to the passenger side
of his truck, he spun me around until my back hit the rear fender. Matt placed
his arms up on both sides of my shoulders and leaned down to kiss me. Well, we
did have an hour, so we could make out a little. Matt was a great kisser. I had
only kissed a few boys, but Matt could make my knees buckle from the first
press of his lips on mine, the way he took total control, and sucked on my
bottom lip or nibbled on my ear. It made me shiver just thinking about it.

Matt’s lips began moving over
mine as his left hand came down to grip my hip. He was holding me a little
harder than he had before and he was pressing his hips in to my stomach. I
wasn’t feeling the butterflies that I usually felt when kissing him. Something
just felt off, I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach, but I tried to play
it off as just nerves from being in a darkened area alone with him. In the next
instant, Matt opened the back door to the Explorer and was trying to push me
into the backseat. “Come on baby, let’s just sit back here for a bit. You look
so good in that dress.” Matt breathed over my lips as he was guiding my body.

Alarm bells started going off
in my head. I didn’t feel safe, something felt wrong. “I, uh, Matt, I just want
to go home. It’s been a long week, and I really need to get some sleep tonight,
I have to get up early to help volunteer at the church tomorrow.” I tried to
push his chest away from me, but he wasn’t having it. When Matt looked down, I
saw something in his eyes that wasn’t the same Matt that I had noticed all those
months ago.

“Lynae, you know I would never
say anything to anyone. You’re so sexy, and I just need to have you, I can’t
wait anymore. I’ve wanted you ever since I first saw you.” Matt said in a low
voice as he shoved me into the backseat and crawled over me. My head hit the
window on the other side of the truck with a thud and I saw stars in front of
my eyes. I tried to pull my knees up to curl into a ball. Matt pulled the door
closed behind him, and yanked on my ankles. “Be still! I know you want this! I know
you want me just as much.” he growled.

My heart was beating
erratically, I felt like the car was closing in on me. “No! Matt, just let me
up, I want to go home!” I tried to unlock the door behind me, but it wouldn’t
open. “Let me out! You’re scaring me! I don’t want this!” I pleaded as his hand
came up around my throat. He was so heavy! Matt was 6’3’’ and 250 pounds of
muscle. He was one of the captains on the football team. My 5’5’’ 130 pound
frame was no match for him.

I began frantically pushing at his
chest in vain to get him away from me, I tried to pull my legs back to my
chest. I could feel his weight pressing down on me. “Please, Matt! Stop!” I
couldn’t breathe. Could anyone see what was going on? Would anyone be able to
help me?

“God, baby. I’m gonna make you
feel so good.” Matt’s hot breath in my ear made my skin crawl. “It will be
easier if you quit fighting me.”

I remember saying “No!” I
remember saying “Stop!” I remember trying to kick him away. I remember my heart
beating in my ears. I remember crying. I remember feeling his hand tighten
around my throat, making it almost impossible to take a breath. I remember the
sound of my panties being ripped off of me. I remember the pain as my heart was
crushed.

Matt drove me home afterwards
as if nothing had happened. I just walked in the house, ignoring Daddy even
though he had waited up for me to make sure I got home ok. Momma had already
gone to bed, she’d not been feeling well lately. I went straight to my room and
crumpled against my door as soon as I shut it. I couldn’t believe that I had
let that happen. I was so stupid. It was all my fault. One second I was a
carefree girl on a date with the perfect boy, and in a heartbeat, my world was
shattered.

Eight years later…

Ugh! This headache is killing me! I hate pollen season! My
eyes get all puffy and my contacts drive me insane! I already get a lot of
eyestrain looking at our monitors in the dark in the procedure labs, and the
contacts just add to it. Oh well, I guess it’s glasses for me again today. It’s
not like I’m trying to impress anyone. I don’t date, even though my girls at
work think that I should. They don’t think it’s normal for a twenty-three year
old to not want anything to do with a social life. It’s just easier to block out
the past if I keep to myself.

I’m a registered nurse at Mercy General. I work in a cardiac
procedure lab there. I love my job. In the lab, we study the heart and its
rhythms. I love the control that I can have over the heart rhythm with the
stimulator. I know all to well how life can change in a heartbeat.

