In Too Deep (13 page)

Audra held Ethan closer. It was shocking how pleasant it was to be in her arms, especially when he knew it might be the last time.

Audra shivered in his arms as she thought of that dark pit. She'd stepped inside the cave entrance, but she'd never gone farther in until the day Seth had taken Maggie down there.

“We ran around down there all the time as kids and never quit finding new tunnels and caves,” Ethan said.

“It's that big? Really?” Audra felt Ethan's strong arms flex as if he were hanging on for his life.

He nodded. “We explored a lot and never found the end of it.”

Audra pulled away from Ethan. “We could have lost Maggie down there and never found her again.” It terrified her to think of it. “But you can't blame yourself for dropping a lantern, Ethan. It was an accident.”

“The lantern was bad, but that wasn't what I hate about that day. The burns”—Ethan shook his head silently—“they were awful. He was so badly hurt. For weeks after, we thought he'd die. He had ugly sores that took forever to heal.”

Audra reached over and ran her hands through Ethan's hair, wishing she could snatch that memory away from him and throw it down into a bottomless pit.

Under his hair, Audra found a rough patch. Ethan pulled her hand away.

“What's that scar?” she asked.

“I cut my head that day. I just sat there while Rafe tried to save Seth—while Seth screamed and burned. I did nothing.”

“You
do
have scars, then.” Audra caressed the raised spot.

“Rafe hit me.”

“What?” Audra was suddenly furious.

“He was trying to get me to help. He punched me in the jaw.”

Audra's hand left the scar on his head to cup his face. “Well, he's just a big old skunk.”

Ethan smiled over that. “He hit me and it did bring me out of whatever was wrong with me.”

“You were hit on the head—that's what was
wrong
with you, for heaven's sake.”

“Then Rafe told me he was going for help. The fire that caught on Seth's shirt was out. When Rafe left, I thought he was going all the way back to the ranch. I thought he was leaving us for hours. It turned out Rafe had gone to get the lariat tied on his horse. He was back pretty fast. We got Seth out of that pit, but he was so burned. His skin was black in places. Every time he moved it bled. And when we got home, Ma was horrified by the burns. She cried the whole time she was trying to help him. Pa was furious at us for letting Seth get hurt. Then the nightmares started. Ma just seemed to cry herself to death. She lived for a couple more years, but she was never the same after I hurt Seth. And Pa just as good as quit the family. The nightmares wouldn't end. One night Pa suddenly went into a rage and stormed out of the cabin. We didn't see him again for months.”

Audra held him so tight she hoped to crush such memories out of him.

“The only way I could stand the screaming nightmares was to not care. I'd grouse about missing out on sleep and laugh at Seth and smile at my ma, even when she was crying, and smile at my pa when he'd yell about us being in the cavern to begin with. I didn't care about any of it.” Ethan inhaled slowly, then raised his eyes to meet hers. “And I've never really cared about anything since. Except I guess hating that cavern
is
caring. But I fix that by staying far away.”

“Ethan Kincaid, I'm a bigger coward than you'll ever be,” Audra said.

“You?” Ethan smiled, but it wasn't that shallow smile he usually wore. No, this one looked genuine. “You're the bravest person I know.”

Audra snorted.

“You are,” he insisted. “You argued with Julia and Rafe to try and keep Seth here. That's mighty brave.”

“I didn't argue enough and you'll notice Seth is gone.” Audra's hands caressed his hair, running over the tiny scar no one else even knew was there.

“Well, usually no one argues with Rafe at all. He gives orders and we obey them.”

“I don't think he orders Julia around. I mean, he might try, but I don't think he has much success.”

Ethan's smile widened. She didn't fool herself. He still believed he was a coward. She knew how hard it was to stop that kind of thinking, but for now she was surprised at how pleasant it was to cheer him up a bit.

“Remember the first time we met?” she asked.

“The day Rafe found Julia in the cavern.” Ethan shuddered.

“Yes, when Wendell was so sick. Do you remember I told you I knocked him down?”

Ethan quit shuddering and rolled his eyes. “You did not.”

Huffing out a breath of annoyance, she said, “I did too.”

“Hit me.”

“What?”

