In Your Room (20 page)

Read In Your Room Online

Authors: Jordanna Fraiberg

BOOK: In Your Room
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He moved to touch her shoulder, but she wiped her face with her sleeve and turned to face him. “I’ll tell her what really happened. I’ll help you get her back.”

“Thanks, Celeste,” he said, even though he knew that wouldn’t be enough. Besides him, Celeste was the last person Molly would want to hear from. No, Celeste couldn’t fix things. He had to fix them himself, and he suddenly had an idea how.

On his way down the steps he stopped and turned back. “You know, you don’t always have to try so hard. People are still going to like you.”

“Even you?” She looked at him in defeat, like she already knew he was going to say no.

“Yeah, even me.”

25

All this while I’ve been packing ice around my heart. How do I make it melt?

—Ada Monroe,
Cold Mountain

“I am so beyond relieved to see you.” Molly jumped on one of two neatly made queen-size beds standing side by side and patted the space next to her for Rina to follow suit. It was pretty standard as far as hotel rooms went. “You’re the only one who even knows I’m back.”

She and Laura had just arrived in L.A. that afternoon and checked into the Biltmore for the night so Molly would have no distractions before her interview in the morning. Cynthia Vincent’s studio was just down the street. The Richardses were still in their house, and Molly couldn’t face going back until she knew Charlie was gone.

“Well, your secret’s safe with me. Didn’t your mom come with you?”

“She stopped by her office for a bit. I just ordered up pancakes and waffles from room service.”

“Awesome,” Rina said, fluffing up the pillow behind her. “So, how are you feeling?”

She meant about the interview, but Molly hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Charlie. She had explicitly asked him to stop trying to contact her, but now that he was respecting her wishes, she felt a massive void. Here she was, in the same city as him, just a few miles away, but there was nothing she could do about it. “I think I’ll be okay.”

“You’re going to do great. I know it.”

“It’s weird being here,” Molly began. “I wanted to leave Boulder so badly, but now that I’m back, it feels even worse.” One of the hardest things about leaving had been saying good-bye to Penelope, but she had promised to visit. She even missed Ron, who’d stayed behind to pack and do the key handoff when the Richardses returned. “I’ve barely been able to check my e-mail, because all of Charlie’s messages are still there, and I can’t bring myself to delete them.”

“I have an idea.” Rina got up, retrieved Molly’s computer, and booted it up. “I’m going to clean out your inbox. There won’t be any trace of Charlie when I’m through.”

Molly felt a sharp pinch in her heart. “Delete them forever? I can’t do that.”

“Don’t worry,” Rina assured her. “There just won’t be any trace of him in your inbox. They’ll be on your hard drive; I’m just not telling you where, so at least you won’t be cut off from civilization anymore.”

“All right,” Molly conceded, her heart rate returning to normal. “I can handle that. Just don’t tell me how many there are.”

Molly turned on the TV to distract herself while Rina began the process.

“Molls,” Rina said a few minutes later, hitting mute on the remote. “There’s one here I think you should read. It’s from Celeste.”

They still hadn’t discussed what Molly should do about her former best friend. She’d been hoping to avoid the topic at least until after her interview. “I can’t read it.”

“I think you might want to hear what she has to say.”

Molly folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes. “You read it to me.”

From: Celeste

To: Molly

Date: August 18, 2008 12:12 P.M. PST

Subject: PLEASE read me

M,

I just got back from Paris and found out about everything with you and Charlie. I had NO IDEA you two have been in touch and gotten so close. I really hope you read this, and I’m going to say everything really fast so I can get it all out. First, you have to know that NOTHING is or ever was going on between me and Charlie. That night at the Farmers Market was all my fault and a huge misunderstanding. I knew Charlie wasn’t into me, but I got way too drunk and threw myself at him anyway on the dance floor. I don’t know who told you what happened that night and I don’t need to know. But you have to believe me that nothing else happened.

I love you so much and I would never do anything to hurt you. And Charlie’s a wreck. It’s obvious that he’s so into you.