I have always wanted to be a nurse, ever since I was a
little girl. In nursing school, I dedicated myself completely to my studies. I
finished with my Associates Degree in only seven semesters. I didn’t even take
the summers off. This being said, I graduated at the age of twenty. Yes, I
know, it was funny to me too that I could administer narcotics, but I couldn’t
legally buy alcohol.

It’s already 5:15 am, I guess I need to get out of this bed
and get ready to head into work. I hop in the shower, take care of business and
pull my long dark brown hair up into a bun at the back of my head. It’s too
long to fuss with this early in the morning, and it just gets in my way when
I’m tending to my patients. Mascara and chap stick are the extent of my makeup
for work. I throw my clothes on, grab my favorite pair of Danskos, the pink and
black zebra print, and head out the door. Out of bed, showered, and dressed in
less than thirty minutes. Not bad.

My mind wanders as I drive down the interstate towards the
hospital. It’s Friday, so I know that the girls are going to try to talk me
into heading out with them again. I always decline, stating that I’m too tired,
or that I have things to do. Cleaning and organizing my already immaculate
apartment
is
something to do.

I look down at my phone sitting in the cup holder, I know
that Sly’s in the central time zone, so its really only 5 am there, but he’s an
early riser, so I decide to call him anyway. Sly, short for Sylvester is my
best friend. We have been best friends since he tried to get me to play some
game with him on the bus when I was eleven and he was thirteen. Some stupid
dinosaur something or another, I don’t even remember. I just laughed in his
face and we have been inseparable ever since. Sly is the only man besides Daddy
that I’ve let get and stay close to me outside of professional relationships.

“Hiya sweet cheeks” Sly answers on the first ring.

I love how he is just a much of a morning person as I am.
“Hey baby doll! I’m headed into work, what’s your lazy ass doing today?” I ask
as I change lanes. I enjoy our banter. We sometimes act like an old married
couple. Sly and I never really tried dating. One time we did come close to
kissing, but right as our lips were about to touch, we both burst out laughing
and knew that it just wasn’t meant to be. He is the brother I never had, and I
am like a sister to him. Sly knows almost everything there is to know about me.

Sly chuckles on the other end of the line. “You know its my
48 hours off, I’m not doing a damn thing. I may head out to the lake today,
chill out on the boat, but nothing else. You wanna drive down here this
weekend? It’s Labor Day weekend, so you have Monday off, right?” he asks. Sly
is a firefighter, so he works twenty-four hours on and forty-eight hours off.

“Maybe, I’ll see what time I get out of the lab. You know
Fridays we are always slammed. Doctor Morrison is always adding cases on. He
has been on call all week, so I know he’s got something up his sleeves.” I tell
him. Doctor Travis Morrison is my favorite doctor to work with. He’s a great
physician, funny as hell, and is like a second father to me.

Sly sighs and says “Okay sweet cheeks, I know that this time
of year is hard for you. Just know that I’m here. I can switch my shifts around
if you want to come up tomorrow and stay through Monday.”

I didn’t even think about it being close to the anniversary
of my mother’s death. I have been studying so much for a certification exam and
learning new equipment that we just got at work, that it totally slipped my
mind. Momma has been gone for four years next week. She passed away right after
the beginning of my senior year in high school, breast cancer. I was very close
with her. I told Momma everything. Well, I told Momma almost everything.
“Thanks baby doll, I’ll text you this afternoon and let you know what my plans
are. I may just end up hanging out here, and go see Daddy.” I say hanging up.
When I moved to Charleston for college, Daddy sold the house and came out here
too. I don’t think he wanted to be in that big house all by himself.

 
I turn my radio back on and let the music help clear my mind.
Everyone picks on me for my very eclectic taste in music. The play list on my
iPod will go from Elvis, to REO Speedwagon and Aerosmith to Linkin Park or
Eminem. I listen to just about anything. There is something soothing to losing
yourself in the lyrics of a song. I can listen to the same exact song on
different days, and I can get a different meaning out of it depending on my
mood.

~

I let my mind wander off as I make my way into the parking
garage. Sometimes I worry myself wondering how in the hell I make it from point
A to point B. I have no recollection of driving these past thirty minutes, but
thank heavens the car and I make it there in once piece and we apparently
didn’t have any incidents along the way.

Walking into the hospital I make my usual greetings to the
patient transporters and various employees I see every morning on my way in.
This is my safe place. I can come in, do my job, and blend in. I can focus on
helping heal others and it makes me feel like I have accomplished something
worthwhile. I make it up to my floor, stash my belongings in my locker, change
into these hideous hospital scrubs and make my way into the lab.

