In Search of Grace (19 page)

             
Alex
looked
at her friend
,
doubtful
. 

             
Charles reached across the table
again
and patted her hand.   “Give it time.  He likes you, that is
so
obvious
, even with that gorgeous blonde standing next to him.
 
As you said earlier, y
ou
do not
know his history either.  We all come with baggage
,
my dear.
”

             
”
Y
ou
’
r
e
right, can we talk about something else now?”

             
The familiar grin retuned to Charles
’s
face.  “Absolutely
,
and the first thing we should talk about is
where we are going to shop first
!”

             
Finishing their lunch, Alex and Charles walked arm in arm down
Newbury
S
treet
.  After a few
minutes,
Charles started to push her into
Marc Jacobs.
“C’mon,
let’s
go buy you something hot and sexy to impress that new man of yours.”

             
“I am not out to impress anyone
,
Chaz
,
”
but Alex still allowed him to lead her into the store.  After several minutes, Charles’
s
arms were laden with
clothes
.

             
“I
know
those are not all for me
.
”

             
“Just don’t say no until you try it on
.
”
 

             
Alex frowned
doubtfully
at the pile
.

             
“Charles
,
you know I don’t wear straps.”

             
“Yeah
,
and I don’t get that, you have such a
gorgeous
body you should be flaunting it
!
”

             
Alex found
her
self
shoved into a corner dressing room with the clothes thrust at her.  Reaching out to one of the shirts that she had admired on the rack, she allowed her fingers to flow over the fabric
;
she knew she would love
the
feel of it on her skin.  Well, she could try it on. 
It did
not
mean she had to buy it.  Alex undressed then put on a pair of cream pants that Charles had given her to try on
,
then slipped the shirt over her head.  Staring at herself in the
mirror,
she
admired
the way it hung
.
  Not used to seeing bare shoulders
,
she
admitted that
it was
perfect.

             
“How you doin’ in here
, c
hicky?”

             
“Charles!”  Alex
paled.  S
he didn’t know which way to turn.

             
Charles stared at her.  “Alex
,
you look gorgeous in that outfit.  Tell me you are going to get it.”

             
Alex saw his eyes move to her
shoulder
,
and she froze.  “What the hell happened to your shoulder?”  He leaned forward to get a better look, but she turned away.

             
“It is nothing Charles, leave me alone.”
However,
he had already grabbed her and spun her around.  She had a scar on her should
er
that looked like the letter “P
.
”   “Did
that creep
do this to you also?”

             
“You need to leave while I change.”

             
“Oh my God
,
Alex, stop shutting me out
.
”

             
“Please, drop it.  I knew this was a mistake.
”

             
Charles left the room while Alex changed back into her own clothes.
Neither one spoke as they
silently walked out of Marc Jacobs.  Alex felt as if her whole world was crashing down around her.
 
She felt out of control.

             
A
fter grabbing a couple of latte
s at Starbucks, Charles pulled her to a bench.  They sat in silence.  Alex touched his leg. 
She
and Charles had never fought
,
and she did not like
the
tension between them.

             
“Charles, say something
,
please
.
”

             
“You need to talk to Seth.”

             
“No!  I can’t!”

             
“Either you figure out a way to tell him and ask for help, or I am going to.”

             
“It’s my life, my problem
,
Charles
.
”  She regretted the words immediately at seeing the pain it caused him.  Charles fought th
rough
the hurt
turning
to her.  “I will drop it, but not before I repeat what I just said.  Either you figure out a way to tell him
,
or I am going to do it for you.
That is a promise!”

             
Walking back to her car, she
impulsively
squeezed his arm.
“I love you
,
Charles
.
”

             
“I love you to
o
,
d
iva
,
” Charles replied.  “H
e seems like a great guy hon.
 
Give him a chance ok?”

             
Alex nodded and hugged him again.  “I will
, and I will
call you later
.
”

             
Twenty minutes
later,
she arrived home and turning the key in the lock
,
thought about what Charles had said to her.   Sh
e knew she had a h
uge wall up
,
but she felt safe behind this wall.  She had let her defenses down when she met Jeremy; opening up her heart
completely
,
she fell in love
, or thought she had
, against the better judgment of her best friend
.
 
Alex never did anything half way
,
so when
Jeremy
proposed
,
she said yes.  When they married, she did so thinking it would be for the rest of her life.  Those
three
years of
being
Mrs. Jeremy Tuttle began with hopes and dreams of starting a new life
that would wipe away the pain of
her childhood
. 
Painfully she realized soon enough t
hat happily ever after did not exist and was not reality. 
Jeremy was always willing to knock her down.  He called her cold, frigid
,
and unresponsive.  Not even taking the time to consider that there was a reason behind her fear. 
He
r only one constant was Charles
,
and even
now,
that
was strained.  Poor Charles.  Within 24 hours
,
he had to deal with learning there was another whole side to her.
 

             
Walking through the living room and into the kitchen, she threw her keys on the counter. 
Seeing the light blinking she pressed
the
button on
the
answering machine
.
 
Alex listened as she walked to the refrigerator to figure out dinner. 

             
“Alex, it is Gregory.  We have an event coming up for you to speak at
,
and before you say no
,
hear me out.   Th
e National Organization for Wome
n is holding their yearly convention in
New York
City
this year
,
and their prominent speaker backed out at the last minute
.  They
are calling us to find a fill in.  This is huge
,
Alex.  I think you would be a great fit.  The catch is that it is this Friday, so you would have to leave sometime tomorrow.  
Please c
all me when you get this message.”

             
Alex hesi
tated
,
staring at the machine.
She loved her speakin
g engagements
.  She
was
just
not
sure that she was ready for another trip this soon
having just returned from her book signing in
Florida
.
  Public speaking was an
offshoot
of being an author.  Certainly not mandatory, and she had met many reclusive write
r
s that wanted nothing to do with anything but writing and grudgingly did interviews to market their book
s
.  Alex was different.  Her first speaking engagement was to a group of High School kids on perseverance
,
following
your
dreams and living authentically
.  As
nervous
as s
he was stepping
onto that stage that first time
,
by the end of the session she
couldn’t believe how
filled
with joy and a feeling of empowerment
she had
.  Where being in a crowd bothered her, standing in front of a crowd made her feel alive.

             
She would have to call Greg in the morning to get more information and
tell him she would go
.
 
She could not let Greg down.  When she tried to find the right agent, no one was interested in her or her books.  Greg was different.  He believed in her when no one else did.
 
S
he thought of Seth
,
wonder
ing
if he was the reason she was so reluctant to go. 

             
Taking a cup of tea and her
laptop
out to her
backyard
, h
er conversation with
Charles weighed heavily on her
,
and the tears started to flow.  Wiping at her cheeks, s
he
wondered if she should call Seth
; if she had the courage to
tell
him.
She
did not
want
to
be overly push
y
, but she DID like him
and wanted
to spend more time with him.
Settling
into her
chair,
she
attempted
to
write
, but thoughts of
Seth
kept flashing into her mind.  
Sitting up taller in her chair
,
Alex tried to get a peek over the fence
.  It was quiet next door
.
Finally, Alex decided to call.  As the phone rang, the doubts rose up from deep inside of her. 
Before
she had a chance to
change her mind and
hang up, hi
s voice came over the phone.  “H
ello
?
”
  
He
sounded distracted.

             
“
Hi
,
it’s just me”