Indelible Love - Emily's Story (3 page)

With critical eyes, I glared at him.
He had done this to me too many times—left me in the middle of
dinners, brunches, and weekend trips.

He looked back at me, guilty as
charged. “Damn! Not again,” he groaned.

I had to laugh. Otherwise, I’d start
to cry. Even before he left for his call, I knew the scenario. Some
emergency occurred where they needed him. He’d have no choice but
to go in, and I’d be alone for the night.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll meet you
back at the table,” I said.

I tried to walk away but Peter came
out of nowhere and offered to finish the dance with me.

I nodded a puzzled
acceptance.

“Emily, have you seen Max
tonight?”

Hesitantly, I nodded my head
yes.

“Have you talked to him since last
June?”

“No. What would we have to talk about,
his new girlfriend?”

Peter heard the anger in my voice, but
couldn’t help himself.

“I can’t believe you two aren’t
together anymore.”

“Peter, it’s been over for a year and
a half. Why bring this up, now? He…I mean we…have moved on. What
part of this confuses you?” Peter, being Max’s best friend, should
have had better sense than to leave our status as a question mark.
Who would understand the situation better than he?

“Emily, it’s not as simple as you
think. Max didn’t just let go of you as easily as you make yourself
believe.”

“Pete, regardless of what you say to
me, the fact remains he broke up with me on graduation night, and
then started dating a new girl within a month of our breakup. I
don’t know how else to decipher what happened last June.” As soon
as I finished saying this, I saw Peter moving us toward Max and
Jennifer. He turned to Max and asked if he could dance with
Jennifer and all three of our faces had the same look of
panic.

“Peter, what are you doing?” I asked
indignantly.

“I think you two should talk. Sorry,
Jennifer. They have a few things they need to work out.” He said
this while handing me over to Max and taking Jennifer’s
hand.

Frightened, our heartbeats danced much
quicker than our feet. Our bodies hadn’t been this close in a long
time. They seem to have missed each other regardless of our
consent. Though I worried about Jake’s response if he saw us
together, there was no denying I had missed Max. No matter how weak
the feeling, it hadn’t disappeared. Four years couldn’t erase Max’s
absence despite Jake’s presence in my life. Perhaps, it was wiser
to admit Max would always be a part of my heart.

The dance continued. Max didn’t say a
word, but before long I felt his body pull toward mine as I
unwittingly pushed toward his. Max’s chin leaned oh so slightly on
the top of my head and his arms curved around my body and embraced
me longingly. I closed my eyes and briefly imagined the sweet times
we danced like this.

Suddenly I heard Jake clear his
throat, and I panicked. “Ahem. May I cut in?” Max and I
instinctively jerked away. Feeling alarmed, I didn’t know how to
explain what had just happened.

“Of course,” Max spoke almost
apologetically. He walked away, leaving his girlfriend with his
best friend, and not a glance back.

Jake looked hurt, and I stammered to
get out an explanation. “Peter danced with me after you left and
made me switch partners and told us to talk it out and…and…”
Stuttering, I feared Jake’s response. Max and I were too close, too
intimate with one another. I only corroborated Jake’s belief that I
wasn’t completely over Max. As guilty as I felt, I couldn’t get off
this emotional roller coaster.

“It’s OK, Emily. You don’t have to
explain,” was his strained answer while pulling me into his
chest.

“I promise, I wasn’t trying
…”

“Shh, Emily, it’s all right.” His arms
encircled me, protectively, possessively.

“Nothing happened, I promise. I’m
sorry.” I almost started to cry.

“Emily. I wish I didn’t make you so
anxious. It’s OK. I’m OK. You don’t need to apologize. Let’s go
back to the table.” He stated everything so matter-of-factly,
almost too stoically. My anxiety level climbed up another
notch.

