In Your Honor (50 page)

“
What did you say?” he
asked tersely.

“
She asked if I had talked
to Shane.” She paused as Blake clenched his jaw. “I said that he
misses her.”

“
For cryin' out loud,
Lenny!” Blake bit out. “Not everyone keeps their shit in control
like you. Try being a little more sensitive next time!”

“
I'm sorry,” Lenny
repeated, taking a careful step back. “I had no idea.”

“
No,” Lucy pushed away
from Blake and tried to wipe her face off. “No, it's not her fault.
This is just me. This is what I do.” Her splotchy, red face tried
to put on a brave smile. “I overreact and I cause drama wherever I
go.”

“
Ah, geez.” Blake tried to
pull her back into his embrace, but she stiff-armed him.

“
Just give me a minute,
will ya?” She pushed away and crawled over the back of the booth
and practically sprinted to the back lounge, slamming the door
behind her.

Blake focused on Lenny. She raised her hands
in front of herself, waving a time-out.

“
What's going on, Blake?
This doesn't make sense with what I saw in New York. I
thought
she
broke
up with
him
.”

Blake growled under his breath and clenched
his jaw tightly. “Is that what he told you?”

“
No, he wouldn't talk
about it. But he was
not
himself. He couldn't focus, was completely
distracted and God knows when he showered last.” Lenny slid back
into her seat in the booth.

Blake closed his eyes and breathed out
slowly. “Shane...” he began, but he didn't know how much to reveal.
He planned on telling Lucy the truth about the break-up after she
had healed. She was too fragile right now and he had no idea how
she'd respond to that kind of information. He dropped his voice so
Lucy wouldn't overhear. “He ended it. That's all I'm willing to
share right now.”

Lenny met his gaze and a flicker of
understanding passed though her eyes. “Were you the reason?”

“
Indirectly, yes.” Blake
didn't want Lenny thinking he'd threatened Shane. Well, he had, but
in the opposite direction.

Lenny sat back, her blue eyes trying to read
his face. “How long until...?”

“
We're done here.” Blake
rapped on the table with his knuckles and stood up. He liked Lenny,
he really did. She was practically his sister. But this wasn't her
business. He wasn't going to start telling anyone about his
long-term plans until the girl that was in them was
in them.

“
Okay.” Lenny sucked in a
breath and stood as well. “Let me know if I can do anything.” She
moved to the door, coffee in hand. Pausing, like she had one more
thing to say, but she must have changed her mind because then she
opened the door and left.

Blake rested his hands on his hips and
grimaced as he looked towards the back of the bus. So much for
thinking she was getting better. He stalked to the closed door and
tapped on it before letting himself in.

Sitting on the edge of the couch, calmed
down, tissues in her hand, she looked up at him with red eyes.

“
Why are you coddling
me?”

***

Blake's eyebrows raised at her question and
his mouth opened and then closed when no words came out. One hand
went behind his neck and rubbed it as he looked at the floor.
Classic avoidance tactic.

She was fine with that. She could wait.

He finally looked back to her and sighed in
aggravation. “Why would you even ask that question?”

“
Because you are. And it
took me until this moment to realize that I'm letting you.” His
eyes went steely and it actually made her feel better. He'd been
looking at her with so much pity and concern lately that she was
starting to feel helpless.

“
You're hurt. I'm trying
to protect you.” His voice was tense. She liked that,
too.

“
I'm hurt, yes,” she
agreed. “But I'm not broken.”

“
What do you call what
happened in there just a minute ago?” He waved one arm towards the
front of the bus and put his other hand on his hip. The lines
around his mouth went hard and his eyebrows pulled down.

“
Yeah, Blake. I had a
small breakdown.” She spoke evenly and stayed calm. “Women do that.
Especially when they're sad.”

“
I don't think you should
have to be sad.” He actually barked. It made her smile and he
looked at her in confused disgust. “I don't get women. Y'all are
crazy.” He ran a hand through his hair, leaving it sticking
straight up.

