In Search of Grace (36 page)

             
“Fight me
,
Alex
!
”

             
Alex could feel the rage
welling
up inside of her
.  She gritted her teeth
. “
No dammit
,
g
et off of me
now!
”
  Seth
only held her tighter.

             
Tears started to roll down her
face
.  Seth let her go.  Kneeling
,
he leaned back on the balls of his feet, hands resting on his knees looking down at her.
  Alex
lay on the mat, her chest tight
,
she covered her face with her hands
, c
onfused at the emotions that were flowing through her
.  S
he
did not
even know why she was crying.  S
he was crushed by the feeling of anger and rage
,
and feeling a great need to
get away
,
she s
crambled to her knees and then to her feet.

             
Seth had an intense feeling of wanting to scoop her up in his arms and tell her
everything
would be
ok. 
H
e knew that she was at her breaking point
,
and it was
just past that
point that he had
wanted
her to
be
.  Her training was going strong
,
and she learned quickly.  She was an excellent student and could mimic his instructions point by point. 
The physical part she got.  The mental part still had too many
barriers.   He knew deep down
that if she ever faced
a similar
situation
,
she had a
fifty-fifty
chance of getting away due to her fear level and not having the mental stamina of breaking through that fear.  Seth knew that the only way that she would ever be able to conquer the fear is to acknowledge it. 
He knew that it was only at that point would she truly start to heal. 
Alex had to be one of the most stubborn women he had ever met.
 
He rose to his feet staring at her.

             
Alex
looked at him rise
,
and the rage was too much for her to hold back.  As
Seth stepped toward her
,
she flew at him screaming.

             
“I told you I was done!” then proceed to pummel him with her fists.

             
Seth attempted to grab her hands but not before one blow
struck him on the side of his head.  She was on full force
,
and it hurt.
Ducking
to avoid another
blow,
he pushed her away
,
and she went flying across the mat landing hard.

             
“Alex, what the hell?” 

             
“I am tired of people not stopping when I tell them to.  I am sick of
it,
Seth.”  

             
“Whatever
,
Alex.
I am only trying to help you.  Too bad you won’t help yourself
!
”
Seth’s comment was dripping with sarcasm and meant to be condescending to her.  It seemed to be working.  He deliberately turned his back to her
,
praying that he was right and that her rage, though directed at him, had been lying dormant in her for years
and
had
finally reached the surface
. 
Somehow,
he had to get her to release that anger.  Slowly he bent down to pick up
a
towel.  Alex stared at him
,
stunned that he spoke to her that way
.  Watc
h
ing
as he bent over
, she
took that moment to charge at his legs, dropping him hard to the ground.  Not getting a good grip on him, Seth rolled and
rose
back to his feet.  They faced each other.  Both
poised and
ready for the battle. 
Tentatively they eyed each other walking in circles trying
to find an in.  She reached out to punch him, but he blocked her.  “
You’re
pathetic.  I have been working with you for two
weeks now
,
and that is all you have for me?”   His goading hurt her.  He could see it on her face, the way her body tensed as if to block the pain. 
He grabbed her arms
,
but she twisted away from him then kicked him hard
in his upper thigh
with her knee
.

             
Seth winced at the pain.  “Good
,
Alex,
that’s not bad.  What else you got
,
bitch
?
”

             
Alex
did not
even hear him.  She was so enraged from years of
pent up emotion
,
and h
e was so accessible to her anger
that she erupted.  Seth saw the shift.  He knew that this was going to be ugly
,
and someday she would thank him.  Today was not going to be that day.

