In Your Honor (44 page)

“
Look at you, old man.
You've got everyone worried half to death,” he joked lightly. “Nice
set up you have here: private room, TV, pretty women checking your
vitals.”

Blake closed his eyes and rested his head in
his hands. “You know you're too much of a hard-ass to just up and
leave us, right? I mean, it would kill Lucy if...” His voice
trailed off and he tried clearing his throat.

This was as good a time as any to tell him
what he hadn't ever taken the time to say before. He'd waited too
long the way it was, and if he'd learned anything in the past
couple of weeks, it was that he should be telling people how
important they were to him. So they at least knew.

“
I'm sorry for all the
shit I pulled. I know you know that, but I wanted to tell you
anyway. In all honesty, I'm not ready to be without you yet.” His
vision began to swim, making the bed before him blurry. “I don't
know how many dads I can lose. You're not done teaching me things.
I still don't know how to be a man.”

He reached out and gripped Triny's limp hand
adamantly. “You have to pull out of this. You have to. Don't you
dare think about leaving. There's still so much to do. And you
always said it's important to finish what you start... so I'm gonna
hold you to that.”

He sat in silence for a long time, letting
the sounds of the equipment lull him into a semi-conscious state.
He needed to get back out to the waiting room. He knew how
terrified he was feeling, he could only imagine how Lucy felt.

***

Lost. That's the only way Lucy could
describe how she was feeling. She felt lost.

One time, when she was eight, she had taken
one of the horses and had gone for an afternoon ride. It was
against the rules and she knew she would get in trouble, but she
wanted to prove that she was old enough and brave enough to do
things that the older kids could do.

A storm had gathered quickly, as sometimes
happens on the prairie, and her mount spooked. She was thrown and
had hit her head. She woke up in a field in the dark, having no
idea where she was. She had never been more scared in her entire
life. Terrified, she didn't know what to do, so she curled into a
ball and cried.

That's how she felt now. Lost and alone.

Her dad had found her. She remembered him
holding her in his strong arms and kissing the top of her head
repeatedly. He promised that, no matter what happened or how far
she went, he would always come for her.

It wasn't until this moment that she
realized what an impossible promise that was. Because here she was,
lost, and he wasn't able to come for her.

She looked up as Blake reentered the waiting
room, his eyes red from his own tears. Their hearts had always
mirrored each other's and she could feel his grief from across the
room.

He gave her a tight smile and she felt fresh
tears travel down her face. This felt eerily similar to when they
had been called to the hospital the night Blake's dad died. When
she looked at him, she saw a young boy again, confused and
desperate. He needed someone as much as she did.

She hadn't realized that she had gotten up
and crossed the room until she was already in his arms. He buried
his face in her hair and she clutched his neck tightly. She was so
glad he was here. Getting through this without him would be
impossible. He drew her back over to Shane and practically pushed
her into his lap again. Shane's comforting hand curled around hers
and she clutched it.

Blake took the seat next to them and sighed.
“It's gonna be all right. I know it.”

He was being brave. But weren't they all?
What else could they do? She was so tired of having to come to this
place and end up losing someone important to her. First her mom,
then Blake's dad, then her grandparents. Just once she wanted to be
able to leave this place and have everything be okay instead of
having her heart yanked from her chest.

A fiery redhead swept into the room at that
moment, bringing a refreshing comfort that only a mother can
bestow. “Oh baby girl, I came as soon as I heard.” Karen Diedrich,
Blake's mama, sank to her knees at Lucy's feet. Lucy fell into her
soft embrace without hesitation, burying her face in the woman's
neck.

“
I'm so scared, Miss
Karen,” she cried, tears breaking free again as she was overwhelmed
by Karen's motherly comfort. Karen had been a constant in her life
after she'd lost her own mama. She'd never failed to show up to
Lucy's big life events. Even after things ended so badly with
Blake, Karen had continued to treat her like family. Like
now.

“
Sshh, it's gonna be just
fine.” Karen smoothed her hair back. “Your daddy is the toughest
man I know.”

“
Thanks for coming, Mama.”
Blake rubbed his hand down his face.

“
I brought you a change of
clothes and some supplies. 'Cause if I know my Lucy, she's not
leavin' the hospital for anythin'.” Karen could so easily be
lighthearted while taking charge of a situation that Lucy was
thankful. In that moment, she forgot her fear for one small second
and was just thankful.

***

Shane felt like an outsider again. It wasn't
anyone's fault. Karen was more than inclusive, and Lucy remained in
his arms or by his side when she wasn't with her dad. Blake told
him stories about their childhood, keeping the atmosphere light and
positive, and he became acquainted with several of Lucy's family
members. The preacher from Triny's church had also joined them by
now and he led the group in prayer several times, bringing them
peace and hope.

But Shane couldn't shake the feeling that he
wasn't supposed to be there.

The whole night, as he had sat by her side,
trying to get a read on her, she had been blank. Expressionless.
Closed off to him and the world. But the moment Blake entered the
room, all that changed. Her blank face had morphed into sorrow,
fear, worry, heartache and relief. A cascade of emotions had
tumbled out of her, and it was Blake who had brought the wall down.
Shane hadn't missed that part.

He watched Blake and Lucy's interactions
throughout the night and into the dark hours of early morning. It
was perfectly clear the very deep bond they shared. It wasn't easy
to explain, and he understood now why Lucy hadn't gone into detail
about their past. How could she? What words could she use? But it
was so incredibly obvious to Shane. Even if they had deluded
themselves into believing they were over, they just weren't. And
they never would be.

Lucy went to see her dad again and Shane
took the opportunity to take a walk, clear his head. He said some
prayers of his own. He needed Triny to pull through for a whole
different set of reasons.