Jake did his best to reassure me of
his feelings, but I couldn’t forget the betrayed look on his face.
That momentary reaction explained more than anything he could’ve
said to placate my feelings. Since the dance, I couldn’t decipher
whether it was Max, himself, or nostalgia that confused my heart.
These feelings that lingered didn’t pose a threat to my
relationship with Jake, but I couldn’t deny the hurt that wouldn’t
go away.

“What will happen if I have to leave
you early tonight?”

“Do you have to leave?” My petulant
tone turned Jake’s visible disappointment into an encouraged
smile.

“No, not yet. There’s a chance, but I
think it will be OK.”

We were about to sit down when Jake’s
pager went off again. Patiently, I waited for Jake to return from
his call and politely conversed with Jennifer, who was also waiting
for her date to return. I found out she was an orthopedic nurse and
two years older than Max. With such an uncomfortable situation, she
was a good sport talking with me. I was happy to see Max dating a
sweet girl. She seemed good for him.

Jake walked toward me, and I had this
nervous feeling I was going to be alone…again.

“Hi. Done with your call?”

“Yeah…” The way he said this made me
feel even more uneasy.

“Oh, that doesn’t sound good,” I
whined.

“Well, I’ve got some good news and
some bad news. Which do you want first?”

“The bad.” Of course, I was always the
pessimist.

“I have to go back to the hospital,”
he said quickly.

“No!” I protested. “Not again. I
thought you had the whole night off! Jake, we hardly ever get to
see each other. I think I’ve seen you once a week in the last
couple of months.” My protest was a bit unfair, but I really didn’t
want to be alone tonight, of all nights.

“I know and I’m sorry. I thought we’d
be together tonight but my patient came back with complications and
I need to go back into surgery now.”

What could I say? A possible dying
patient sat on the operating table waiting for his doctor, while I
fretted over my insecurities of sitting alone at a dinner table
with Max and Jennifer. Pathetic. But…how was I going to get through
the rest of the evening without him?

I unhappily shrugged my shoulders and
let him go. “Save another life tonight, Dr. Reid. I want to stop
you but I can’t…I won’t.”

He apologized again with both arms
tightly wrapped around my body. “BUT…the good news! Chief gave me
the whole weekend off, so I’m taking you on a surprise trip. We’re
going somewhere far where no one can call me back to the hospital.
Can you be ready by 7:00am? I’ll pick you up at your
house.”

“OK.” Still sounding glum, I couldn’t
disguise my disappointment with Jake leaving me stranded at dinner
again. “Where are we going?” As much as I tried to like surprises,
they made me nervous. I didn’t like uncertainty. “How shall I
dress? Is it going to be very cold?”

“It’s always cold up there,” Jake
slipped.

“Up there?” I asked curiously.
Obviously we were going up north but were we driving…? Flying?
Suspense grew.

“When will we be back? I assume we
will be back tomorrow night?” I asked with more
enthusiasm.

“Do we have options? Can we stay the
weekend? Would that be OK?” He sounded hopeful.

I thought about what Jake had asked,
all too aware everybody at the table was listening and waiting for
my answer. They all knew what my answer would’ve been if Max had
asked me this same question back in college. They were curious to
know if I’d changed in the almost two-year absence.

It was a simple answer, but I couldn’t
immediately speak. A part of me wanted to spend the night with
Jake. I felt safe with him. A part of me also wanted to hurt Max
and say yes just to spite him. I knew it would be unfair to both
men if I gave into my ugly side. Max watched me carefully. Eagerly,
both men awaited my answer.

“Um, no. I don’t think it’s wise for
us to spend the night,” I said, relieved to speak my mind.
Accepting my answer with a more than gentle kiss, he relented to
the pager that beeped endlessly.

“OK, OK, I’m coming, people,” he
answered back at his pager. “Bye,” he murmured, stealing one more
kiss. “I’ll miss you.” Before he left, he turned to Peter and asked
if he would not mind giving me a ride home.

“Please take care of her for me,” he
added. “And please,” he whispered to me, “don’t fall back into your
ex’s arms after I leave.” We both laughed.