“Right now, uh, you're a little close. Maybe you should stand up and just punch me right in the face.”

“I will not!”

“Bet'cha can't knock me down.”

“Well, you're quite a bit larger than Wendell, but that's not the point. Whether or not I knocked him down or he fell, the point is I made a promise to myself that night that I wasn't going to be the quiet little girl who obeys orders anymore.”

“I've never met that little girl.” Ethan smiled, knowing exactly what she meant.

“You sure haven't, because I changed before you got there.” Audra thought of how she'd meekly let Julia take Seth. Audra had argued a lot more inside her head than she had out loud. And Audra had little doubt that staying away from that cavern was in Seth's best interests.

“Well, good for you.”

“What I'm trying to say, Ethan, is that I've been a coward all my life. When I thought Julia might never come back home, I realized just how worthless I was.”

“You're not worthless, Audra.”

“If my normal life had gone on without Julia, I'd have been alone in that rickety cabin with Maggie and a baby on the way. It would have taken every ounce of strength I possessed to survive. When I thought Julia might not come back, I realized I'd gotten myself into a terrible mess. I swore I'd take charge of my life and get myself and my children somewhere safe. I told Wendell I was going, even if I had to walk. He started ranting. I didn't realize he had a fever. That's when he told me he'd stolen from a dangerous man. He told me we couldn't go anywhere because that man would never stop looking. He shoved me and I hit him. I knocked him down.”

“So you took charge of your life?”

“Right before you showed up. I decided all the people who'd been running my life had done a poor job of it—my father, who as good as sold me to Wendell to pay off a gambling debt.” She saw Ethan flinch at that. “And my husband, who'd brought me to that dreadful, lonely place. I decided to take over and run my life myself.”

“And that's when you went to punching Wendell?”

“I didn't exactly punch him. He put his hands on me in anger, and I . . . I put a stop to it.” She jerked her chin. “But I suppose it wouldn't have gone as well if he hadn't most fortunately been deathly ill.”

“Most fortunately?” Ethan grinned.

Audra narrowed her eyes. “I should think you'd be just the tiniest bit frightened of me, Ethan Kincaid. I can do some damage.”

“I'm shakin' in my boots, darlin'.” He kissed her.

“Glad to hear it.” She spoke against his lips, loving the taste of his smile. The conversation ended for a considerable length of time as Audra contemplated what an improvement her new husband was over her old one.

“So it sounds like you've cured yourself of being a coward.” Then Ethan's smile faded. “Now we only have me left to cure. Then maybe I can learn to . . . to . . . care again.”

Sympathy like none she'd ever felt before welled up in her. “You care about your brothers.”

With a shrug he said, “I rode away from here five years ago and only just came back. My pa and ma are dead and I haven't visited their graves since I've been home. I never wrote a letter or even thought much about it.”

“You care about Maggie.”

A smile crept back onto Ethan's lips. “I reckon I like the little ones good enough.”

“And you know what, Ethan?” Audra kissed him. Ethan had kissed her on a few occasions, but how often had she kissed him? She thought it was her turn to start something. Audra realized she knew more about being married than Ethan, and maybe it was time she showed him what it all meant. She took her own meager courage in both hands. “I can show you something else you'll care about.”

“What?”

She deepened the kiss, and unlike the other times, she pulled him closer instead of pushing him away. This time she didn't tell him they mustn't. It had been long enough since Lily's birth, far longer than she'd been able to make Wendell wait.

“You didn't answer me. What is it you think I'll care about?” Ethan asked.

Audra smiled as she realized Ethan was far more of an innocent than she. For some strange reason, that pleased her deeply.

She rose from his lap and reached out her hand. “Come on upstairs to bed and I'll show you.”

His eyes got wide. He clearly had some idea of her intent. He stood, so much taller than Wendell, so much stronger, so much kinder.

“We pledged before God to be man and wife.” She took his hand. “That vow is about a spiritual union and a lifetime commitment, but there's more to it than that.”

Ethan tugged her forward. Arm in arm they went upstairs.

Audra couldn't be certain, but as they took the final step to being fully married, she thought Ethan acted like a man who cared very much.