“
You have to stop treating
me like I'm fragile. I'm not. I'm gonna get through this. I was
just a little caught off guard in there.” His eyes went wide and he
started to interrupt, but she held up her hand and continued, “and
that's going to happen. This isn't my first broken heart,
Blake.”

Her words stung him, she knew, but it had to
be said.

“
So, no more staying on
the bus with me.” She swallowed, knowing this is where he would
probably really lose his shit. She was right.

“
Like hell! I'm not
leaving you here to have a panic attack with no one here for you.”
His jaw was ticking out of control now.

“
I really appreciate all
you've done for me.” She tried to convey her sincerity with her
eyes but he was shaking his head, hands on hips, looking at the
floor. “But I need to figure it out from here on out. Stop treating
me like a delicate flower and let me be Triny Newton's daughter. I
got this.”

His head jerked up and he scowled at her.
“If you think I'm just gonna sit back and watch as you fall
apart—”

“
Crying is not a sign of
the end, Blake,” she broke in sharply. “Women cry because it's how
we deal. It's cleansing. It's a release. And I'm sorry if that
makes you uncomfortable, but it helps me rebuild.”

He stared at her for a handful of heartbeats
and then his hands flew out to the side, dropped and hit his
thighs. “I don't like that.”

He was totally throwing a man-fit and she
bit her bottom lip to keep from smiling. “I know.”

He let out an exasperated laugh and then sat
next to her on the couch. He turned to her, jaw ticking, and she
couldn't resist reaching up to touch it. His frown melted instantly
and his emerald eyes focused on her. “I want to be the one to help
you through this.”

“
You already have. The
rest is up to me. I have to finish by myself, otherwise I risk
leaving ghosts around to haunt whatever relationship comes
next.”

He swallowed and licked his bottom lip. “You
think you'll be able to move on?”

“
Some day.” She tucked her
hair behind her ear. “A couple of weeks ago, I would have said no.
But I'm too hopeful for my own good.”

He considered her words and finally
relented. “We're still friends?”

“
Always.”

Exhaling another heavy sigh, he nodded and
looked to his boots. “Good.”

***

When Blake said he didn't like it, that was
an understatement. He hated it. But she was right. He had been
dangerously close to being the rebound guy. Friend guy had more of
a shot than rebound guy.

He also hated how tough she was. Well, that
was more of a love/hate. He only hated it when it made him feel
helpless. Otherwise, it was pretty inspiring.

It had been three days since that
conversation. She looked tired, but she was pushing through. Chad
said she had cried last night and Blake wanted to bust something.
His hands were tied.

“
Hey, man,” Greg greeted
him as he entered the sound booth for Lucy's sound
check.

“
Hey,” Blake grunted as he
settled into a folding chair. He'd taken several steps back but he
hadn't disappeared. He no longer stood at the edge of the stage
whenever she was on it, he'd moved to the booth.

“
Hello, sunshine,” Lucy
announced as she dropped her head over the edge of the wall and
handed Greg her set list. She spied Blake and flashed him a
grin.

“
This is a bunch of new
stuff, Newton,” Greg remarked, and Blake looked over his
shoulder.

“
Taylor's voice is almost
back. He should be able to take over by the next show. This is sort
of my farewell set.” Her smile was bright, but there was a hint of
sadness still in those dark eyes.

“
You're gonna miss it,
aren't you?” Greg teased.

“
I might,” she shrugged
ambiguously, “but it wasn't my gig to begin with.”

“
You've done a really
great job,” Blake spoke up finally, and her eyes settled on him.
They roved over his face and her mouth opened slightly, but then
she closed it again. “Have you thought any more about Luke's
offer?”

She looked down to Greg, who was obviously
listening while still working, then back to Blake. “Still
thinking,” she said, pressing her lips together. There it was
again. Something she wanted to say but wasn't sure about yet.
Sucking in a quick breath, she blurted, “I have a new song I was
wondering if you'd take a look at.”

