In the Nick of Time (46 page)

“My love life revolved around red and blue lights.” He smirked. “I do not know the rest of my family. My mother and brother are dead. My father is M.I.A., don’t know his side of the family at all. My mother’s family are all back in Puerto Rico, minus one great aunt that stays in Long Island and is practically senile. My childhood friends are departed or in prison, so it is just
me
! Just me, Frieda! Then I meet this woman, and she makes me feel alive! I’ve got her.” His eyes narrowed as he claimed Taryn in his heart once again, no longer giving a damn.

“I don’t want to lose her. She needs me to be strong for me,
and
for her. That makes me even
more
determined to keep my nose clean, pun in-fucking-tended, and push on. You all have these textbooks, and these studies, reports, programs, and certificates and degrees, and you think you know everything. Well guess what? You don’t.” He shook his head.

“You have to be in recovery for yourself, Nick. Doing it for someone else will land you right back here!” she shouted.

“Are you listening to me, Frieda? Are you
really
listening, or just
hearing
, because I swear you’ve missed the damn point.” He propped his elbow onto her desk, looking at her dead on. “You don’t even really listen to the addicts anymore. None of you do in here, because we’ve proven to be manipulators and liars. I get it; believe me, I do. We are
all
of that and more, but we love, too, Frieda. You should surely know this. And there are things that happen that go
beyond
anything that is written down or showcased in your education videos, flyers, and bylaws. We aren’t cookie cutter, all alike. So just know, I’m
better
because I
need
to be better for myself, first and foremost, but extra incentive sure as hell doesn’t hurt! She doesn’t make me happy; she
aids
in my happiness. Period. Point blank.” His heart beat in his chest faster and faster as the words rolled off his tongue, resonated inside his soul.

“I don’t doubt your love for another… I can see it. Everyone can.” She offered a slight smile, filled with a tiny thing called kindness. For a split second, he softened, but then his soul screamed that trouble brewed ahead. The cop in him chased the truth, digging, searching, plowing the situation for inconsistencies… He’d never get too comfortable.

“When it comes to my recovery, I do not question my loyalty to it. My reclamation is at the forefront of my life. What I use to motivate me, as long as I am the biggest factor, is inconsequential. Because she motives me, it is a positive, not a negative, Frieda. Even if we were to never speak again after today, she’s taught me by example and her kindness is immeasurable. I can go much further than I dreamed possible with her cheering me on.”

Frieda huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s not just about her; it’s about me, too.” He curled his hand on his chest, ran his fingertips along his shirt. “She can’t be with a drunk.” He shook his head, his convictions running deep. “She can’t be with a loser, a liar, and a con artist. She can’t afford to fail and I can’t afford to not win. She needs a gentleman that will uplift her, be there for her at her lowest point because at her greatest, she found out most motherfuckers aren’t loyal…but guess what? I am…
I’m
that guy!” He rose from his seat, slicked his sunglasses out of his pocket, and pushed them atop his head.

“Nick…”

He paid her no attention, but kept on interrupting. “I know this means I’m kicked out.” He turned his back and waved his hand indolently in the air as he slowly made his trek to the door. “You have no evidence, but you will keep coming and coming and coming for me. I’m at the point where I can continue my treatment elsewhere, and be okay with that. It’s fine. But you won’t stop my relationship with Taryn so all of this paperwork and bullshit, you can keep it.” He stood in front of the door and took a deep breath, prepared for security to escort him back to his room, watch him pack, and be formally discharged from treatment.

“Actually, Officer Vitale, we are
not
kicking you out!” He paused and faced her once more, not hiding his confusion from her sight. “No.” She smiled, shaking her head as if she’d been told some wonderful news that she simply couldn’t wait to share. “Everything you said earlier about the problems in this facility are correct. We
do
have a situation with drugs entering the center. That’s another thing I wanted to discuss with you. Please.” She pointed to the chair he’d occupied. “Have a seat.”

He kept staring at her, contemplating the words spoken. After a few moments, he strolled back over and flopped back down.

“This is a set up…” he said in almost a whisper. He needed her to know that he knew what was up before she even formed her first sentence. He could see it in her eyes… The woman wanted to make a deal.