“Seth and I will go on into the cavern while you check your cattle.” Julia wasn't sure quite when she started trusting that loco Seth Kincaid. About the same time he'd moved out probably. Absence definitely made her fonder of the man.

Rafe narrowed his eyes. “No. If you go, I'm coming with you.”

“We'll just go in a little ways. I want to take Seth to the place where he brought us out, after the cave collapsed. He thinks there's another entrance to that one cavern he liked so much.” She'd spent a good part of the ride home quizzing him.

“Yeah, but it's not very big,” Seth said. He looked toward the cavern, craving the dark tunnel. “I crawled through it on my belly and it was a squeeze. That's why I don't go that way.”

Julia swallowed hard at the thought of being squeezed—maybe stuck—in a tunnel that small. She'd never been in anything like that. But she only needed a back way out of the cavern Seth wanted to show her. Just a back way, in case the roof fell in. She didn't need to use it, only know it was there.

God, why am I afraid? Don't you want me to explore in there?

She'd never feared a cave before. Of course she'd never run into trouble like she had in this cave. It flickered through her mind that maybe the fear was a warning. Maybe God wanted her to abandon the idea. . . .

Then why did you put this desire in my heart to study fossils and stones, and why did you put me here beside this beautiful cavern?

“Rafe.” She went up to him and took his arm.

He frowned down at her. Then, as he looked in her eyes, he relented with a rueful smile. “I know, I'm just trying to put it off.” He leaned close to whisper, “I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't like that cave very much.”

“No,” Julia said in mock surprise, “I had no idea.”

“Let's go. One hour, then I've got to check the cattle.”

“Thanks.” Julia turned to Seth. “I just want you to show me the tunnel that makes a second exit.” So I can quit being afraid. “We won't do any more than that today.”

Seth shrugged. “I thought I might sleep in there tonight.”

Rafe slashed one hand sideways. “No.”

“No, Seth.” Julia spoke at the same time as her husband. “We're worried about you having nightmares. I don't think you should stay in there.”

“I have nightmares no matter where I sleep.”

“But we're here to wake you up. Otherwise the dreams might torment you for hours.” Rafe took Julia's hand and drew her along out of the barn. He came even with Seth and rested a strong hand on his brother's shoulder. “I want you to stay in the house with us. Promise me that.”

Rafe's words could qualify as a request, but his tone was pure command.

“Okay. Sure. Let's go.” Seth said it so casually, Julia didn't believe he took his promise seriously.

They went to the cave entrance in the valley. Rafe had a lantern handy for each of them. The man was a fanatic about lanterns, which Julia appreciated.

Seth led them down the steeply declining tunnel. He scampered along the narrow ledge of the hole. Julia followed much more cautiously.

They moved quickly through a series of caves and tunnels, the tunnels seeming to get progressively tighter, though the caves they opened up to came in all sizes. Seth stopped at an entrance and looked inside. Julia saw her markings.

“This is the cave that collapsed when Tracker was shooting at us.” Seth frowned as he stared at the nearly destroyed cave.

“Rafe and I climbed over that low spot.” Julia pointed at a pile of stones that didn't quite reach all the way to the cave ceiling. “We can still get into the tunnel you wanted us to use, but I don't like the looks of the walls in here. See the cracks? I decided we should talk to you before we go any farther. I'd like to make sure there's a second tunnel. So if this room caved in any more and blocked us off inside, we could still get out.”

Seth tore his eyes away from the barrier of rock. “This was a pretty room. Tracker shouldn't've done what he done. He ruined something beautiful.”

For one long moment, Julia and Seth were in complete harmony. Despite the fact that he brought out a bossy side of her, right now they were in agreement on how wrong it was to damage such a beautiful part of God's creation.

“The tunnel we need to use if the other one gets blocked is up there.” Seth stopped and pointed to a fissure in the tunnel that Julia would have walked right past. It looked like a slightly larger crack in the wall, one of hundreds down here.

Julia studied the spot about a foot above her head. Her throat went dry as a fossil.

“That's the other tunnel you found?” Rafe's voice dragged her out of a terrible flight of fancy. “That little hole right there?”

“Yep.” Seth smiled.

“You've crawled through there?” Rafe sounded incredulous.