“Sure will,” Peter obliged.

As soon as Jake left, Peter turned to
me. “Jake seems like a good guy. I’m relieved to know you’re dating
someone who loves you.”

It never occurred to me Jake might
feel that strongly about me. I knew I couldn’t say I loved him yet.
After all, we hadn’t been dating too long and this was the first
time I’d opened my heart in a long time.

“You seem to have a way of wrapping
men tightly around your finger,” Peter noted.

“Yeah, some good that does me in the
end,” I retorted. I heard a low chuckle coming from everyone at our
table except Max and Jennifer.

Dinner was truly uncomfortable. We sat
in a round of ten—Peter, me, an empty seat, Sarah, Charlie, James,
Will, Christie, Max, and Jennifer. Dinner was served. The roasted
tomato soup went untouched. A cold, crisp beet and apple salad,
nibbled. Filet mignon, new potatoes, and sautéed veggies, a waste
of money, as I only finished the vegetables before having Peter
finish the rest of my plate. I consumed some dessert and coffee,
along with two glasses of wine. It was no wonder my system wasn’t
feeling well.

After dinner, everyone started to
mingle and dance again. Jennifer excused herself to use the
restroom while the rest of our table, except Max, went to dance.
Dreading the alone time, I got up to go anywhere and do anything
but talk to Max.

“How come you barely touched your
dinner, Em?” Max pulled me back down with a caring yet guarded
voice.

“I wasn’t very hungry,” I answered
softly.

“You’ve lost so much weight. Are you
OK? Have you been ill? You still look…beautiful.” His voice sounded
wistful.

With an intense glare I
saw Max read my face. It was hard to hide anything from a man who
had known me intimately for four years.
No, I am not OK. You left me eighteen months ago without good
reason and now I’m sitting here watching you with another woman.
How can I be OK?

My eyes teared as I saw the sadness in
his eyes and I chose to turn away from our silent conversation.
Muted, awkward distress, surprisingly couldn’t suppress the
friendship, fondness, and love that had lived between us for so
many years. Even now, my heart felt glad to be here with him. My
mind continued to dissect my heart. I couldn’t free my mind of the
way it felt to be held by Max while we danced. His touch brought
back so many wonderful memories. There was a part of me that wanted
to be held by him again.

Still, I was angry with Max for
kicking me out of his life so unexpectedly. How could a man who
dumped me after four years of dating, sit here and feign to care
for me? He didn’t care anymore, and neither should I. I had Jake,
and deep inside, I knew we would make this relationship
work.

Chapter 2 The College Years

Hot and humid weather greeted my move
into my college dorm. Florida, in the middle of August, had to have
been more pleasant than this day. It was never this hot in Los
Angeles, especially so close to the ocean. With ten stories and 381
rooms, I lived in one of the oldest dormitories on campus. It even
required an old-fashioned key card to open up the heavy doors into
this secured building. The usual meeting area and common rooms were
all located on the first floor, and the dining hall looked like any
other well-stocked cafeteria. It was a glorious first year in
college.

My room was all of two hundred square
feet. In it were three beds, three desks, three chairs, and three
small closets. I couldn’t figure out how I was going to get all my
clothes in this locker of a closet. Arriving in the dorm room
before any of my roommates, I picked the only bed that was the
bottom bunk. There was another bed above me and directly across my
way, the third bed was perched up high with a desk, chair, and
locker-sized closet all neatly positioned underneath it. That was
my entire room. Needless to say, there wouldn’t be much privacy
during my first year.

Max and I met in the cafeteria on the
first day of school. Catching him smiling at me from a table
nearby, I was quickly smitten. He and his roommates came over to
our table and introduced themselves to us. We all took turns at
small talk and then paired off to go explore the campus. From day
one, our chemistry was undeniable. Max and I were naturally drawn
to each other like the south pole of a magnet attracting the north
pole. We marveled at how much we had in common and how we felt such
a strong connection from the moment we met.