Indulgence (284 page)

As I turned to walk back inside, I caught a glimpse of Kick
standing on the roof staring down at me. He seemed surprised about something,
and I couldn’t figure out what, so I just gave him a smile and continued on.

My phone rang a second later and I answered it absently.
“Hi,” I said, having no idea who it was because I hadn’t even checked the
caller id.

“What’s got you all distracted?” Maree asked.

Thank god. I could get her perspective on this before I saw
Kick again. “Who do you think?”

“I am guessing it’s that hot man of yours.” I could
practically hear her licking her lips.

“He’s not my man. But fuck, I think I want him to be.”

“Of course you do, babe. I mean, who wouldn’t?”

I laughed. “No, Maree, I mean I really do want him. Not just
for his body.”

She grew serious. “As in, you still love him?”

I sighed. “I never stopped loving him. I just didn’t want to
admit it. But I don’t know how we can make it work with all the baggage between
us.”

“If you want him, you have to fight for him. You have to
work out what’s holding you back and find a way to get rid of it. ‘Cause I’ve gotta
say, you’re an amazing woman, Evie, but you came alive when you were with Kick
the other night. I’ve never seen you light up like that. On your own, you kick
ass, but I can only imagine how awesome you’d be with Kick by your side.”

Shit.

I knew what it was.

It’s funny how you can be searching for an answer for a long
time and then someone says something and it’s like the block is moved and you
can see clearly.

Fuck.

It wasn’t Kick after all.

It was me.

“I know what’s holding me back.”

“What?”

“Me.”

“Huh?”

I sighed. It was so stupid I didn’t even want to tell her.
“After my mother slept with Kick’s father and the shit hit the fan, everyone in
the neighbourhood called her a slut and then they called me a slut. They said I
was just like her. I was sixteen and had never even had sex, and yet they were
spreading all these nasty rumours about me. The girls at school bullied me and
I lost pretty much all my self-esteem. I never felt good enough. I never felt
like anyone would want or choose to be my friend after that. So, when Kick
chose not to introduce me to his friends when we were dating, all the
insecurities I thought I’d put behind me flared up, and I felt like I wasn’t
good enough.” I paused and ran my hand through my hair. “Shit, Maree, it was me
all along. My stupid negative self talk that I didn’t even realise. And I’m
supposed to be a fucking counsellor.”

“Oh, babe, don’t beat yourself up about it. We all have
hang-ups and blind spots. At least you’ve figured it out now,” she reassured
me.

“Yeah,’ I murmured, and then said, “Shit, sorry, I hijacked
the conversation. What did you ring for?”

“No worries, babe, I was just calling to see if you wanted
to go out for a drink tonight?”

“I might pass. I’ve gotta sort some stuff out with my dad,
and now I think I want to talk to Kick.”

“Sounds like that might be a good idea.”

“I’ll call you and let you know how it goes,” I promised,
and we hung up.

A noise came from behind me and I spun around to find Kick
standing there, his intense gaze on me.

“You still love me?” he asked gruffly. His shoulders were
rigid and his breathing shallow while he waited for my answer.

My heart beat faster in my chest and my tummy fluttered.
“You heard all that?” I whispered.

He nodded. “Yeah, baby, but answer me. Do you still love me?”
The fierceness in his voice turned me on and made me want to crawl into his
arms and beg him to be mine forever.

“Yes,” I said, finally admitting out loud what I had been
denying for so long.

He took that in but didn’t say anything else for what felt
like ages, and then he shoved his fingers through his hair, messing it up more
than it already was. The energy between us vibrated with want and the
frustration we’d both been feeling for too long. And then he stepped into my
space. One arm slid around my waist and his other reached up to cup my cheek.
He brushed his thumb over my lips in the way he’d always liked to do, and he
murmured, “I’ve always loved you and you’ve
always
been good enough.
Fuck,
I’m
the one who’s not good enough.” He stopped talking for a
minute and his eyes left mine to look down at my lips. When he returned his
gaze to mine, he said, “I wish you’d told me how it made you feel. I didn’t
keep you out of that part of my life because you weren’t good enough. I did it
because I didn’t want to drag you into that shit.” He bent his face closer to
mine so our lips were almost touching, and my core clenched at the closeness.
“You’re too good for it, baby,” he whispered.

