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Authors: Sarah Louise Smith

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BOOK: Independent Jenny
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“I remember a lot of things about you.”

He smiled at me. Good Lord, he was gorgeous. Too bad about that ring, or I would just lean in and kiss him and…

I tried to shake the thought out of my head. Instead of making a decision about how I felt about the two men who claimed to love me back at home, I was fantasising about kissing my first boyfriend, who was now married. How I’d managed to complicate things even further in the space of just an hour, I couldn’t fathom, but I was pretty sure it was all Hayley’s fault.

Will started talking about other books he’d enjoyed and we had a long debate about
Wuthering Heights
and
Tess of The D’Urbervilles
, him claiming the former was the better, me insisting the latter was my favourite of the two.

“So what else do you like to do, when you’re not reading?”

“I love walking,” I told him. “We went to the Cuillins yesterday but not for long, Hayley’s not much of a walker.”

“Maybe we can go for a hike while you’re here?”

“Love to,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as dreamy as I felt.

“And what about work, do you enjoy what you do?”

“Sometimes. I mostly photograph weddings and I admit I’m getting bored of that. I’d really like to travel and photograph for magazines, or something.”

“What’s stopping you?”

Good question. Why had no one asked me that before?

“I’ve no idea, actually. It’s competitive, though. Not an easy field to make a living from.”

“Still, you don’t know until you try, huh?”

“You’re right. I need to stop talking about it and do it.”

“You should. I’d love to see your photos.”

I smiled at him and he smiled back and was it me, or was there a spark? Oh god, I couldn’t be the other woman. I couldn’t do to his wife what those other women had done to me. I must be imagining it, anyway. He was decent guy -– a vet! Someone who made cute little furry creatures feel better when they got sick. He wouldn’t cheat. Anyway, didn’t I have enough men to think about as it was? Two was already one too many.

Chapter Nineteen

 

Spots of rain started to fall and we got up and walked back down to the house, the dogs following us. Hayley and Kieran were nowhere to be seen, so Will made us some coffee and we sat in the living room, talking about our school days while Wentworth slept on the rug and I cuddled Fern as she licked my hands. Maybe I didn’t need a man, just a couple of faithful loving Golden Retrievers to cuddle at night.

“So, are you living with someone, or…?”

I didn’t want to lie, but the truth was too much of a long, sad tale that I couldn’t face right now.

“It’s complicated,” I admitted, “but I’m single.”

That was the first time I’d said I was single for a long time and I didn’t like it. Facing the world alone seemed scary, yet I didn’t want to be with Ross right now, so it seemed that yes, I was single again. I guess I’d get used to that. Unless I wanted Aiden. Did I?

I thought my head might explode. I forced myself to concentrate on the present. No Ross, no Aiden, just catching up with an old friend. And no matter how attractive I found him, he was married so there was no way anything could happen and so, really, I could just relax. I took a deep breath.

“Complicated, I know how that feels.”

I raised my eyebrows, wanting to know more, then glanced at his ring. Definitely there, left hand, right finger. So where was his wife, then? I was about to ask when he looked at something in the corner.

“Is that your camera in your bag?” Will pointed to my rucksack which I’d brought in earlier.

“Yes,” I said, pulling it out. “After Wentworth, it’s probably the best thing I’ve ever bought. I love it.”

He examined it. “It’s pretty decent. Mind if I look at your photos?”

I blushed but nodded. He took the camera from me and started to scroll through while I waited to hear what he thought. He didn’t keep me long.

“These are fantastic, Jenny. You’ve got a real talent. I love your use of light.”

He went through, making comments and telling me which ones he liked best. I smiled, feeling embarrassed and humbled by his comments. We were just putting the camera away when Hayley and Guy came back. Hayley was even muddier than yesterday, had bright red rosy cheeks, and a silly, girly grin on her face.

“Where have you two been?” I asked accusingly.

“Guy had work to do, on the farm, so I tagged along. Met his sheep.”

Guy grinned at us both before going into the kitchen to fetch drinks. Hayley followed him like a puppy dog, offering to make us all sandwiches.

We spent a few hours eating, drinking, and chatting about our school days. Guy kept saying he needed to get back to work and Hayley kept engaging him in more conversation. Eventually he got up and suggested she come out with him again and off they went, Bono following behind. They seemed as besotted with each other as ever and I wondered how I’d allowed her to do this. Surely a good friend would have talked her out of it, or at least tried harder than I had. I wondered if she’d told Guy she was engaged yet. I very much doubted it.

“I know a great spot to watch the sunset,” Will said after making us omelettes for dinner, and debating whether they were ever going to return. “Want to bring your camera?”

