In the Line of Duty: First Responders, Book 2 (12 page)

She walked him to the door. He paused in the doorway and looked down at her. “Thanks for the cake.”

She snorted. “I warned you I’m not much of a cook.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He leaned forward and kissed the crest of her cheek. “See you around.”

When he was gone, Kendra shut the door and leaned back against it. What the hell had just happened? She wasn’t sure if they’d just moved forward or if they’d taken one giant holy-shit-that-freaked-me-out step back.

She’d bet on the latter. Because even if she did allow herself to feel something for Jake—to care for him—she knew a let-her-down-easy move when she saw it. No one ever really stayed around for long anyway. They always left her eventually.

She’d bet this whole golf thing was just a consolation prize, something to smooth the way to her becoming someone he’d had a thing with once.

But she’d go, because she wasn’t about to hide away anymore. She had too much pride. Besides, if she didn’t show, Jake would know, wouldn’t he?

The last thing she wanted him to know was how much he mattered.

Chapter Eight

The holiday Monday dawned warm and clear but without the heavy humidity that had been hanging over the area for days. Jake was up at dawn, lying awake in the early light, thinking about Kendra. She was scared. He knew that well enough. He was too, but not like her.

Something had happened the night they’d been together. Talking about Khaterah had been good, and it hadn’t been easy. But it hadn’t been as difficult as he’d expected either. He would never forget her, but he was coming to grips with it, making sense of it all. He was also smart enough to know that it wasn’t just crazy, hot sex with Kendra. There was something more between them, something he didn’t want to wreck by going too fast. He didn’t want to drown himself in Kendra as some sort of displacement activity. And he cared enough about her to know he didn’t want to become her addiction either.

It had taken him a long time, but he finally felt like living again. It was a damned good feeling.

He got to the course early to help his mom and dad finish setting up the prize tables. The clubhouse was quiet, a few dedicated members teeing off to do their round before the tournament started. Jake watched as his mother put her arm around his dad as they stood back and examined the banner hanging from the main table. She stepped forward and made an adjustment then back again. They were such a strong unit, his parents. He’d probably shut them out too much since he got back home.

“Looks good,” he said, walking up to them.

His mom beamed up at him. “You’re here bright and early.”

“It’s a good day for golf. Need any help?”

“I think we’ve got it covered. You look good, Jake. Better than I’ve seen you look in a long time.”

“Thanks.” He looked into his dad’s face. They looked a lot alike, though there were deeper lines around his father’s eyes. Jake wondered how many of those he was responsible for. “Hey, Dad.”

“Saw you’ve got a partner for this one. Kendra Givens? Really?” Ray Symonds’s smile was slightly crooked as he grinned at Jake. “Isn’t she the one who threw you in the drunk tank a few years back?”

“Don’t remind me,” Jake replied. “She’s all right. Helped out with the B&E at my place a while back.”

“Are you…”

Jake looked down at his mom. She looked so hopeful. “It’s early days, all right? Heck, a month ago we were barely speaking to each other, so no pressure from you, okay?”

“Okay.” She smiled, squeezing his arm. “And I think the other pair in your team has arrived. There’s Gabe and Carly.”

The three of them had registered and put their clubs on their cart when Kendra arrived. She looked cute, dressed in a pink skort with white trim and a white golf shirt. She carried a set of clubs that Jake could see were rentals, and her ponytail bobbed above a pink-and-white sun visor. She did look adorable, though he knew she’d hate it if he called her that again.

“You made it.” Great start, Jake, he chided himself, so he reached for her clubs and put them on the back of the cart.

“Of course I did. I had to stop and pick up a set of clubs.”

She smiled and greeted Gabe and Carly. “What time do we tee off?”

He checked his watch. “Another fifteen minutes. Do you want a coffee or anything?”

“That’d be nice.” She smiled at him, hesitantly, and his heart turned over. She really was insecure, wasn’t she? Beneath all the bravado she showed in her work, when it came to her personal life she lacked confidence in herself. He understood why. She’d lost her father at a young age, and she’d really lost her mother too. No one had ever shown her how to be close to anyone. No one had ever taught her that sometimes people hung around. Maybe Jake had gone AWOL from his family for a while, but he’d never questioned that they’d be there for him.

But Kendra didn’t believe in that. And even if she did, she didn’t trust in it.

Maybe it was about time she did.

He came back with coffee—hers black, like he remembered—and handed it to her. She took a quick sip and smiled up at him. “Not as good as yours, but it’ll do.”

“I’m glad you came.”

“Me too.” She took another sip and looked around. “Good crowd. Oh look, the fire department’s put in a team.” She waved at Chris Jackson, the fireman who’d been on the accident call. One of the team called over, a good-natured jab about EMTs and police being last, and Gabe answered back for both of them, causing a good deal of laughter among the carts.

Jake nudged her with his shoulder. “See? Fun.”

“Jake, I—”

“Shhh,” he said, wanting to keep it light and upbeat. “I’m just glad you’re here with me today, Kendra. No matter what the score is at the end of the day.”

Her gaze caught his and she looked about to say something, but Carly interrupted.

“We’re up next,” she said. “Better get going so we don’t hold up the line.”

Jake watched as Carly teed off from the ladies’ tee first, and then Kendra. To his surprise, she hit a fairly decent shot, about a hundred yards and straight down the fairway. “I thought you said you didn’t golf,” he remarked, taking a tee from his pocket.

She grinned. “I didn’t. I squeezed in a few lessons this week.”

He shook his head. “Were you always this driven?” He put the ball on his tee and looked over at her.

“I didn’t want to embarrass us both.”

He gave her a wink. “You could never embarrass me.”

“Is that a challenge?”

They were bantering again and he loved it, even as Gabe was waiting to tee off behind him.