“
I have some time now,” he
answered without hesitation. He didn't have to think about it. If
Lucy was offering any kind of one-on-one time, he was taking it. He
did not care if it made him look desperate, which it probably did
because he saw Greg's shoulders shake with his repressed
laughter.

A lopsided smile pulled on her lips and she
indicated with her head for him to follow her. He left the booth
swiftly and fell in step beside her. They didn't go far; she picked
up her guitar from the stand on the stage, then settled onto the
edge, dangling her legs over the side. He joined her, taking the
folded piece of paper she handed him that she had procured from the
back pocket of her jeans.

They hadn't written together since before
she'd left for California with Shane, and it was one of the things
he'd missed the most. The crazy, beautiful, complicated thoughts
that she could twist into a simple lyric never failed to leave him
mesmerized.

“
Music has kind of always
been our thing, huh?” She'd read his thoughts again. The only woman
alive who could do that. Maybe someday he would tell
her.

“
It's in our blood,” he
said instead.

She smiled with a faraway look on her face.
Settling the guitar across her lap she paused, sucking both lips
into her mouth as she steadied her breathing.

The song that escaped her lips and spilled
out on the guitar strings was enchanting. It was, quite possibly,
the saddest thing Blake had ever heard. And that amount of sorrow
pouring out of a mouth he adored made his heart twist in his chest.
It wasn't about Shane, it wasn't about losing love, it wasn't about
her broken heart. And yet it was. It was about her hope. All of
that hope she had inside, resilient to the fires of life. Undying
and constantly keeping her moving forward. It was beautiful.

She finished the song and they both sat in
silence for several minutes. He wanted to say so much, but the
words that came to mind didn't seem like nearly enough.

“
I think that if I were to
sign with the label...” she started quietly, speaking carefully, “I
would want that on my first album.”

“
I agree,” Blake answered
softly. This felt like one of those moments where something big was
happening and he didn't want to miss it by saying too
much.

She looked at him then. “What did you
think?”

“
It was perfect,” he
replied seriously.

The doubt faded slightly from her eyes and
she smiled shyly. And he saw it. She was healing. Slowly. But it
was something.

***

Lucy closed herself into the back lounge
after everyone had gone to bed. She had already talked to her daddy
and she told everyone that she was going to sleep too. But sleeping
was still difficult. She missed how it felt to fall asleep with
Blake. She missed Shane's phone calls and his ability to soothe her
from hundreds of miles away. She missed that the only thing she had
had to worry about was remembering to play the right songs in the
right order. Life was complicated again. But that was how it went,
she supposed.

Taylor's voice was back, so she'd been
downgraded to her five-song opener and she was relieved. The longer
set had been a great way for her to expel some of her emotional
energy, but she was ready to take a step back again.

She turned the TV on,
deciding that watching Russell Crowe in
3:10 to Yuma
was the best therapy
for nursing her broken heart. Basically anything with Russell Crowe
would do.

Blake wanted to be with her. She knew it.
Felt it in her insides. The way he looked at her, spoke to her. But
she couldn't be sure if he wanted her, or if he just wanted her not
to be sad. She wasn't willing to risk either of them in that way
anymore. The distance she'd insisted on was working. She was
feeling more like herself and more in control of her reactions to
certain triggers.

Maybe, after the tour, when they went their
separate ways, they could remain friends this time.

The last month of the tour wrapped up
nicely. The final show was scheduled for Boston and it was sure to
be a spectacle. The guys planned to pull out all the stops for
their hometown performance.

Taylor's voice had returned and he'd taken
back his opening slot, but the impact had been made. Lucy had been
noticed. First by the fans, then by the radio. Members of the media
were calling daily to try to get an exclusive of some kind, but
Lucy wouldn't commit to anything. She didn't have an agent and she
wasn't sure if she wanted one. Kendra was doing her damnedest to
get her to change her mind.