In A Heartbeat (The Shameful Regret Series) (18 page)

Connor

I’m sitting in the most uncomfortable chair ever invented,
but I don’t care. All I care about is wishing I could take back the last
forty-eight hours and for Lynae to wake up. I haven’t left her bedside since
she was moved from the ER to the ICU, except when John comes in to see her
every couple of hours. Two days. Two fucking long days, and she’s still
unconscious. Fuck me, I wish I could take her place. Nurses come in and out
checking on the beeping machines every few minutes. They quit trying to get me
to leave after I made an ass of myself and Wade had to talk some sense into me.

Damn, I was such a fool. I let my own anger and insecurities
get the best of me. All Lynae wanted to do was be there for me, and I shut her
down. If Kaitlin were here right now, I’m sure she’d be kicking my ass all over
this hospital room. Kaitlin would have loved Lynae. They are so much alike, it
kills me to think about it sometimes. Both strong, amazing and full of a light
deep inside that was just begging to come out. Neither one of them could see
how much strength was really hidden behind their eyes. So much stronger than
they thought of themselves. Kaitlin’s light will never be able to shine, and
now, thanks to my stupidity, Lynae’s is hanging in the balance.

Subdural hematoma. Time. We don’t know how long it will take
her to wake up. Her brain is healing. Give it time.

That’s all they keep saying. It doesn’t make a damn bit of
sense to me. The only thing I want to hear is Lynae’s sweet voice telling me
that she still loves me, and that she can forgive me for the awful and hateful
things I said. I didn’t mean a fucking word of it. I need her to know that I
didn’t mean it. God! Please let her wake up! I need her so much!

I know that John says he doesn’t blame me, but I wouldn’t
hold it against him if he did. She wouldn’t be here like this if it weren’t for
me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that Lynae fell down the stairs trying
to get away from me during our fight. Wade, Marcus and Seth know what happened.
They keep telling me that it wasn’t my fault either. Lynae lost her balance.
“It was an accident.” They say.

Holding onto her tiny hand, I rub my thumb across her knuckles.
She looks so frail in the hospital bed. The vivacious, passionate woman that I
have fallen so deeply in love with is lying broken and bruised, and I can’t do
a damn thing about it. “Sweetness, please open your eyes. I need you.” I
whisper leaning in close to her ear. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean a fucking
word of it. I was stupid. I was angry. I was wrong.” I plead. “So very wrong.
There is so much I need to tell you.”

“Keep on talking to her. She can hear you.” One of the ICU
nurses comes in to change something on a machine that looks like it’s giving
Lynae some fluids through an IV. “We need to run some more tests here in the
next hour or so. The doctor will be in soon.” With that she leaves me alone
again with my Sweetness. I don’t respond. I just nod my head.

I haven’t been in a hospital room like this since Kaitlin
died. Kaitlin, my baby sister. I say baby sister, but she was really only a
year and a half younger than me. I was supposed to be looking out for her. I
was too wrapped up in trying to get laid at that fucking party to worry about
her getting home safely. If I had known that she would have gone off with that
high as a kite fuckwad, Rob, I would have taken her home myself. He was drunk.
He shouldn’t have been driving, but it was my fault that she got in that car
with him. Kaitlin was visiting me at my fraternity house, trying to decide if
she wanted to go to the same college as me. Our parents made me swear that I
would look out for her. She was my responsibility. I was too busy thinking with
my dick and the eager little blonde that wanted to take me upstairs to care
what Kaitlin was doing. I told her to fuck off and not to bother me. I stood
there while my mother and father cried and cursed me for all I was worth as
they took her off life support. I haven’t seen my parents much since. That was
five years ago. Five years ago next week.

I had been looking in the box that has all of my pictures of
Kaitlin in it. I was reading her obituary the morning Lynae walked into the
closet looking for her shoes. My parents left me out of it, saying that I
didn’t deserve to be mentioned as family since I was the reason she was gone. I
never blamed them. After looking at my memories of Kaitlin, I got a call from
my mother. The same type of call I get around this time every year, telling me
that it should have been me in that car, not their precious baby girl. So, I
did what I always do, I went and got drunk. I don’t talk about my feelings. In
my drunken stupor, I made more of what I saw in my living room than what it
really was. I knew I was wrong, I tried to talk to Lynae about it, without
going into detail why I was behaving the way I did, but she wouldn’t let it go.
I felt like she was pushing me away, just like my family did. I couldn’t take
it. I drank too much that night, I went to her apartment, saw what I now know
was Sly carrying her into her room, and I jumped to conclusions. Damn, I’m such
a fucked up piece of shit for the things I said to her.

Sly and I had it out in the waiting room of the ER. Marcus
and Seth and to pull us apart. It’s almost like he knows what really happened.
He and Lynae are so close, it’s like they share the same soul. Sly could see it
in my eyes, that I am the reason Lynae fell. I am the reason she is unconscious
in that damn bed with four broken ribs. He has come into her room a few times
with Michelle, but he doesn’t say one word to me. I keep waiting on him to let
me have it again. Michelle and Gabbi aren’t really talking much to me either.

