Indelible Love - Emily's Story (5 page)

“How long have you and Jake been
together? I didn’t realize you were seeing someone.”

“Did you never ask Charlie or Sarah
anything about me since our breakup? I can’t believe how
indifferent you were to my well-being. I kept tabs on you from time
to time.” My lips surprisingly formed a slight pout. With a new
girlfriend, there really was no need to ask about the old
one.

“We just started dating a couple of
months ago. I met him at the grocery store and we’ve been seeing
each other ever since. He’s so busy at the hospital that we only
see each other maybe once a week. We try to talk on the phone and
text, but for the most part, I barely see him. It will be a real
treat to have him all to myself tomorrow.” This last statement
produced a big smile on my face. Tomorrow would hopefully deepen
our relationship and give us more stability. We had had too many
misunderstandings on where we stood as a couple, assuming we were a
couple. This trip would answer all the questions hovering over
us.

Max continued with his twenty
questions.

“You seem happy with Jake. What about
him do you like?” I never liked this pensive look that registered
on Max’s face. This look always meant that there was more on his
mind than he was willing to share.

His question took me by surprise. I
never thought about why I liked Jake. Even if I had thought about
it, never did I imagine having to explain it to my ex-boyfriend.
While pondering my answer, Max conjured up his own crazy
ideas.

“It couldn’t just be his good looks or
the fact that he’s an established doctor. That’s not why you’re
attracted to him, is it? How old is he anyway?”

“Max. You can be so silly at times.
He’s thirty and you know, you’re pretty high up the totem pole in
the looks category, yourself.”

That brought back his good-looking
smile.

“I guess if I had to answer your
question, I like the fact that I don’t feel the need to take care
of him or please him all the time. I feel secure with him. He takes
care of me.”

“Are you trying to say that I never
took care of you? You never felt secure with me?” His defensive and
angry tone startled me.

“That’s not what I’m saying,” I
stammered. “When we were dating, I was crazy in love with
you.”

“And I loved you too,” he shouted
back.

“I know you did, but I always felt
like I loved you more, a lot more. Many times, I thought that my
love for you bordered on obsession. My main concern was to make you
happy. I wanted always to please you. My world revolved around you
and your needs, and I probably choked you by being so needy.”
Suddenly, I sat back in my stool and stopped my defense. “Wow, I
think I just had an epiphany. I see now why you said you needed
your freedom on graduation night. I suffocated you.” Relieved to
finally understand our separation, but aching like I did on our
broken night, I quickly changed the subject so I wouldn’t hurt so
much again.

“So, tell me about Jennifer. She seems
like a really nice person. I got to talk to her a bit during
dinner.”

Max didn’t confirm or deny anything I
said. He looked visibly upset, but answered my
questions.

“After we broke up, I actually ended
up in the hospital.”

“What! What happened? Are you all
right?”

“Yeah,” he answered reluctantly. “I
got into a car accident and Jen works in orthopedic rehab, and
that’s where we met. She really helped me through a tough time. I
thought I wouldn’t be able to use my legs again.”

“How did this happen? How did you get
so hurt?” Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I hurt knowing that
Max hurt. No matter what our relationship, I still saw Max as an
extension of myself—even with Jake in my life.

Silently, I chided myself.

Emily, why can’t you get a
hold of yourself? Why do you have to wear your emotion on your
sleeve?

Vulnerable. Transparent.
Weak.

That was me in a nutshell.

With a comforting smile, Max placed
both hands on my cheeks and wiped away my tears with his thumbs. He
then pulled me toward him and held me.

He whispered, “It’s OK. I’m fine now.
It was a freak accident, and I’m completely rehabilitated.” He
slowly added, “It feels nice to hold you again, Em” and didn’t let
go of me.

His words created an unwanted spasm in
my heart, making me pull away from him. My eyes were down,
embarrassed I was crying.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so
emotional. I think two glasses of wine and no food are getting to
me. I’m glad you’re OK. Go on.”

“Jen helped me rehab daily and her
kindness won me over. I guess you are right. I do like being taken
care of by women.” He chuckled lightly.

“Max, everybody likes to be taken care
of, it’s not just you.” In my heart I wondered why Max couldn’t
have taken care of me just a little bit more…

With a look of regret he continued his
story. “After the car accident, I finally decided I wanted to go to
medical school, and I studied hard for the MCATs, then applied
everywhere. Once med school started, I realized this was where I
should have been all along. It’s been a long time coming for me. My
big regret is that I didn’t get my act together back in undergrad,
but I suppose it’s better late than never.”

“I’m very happy for you. You finally
found what you want to do with your life. I’m sure you will do well
in school, since you are the brightest person I know.” I was truly
thrilled for Max. It made me happy to know he had found a career
path and would make something of himself. I always knew he
would.

After our meal, we walked a little and
continued our conversation. I could tell by his pensive look that
he had something else on his mind but was afraid to tell
me.

“Em?”

“Yes?” I replied, my eyes staring into
his soft brown eyes.

He stopped walking and held both my
hands. In all ways, I feared what would come out of Max’s mouth,
but I also hoped that perhaps I could find closure. I wanted to
start again without baggage. My feelings for Jake blossomed with
each date, but I couldn’t comprehend this last hold Max had on
me.

“I know I really hurt you on
graduation night. I want to say I’m sorry for messing things up so
badly. You believe I loved you with all my heart, don’t
you?”

Max could be so tenderhearted when he
wanted to be. He put both his arms around me and held me against
his body. My arms went limp—a dead weight hanging by my side. I bit
down on my lips to stop from crying. With resolve, I vowed to end
all emotional ties with this man whose chest heaved a large sigh
against my heart. There would be no more tears, no more
hurt.