“Before you make a decision and jump to conclusions, I need you to hear all of the information. The fact remains that we do not have a good handle on this, and actually wanted to borrow your eyes and ears, so to speak. You see, you have an incomparable, pristine record with the police, Nick. Many awards, accolades… I’m impressed. I suppose that made it all the more surprising that you’d be willing come to treatment, share and socialize with some of the clients, as well as employees.” She tilted her head just so, looked away, then back into his eyes. “I’ve heard that you were, well,
are
, I should say, an exemplary police officer.” She picked up a nearby pen and tapped it against a hardbound book while a sudden bewitching gleam danced in the corners of her eyes.

“Unfucking-believable…” He shook his head. “You already know that me getting my old job back relies heavily on my sobriety, and how well I do in treatment. I can’t believe this.”

“I… I don’t understand. I thought you’d be delighted to help us.”

“Frieda, you can’t be serious! So you want me to be a snitch?” The side of his mouth hitched upward in a half-hearted smirk. No need to draw the shit out; he wanted to cut right to the chase. “An informant… and in exchange, I get to keep carrying on my alleged inappropriate relationship even though there has been no confirmation, admission, or evidence, circumstantial or otherwise, to prove your case, nor has there been a confession of any sort that would render my and Miss. Jones’ relationship to be considered inappropriate. You people really have some damn nerve, you know that?” He shook his head in disbelief, looked all the way around the room before setting his gaze back on her.

“Look, the residents trust you now, and—”

“You had this planned all along.” He sat a bit straighter. “You were probably giddy as hell that I was coming. Finally!” He threw up his hands towards the ceiling as he mounted the theatrical horse and rode that bastard into the sunset. “A solution was walking through the door. Someone that could do your job for you and you get all the glory. Wowza!” He laughed mirthlessly. “Well, I’ll be a sonofabitch.” He moved around, real loose and comfy in the chair. “You didn’t want to hire someone because they’d have no motivation to keep the shit quiet, and you know people talk and if it ever got out that you’ve got a real deal candy warehouse inside this damn facility, you’d lose a lot of funding, donations, and state provided programs and allowances. You needed someone who would have more to lose than gain, and look who falls into your lap. Good ol’ officer Nick Vitale!”

“Nick, you’ve got this all—”

“You knew
all
along that you wanted me to do this, that you needed help, but weren’t sure how to approach me. And boy did you believe you’d gotten lucky when you realized you had something you believed you could use as collateral. If I could get close to the people, which I have, that would make it all the easier.” He stabbed a finger in her direction. “I
told
you a long time ago that I didn’t trust you, damn it!” A mountain of rage soared within him. His inner beast awoke from its slumber and roared like a damn lion. “…And my gut
never
lies! Eyewitness…” He huffed and chuckled… “Nick, you have to work the program,” he mocked. “Nick, watch your triggers! Nick, read the damn letter. Nick, you need a witness; it is part of your growth! Nick, set up your sponsor in advance. Nick, Nick, Nick! All of it was
bull
shit! No wonder you didn’t kick me out after I jumped on Oliver! I assaulted that man and wasn’t sorry about it, and you let me stay like all I’d done was call him a jerk!

“No wonder I got cell phone privileges fairly early on while for most, it took a month or two! I got a room with no roommate, right off the bat! I got facility gym privileges. It all makes sense now! You people are
really
something else. You put my boss’ calls right through! Tracked me down, knowing I didn’t want to talk to anyone! That really pissed me off, but now I know why. You wanted to make
sure
I kept talking to him, because you knew he has a big impact on me and my job became the carrot that dangled in my face. You know my job means everything to me. I told you a million times in group and you used it against me. And
you
, sir.” He got back to his feet and pointed at the man. “Are fucking
useless
! Head of security my ass!”

The man said nothing, but his mouth twitched ever so slightly.

“Can you please lower your voice, calm down!” she warned.

Nick leaned across the table, placed both palms on the desk, and leered at Frieda.

“Frieda, you’re a pawn, baby. I’m not even mad at you… Really, I’m not. You’re just trying to do your job, trying to get this shit straightened out, but the higher ups actually don’t care. I hate to break it to you, but that’s just how it is.”