I needed you to know this and to understand why I haven’t been in touch sooner. If not me, then at least give Charlie a chance.

Love,

Celeste

When Rina was finished she handed Molly a box of tissues from the bedside table. She waited until Molly had a chance to wipe her eyes and blow her nose before saying anything. “Maybe you should talk to him. Maybe you should talk to both of them.”

Molly wished she could. “I don’t know how.”

She got up and walked over to the window. Staring out at the smoggy city below, she already missed the snowcapped mountains.

26

The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.

—Benjamin Disraeli

Charlie rapped the knocker three times and stepped back on the walkway, waiting for someone to answer. He didn’t need a sign telling him “buzzer broken” to know that it didn’t work. Not that he ever knocked or rang, since the door was never locked, except on Wednesdays, and it only mattered if he was the first one home after the cleaning lady left.

But for now it wasn’t his house.

It was Molly’s.

They weren’t supposed to be back for almost another week, but his moms had finished their jobs. There was nothing keeping them in L.A., and they wanted to do this for Charlie. They were even waiting at a neighbor’s so that he could see Molly alone, quietly, before they all descended on them.

Ron’s Prius was parked in the driveway, which was a good sign. It had been a couple of minutes, so Charlie knocked again, louder this time, so that it would be heard even from the backyard.

“Coming!” a voice he recognized as Ron’s called out. “Hi, can I help you?” He stood in the doorway, waiting for Charlie to say something, like he was a door-to-door salesman.

Ron was taller and thinner than Charlie had expected from his low, gruff voice. “I’m Charlie.”

“Oh, I see.” His response hung out there like a wet towel, like Ron already knew that Molly wouldn’t want to see him. Charlie desperately wanted to look up at the window to his room, hoping that he’d get a glimpse of her peering out from behind the curtains, but Ron was staring right at him.

“I’m sorry I just showed up like this,” he started to explain, trying to maintain hope a little longer. “It’s just that I really wanted a chance to explain everything to Molly in person.”

Ron sighed. “I seem to always be the bearer of bad news. You just missed her. She and her mother left for L.A. yesterday.”

It took a second for it to register that she wasn’t there. “Wait, that means…she got an interview?”

“That’s right, she did.” Ron smiled and considered Charlie for a moment before opening the door wider. “Why don’t you come in? It’s your house.”

As weird as it felt knocking on his own front door, it was even stranger being invited into his home by someone he’d never met before. The house usually felt empty whenever they returned from a long vacation, like time had stood still while they were away. Everything was always exactly where they had left it, the house bearing witness to the stillness. But this time life had gone on inside despite their absence. Time hadn’t stopped. If anything, it had sped up, and he could feel the difference just walking through the front door.

“My whole family’s back. We decided to come home early. They’re
waiting at the Wilsons’ down the street,” Charlie explained.

“Tell them to come over,” Ron said.

• • •

After dinner, Charlie went upstairs. The door to his room was open, and he stood at the entrance. It looked the same from that distance, everything seemingly as he left it, down to the
Star Wars
sheets, which were back on his bed.

He went over to the window to open the shades, revealing, in moonlit pools of light, the mountain peaks he loved so much. He looked down at the ledge, half-expecting Cheese to be sitting there waiting for him.

He turned on the lights and inspected the room, looking not for signs of misplaced items but for traces of Molly. Whereas the rest of the house brimmed with signs that other people had been staying there, his room was left empty and devoid of life. He kicked off his shoes and lay down on the bed. Pulling the sheets to his nose, he could smell Molly all over them, confirmation that she had once slept there. It was a fresh, subtle scent, like morning dew.

He stared up at the glowing galaxy on his ceiling, another sign that Molly had been there. Perhaps the only thing left to remind him of her.

27

There is no instinct like that of the heart.

—Lord Byron

“How’d it go?” Her mother leaped up from her seat in the waiting room and ran over to Molly as she came out the door. “You’ve been in there for almost two hours. Everyone else is gone.”