Seth nodded. “Sure, a few times. I don't like it, though. It's so tight I was afraid the first time. Afraid it would end and I'd have to back up. I wasn't sure I could.” Seth shrugged. “But I have before. I can always figure something out.”

It was then that Julia realized Seth wasn't just a touch crazy. Her brand-new brother didn't care if he lived or died.

She reached up and patted him on the shoulder. Seth had gained weight since they'd found him hiding in this cavern. And he was as tall as Rafe and almost as strong. But he wasn't strong inside his head. Julia said a quiet prayer for him, then gave him a few more encouraging pats.

“Let's go back to the house now,” she said. She saw a look of disappointment on Seth's face, and a look of relief on Rafe's. Both made her smile. “I promised we'd only stay in here an hour and it's been at least that long. We can come back tomorrow after breakfast and finally you can show me that cave you love so much.”

Seth smiled. “Wait'll you see it—it's like it was created in layers. The rock is striped, and you can tell each layer is a different type of stone. And one of those layers had a lot of fossils in it. Fish, like you said, and leaves and other things. The ceiling has pointed rocks coming down.”

“Stalactites.”

Seth tilted his head. “
Stalactites
 . . . I need to learn these words.”

“Let's go for now,” Julia said. “We can talk about rock formations and fossils tonight if you want. I've found several fossils and chiseled them out of the rock since Rafe and I moved here. I can show them to you and teach you what they are, as best I know.”

“You lead us out, Seth.” Rafe pressed his back against the wall to give Seth room to pass.

“Okay.” Seth passed them, heading out. He acted pleased to be asked to lead, but Julia knew Rafe wasn't worried about finding his way out. Julia's charcoal marks showing the way out were clearly visible, and this was Rafe's third time down here. But Rafe didn't want to turn his back on Seth, even for a moment.

Seth had nightmares. Rafe hated this tunnel. She was scared.

Again Julia wondered if her drive to explore this place was a terrible mistake.

“We'll spend the night here in Rawhide,” Mitch said to his partner Grove. He felt an itch between his shoulder blades and decided he wanted people around him tonight. Stupid, since it was usually people who caused all the trouble. He looked over at Grove. “Ride around town, get a feel for the jail. If there are windows, try and sneak a look inside without drawing any attention—just in case Breach has run afoul of the law.”

Being locked up would explain why they hadn't heard from Breach. Up to now, they'd checked the jail in every town they'd passed through.

With a grunt Grove headed out, both men riding into Rawhide—a place that barely counted as a town—but each moving in a different direction.

Besides the jailhouse, there was a general store, what looked to be a saloon, and a few cabins and barns with lanterns shining in the windows, tucked up near the woods on the edge of the ragged town.

Leaving the jail to Grove, Mitch rode toward one of the dimly lit barns. It had double doors that swung inward. He heard the clank of iron on iron ringing out into the dusky night.

He dismounted and led his horse inside, where he saw a man with massive arms pumping the bellows of a forge.

The man set his hammer down and ran an arm across his sweat-soaked forehead. “Looking for a place to board your horse?”

Mitch nodded. “Can I get a bit of oats and hay?”

The man jerked his head toward an empty stall. “Turn him loose in there. Plenty of feed and water. It'll cost you two bits to leave the horse till mornin'.”

Mitch pulled some coins from a pouch in his saddlebag, counted out the correct amount plus a little more, and handed the man the money. “Been riding the mountain trails a long time,” he said. “I haven't talked to anyone in days.” He began stripping the bridle and saddle from his horse while he spoke. “I'd buy you a meal, mister, if you'd just come and keep me company for a while.”

The man looked up and smiled, white teeth flashing in his soot-blackened face. “Let me wash up and then we can go to the back room of the saloon. Folks can get a meal there most days.”

Before the evening had turned to full dark, Mitch and Grove had met most everyone in town and learned a lot of news, all of it bad. Tracker Breach was on his way to prison, too far down the trail to bother trying to catch up to him and break him free.

A man named John Gill, who by his description had to be Wendell Gilliland, was dead. And he had a wife. A wife with a couple of little children. Mitch felt a surge of excitement. A mother would do anything to protect her children. Pay any price. Tell any secrets.