Indelible Love - Emily's Story (4 page)

As the days passed us by, our
connection only got stronger. We spent every waking moment together
when we weren’t in class. Picnics on the grass, study sessions in
the library—if we could have, we would have stayed up every night
catching up on the eighteen years we had missed out on in each
other’s lives. It was a strange bond that couldn’t be
denied.

Our physical bond was equally as
strong. The urge to touch and explore scared me. Such a strong
desire went against the core of my belief. I wanted to stay “pure”
till I got married. Max, of course, had other ideas and thought I
was crazy. We argued and fought constantly. Being the tearful one
in the relationship. I hurt easily and cried readily. Max accused
me of being way too sensitive. He was right, of course—though he’d
never get an admission from these lips.

Maybe it was our age. Maybe it was
because this was the first real relationship for both of us.
Whatever the reason, we just couldn’t hide our emotions from one
another. Every disagreement set us off for days. We’d quarrel, not
speak, then go right back to our relationship as if nothing
happened. I didn’t know if we had ever resolved any issues. In many
ways, it didn’t matter, because we just wanted to be
together.

Our typical date started with a casual
meal and then a movie. Some days we’d ride our bikes and picnic on
the beach. Many times we cooked dinner together at Max’s apartment
and studied. On occasion, we’d go watch a musical or go out for a
nice dinner. Neither of us had much money so we couldn’t do
anything extravagant. This didn’t bother us as long as we were
together.

On winter breaks, our usual group of
friends would go skiing. We’d rent a cabin, with all twelve of us
cramming into whatever sized cabin we got. The girls took care of
the food for the week while the guys were in charge of evening
entertainment. We’d get up early, have breakfast, ski all day, come
back for dinner then play crazy games till the wee hours of the
night. Those were some of the best days of my life.

Sarah and I considered ourselves best
friends since the day we met. A tall and pretty brunette, her
endearing personality helped me through my most difficult days,
post breakup. We met as freshmen in college, assigned to the same
study group in calculus, and we struggled.
Limits…derivatives…integrals…none of it made sense. Every chance we
got, we went to each other’s dorm rooms and studied math. Failing
out of school our first quarter wasn’t an option. We had to make it
work.

Charlie Abner, Sarah’s boyfriend since
high school, was better than your average guy. He stood slightly
taller than Sarah at six feet tall and boasted a booming
personality. High school sweethearts, they met when they were
sixteen and loved each other more with each passing year. Charlie
was probably waiting for the perfect moment to propose, though he
wouldn’t dare tell me when. He knew all too well I couldn’t keep a
secret from his love and my best friend.

Our gang of friends, Peter, Will,
James, Charlie, and Max, roomed together all through their college
years. They lived in the same disgusting apartment since sophomore
year and in all that time, they’d never cleaned their apartment.
The most memorable year starred a two-week-old, half-eaten birthday
cake, ants, maggots, cockroaches, and an extermination crew. This
event evicted an entire apartment building for two days. It was a
wonder they didn’t get permanently evicted. Indelible memories were
made not only for me and Max, but for all of us as friends and as
an extended family.

Very different from Sarah and
Charlie’s relationship, Max and I survived day by day. Max’s
awkward expression of love made me question how much he cared. It
resembled a dark cloud hovering in the horizon with the sun’s
attempt at an appearance when all forces in the universe aligned
properly. Though I knew he cared and often enough he told me he
loved me, I still hated the uncertainty. I wanted more expression!
Less ambiguity! An unequivocal exclamation of his love for me!
Perhaps in the end, it was my fault for feeling so insecure about
us.

As complaints went, Max wasn’t a
romantic either. My ideal man was one who would surprise me with
love notes and flowers. I didn’t need anything elaborate or fancy.
A simple flower or a cute plant would have sufficed, but none of
that ever happened. I was always the one surprising him with notes,
or I’d have dinner waiting for him at his apartment when classes
ended late.

