In Name Only (46 page)

“Papa, coat
too?” 

David shook his
head, then fixed his gaze on his daughter.  “No, Kat.  The snowman may have my
hat, but not my coat.  I’m afraid I need my coat.”

“Papa, Christmas
tree?”

“Kat, I’m tired. 
I spent most of the day waiting to get the carriage wheel fixed.  Perhaps
tomorrow.  Christmas is still a week away.”

“Please, Papa,
please. . .”

David glanced at
Caroline, who was grinning, and Kathleen, who was looking up at him in
breathless anticipation.

“Very well,” he
said. 

Kip was standing
beside the horse, untying the reins.

“Kip, would you
mind getting me the ax?”

“Sure, Mr.
David.  You want me to come with you to chop the tree down?”

“No, that’s fine,
Kip.  I think I can manage.  As long as the women folk can make haste in
deciding.”  He paused, then stared at Caroline’s stomach.  “Caroline, perhaps
Kathleen and I should do this alone.  You ought to be going back inside.  It’s
starting to snow more heavily now.”

“I can walk a
short way, David. If I feel tired, I’ll return.”

The three made
their way into the wooded area and only ten feet or so inside the forest,
Kathleen shouted, “Papa, look at the pretty tree!” She ran toward what appeared
to be a perfectly shaped pine tree about ten feet high.

“Yes, this is
quite beautiful, David.”

“Splendid.  This
took much less time than I expected,” he answered.  As he leaned down to cut
the trunk of the tree, he discovered that there were two trunks.

“What’s the
matter?”

“Well, this is
not one tree, Caroline.  It’s two.  Look.”

Caroline leaned
down as far as her pregnant body would allow her. “Yes, yes.  There are two
here.  But it looks so much like one tree.”

“Cut it, Papa! 
Cut it!”

“I’m afraid I
can’t, Kat.  It’s actually two trees and when I cut one trunk, it will only be
part of the tree.  See?”  He showed her by partially separating the two trees
with his hands.

Kathleen’s eyes
narrowed and her lips formed a pout.

“Don’t worry. 
We’ll find something else.”

Caroline crouched
down and intensely studied the trees. 
It looks like one tree, yet it’s
really two.
  Caroline smiled inwardly as she thought of the marriage bed
and why their child grew inside her. 
The two shall become one
.

“Want to let me
in on your thoughts?”

“Well, those
trees look so much like one tree and yet it’s two.  But the way it has grown,
it grows like one tree, despite the two trunks.”

“I didn’t think
you were that interested in the way trees grow.”

“I’m not, really.
But that’s the way it is in marriage.  There are actually two people, but they
become one and their oneness is a child.”  She pointed to her stomach, then
glanced at David. His eyebrows were raised and he was smiling.

Caroline gasped
as she again felt a familiar cramp deep in her abdomen.  “David.”

“Yes?” he said. 

She was wincing
and holding her breath.

“What?”

“I think that
perhaps we ought to return to the house.  It might be soon time for me to. .
.”  Caroline stopped and closed her eyes.

“Will you be able
to walk back to the house?”

She nodded,
tensing her body, holding on to the trunk of a large oak tree beside her. She
reached out and grabbed David’s shoulder and squeezed.

“Come, Kat, we
must return,” David said. “Your new little brother or sister will be coming
soon.”

“Yay, yay,”
Kathleen squealed, jumping up and down.  Then she stopped and said, “What about
the Christmas tree?”

“We’ll have to
cut it down later, Kat.”

Kathleen began to
whine.  “Don’t want to do it later.”

They emerged from
the forest, with David now close beside his wife, holding onto her shoulders as
they moved closer to the house. 

The snow had
begun to fall in earnest now, the wind causing the miniature flakes to blow
sideways.  When they reached the side of the house, David dropped the ax on the
ground and assisted Caroline up the steps to the porch.

“Caroline, allow
me to accompany you upstairs.  Kat, come inside.”

“Don’t want to.”
Kathleen stamped her feet on the ground.

“It’s all right,
David.  I can manage the steps on my own.  You stay with Kathleen.  It will be
some time before the baby comes.  And I’ll tell Kip to fetch the midwife.”

“We’re standing
in the middle of a blizzard, Caroline.  I’m bringing her in.”  He pulled his
daughter inside the foyer.

“Don’t want to go
inside!”

“Well, Kathleen
Emma O’Donovan, sometimes we must do things we don’t want!” he shouted, yanking
her coat off.  She reacted by letting out an ear-piercing scream.  “Don’t want
to!”

Caroline stood at
the bottom of the steps, her eyes narrowed as she listened to her daughter’s
tantrum. David lifted Kathleen up and rushed past Caroline into the parlor.  At
her worried expression, David turned back and said, “She’ll be fine, Caroline.”

“Is it time?”
Jane said, coming from the basement staircase. “Would you assist me in getting
my coat off?”

“Certainly.” 
Jane paused. “Miss Kathleen’s not sounding too happy, is she?”

“She wanted to
stay outside in the snowstorm and cut the tree down.”

“I see.”

“Could you send
Kip to get the midwife?”

“Of course.  I’ll
help you up the stairs first.”

“No need.  I’ll
be fine.” Caroline started up the steps but she felt another contraction. She
pressed her hand to the wall as she breathed.

“You’re not
looking so good.” The servant came up the steps beside her.

“No, I suppose
I’m. . .”  She slammed the wall and tried to breathe through the next
contraction.  When it was over, Jane held onto her mistress’ elbow as they took
one step at a time.  Caroline turned to go into David’s room.

“Don’t you want
to be doing the birthing in your own bed?”

Caroline shook
her head.  “David’s bed.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Let David know I
shall be here, would you?”

“I think he’ll
know where you are,” the servant said, as she escorted her mistress into the
room and onto the bed.

