In Search of Grace (16 page)

             
Seth stared at the
now closed
door
thoughtfully
.  Turning
,
he reached into his pocke
t
,
taking out the
white
card
he had picked up from the
flowers
.

             
She had cried all the tears she had
in her body
.  Pushing Charles out the
door,
she remained insistent.  “Really
,
Charles, I am fine.  You do not need to spend the night.”

             
Not entirely convinced
,
Charles slid into his car.  “Call me if you need me.  Promise
me
,
Alex
?
”

             
“I
p
romise, but really
,
I will be fine.  I will call you in the morning!”

             
Closing the door and locking it
.  S
he pressed her forehead against the cool wood.  Her he
ad pounded
,
and she wanted sleep but she was too afraid.  Walking back to the kitchen
,
she grabbed her book and headed out to the back yard.  Alex laid on the lounge chair feeling drained and lost.  She wanted to see Seth. 
He
had tried to call her several times
that afternoon
,
but
she
refused to pick up her phone.  Glancing up
now,
she saw that his
back
po
rch light was on.  Without thinking
, she walked over to the gate.  Reaching the back
door,
she started to
knock
,
but she
couldn’t
follow through
,
letting her hand fall slowly back to her side
as a
voice came out of the darkness.
             

             
“What would be the worst
thing
that would happen if you actually knocked
,
Alex?”

             
“Someone may answer
.
”

             
Turning around she searched the darkness
.  He was lying on
one of the largest hammocks she had ever seen,
with one hand behind his head
,
swaying
from side to side.
  She
took in his relaxed pose with envy.

             
He really hadn’t expected an answer to his question.
He could tell from her body language that
she
was resisting the urge
to run.  Sliding over he patted the empty space on the hammock and smiled.

             
“Come
in
to my pa
r
lor
……
?
”

             
Seth threw his head back and laughed.  “Now that is fu
nny.  Come here
,
Alex, I promise I won’t eat you
-
t
onight.
”
 
He grinned.  He was aching t
o touch her
,
t
o hold her. 
Her face looked strained and very tired. 
He wanted to
g
ive her comfort from her demons.
  Watching her now as she
stepped over
to him and gingerly sat down
,
he wondered if he had
already
fallen a bit in love with her.  The hammock rocked out of control
,
and
Alex
gripped
the side. 

             
“It would be much better you
know if you
lay
down.”
 
Moving stiffly
,
she eased
down
next to him.  The hammock rocked
again
,
and her body slid towards the middle and toward him.
  She immediately felt the heat emanating from his body.
 

             
“
See
that is not so bad now is it?
  Comfy?
”  She laid flat on her back
gripping the holes as
he rolled on to his side,
sliding
his arm around her waist.
  Seth pretended not
to
notice her discomfort.

             
“Another bad dream
,
rabbit?”

             
“
No
.
”

             
“Want to tell me what happened today?”

             
“No
pe
.
”

             
He
sighed
. 
Lord knows
he was trying.

             
“Trust me
,
Alex
.”

             
“I can’t
.
”

             
“Why?”

             
“Because I can’t
.
”

             
“I am a c
op you know.  Serve and protect,
that is my job.
You can trust me.”

             
“Yeah, ok
ay
.  Been there
,
done that.”

             
Seth froze at her comment.  Had she already gone to the police?  “
What do you mean, been there done that?”

             
“Not talking
,
Seth.”

             
He looked at her as they swung for a long time.  Seth felt her body slowly relax at the gentl
e
motion.
Stroking her hair, he looked up at the moon
,
thinking that he must be getting soft as he
realiz
ed that
there was no place he would rather be than right there with her at that very moment.  

             
“Seth?”

             
“Yes
,
Alex
.
”

             
“I am
so
tired
but
I don’t want to go to sleep.”

             
“So you need me as a teddy bear
?
”

             
Alex smiled.

             
“
YES!
 
She
smiles
.”

             
“You are
so not like
a
ny
teddy bear I have
ever seen
.”

             
Seth swung
off
the hammock and held his hand out to her.  Without hesitation, she reached
out
to him
,
and he pulled her up.

             
“Come on.  I can be your teddy bear tonight.  You look tired
,
and I need some sleep before my
next
shift.”

             
The
y
walked back to her house
,
hand in hand, without
saying
a word.

             
Alex woke up several hours later wondering what it was that woke her.  Turning over she
rolled
into Seth
and remembered that he had come back to be her ‘teddy bear
.
’  Smiling
,
she looked down at him in the darkness.
 
It seemed
s
o natural to have him lying next to her.
 
As she did before
,
she traced his face with her fingers. 
S
he wanted more.  Sliding her hand down his chest
,
her ha
n
d stilled as Seth shifted in his sleep. 
Alex looked up at his face.  Ensuring
that
he was
indeed
still asleep
this time, she
traced further down his chest.  She loved
how hard he
felt
,
and for a brief moment
,
wished
that
he was shirtless.  Her face
turned red
at the thought.  Still tracing his body, she reached the top of his
pajamas
.  The drawstring had loosened and the
y
hung low on his hips. 
Hesitating
,
her fingers froze
,
resting
just below his navel
while
her face burned even hotter as she realized that
he was
getting aroused in his sleep.

             
She jumped when she heard his sleep filled voice.

             
“I wouldn’t go any further, unless you are able to finish what you started
,
rabbit
.
”    

             
Her face red with embarrassment, she turned to jump out of bed.  In a
flash,
he reached out, grabbed her and flipped her onto her back
c
areful not to pin her too tightly
.
“
You
always want to run
.  Why is that I wonder
?
  I sure wish you stroked me when I
was
awake
,
Alex, the way you stroke me when I’m asleep.  I respond
so much
better
,
you know
,
when I can participate.
”

             
She was now l
ooking up at him
,
and she
was
surprised that she wasn’t afraid
. 
“Are you always so brutally honest?”

             
“Yup, no other way to be
,
Alex.”

             
“I am feeling really awkward right now.” 

             
She could feel every inch of him
,
and his
response
to her touch
,
pressing on her.  Her body wiggled in an attempt to move from underneath him, realizing too late that it only caused him to become
even
more aroused.

             
“Awkward?  Really?  That is not what I am feeling.”  Seth grinned.

             
“Are you going to let me up or not?”

             
“
Not
!
You
want to know why?”

             
“Oh God!  I really don’t think I do.”

             
“Of course you do
,
Alex.  I am not going to let you up because this is the second time you got to touch my body and
n
ow it is my turn
to touch yours
.” 

             
“Please
,
” she whispered.

             
“Please what?
Please touch you here?
”
His hand slid under her shirt, stroking her navel with his fingers.

             
“Please don’t
.
”

             
Seth attempted to look serious as he gazed directly into her eyes.
  Realizing he saw
some
fear there, he kept his voice light.