One year, I surprised Max with daily
gifts for a week leading up to Valentine’s Day. One of the days, I
froze water in a heart-shaped pan with a laminated note inside.
After the ice had melted, the note read, “Now that you’ve melted my
heart, will you be my Valentine?” Pretty clever, I thought. Another
day, I wrote a love poem on a large poster board with candy bars as
key words in the poem. As an ego booster, it started with a Big
Hunk bar. Not to sound unappreciative, but all I got in return was
a teddy bear wrapped inside a balloon. It was a nice gift, but so
typical—not much thought put into it.

Maybe I expected too much out of our
relationship. We were barely out of our teenage years, and I knew
Max wasn’t the type to fuss about anything. His laissez-faire
attitude was what attracted me to him in the first place. But I
always felt like I was the one who coerced us into this
relationship. He definitely didn’t return the love I showered—or so
I thought.

Sarah and Charlie’s undying love for
one another never helped our situation. They rarely fought. Charlie
never left my best friend questioning who loved who more. They
operated as one mind and finished each other’s thoughts. There was
no doubt that they would get married and live happily together,
forever. I never had that assurance with Max. In the end, I got
what I expected.

Chapter 3 Closure

“Let’s continue this party. We can’t
separate just because the ball is over,” Peter
announced.

Everyone loved the idea since many of
us hadn’t seen each other in years. I tried to bow out with the
excuse that I had a 7:00 a.m. date, but my friends wouldn’t have
it. I hesitantly agreed to meet them at a bar. Searching, Peter’s
absence was beyond noticeable. In fact, everyone had left except
for Max, even Jennifer.

Peter had purposely left me alone with
Max so we would ride together to the bar. Jake was wrong to trust
him with my well-being. Against all odds—a current girlfriend, an
eighteen-month absence, and me dating Jake—Peter seemed to believe
that we could still get back together. My head shook thinking about
this ridiculous idea.

“Get in,” Max told me as the valet
brought the car around.

“Where’s Jennifer?”

“She left a little while ago. She’s
working a night shift at the hospital tonight.”

“Oh, that’s right. She’s a nurse. You
seem to like girls with homey professions.” We both chuckled as I
finished this thought.

I led Max toward my house, which was a
few miles away from the hotel.

“Can we stop by my house so I can
change? I don’t want to be in this dress the whole night. Also it’s
a bit cold.”

“Sure,” he answered, taking off his
jacket. “Here, take this for now.”

It felt good to be in his jacket, but
the warmth of his scent evoked memories I wasn’t ready to face. We
got to my house within minutes, and I could tell by Max’s face, he
wondered where we were.

“Do you live here, Em?” He studied the
living room while following me toward the bedroom.

“Uh-huh. This is my house.”

Max spun his head around and looked
shocked.

“When did this happen? You’re not
living with Sarah anymore?”

“Has Charlie not told you anything
about me the last year and a half? I bought this house in June. I
finally left Sarah’s lair.”

I gave Max a change of clothes and
showed him the guest bathroom while I went into my room to change
into a pair of jeans and a comfy sweater. Max had another
bewildered look, as he had just changed into a tailor-made outfit.
It looked nice on him.

“Are these Jake’s clothes?” He had a
hard time spitting out those four words. I saw what Max was
envisioning. Finding this situation highly humorous, I contemplated
letting his imagination aggravate him but thought it would be
better to clear the air.

“I bought these to give to you before
we broke up. I didn’t have the receipt to return them and felt
silly about giving them to someone else, so they’ve been sitting in
my closet for a while,” I confessed.

“Oh…” He sounded relieved as he
thanked me for the clothes. “Can you give me a hanger for my
tux?”

I reached into my closet for a hanger
but noticed something had fallen out of Max’s pocket and onto the
floor. A small blue felt pouch—something that looked like it
belonged in a Tiffany’s box with a ring or some small jewelry in
it—screamed for me to pick it up. Before my hand got anywhere near
the mysterious item, Max swooped in and shoved it back into his
pocket. His abruptness startled both of us. What was in this pouch
that had made him so jumpy?