“Nae-Nae!” I hear as soon as I walk in the doors. Great,
Michelle seems to have stopped for Starbucks on her way in this morning. She is
probably the only other person that is as wide awake as I am in the mornings,
but give that girl caffeine, and she is a ball of energy on Red Bull!

I come in, grab my scrub jacket from the back of the chair,
it’s freezing in here even though it’s the middle of summer, and look at
Michelle. She’s my best girlfriend. I met Michelle in nursing school, and we
both decided that we had to work together no matter where we ended up. We’ve
helped each other study, pass finals, and we sat for our licensure exams
together. I don’t know what I would do without her in my life, especially since
Sly stayed back home in Birmingham. “Hey, Michelle, where’s mine?” I ask,
knowing that she wouldn’t deprive me of the nectar of the gods that is coffee
if she was going to get some for herself.

Michelle smiles her devious smile that means she is up to
something. “I’ll let you have it on one condition.” She holds up her hand as I
open my mouth to say something, “You are going out with me and Gabbi tonight.
There is this new band that is supposed to be really hot playing at Metro
tonight, and you are going Nae-Nae!”

Sweet Jesus! I really have no clue where in the hell
Michelle came up with the Nae-Nae thing. It drives me batshit crazy, but
because I love her, I won’t stop her. Some of the doctors tried to call me
that, but they got my death glare, and learned quickly not to push that button.

“Come on Michelle, you know that clubs really aren’t my
scene. Just give me my damn coffee, woman!” I reach out for my cup as she pulls
away giving me that look that tells me I’m not getting out of this that easily.
I don’t want to go. Being in a crowd like that makes me uncomfortable; I don’t
want to be in a dark enclosed space, it brings back too many memories for me. A
chance to lose myself in some new music for a few hours does appeal to me
though.

 
Gabbi walks in
behind us and Michelle looks over my shoulder. Gabbi fit into our friendship
seamlessly. She was in hospital orientation with us and we immediately hit it
off. “Gabbi, tell Nae-Nae that she is going to Metro with us tonight, and we
aren’t taking ‘No’ for an answer. She has blown us off way to many times.” She
pouts looking from Gabbi to me.

Even when Michelle and I were in nursing school, I never
went out to parties or anything. I didn’t feel like I could let my guard down
to get to know anybody else, especially men. Every man I met reminded me of
him.
I was content to stay home, study, and maybe talk on the phone with Sly for a
few hours. It had been years since I had wanted to actually go out on the
social scene. I only went to my senior prom because Sly came to the door and
dragged my ass upstairs and made me get dressed in a dress that I didn’t know
Daddy had gone out and purchased for me with Sly’s help.

“Fine! I’ll go, just will you please just give me the damn
coffee!” I sigh turning my head to look at Gabbi, who has rested her chin on my
shoulder. Gabbi lets out this annoying girly squeal then holds up a brown bag
for me. As I grab it and look inside, I realize that resistance was going to be
futile. If they didn’t talk me into going just to get them to let me have my
coffee, Gabbi was holding my number one weakness in her hand. She handed over a
large bag of gummy bears. I will do just about anything for gummy bears.

I snatch my coffee and bag of candy and walk the rest of the
way into the lab to look at the schedule board. Only three procedures are
scheduled for today, so hopefully it won’t be that bad of a Friday. I notice
that Dr. Morrison hasn’t added any additional procedures on yet. Fingers
crossed he won’t.

Michelle and Gabbi skip in behind me and start getting the
supplies needed to get our day started. Right before Michelle goes into to
procedure room, she turns to me and says, “Lynae Michaels, you
will
be
coming over to my apartment after work this afternoon, and we
will
be
doing your hair and make-up. This messy bun, geek chic thing works for the
hospital, but we are going to show off that rocking body that I know is under
those scrubs missy!”

Great! This is going to be a long night! What did I agree to
tonight? I just need to remember that I’m going out for a night with my girls,
I can drown myself in the beat of the music and just be me. I shoot a quick
text off to Sly, telling him that I’ve been roped into going to a club with
Michelle and Gabbi and that I won’t be heading back home tonight. His response
makes me smile.

Sly:
Have fun sweet cheeks! Shake that ass for me!