Lynae’s fingers twitch in my hand. I look at her face, but
her eyes are still closed. “Please, baby. Please wake up and talk to me. Say
anything. Yell at me. Hit me. I don’t care. Just please wake up. I need you.” I
cry. The steady sound of her heart beating on the monitor is the only sanity I
have. It shows that she is still with me.

When Lynae hit her head on the railing in the stairwell, I
tried to run down to catch her, but her little body bounced and crashed the
rest of the way down, almost to the bottom. Seth heard us screaming at each
other, and he came running. He caught Lynae’s lifeless body at the bottom of
the stairs before she tumbled to the last step. She probably would have broken
her neck if it hadn’t been for him preventing her from hitting the ground. My
own heart stopped, and my world quit spinning. She has to be ok. She just has
to.

A little while later, Dr Greene comes in. He’s been the doc
seeing her since she was admitted to the ICU. He walks in with another staff
member, one who is pushing some sort of machine with a screen on it. “Hey
there. We’ve gotten some lab tests back, and I’d like to do an ultrasound real
quick to check on something.” He says to me as he pushes the button on the bed
to raise it up.

“Ok.” I say hesitantly. “Is everything alright?”

“We’ll see. Is her dad coming by later?” Dr Greene asks as
he pulls Lynae’s gown up and her sheet down, exposing her abdomen.

I nod my head. “Uh huh.” I grasp Lynae’s hand in mine a
little tighter. I don’t know if what Dr Greene is doing to her will hurt her or
not, or if she even knows that he’s doing something to her, but I want to be
her to know that I’m right here. I watch as the technician that came in with Dr
Greene squirts some clear gel on her belly, then starts moving some wand
looking thing over it. A black and white grainy image appears on the screen of
the machine. Dr Greene and the technician press a few buttons, and adjust the
angle and position of the wand thing.

Swoosh. Swoosh.
Swoosh.

I can’t take my eyes off of the screen. “What’s that?” I ask
as the rapid noise fills the room. I release the breath I didn’t realize I was
holding. It can’t be what I think it is.

“It’s your baby’s heartbeat.” Dr Greene responds with a
knowing grin. “So far it looks like the baby is unharmed. Everything looks
normal.”

My emotions surge as the hand that I’m holding tightens
around my fingers. My heart stops beating when I hear the most beautiful sound
ever.

“Connor?”

The End

Connor and Lynae’s story
continues in

Make My Heart Beat, Book Two
of The Shameful Regret Series

Coming Spring 2014

I’d like to thank my husband for putting up with me while I
sat for endless hours arguing with the characters inside my head. Sean, you are
the love of my life, and you give me strength to do whatever I set my mind to. I
thank you for sitting there and letting me ramble on about
In A Heartbeat
and all of my other “book” talk over the months. I love you!

Sofie Hartley, I can’t even begin to tell you how much your
friendship means to me. You have been my sounding board, my support system, and
my awesome sauce! I don’t think I would have had the courage to let
In A
Heartbeat
out of my head if it weren’t for you telling me to just believe
in myself and follow my heart. We have laughed, cried, and yelled over these
past months, and I wouldn’t trade a singe second of it. Sofie, I mcchicken you!
(And so does Wade!)

Glenna Maynard, my TBIC, you are a fantastic friend. You
have been with me from the very beginning, when
In A Heartbeat
was just
a fleeting thought in my mind. From our aimless chatting about book boyfriends
to life in general. What started out just as only a common interest in books
has turned into an amazing friendship. We too have laughed until we cried, and
were there for each other when we needed a shoulder to lean on. I loves my
TBIC!

Rachel Brookes, you and I have “researched” a lot together.
I can’t thank you enough for all of your support and insights while writing
In
A Heartbeat
. Connor Reeves would not be who he is without our little
“research” sessions dreaming up the perfect book boyfriend. I am so grateful
for our friendship, and everything you have done for me while I was taking this
amazing journey into letting my story out. I may have to let you have more than
one weekend with our favorite tattooed hunk of man candy (even if it is only in
our heads)!

There are so many others who have been a tremendous support
to me as I took this leap into writing. Justine Elvira, M.S. Willis, Morgan
Jane, Carrie Stadtler, Saoching Moose, Carolina Anderson, and so many others.
Thank you for listening to me, encouraging me and just for being there for me
as
In A Heartbeat
came to life!

Liz King is a wife, nurse and romance book blogger.
In A
Heartbeat
is her debut novel. She lives in South Carolina with her family.
Reading is a passion of hers, and writing is always something she wanted to do.
Liz is addicted to gummy bears and coffee, even though her family and friends
don’t think she needs caffeine to add to her already energetic personality.
She’s obsessed with the 1980’s and loves to sing even though she can’t carry a
tune. Liz loves college football and hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains and the
Great Smoky Mountains with her husband.

http://www.facebook.com/authorlizking