Pain and guilt riddled his face,
though I couldn’t understand why. Before I broached the subject, he
interrupted my thought. “Hey, Em? You want to go get something to
eat instead of going out for drinks? You didn’t eat much
tonight.”

The growl in my stomach gave me away.
“I am hungry. Where shall we go?”

“How about a bowl of noodles? You’ve
always had a weakness for something soupy at a late hour. What time
is it? Is the ramen house still open?” he asked.

“
I think it’s about
11:00p.m., they should still be open.” A bowl of noodles sounded
delicious right now, especially on an empty stomach. “Great idea.
You mind driving? I’m a bit tired.”

Before we got into Max’s car, he
texted Peter our situation, my number, and my home address. He told
him if we didn’t make it to the bar, they’d meet back at my place
and go home together. In the twenty-minute car ride, neither of us
uttered a sound. Instead, I looked out the window, wondering what
we would talk about during our meal if we couldn’t stand a
twenty-minute ride together. Max looked over at me, stared briefly
and sighed quietly. He was probably regretting the predicament we
found ourselves in.

Luckily there was a parking spot right
in front of the restaurant, and we sat down immediately at the
noodle bar. The server came and welcomed us. “Hey, long time no
see! You two haven’t been here in a while.”

“Great…,”I thought. If this weren’t
awkward enough, the server recognized that this used to be our
late-night food joint back in college. This night wasn’t getting
any easier. She didn’t need to ask us what we wanted. She
automatically put in an order for two bowls of ramen and an order
of gyoza, along with iced green tea and Sapporo on tap. We both
started to laugh, realizing we were so predictable. The server
helped lighten the mood and we started feeling comfortable with one
another again.

“So, what have you been doing the last
year and a half?” Max asked with genuine curiosity.

“Well, let’s see. After we separated
in June, Sarah and I went to Europe for about a month.” I quickly
wiped away a tear that trickled down my cheek as I talked about
last June. Max seemed oblivious to my pain, but my flushed cheeks
signaled my weakness. Regardless, I continued my story. “We started
in New York for a few days, then went to Rome, Florence, and Paris.
After Paris, we biked through the South of France, and then we
sailed to Greece. Sarah and I fell in love with the oceans of
Greece, so we stayed there the last week of our trip. Charlie
actually met us in Greece. We all had a blast together for a few
days, and then I separated from them.”

“What did you do when Charlie came?
You must have been lonely.” His face turned somber. I briefly
imagined how fantastic it would have been if Charlie and Max had
met us in Greece. The four of us—like it used to be.

“I actually did a lot of sightseeing
by myself and gallivanted from island to island. It wasn’t too bad.
Sarah really needed Charlie there. They’d never been apart for that
long. After summer, I returned to school and got to teach fourth
grade instead of first, as originally planned. It was challenging
coming up with new curriculum at the last minute, but it was a
fantastic year. I didn’t realize I would enjoy fourth graders so
much. They start developing a personality and a sense of humor at
that age. But at the same time, they’re still innocent and sweet.
Life hasn’t jaded them yet.”

“How did the house happen?” Max
sounded impressed that I was on my own and doing so
well.

“I randomly found my house while
driving around the neighborhood. Between my earnings in college, my
pitiful salary, and selling my grandparents’ condo, I scrounged up
enough money to put in an offer. Luckily, the sellers accepted, and
I moved in all summer. It took a little while getting used to
living alone, but I have to say I’m enjoying it now.”

“It’s a great house. I’m really happy
for you.” Max sweetly smiled. I felt my heart melt, as it always
did when he smiled.

Max reproachfully asked about Jake.
This shouldn’t have been a surprise—but it was still disconcerting
to hear Jake’s name coming from Max’s lips.