A few hours
later, Caroline pushed yet another time, a loud moan escaping from her lips.

“Mrs. O’Donovan,
your baby is almost here.  Just one more push,” she heard the midwife say.

Caroline pushed
and her child slid from her body. “‘Tis a boy, Miss Caroline, ye’ve got a fine
wee boyeen.”  She could see the crying face of her baby, then she heard David
open the door.  “May I come in now?”

“Mr. O’Donovan,”
the midwife said, “you should not be in here.”

“Now then, out ye
go, Mr. David, sir.  We’ll be lettin’ ye know when. . .” Patsie yelled.

“I want to see my
child.”  David crouched down beside Caroline’s head. She looked up at David and
offered him a weak smile.  He held onto her hand and kissed her wet forehead.

“Ye’ve got
yerself a fine boyeen, Mr. David, sir.  We’re jest cleanin’ ‘im up a wee bit.”

“I’m tired,”
Caroline whispered.

“You deserve to
be, Mrs. O’Donovan,” he whispered.

She gave him
another half attempt at a smile, then closed her eyes.

The baby
continued to bawl while Patsie cleaned him up and wrapped him tightly in a
blanket.

“Here’s yer fine
wee lad, Mr. David.”

Caroline looked
up at David, who was beaming.

“Mrs. O’Donovan,
just one more push and the afterbirth will be delivered,” the midwife said.

She pushed and
felt something soft slide from inside of her.  Now she tried to glance up, but
she felt so fatigued.

“Well then, are
ye after holdin’ yer wee babe, perhaps nursin’ ‘im?”

Caroline shook
her head.  “Don’t feel so. . .”

David said
something to her but she could barely hear him. 
I’ll just close my eyes for
a moment.

“She’s bleeding! 
Quick, get the. . .”

She managed to
open her eyes partway and Caroline could see the midwife rushing to her side.

She felt the
woman pressing down hard on her abdomen.

The room seemed
to be spinning.  Caroline opened her mouth to take a breath, but she could not
accomplish that simple task.  The muffled voices around her sounded faraway. 
She could hear the faint high-pitched wails of her baby.  Her husband was
speaking to her, but she couldn’t hear what he was saying.  She felt so weak,
so tired, like every ounce of energy had drained from within her.

“Caroline, can
you hear me?” David was beside her, leaning close to her ear. His voice sounded
so distant.  She tried to nod but no part of her body would move.

“She looks so
gray.  Do something.  Can’t you do. . .”  David’s eyes widened in terror.  His
mouth was open as if he was yelling, but she could barely hear him.

Then, all of a
sudden, the voices became one and Caroline couldn’t hear what they said. Her
eyes felt heavy, her body weak. Yet she felt strangely at peace.  There was no
panic, just overwhelming fatigue.  Soon darkness enveloped her.
I feel so
weak.  Need to rest
.

It was spring,
flowers were in bloom everywhere and Caroline was running in a field behind
Kathleen.  David was off in the distance and another person, a slight, somewhat
taller, man stood beside him. 
Who’s standing next to David?  If I can just
get a little closer.

“Hello,
Caroline.  I’ve missed you.”

“Liam!  Oh, Liam,
I’ve missed you so much.”  They embraced.  A radiant light shone above him. 
Liam was bright and beautiful, even more handsome than she had remembered.  It
had been so long since she had seen his face or heard his tender words.

He and David were
laughing and teasing one another.

A baby was
crying, screeching, and she shook her head to rid herself of the noise.

“Miss Caroline,
you’ve got to try to take some of this broth, please?”  She tried to move her
head to avoid the spoon. 

Leave me
alone.  I want to sleep
.

Caroline could
hear weeping, the soft sounds of grief.
Who is crying?
Then she could
hear the whispering words Holy Mary, Mother of God, in Latin.  “Sancta Maria,
Mater Dei.”

Something on her
forehead felt ice cold.  She moved her head from side to side to stop the
torture. “We’re just wiping your face, Miss Caroline.  Please be still.”

In the distance,
a baby continued to cry.

Again, the low
tone of someone crying, sobbing.

*  *  *

David caressed
her arm, hoping that perhaps his touch would waken her.  In the four days that
she had lingered between life and death, he could not rouse his wife enough to
tell her how much he loved her and what she meant to him.
Almighty Father,
please allow her to live.  I’ll do whatever you want me to. I don’t ever want
to put her in danger again, just let her live.

Father Flaherty
had visited early this morning and had given Caroline the Sacrament of Extreme
Unction.  David had waited to contact him because he mistakenly thought that he
would be admitting that his wife had little hope of surviving, that he would be
giving up.  Father reminded him that a person need not be on his or her
deathbed to receive the Sacrament.

Glancing at his
bedside table, David caught a glimpse of the small box which held the gift that
he had planned to give to his wife after their son was born.  He lifted out the
cameo pin and rubbed his thumb over the smooth pearl surface and the painted
words, “
Mother
.”  On the back, the engraved letters,
COD love DOD
. 
He blinked back the tears. Perhaps he might not get the chance to give her this
gift.  No, he couldn’t think that.  He placed it back into the box and set it
carefully on the bedside table.

The linen sheet
covering his wife darkened again at her chest.  He cringed. The plentiful milk
her breasts were producing had nowhere to go but out.  Jane had applied warm
compresses and in the beginning even attempted to coax the baby to nurse but
their child seemed to know that his mother was in no condition to feed him.

David laid his
head on her hand and allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

He studied his
wife as she slept.  She was so still and so pale, almost gray.  When he picked
up her hand, it was cold and stiff.  “No, Caroline, please don’t leave me.” 
His heart-wrenching sobs filled the room with grief. If she was gone, then part
of him was now gone.