I pressed myself into him and wrapped my arms around his
body, loving that my hands were on him again, after having denied myself his
touch for so long. A growl rumbled up from his chest and heat flashed in his
eyes. And then we both moved at the same time.

Our lips met and it was like everything was right in my
world again. This was exactly where I was meant to be in this moment.

With Kick.

The man I’d loved as a boy when he used to let me ride his
bike because I didn’t have one.

The man I’d loved as a teenager when he took on the mean
girls for me, and wiped my tears away when I didn’t feel good enough.

The man I’d loved at eighteen when I gave him my virginity
and he treasured that for what it was.

The man I still loved for so many reasons, but mostly
because he
got
me. He knew all my hopes, fears and flaws, and loved me
regardless.

My mouth parted and his tongue slid in.

Possessive.

Demanding.

Loving.

I moaned and his arm around my waist tightened, and he
pulled me closer, pushing his erection into me. Lust shot through me and I knew
this was it.

This was the moment I was giving myself back to him.

Kick was mine.

I was Kick’s
.

He ended the kiss and leant his forehead against mine.
“Fuck, Evie… you’ve got no idea what you fuckin’ do to me.” He lifted his head
so he could look me in the eyes. “You give me hope I can be a better man, that
I’m not just the sum of all the bad shit I’ve done in my life.”

I frowned. “You’re not a bad person, Kick.”

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them
again, the desolation I saw there pierced my heart. “Yeah, I am, baby,” he
whispered, cracking my heart a little more.

I opened my mouth to argue with him some more, but his phone
rang and interrupted us.

He pulled it out and checked who it was. “Sorry, I’ve gotta
get this,” he said with regret, and walked away from me to take the call.

I waited for him to return, doing my best to recover from
our kiss and my realisations. He wasn’t gone long, but when he came back to me,
the Kick who’d been with me a minute ago was gone, and in his place was the guy
who looked at me through hard eyes. This was the Kick I didn’t know so well but
so desperately wanted to know and understand.

“I’ve got something I’ve gotta take care of,” he said, his
voice as hard as his eyes.

“Will you be back?”

“I don’t know, but Braden will finish the gutters.”

“I’m not worried about the gutters, Kick. What I want to
know is when will I see you again? We were kind of in the middle of something
there.”

“I’ll call you,” he said, and I felt like I was being
dismissed.

What the hell?

He’d already started to leave before I could get my wits
together and challenge him. However, he stopped and turned back to me. “Don’t
go to see your father. I’m gonna sort that out, okay?”

“What the hell is going on?” I demanded, growing more
frustrated.

His hard look intensified and he stalked back to me.
“Promise me you won’t go to your father, that you won’t try to fix his shit for
him. I went to see him and I told him I would help him with it.”

I stared at him in shock. A minute ago he’d been telling me
he loved me and now he was talking to me as if none of that had been said.

“Promise me, Evie,” he barked.

I jumped, and was instantly pissed off. “You better go and
sort your shit out, Kick, and
then
you’d better come find me and explain
to me what the fuck is going on! Because something has happened here that I
don’t know about, and I’ll be damned if I’ll put up with this shit.”

His eyes bore into mine for another moment and then he
nodded. “I’ll see you later,” he promised, and turned and left.

I stood completely stunned and didn’t hear Braden come up
behind me. “He needs you, you know.”

I jumped again and turned to face him. “Fuck, Braden…” I
muttered.

He held his hands up. “Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“What do you mean, he needs me?”

“I don’t know exactly what shit Kick’s involved in with his
club, but he’s struggling. Actually, I think he’s drowning in it, whatever it
is. He doesn’t spend much time with us anymore and when we do see him, he’s
this moody, angry fuck who none of us really want to be around.”

“Really? ‘Cause he hasn’t really been that moody with me.”