“Good…I mean great,” Molly said, still a little bewildered. “There were three people from her company asking me all sorts of questions, and I think they liked my answers, because at the end they took me to see Cynthia in her studio. It was unbelievable. She was right in the middle of designing the most gorgeous dress, and she stopped to talk to me for almost twenty minutes about how much she liked my portfolio.”

“And what happened next?” Laura asked, hanging on every word.

“And then she offered me the internship. Right there, on the spot.”

Laura pulled Molly in close and kissed her all over. “Molls! I’m so proud of you!”

It wasn’t until they walked out into the bright Los Angeles sunshine that
it hit her. She had done it—she had achieved her dream.

The other thing that hit her was that despite everything that had happened, there was only one person she wanted to share the news with—but she had to forgive him first.

Maybe she had made a huge mistake. Maybe she had been looking for a reason to cut Charlie out of her life; maybe on some level she knew she wasn’t quite ready to face her biggest fear: getting her heart broken. But it had already happened, even if it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

No matter how hurt she was, she hadn’t died or disappeared or even fallen apart. She was walking down the street, arm in arm with her mother, still happy.

“Let’s go home,” Molly suddenly said. Maybe it wasn’t too late to get another chance.

“That’s actually where we’re heading. Ron called. The Richardses decided to return to Boulder a week early. They got there yesterday, so Ron’s on his way home now. He should be here by dinnertime.”

The tears sprang up before she could stop them. There were no more chances. Charlie was gone. It was really over.

“Oh, honey,” Laura said. “Let’s get you home.”

• • •

Cheese was waiting for Molly when she got home. She opened the window wide, and he came rushing in to greet her. “I missed you, Mr. Cheese.”

The room looked exactly the same, but she felt like a stranger in it. She had changed so much since she’d last stood there that nothing felt familiar anymore. She opened the dresser drawers, cleaned out, except for a single
red shirt that had been left behind. She took it out and pulled it on over her dress. It wasn’t Charlie, but it was the next best thing.

She had to face the fact that he was gone and there wasn’t anything that could be done. The summer was over, and their real lives were about to begin. It was time to let him go.

But she couldn’t. Whether they would ever see each other or not, she still had more to say.

She took out her laptop and began typing.

She must have been there for a while, because Cheese was gone, and it was dark outside when she heard someone knocking at her door.

She was so engrossed in getting her e-mail just right that she didn’t hear the car pull up, the front door open, or even the footsteps coming up the hardwood stairs. She flung herself out of bed and ran to open the door. It had only been a few days, but she’d really missed Ron and was relieved he was home. She couldn’t place exactly when it had happened, but she had gone from feeling resentful to really being grateful he had come into her life.

“I’m so happ—” She stopped mid-sentence, and stood motionless with her mouth gaping wide open. It wasn’t Ron standing in front of her.

“Hi. I’m Charlie.”

“You—you’re here,” she said, frozen in place. Despite the pages and pages she had just written, that was all she could manage to say.

“I’m here,” he repeated. “I, uh, hitched a ride with Ron.” He reached out and took her hand. “I’m here for you.”

A rush of blood coursed through her body as she felt Charlie’s smooth, soft skin. She was still trying to wrap her head around the fact that he was really there, in her room.

“Nice shirt,” he said, breaking the ice. “Is that what you wore to your interview?”

She looked down at her ridiculous outfit and smiled. “Not quite,” she laughed, tugging at the shirt she was still wearing over her dress. “You forgot this.”

“I know,” he said, smiling. “I left it for you.”

His whole face lit up when he smiled, illuminating his bold green eyes. They were even more radiant in person, like they could see more than just what was in front of him.

Charlie pushed the hair out of her eyes. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he said. “And this.”

He leaned in to kiss her softly on her left cheek, then gently again on her right until he finally brushed his lips against hers.

Time slowed down to a halt. The room seemed to spin all around them, like it would never stop, the stars on the ceiling above glinting even in the fully lit room.

Molly wrapped her arms around him and pulled his body closer so she could breathe him in, so she could feel his heart beat.

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