So we got into his Audi, Fern and Wentworth sat happily together on the back seat, and we headed back down the track. He told me more about the farm and his parents and how they’d settled in after the big move.

“I hated it at first. It was so quiet and I wanted to be back in Milton Keynes, but I went off to Edinburgh to study, and then I grew to quite like it when I came home for holidays.”

“Why didn’t we stay in touch, do you think? Like those two did, at least at first?”

“Well, you seemed kind of … indifferent to me. I knew you weren’t into me as much as I was you. So I guess I acted the same way, pretended it was fine, no big deal. But I was pretty cut up about leaving you. I was crazy about you, if I’m honest.”

I looked away from the views I’d been admiring and at his face.

“You should’ve said!”

“Why? You didn’t feel as strongly, I’d just have been embarrassed.”

He glanced at me and back out at the road ahead. His cheeks were reddening, even now.

“Well, maybe if you’d shown you cared, I’d have liked you better.”

He shrugged. “It was probably for the best. We were young and living rather far apart. Things turned out for the best, didn’t they?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

We drove along narrow lanes and eventually joined a coastal road. Will pulled over in a parking bay by the waterfront and pulled out some folding chairs, a blanket and a couple of bags of crisps. We sat facing the water with the dogs by our feet.

“The sun will go down soon, and then disappear on the horizon, just about there,” he said, pointing out to the water.

I pulled out my camera and took some photos of the dogs. They were both on a blanket, asleep right next to each other, looking adorable.

“The light here is amazing,” I told Will and he smiled at me. I took photos of the hills behind us, bathed in a yellow glow as the sun descended. Then I set up my tripod and sat down to watch the sun go down, which was stunning. The water in front of us shimmered with white light and we sat in comfortable silence. I kept stealing glances at him. He really was good looking, so sweet and easy to talk to. Why hadn’t I realised that back when he was crazy about me? Why hadn’t I realised he was crazy about me?

I looked at his wedding ring again and then wondered what I’d do if I had to pick right at that moment between Ross and Aiden.

The answer surprised me; I’d pick neither.

Chapter Twenty

 

It was 7am on Tuesday morning and Wentworth and I had walked a few miles and climbed a reasonably big hill. We were now sitting on the grass; me with my legs stretched out, Wentworth with his head on my lap while I stroked his ears. Before us were rolling green hills, sheep, hedgerows, and in the distance was the sea, with the Isles of Harris and Lewis on the horizon. There was a ferry on its way around to Uig and I wondered how many people travelled on it each day.

The warmth from the exertion of climbing the hill faded pretty quickly and I zipped my fleece up to my chin. Still, I didn’t mind the cold. It was refreshing, and how could I complain about the temperature when I had this view before me? I reached for my phone. I’d climbed up here hoping to get decent network coverage and I was pleased to find that I finally had a full signal.

“Hello my lovely,” Shane said sleepily, as he answered his phone.

“Good morning! I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, just tired. Let me just open the door for Angie.”

Angie was Shane’s chief baker. She made the most amazing vanilla and raspberry cupcakes. I heard him shuffling around, greeting her, and then the sound of a chair being moved out from under a table.

“Right, all sorted. Hello. How are you?”

“I’m okay, how’re you?”

“I’m really good. How’s Skye?”

“Beautiful. Very scenic and green and gorgeous. You’d love it.”

“And have you found Hayley’s long lost love?”

“Yes, and she’s besotted with him and I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”

“Wow. She knows how to create some drama, that one.”

“Yes.”

“Kieran came in for some lunch yesterday, he’s really missing her. I felt bad, knowing that she’s seeking out Guy.”

“I know, I need to talk to her but I’m not sure she’ll listen.”

“She’s determined, I’ll give her that.”

“I saw Will again. The first boy I ever slept with.”

“Ooh. What’s he like?”

“Cute, sweet, funny, kind…”

“Okay, sounds like perfect rebound material.”

“He’s also married.”

“Ah, crap. What’s his wife like?”

“She’s not here. He’s just here visiting his brother for a few weeks.”

“Okay, that’s a bit unusual. Has he left her?”

“I don’t know, he hasn’t really mentioned her, but he’s still wearing his wedding ring. We spent yesterday together and I felt all this chemistry, but maybe it was just my imagination. I’m more confused than ever to be honest.”

“Jennifer Finch. You’ve been on the Isle of Skye for three days and already you’ve got yourself into even more of a pickle and a fluster than when you left. What happened to the quiet, sensible, logical girl I knew?”

“I don’t know!” I sighed, wishing I could go back to my normal self. This was exhausting. “I seem to be a bag of hormones and emotion.”

“And have you been thinking about Ross and Aiden?”