             
Diving,
Seth went at her
.  This time she anticipated the move and
sidestepped him.  Satisfaction and sho
ck went through her immediately.  She had just avoid
ed
a direct hit and realized that she was
keeping him at bay
.  Her joy was short lived as he rolled on the mat
,
and with his
feet
,
side swip
ed
her legs. 
Barely
registering
the trip
,
instinctively
she lowered her shoulder, twisted
her body then did a perfect roll
until she was standing
back
on her feet.  Without any hesitation, she kicked her leg at his head while he was still down.
Seth
could not
believe that she
went at him again. 
With pride
,
he saw that s
he was remembering everything
he
taught
her
,
and Seth was overjoyed
but
also wary when he
realized
in
looking at her glazed eyes that she did not really “see” him anymore.
He had to be very careful
,
or
someone was going to
really
get hurt
,
and he wasn’t so sure
anymore
that it wouldn’t be him
.

             
Catching her
arm in mid swing
,
he placed his leg behind hers and they both fe
l
l in a heap
,
h
im on top of her.  Alex felt all the
breath pushed out of her lungs when her body made a hard impact with the ground.
Not giving him a moment to feel
satisfied
, she put her palm under his chin
,
and pushed straight up
,
and then twisted.  At the same
moment,
she shot from under him.  They both were on their feet with
surprised looks on their faces.  Breathing heavy
,
they stared at each other for a full minute.
  Seth face
was
set and
had
hardened.  Alex felt
she
had fallen
back to another time and place.  Seth ran at her, and this time pinned her before she could get away.  Lying flat on her stomach, Alex grabbed the ground, trying to hold on.  Seth reached up under her shirt
,
and he could feel her skin recoil
at the intimate touch
.  He knew that it
was not
him she was feeling but her assailant.

             
Turning
her over
and grabbing
both of
her
hands,
he forcibly
raised them above her head. 
Fear replaced the confidence she had less than a minute ago
,
and p
anic was
written all
over her face.  He steeled himself against feeling
any sympathy
.  He had hoped for this moment
,
and he
did not
want to lose it
.  She opened her mouth to scream
,
and he immediately clamped a hand over her mouth,
stifling
any noise. 
He could feel her starting to shut down. 
Seth’s heart sank
in his chest
.  Slowly
releasing
his hand from her
mouth,
he cried out in pain as he felt her teeth sinking into his flesh.  Releasing her
,
she once again rolled off to the side.

             
Before he could
recover,
she drove her knee between his legs
,
and he gasped as all air
released
from his lungs. 
Jumping to her
feet,
she drove her foot down to make contact with his ribs.  This time it was Seth rolling away from the
assault
.
Reaching out he
grab
bed
her ankle to unbalance her. 
As she fell, she put out her elbow
,
and it sliced across his cheekbone
, cutting him
.
His fist came up to block the blow
striking
her right below the eye. 
Struggling to his
feet,
he
yelled
“stop
!
” 
Breathing heavy, eyes wide
,
she stared at him.

             
“Good job
, Alex!” 
The quiet compliment
hung in the air between them. 
Seth
stared at her and
did not
attempt to touch her until he sa
w
her body
slowly
relax.  He
took long strides toward her
only
when he saw her eyes
fill
with tears.

             
“I made you bleed!”

             
He laughed.  “And I gave you a shiner
,
my dear.  Wish I could be a fly on the wall when you explain this one to Charles.”

             
Cradling her in his arms
as her body
shook,
he waited for the
spasms to lessen.
 
“
Let’s
go
inside and get
some ice, for both of us and
something to drink
.” 
Alex allowed herself to be led inside
.  She felt shaky on the
outside
.  Inside she was so alive. 
Entering
his
kitchen, she watched him go to
the
freezer.  Throwing her a bag of
peas,
she gingerly placed it on her eye
,
then watched him do the same as he walked to the
cabinet for the glasses
.  Trying
to sort out all of her
emotions,
she realized that she needed him.  Walking up behind him she
wrapped her arms around his waist.
“Seth
,
I
do not
want a drink.  I
want
you!” 

             
Startled
,
Seth swung around and looked at her.
He
r words caused his heart to expand in his chest.
Placing the glasses
and vegetables
on the counter
,
he took
her face in both of his hands
and
brought his mouth gently down to hers, kissing so softly and lightly that she wanted to cry again.  She
did not
want soft
.
R
each
ing
up
she
yanked his head down hard against her mouth.