He wandered down to the hospital cafeteria
and got yet another cup of coffee. Swirling the sugar packet into
it slowly, he stared at the table, fatigue taking more of a toll
than usual.

He glanced up as Kendra took a quiet seat
across from him.

“
How ya holding up?” she
asked, her hazel eyes asking the bulk of the question.

Shane shrugged. In all honesty? Just barely.
He took a deep breath and his eyes connected with hers again.
“They're in love with each other, aren't they?”

Her lips parted and her eyes softened with
sympathy. And Shane knew, before she even confirmed it vocally. He
clenched his jaw and nodded, his eyes dropping to the table.

“
I think they've tried
really hard not to be,” she said compassionately, and Shane started
to concentrate on his heavy heartbeats.

Kendra cleared her throat lightly and slid
her hands onto the table, drawing Shane's gaze back to hers. “I
think she loves you, too.”

Shane huffed out a tight laugh. “Yeah. Just
not as much as him.”

Kendra swallowed and Shane admired her sweet
persistence in this moment. This is why she'd been so against him
being around Lucy in the beginning. She knew. Heck, everyone
probably knew. And she'd only been trying to stand in the way of
what she knew would be a tragic ending.

“
This is one of those rare
circumstances where there is no clear-cut bad guy,” she whispered,
her eyes going liquid.

Shane's head jerked at her words. It
registered then. What had to happen next. The steps needed to be
taken, the righting of this whole situation.

“
I can fix that,” he said
roughly, and her eyes went wide.

“
What do you mean?” Her
voice trembled slightly and Shane looked away from her
again.

He rubbed the center of
his chest, over his heart. It burned and ached.
So that's what this feels like,
he
thought as
he wondered at the sensation.
He knew he'd broken hearts in his past, but he had never felt one
himself. Until now.

“
If there is one thing
I've had a lot of practice with, it's being the bad
guy.”

Lucy's dad woke up around dawn. She had been
sleeping by his bed when it happened, and Shane was out in the
waiting room where he had spent the majority of the night wrestling
with the choice he wasn't ready to make.

A nurse came to inform them of Triny's
progress, and Shane's relief was overshadowed by the guilt of not
wanting the man to wake up yet. He wasn't ready.

He wasn't privy to all the tests and such
that were performed shortly after. The conclusion seemed to be that
Triny was fine and would be leaving after another night of
observation. They moved him to a different room outside of the ICU
where he could receive more visitors at a time.

“
I can't believe you came home for
this,” Triny grumbled from his bed, squeezing Lucy's
hand.

Lucy only smiled, her fear and anxiety
completely gone. Shane loved seeing the glow return to her face.
Seeing her with her dad made him want to know more about her, spend
time with her in her world. But now, that would never be.

He swallowed hard, trying to find the
indifference that used to come so easily to him. Trying to sever
himself from the delicate flower across the room.

This was going to be the worst day of his
life.

***

Lucy stared in awe at her resilient father
who was sitting up in his bed and regaling his visitors with tales
from his past. Everything had changed so quickly in the last few
hours. She had been terrified of losing him, and now he was talking
about trying to sneak out early.

She looked at Shane, who was sitting quietly
in the corner. He'd been an incredible support to her throughout
the night, and she wasn't sure what she would have done if he
hadn't been there. His hair was mussed, his clothes were rumpled,
his inability to shave had cast a dark shadow across his jaw, and
his eyelids looked heavy. Poor guy hadn't slept a wink.

“
Why don't you kids get some rest,”
her daddy instructed from his post. He must have noticed the same
thing she had.

“
I'm good, daddy, I don't want to
leave,” she protested, suppressing a yawn.

“
Nonsense, you need to get yourself a
hot meal and a shower, and so does your fella there,” Karen
reprimanded kindly. “I'll keep watch. I'll call the moment he
attempts any sort of getaway. Besides, Blake and Kendra should be
back in a little while, so I'll have reinforcements.”

Lucy snickered when Triny harrumphed. “I
suppose a nap wouldn't hurt.” She raised her eyebrows at Shane, who
stood and reached for her hand.

They left the hospital silently, Shane
guiding her to the waiting car. She relaxed against the head rest
and let out a sigh.

“
That was kind of an exciting night,”
he remarked before starting the car. “Where do you wanna
go?”

“
The diner? I could use some waffles.”
She turned her head to smile at him, but he was rather
subdued.

“
You got it.” He reached for the GPS
and handed it to her to plug in the address.

“
You okay?” she asked
quizzically.

“
Yeah, I'm just tired, I think,” he
said stiffly.

She blinked back the small sting she felt in
response to his awkward coldness and entered the address into the
GPS.

They drove in silence across the small town.
Several times along the way she wanted to point out little things
to share with him, but decided against it. She had been looking
forward to bringing him home to meet her family and show him where
she grew up; the current circumstances weren't exactly desirable.
Maybe he really was just tired. She was too, she was probably being
more sensitive than usual.

The diner was busy but they found a spot in
the back; her and Blake's favorite booth, incidentally. She dragged
her fingertips along the edge as she slid onto the bench, feeling
the familiar grooves of their names.

“
Waffles are good here, huh?” Shane
asked with a tight smile.

“
Best in town,” she nodded.

The meal was delicious, the conversation
awkward. Shane was curt with the waitress and monosyllabic with
Lucy. She was starting to think she had done something wrong. Shane
was not being his usual self. He was kind of being a jerk.

“
You wanna get a quick nap at my
apartment?” she asked hopefully when they got back in the car.
Thinking that maybe he'd be better if he got some sleep in him. The
guys in the band could get a little bitchy when they hadn't slept
in awhile, too.

“
Sure,” he sighed and handed her the
GPS again.

By the time they pulled into the parking lot
of her place, she was positive he was upset with her, but she
couldn't think of one reason why.