“Plenty. I think it’s over between Ross and me.”

“You’re sure?”

“I can’t see us getting back together again now.”

“Then can I tell you something, you know, as your best friend?”

I loved it when Shane referred to me as his best friend. He didn’t say it often, but it made me feel special and loved when he did.

“Of course.”

“I think you and Ross were great together once, but lately, the last few years, you’ve kind of … well…”

“What? Just say it.”

“Well, do you think you were taking Ross for granted for a bit towards the end? I’m not saying that justifies his actions, but did you ever make the effort to spend time with him? To make him feel loved?”

“I guess not,” I said sadly, wondering how things had gone that way.

“I just suspected sometimes that you didn’t love him as much as you ought to. You spend more time with me than him some weekends.”

“Why didn’t you ever say something?”

“I don’t know, I guess I noticed it gradually and I only really thought about it the past week or so. Anyway, it’s not my place to interfere. Ross has told me several times to keep out of your marriage. He seems to have a bit of a jealous streak about our friendship.”

“Yeah, he accused me of being in love with you the other day.”

Shane laughed. “Nah, I’m not manly enough for you. So what about Aiden, how’re you feeling about him?”

“I don’t know, sometimes I think I have real feelings for him … but now all I’m thinking about is Will, which I know is terrible when he’s married.”

I started pulling up bits of grass and flicking them towards Wentworth, who’d moved a bit further away from me. He stared at me for a few seconds, then stretched out and closed his eyes.

“Maybe you’re mixed up because you didn’t expect to be single again, and now you’re weighing up all the options, seeing what’s available, taking it all in. You don’t need to make a decision and you know what? Being single is okay too.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“You need to take some time to figure out what you want, not rush into a new relationship to avoid being alone.”

“You know me so well.”

“There’s no harm getting a crush on a married man either, so long as you don’t act on it. And you’re only there for a few more days. So what does he look like?”

“Dark hair, amazing eyes, good dresser…”

“Nice.”

“Married though.”

“Well, that should un-complicate it for you. Just have fun spending time with him for a few days as friends.”

“Yes, you’re right. I’m just going to take one day at a time.”

“Good. So is Hayley going to run off with this long lost love of hers?”

“I don’t know. I can’t see her moving up here and living on the farm, I’m hoping she’ll see sense and just get him out of her system without cheating on Kieran.”

“I can’t really imagine her with mud under her nails, either.”

“Any news with you?”

“Yes, actually. I was going to wait until you got home, but … Andrew got offered a new job.”

“Oh that’s fantastic!”

Andrew had been looking for a new job for ages. He hated his current one and I was so pleased to hear he’d found something new.

“It’s in Maidstone, is the only thing.”

“Maidstone?”

“Yes.”

“As in Kent?”

No. No, I couldn’t let Shane, my wonderful friend, the person I felt closest to in the whole world, move away. What about the coffee shop? And their families? And me?

“Oh.”

“We’re just talking about it right now.”

“So he hasn’t accepted?”

“Not yet.”

“How do you feel about it?”

“Mixed emotions.”

“You’d have to give up the cafe.”

“Yes, but you know, I could always open one up in Maidstone. Or do something different.”

“But you love it in Bath.”

He sighed.

“I know, but I have to consider what Andrew wants too.”

“And what about me?”

It was so selfish, and I regretted saying it straight away.

“You?”

“You’d have to give me up too.”

“We’d still see each other, Jen.”

I didn’t answer. Emotion was bubbling up in my chest. First Ross betrays me, then Shane leaves me? How would I cope without him?

“Jen?”

“I’m sorry, I’m just … you’re the closest person I have right now.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. And you’re my best friend, Jen, but Andrew’s the closest person I have. You must understand that?”

“Of course,” I said, not really understanding at all. I’d never been as close to anyone as I felt to Shane. Was that the problem with Ross? Maybe he was right. Maybe I had my priorities all wrong. My best friend, the person I was closest to, should have been my husband.

“Look, we don’t know if we’re going yet, anyway.”

“Okay,” I said, trying to sound chirpier.

“So, how’s Skye? I bet Wentworth loves it.”

“Yes, he does,” I said, smiling and ruffling his head.

“Look, I know you’re confused about your love life right now and I know this is all a bit scary, but just chill. Catch up on old times with Will, think about Aiden or Ross if you like, but don’t over analyse. You’ll figure it all out.”

“Thanks Shane.”

“No worries. And for the record, you’re the second closest person I have. I love you.”

I smiled. He rarely said that, either.

“Love you, too.”

I hung up and stared out at the view, wondering what Maidstone was like. Maybe I could move there too. They wouldn’t mind would they?

BOOK: Independent Jenny
11.27Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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