“See? He needs you because you take it away for him. He’s
never stopped loving you, Evie. He hasn’t even dated anyone since you two broke
up.”

“I never knew that,” I said, surprised again. God, today was
a day of discovery.

“Give him a chance. But know that it might take some time
for him to change his ways. Yeah?”

It was almost as if he was pleading with me. Braden was a
big guy. Way over six feet and built with muscles that looked like they took
hours in the gym to achieve. He stood in front of me, his dark, wavy hair
sweaty from being outside, his muscles tensed and a demanding look on his face,
telling me he how much he wanted me to do what he asked. But it was his eyes
that said the most. They gazed at me through pain; Braden was hurting from
watching Kick struggle. Nodding, I said, “I don’t intend to give up on him, but
he’s gonna have to step up, too.”

He smiled. “I’ll give him a kick up the ass for you.”

It seemed like Kick might need more than that. I just hoped
he had it in him to be the man I needed him to be.

Kick

I strode into the clubhouse, looking for Hyde. The
motherfucker had called and demanded I get down here straight away. Right when
I was finally starting to get my shit together with Evie. Pulling me away from
my woman had not fucking pleased me, and I was about to give him a piece of my
mind.

“Kick!”

I spun around to find Hyde coming up behind me, a hard glare
in place. Walking towards him, I asked, “What the fuck is going on, Hyde? What
was so fuckin’ important that I had to get here right fuckin’ now?”

“Did you go and see Jonathon Gambarro?”

“No.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You sure about that, Kick?”

“Yes, I’m fuckin’ sure about that, motherfucker. Why?”

“Well, it seems someone from Black Deeds got in his face and
he’s gone fucking psycho on them, so I wanted to make sure you weren’t thinking
of taking him on. I told you, the last thing we need is a problem with
Gambarro.”

He wasn’t fucking serious?
“You dragged me all the
way here when I was in the middle of something to tell me
that
?”

I watched his eyes flash with rage. “It’d pay for you to
remember who you’re talking to,” he said, his fury rising fast.

“I never forget who I’m talking to, VP. And you know my
loyalty to this club, so don’t come in here and insinuate that I am anything
but fuckin’ loyal.” I shook my head in anger. “The shit I’ve done for you, for
King and for Storm, go above and fuckin’ beyond. If you ever imply it hasn’t or
doesn’t again, you might just find out what it’s like to be on the end of my
anger.”

“Are you fucking threatening me?”

I moved closer to him so we were almost nose-to-nose, my
anger rolling off me. “Yeah, I’m fuckin’ threatening you.”

Hyde looked like he wanted to punch me, and I had no doubt
the thought was running through his head, but I could fucking care less. If he
wanted a fight, I’d give him a fight. In the end, though, he turned and stalked
out of the room.

Fuck.

I was between a rock and a fucking hard place. And I still
had no idea what the fuck I was going to do about it.

*****

Five hours later, after I’d gone for a long ride to blow the
shit out of my head, I pulled my bike up in Evie’s driveway. Her lights were
still on, and I wondered if she’d waited up for me. She’d been pretty fucking
clear about me coming over so my guess was she had.

As I walked the short path to her front door, she pulled it
open and stood staring at me.

Christ, she never failed to take my breath away. Tonight she
was dressed in an old t-shirt of mine that I didn’t even realise she still had.
Her long, brown hair was flowing wildly around her shoulders and her face was
flushed.

“Sorry I’m so late,” I apologised.

“Better late than never,” she replied quietly.

I waited for her to step aside and let me in but she didn’t.
“You gonna let me in?”

“Not until you spill.”

I exhaled harshly. “Evie…”

She crossed her arms over her chest and a determined look
covered her face. “No, Kick. I need you to tell me what happened today. I want
to know where you go when The Hard Kick comes out.”

“Come again, babe? What’s The Hard Kick?” She’d lost me now.

“It’s this thing you do every now and then. One minute
you’re okay and normal, and then something happens and you change. It’s like a
harder, meaner version of you comes out. And it’s not that I don’t like it, I
just want to understand why. Is it something I do to you?”