“If you want it to be.”

His concentration was shot but he took a breath, lined up and made the shot. The ball sailed high and then sliced to the right. “Dammit.”

He stood aside while Gabe teed off. Kendra laughed quietly at him. “What happened?”

He angled her a look. “I miscalculated asking you to be my partner. You’re too much of a distraction. Especially in that little pink thing. You’ve got great legs, Constable.”

She blushed. “Are you flirting with me?”

Their arms were almost brushing, and she looked up at him from under the peak of her visor.

“I’m trying. Is it working?”

She shrugged, but when she moved to get into the cart she gave a little jut of her hip that made him laugh and other parts of his body respond uncomfortably.

It was going to be a long round.

Kendra slid her putter into her golf bag and rolled her shoulders. It had been a fabulous morning. She hadn’t embarrassed herself too badly on the course, and she’d relaxed and had fun with Gabe and Carly. She’d been so aware of Jake that her body felt like it was suspended in a heightened state of anticipation. Every casual touch, every time he teased her about her form, every compliment he paid took on a bigger meaning than normal.

But that was the problem, wasn’t it? It felt normal. And she knew that normal didn’t truly exist. And she knew she couldn’t trust days like today. They only set her up to be hurt later.

Gabe drove the cart back to the clubhouse, Jake riding up front and Carly in the back with her. Carly sighed happily. “It was a fun day, wasn’t it? It’s the first time I’ve left the baby for this long.”

Kendra smiled. “She’s with your mum?”

Carly nodded. “Yeah. I’m still getting used to this whole thing with Gabe, you know? And we’re planning the wedding and getting my house ready to put on the market. It was good to have a day to forget about all that and just have fun.” She smiled at Kendra. “I’m really glad you came, Kendra. Gabe’s always spoken so highly of you, and Jake seems pretty happy.”

“It’s not like that,” Kendra replied. She knew people were going to make assumptions, but all she could do was just refute them simply, right?

Carly laughed. “You could’ve fooled me. I see the way he looks at you.” When Kendra stared at her, Carly’s smile widened. “And how you look at him.”

“It’s…” How much could she say? How much could she trust? It was a new feeling, and one she longed to be a part of. She frowned a little and then said, “It’s just early, you know? Too early to call us a couple.”

Carly’s eyes softened. “It’s not always easy, is it?”

Kendra tried to smile. “Anyway, it was a fun day, right?”

“Right,” Carly answered, and once Gabe parked the cart, Kendra scrambled out to retrieve her clubs and return them to the rental shop.

But she wasn’t safe there either. A tall man who looked remarkably like Jake—right down to the hazel eyes—came up beside her as she waited her turn. “Kendra, right? I’m John Symonds, Jake’s dad.”

Dear Lord, was this ever going to end? Kendra pasted on a smile and shook the hand he held out. “Hi.”

“Thanks for coming out today. It’s good to see Jake get out more. We were sort of worried when he threw himself into working at the pub so much.”

“Oh, well…” Her discomfort grew. “I didn’t really have anything to do with that. Jake invited me today, not the other way around.”

And then John smiled, that same half-grin Jake used when he was feeling particularly confident. “You’re good for him. His mother and I have noticed he’s been different lately.”

She looked away, handing the clubs back in and taking the moment to regroup. When she turned back around she put on her most polite smile. “We’re just friends, Mr. Symonds. I wouldn’t want you or Jake’s mom to get your hopes up. We’re not a couple.”

She never should have come today.

She looked up to see Jake standing not five feet away, watching her closely. John cleared his throat and took a step back.

“Jake,” he said, giving a nod.

Jake nodded back. “Dad.”

John left them alone, but there was still a fair crowd in the pro shop. Jake took her hand and tugged, his grip firm, and she knew she couldn’t release her hand without making a fairly good production of it. He led her outdoors, past the clubhouse entrance, past the large windows overlooking the valley.

He finally released her hand when they were beneath the shade of a large maple tree.

“Jake, what I said to your dad—”

“Did you mean it? That we’re not a couple?”

She couldn’t believe he was asking. “Of course I meant it. Good Lord. We agreed that today was just as friends. You don’t need to sound so insulted.”

“I never agreed it was just as friends.”

She wrinkled her brow. “Yes, you did. I distinctly remember you saying that at my apartment. You said teammates.”

“I said we needed to slow things down. I meant,” he added significantly, “that we didn’t need to be jumping into bed. I never said I didn’t want to.”

Didn’t he?
“That’s what I understood.”

His eyes suddenly looked sad as they gazed into hers. “Of course you did. Because you don’t see yourself as loveable. You get very little from people because you don’t expect things of them. You don’t want me to care for you. You don’t want me to want you because you don’t expect someone can. You don’t demand it. Instead you hide away. Behind your uniform. In your apartment.”

“Like you hide behind the bar? I know, Jake. And even if I didn’t, your dad enlightened me.”

“But I don’t deny it.” Jake squeezed her fingers. “I know you’re scared. I know you feel like you’re in strange territory. But it doesn’t have to be scary, Kendra.”

She was scared. “I don’t want to care for you. I know this is just temporary for you. If I let my feelings get involved, the one who is going to get hurt is me.”

He dropped her hand and ran his fingers through his hair. “I also never said this was temporary. You can be so frustrating,” he said, pacing a few steps. “And a lot of work.”

“Then why bother?” She shrugged as she said it, using her defensiveness as armor. It felt good, familiar.

“Because relationships are work. And for most of your life you’ve felt like you weren’t worth the bother. Maybe it’s time someone showed you that you are.”

She stepped back, unable to think of a single thing to say. Did he mean him? Impossible. Jake Symonds didn’t do relationships. Jake Symonds was a wild card, reckless and cavalier.