“Em, I’m so sorry for hurting you.
That was truly not my intention graduation night. Please don’t
believe that I didn’t love you as much as you loved me. I was just
too stupid and immature to know what I had. You were my world.” His
broken face broke my heart.

I stopped him from saying any
more.

“Max. Thank you, but your apology is
unnecessary. You didn’t feel as deeply about me as I’d hoped.
That’s not a crime. I don’t blame you for my pain. It took awhile
but I’m OK now. I hope one day we can be friends again. Let’s go
home. It’s late.”

The car ride back was a quiet one,
though Max looked like he still needed to talk. I thought through
what Max finally admitted and how I handled the situation. Was this
the closure I needed?

Max apologized, I accepted, end of our
story? I was going to accept tonight as closure and move on with
life.

Luckily, when we got back to the
house, we found a distraction in Peter and James who had passed out
at my front door.

“Pete, James, are you guys OK?” Max
asked.

“I need to sleep,” Peter slurred. “We
both drank too much, so Will dropped us off here. Emily, can we
spend the night at your house? I’m so tired I don’t think we can
make it home.”

“Um, I suppose you guys can spend the
night. You know that I’m leaving early in the morning?”

“Yeah. Can you open the door? It’s
cold.” Peter and James crawled into the house but never made it
into the guest bedroom. They both fell asleep on the living room
floor.

Max didn’t have much of a choice but
to settle into the guest bed. It was 3:00 a.m.

Chapter 4 San Francisco
Confessional

Ding
Dong
.

Exactly at 7:00 a.m., Jake was at the
door. Looking as amazing as ever in slacks, a button-down, and a
blazer, he held a latte and a croissant as I opened the
door.

“Good morning. Are you ready to
leave?”

“Not quite. Come in.”

“Whoa, what happened here?” he asked,
surveying the mess all around the house. “A slumber
party?”

“There was an after party I didn’t
attend, and these guys drank too much to drive home. They asked to
spend the night here, but never made it into the bedroom.” I left
out the part about me crying like a fool in my ex’s arms again. “I
think they’re getting up now.”

Peter and James stretched their arms
and slowly got up from the floor. “Good morning,” they muttered
with one eye open.

“Hey. Did you sleep well? Are your
backs OK? You both fell asleep on the floor the second you walked
into the house. I have breakfast ready for you guys. You know I
won’t be home all day, right?” I asked.

My pedantic rambling, followed by
obedient nodding of heads, reminded me of my fourth graders at
school. I laughed to myself.

“Jake, do you still have my spare
keys? Can I have them back?” He slowly handed them to me. I winked
at him, knowing he didn’t like giving these up.

For a sleepy guy, Peter’s senses were
alert enough to catch my fumbled throw.

“Make yourselves at home. Just lock up
when you go, and return the keys next time.”

Without any warning, Max walked out
and I caught a startled glimpse on both Jake’s and Max’s faces. I
looked over at Jake apologetically and hoped I hadn’t spoiled his
mood for the rest of the day.

“Road trip!” My dear friend Peter
yelled out, turning the attention on himself to save me. “We need
to support our football team. Emily, are you in? Jake, you want to
come too? I have ten tickets to the Las Vegas Bowl.”

“When is it?” I asked.

“The day after Christmas,” he
replied.

“I guess so. You want to go?” I said
turning toward Jake. “It would be fun.”

“You do know I went to your rival
school?”

“Boo!” We all jeered, then laughed
like good friends.

“I don’t know if I can sit through one
of your football games.” Sure, rub it in that your school has a
better football team. Wait till basketball season. “Plus, I can’t
take any more time off from the hospital.”

I was bummed at the thought of Jake
being really busy again, No doubt we’d be back to our once-a-week
date night at best.

“Emily, what are you doing next Monday
to Thursday? My mom called this morning to tell me that we are all
going to Hawaii right before Christmas, and she wants me to bring
you along. You know my family’s been dying to meet you. She’s
reserved a seat for you on the plane, and you can room with my
sister, Jane.”

“With your whole family?” I was a bit
flustered at the thought of being with Jake’s family for four days.
Would they like me? Would I like them? Then it dawned on me. “How
did you get four days off?”

“Well…the chief of staff at the
hospital is my dad’s brother. Mom reminded Uncle Henry that I
haven’t had a vacation since I got there. It didn’t hurt that she
promised him four tickets to the New Year’s Day football
game.”

“I see. Are you sure you want me there
for four days with your family?”

“I couldn’t think of a better
Christmas present than to have you spend four days with me and my
family!” Jake declared.

“OK, then. Tell your mother I said
thank you and that I’d love to go.” The thought of being a part of
Jake’s family on this trip gave me a sense of belonging and a sense
of family I so desired.

We headed out the door, and I knew I
had some explaining to do so before we reached the car; I pulled
Jake’s hand to a halt.

“Jake, I’d like to explain about the
guys you saw this morning, especially Max. I know that was really
uncomfortable and I’m sorry.”

“Emily, you don’t have to explain
anything.” Jake’s face looked even more uncomfortable, than when he
saw Max come out of the guest room.

“I do. Peter and Jeff went out to the
bar with our friends and drank enough to where they couldn’t drive
home. We found them lying on my doorstep, and they asked to spend
the night.”

“Can I ask where you and Max were at
this time? I assume you weren’t with them?”

“No. We went out for a bite to eat. I
didn’t have any dinner, and Max suggested I grab a bite to eat
before we met up with the rest of the gang. Our dinner took longer
than expected, and when we got back to my house, Peter and Jeff
were comatose on my front porch.”