He could see the woman struggling to maintain her composure, her even temperament, but she was losing her grip, soon to fall from grace and land in a heap of stinking bureaucratic dog shit.

“You
do
however genuinely care about the people here. Your heart is in the right place so I’m going to cut you a break, okay?” He stood straight and snatched the dark sunglasses off the top of his head, hooked them on the front of his light charcoal V-necked t-shirt. “This shit is elementary.” He pointed at the big guy and snapped his finger. “Anybody with one good eye can see what’s going on and I usually speak fast, have to remind myself to slow it down most days, so you better take notes.”

Her eyes widened and she cocked her head to the side, leaning in, ready to take in his words like a sponge to moisture.

“You got one fucker you probably didn’t do an extensive criminal background check on that comes in ten minutes early each and every goddamn Friday for
one
reason, and one reason alone. He is taking orders for the week, collecting selections from the menu, so to speak. You got Mr. Angelus of morning security down in section 3 that is crushing sinus Sudafed pills into a fine powder and mixing it with shit to give a lackluster high for about two dollars a bag and trust me, by noon, he’s run out. Oh, and bath salts just entered your facility last week… Beware of the zombies… about to be some good eatin’ going on in here!” he teased.

“It should be pretty tasty along with the sweet, little mollies and heroin concoctions crammed in tiny capsules and shoved up several shitholes of the custodian staff. You’ve got two security guards with their hands in the cookie jar, that
this
jackass right here seems none the wiser to.” He shot his eyes towards the guard and the desire to karate chop the stiff bastard across the face sat at the forefront of his mind. “Every Wednesday, the duo goes to one side of the building, the east wing, away from cameras, and takes a cut of the monies rolling in during family visitation day. No one fucking comes to see me because I insist upon it, so I sit around looking at everyone, watching! And between heartfelt hellos and teary-eyed goodbyes, you’ve got a regular ol’ narcotic flea market going on right below the damn radar.

“The pat down folks for such occasions are being given between ten and twenty dollars from each and every individual coming in here smuggling a treat or two for their loved ones, and there is an entire stash of uppers and downers in five residential rooms on level H this very second with nothing but pure profit marked on their Alice in Wonderland blue or red pill stuffed asses. It’s drug central in this damn place, the candy store that an addict’s hallucinatory dreams are made of.” He laughed.

“You want to stop this shit? Fire
every
person in here that is on the security team!” He head nodded at the suited brute across the way. “Start fresh, do extensive background checks, and get yourselves a no tolerance policy that includes lawful ramifications and fines, not just termination in clear, concise, legally binding terms on paper. Your solution is far easier than the damn problem; this was a no fucking brainer!” He marched towards the door to leave.

“And you know what’s so funny about this, Frieda?” The woman looked at him as if she were going to cry. It was as if a big blanket had blown off the place, exposing it for what it was, and she’d been sitting atop a bomb, enjoying a lazy picnic above the mess, oblivious that she was about to blow the fuck up. “All I had to do was sit and watch…that’s all.” He grinned. “Nobody told me a
goddamn
thing. Matter of fact, most of the people in here try to ensure they do
nothing
in front of me. Figured I’d try to get some sort of kickback for being a rat. They were on to you, and you proved them right by this
very
reason you called me in here today. They’re addicts, Frieda! We are constantly paranoid! You were one of us at one time; according to some philosophies, you still
are
.”

Once an addict, always an addict…

“… But how quickly you’ve forgotten how the drug enthusiast’s arrested mind works. We’re broken and messed up. That’s not synonymous with absurdity!”

“Nick, I—”

“We’re not stupid! I find this whole thing insulting to my intelligence. We work hard to get over on people, to feed our need, our habit, and that takes some level of comprehension and aptitude. We are fucking con artists and most of us have been scheming and scamming for years,
especially
ourselves. And for the damn record, I figured out this whole set up, this network of drug trades and sales the first few weeks I was here, and I wasn’t even trying! Case closed, sweetheart! Get your shit together, ma’am. Get it right, get it motherfucking tight…”