Indwell (Chasing Natalie's Ghosts) (26 page)

“He really is harmless,” he said looking back at Clive. I knew he was insinuating the fact that Clive would not be allowed to cause me harm. Clive quickly smiled at Hayden understanding him immediately.

“So Natalie, are you enjoying living in the city?” Clive returned his attention to me.

“Yes, I like the city, never a dull moment,” I smiled sweetly.

“I understand you have met Millicent and Joshua?” I was so surprised to hear their names. I think Hayden was as well because he quickly stood beside me and stared at Clive, waiting for him to continue.

“I was just wondering what brought about that meeting.” I stared at him, appalled that he would ask a question he obviously already knew the answer too. I was worried that he had somehow intimidated Millicent and Joshua. They would never have said anything negative about me. They liked me and they knew I meant them no harm. I would have to see them when we returned. Before I could answer, the bell for dinner rang. I smiled as I grabbed Hayden’s hand.

“I am starving darling,” I said looking up at Hayden.

“Follow me my love,” he said looking back at me. We completely ignored Clive as we entered the hall. Hayden kissed me sweetly before pulling my chair out for me at the table as the other diners stared at us smiling. I sat down and took a sip of water, looking around at the people sitting close to us. I felt Hayden’s hand on my knee. I felt safe knowing he was so close.

“Hi Natalie, I’m Justin and this is my wife Chloe. I have heard great things about you. We are pleased to meet you,” he said as he held his hand out. I shook it quickly.

“Hi Justin and Chloe, it's nice to meet you.” I was trying to be friendly but I knew small talk would be difficult with these people. They seemed to be holding back, what they really wanted to talk about was close to the surface. They were just biding their time.

“Hi Natalie, I’m Edmund. I hope you enjoy your time here. Hayden if there is anything I can do please feel free to call me. I’m staying in the third cabin near the river. I am taking a bunch of people out for a tour on the trails tomorrow. If you think Natalie might like to get away, we’ll be leaving around eight.”

“Thanks Edmund, that sounds like a good idea,” Hayden responded before asking me, but he was right I would like to go exploring. The first course was served as Hayden and Edmund discussed animal sightings and new trail systems he had been working on. I was grateful for the discussion to be off of me. The second serving was placed in front of me.

I should have known I wouldn’t be able to blend into the background for long. Elizabeth was sitting beside Clive and she was staring at me. I looked at Hayden hoping he would notice her. He just rubbed my knee. I tried to ignore her but it was difficult. I wanted to shout at her, `What the hell are you staring at?’ but I knew that would just bring more attention on me. During desert she snapped, she couldn’t restrain herself anymore.

“Natalie, did you really fall in love with a phantom?” she blurted out. I almost choked on my cake. I glared at her for being so rude.

“I really don’t see how that is any of your business,” I stammered. I was trying to control my anger. I didn’t want her to know how much she had just upset me. Hayden seemed just as surprised by her outburst.

“I’m sorry Natalie but we are all so curious about the stories that have trickled in over the years. Hayden had refused to fill us in some time ago so we had no choice but to send out new Seekers. Unfortunately their skills don’t quite compare to Hayden’s but his choice was made,” she explained, thinking I owed her more information.

“Why would you send out spies?” I asked, having trouble staying in control.

“Seekers, not spies Natalie and well you were with one of our targets,” she said this as if it explained everything.

“What do mean he was one your targets? What did he do?” I was furious now. Hayden was holding my hand. I knew he felt bad for all this. It wasn’t his fault. He had explained that he had stopped trying to take Adam, knowing how happy we were, but this woman was so cold. She had no idea how wonderful Adam was.

“I’m sorry Natalie. I thought you knew all about Adam,” she looked at Clive, than back to me.

“I do know all about Adam and he was brilliant. I have no idea why you felt the need to ‘target’ him.”

“He had broken a number of rules before he met you, but after meeting you he began to break rules we hadn’t even thought possible. We had no idea a phantom could interact with a living person the way he interacted with you. Considering the outcome, I would think you should agree that a phantom has no right to fall in love with a living girl. It can’t possibly end well, ever. The living life would be too altered. It changes their destiny too much. Can’t you see what I mean? Think about it as a person looking in on a relationship like that. Can’t you see the reasons for rules?” I was too angry to try and think rationally. I threw my napkin down on the table and rushed out of the room. I could hear them talking, apologizing to Hayden as he excused us. He was behind me before I reached the stairs. He swung me around and held me tightly in his arms. He stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.

“I’m so sorry Natalie.”

“No, don’t, I’m sorry I didn’t handle it better. I was just surprised by how much she knew. I feel like I’ve been under a microscope!”

“Let’s go for a walk.” He led me out the door. I followed him, feeling numb now. I realized then, that they all knew how close Adam and I had been. She made me feel like a freak show. Like the idea of us together was such an abomination. I understood the point she was trying to make. She was probably right. I would hate to think of some poor young girl in love with a phantom that no one else could see. Her family and friends would assume she was crazy and probably lock her up. I knew it could destroy lives. I had been in such a dark place when Adam entered my life, that the reverse was true, he saved my life.

Hayden glanced at me but allowed me to collect my thoughts. I slipped my hand into his. He held me tight. He whirled me around to look at him.

“I love you so much. Please don’t ever question my devotion to you. I wouldn’t tell them about you because I didn’t want to betray you. I should have protected you better, I am sorry. I told you I couldn’t take Adam away from you. I hope you understand it was because I loved you. I knew that I was turning my back on my orders. I knew they would be upset with me but eventually they forgave me when I told them I was going to take care of you when Adam left. I really didn’t think they were holding a grudge. I’m sorry I brought you here now. We can leave tomorrow morning. I would completely understand,” he explained as he looked into my eyes, like he was drowning.

“Oh, Hayden, I’m not upset with you. I need you so much. I can get through this. There is a lot I need to learn from them. I can get through their interrogations. As odd as it may sound, I will indulge them. Once I get what I need then we’ll go. I’ll be able to work with you. That’s all I want, is for you to need me as much as I need you.” His eyes seemed to clear of the anxiety he was bearing. He smiled at me.

“You continue to amaze me. Yes, we will get what we need from them and Natalie I do need you, my love, more than you think.” He kissed me so intensely. I was melting into him. He led me down the trail. The moon was shining so bright along the path. It was absolutely beautiful. The forest was alive with movement and sounds I have never heard before.

“Natalie, please let me talk with you?” Clive asked as he greeted us as soon as we returned.

“Hi Clive,” I answered feeling so much stronger now. `Fine’, I thought to myself. I’ll answer your stupid questions. You will in return give me the light. I would have to win over Clive to get it. I had to swallow my pride and get through this trip.

“I would love to chat with you Clive. Hayden, can I meet you in a bit?” I asked smiling at him. He seemed surprised and a little reluctant.

“Natalie I will just be in the main hall if you need me, please don’t be long,” he said as he kissed me quickly. He glared at Clive as he walked away.

“I want to apologize for Elizabeth’s behavior. She is far too interested in your love life and I tried to tell her to go slow, but she holds no punches. I hope you can forgive her?” He was anxious. I smiled at him, with a twinkle in my eye. I needed to charm Clive. I had to have him on my side. He would be easier to win over than Elizabeth. If I could just get Clive to feel obliged to protect me.

“Clive, I forgive her. Can you forgive me for walking out?” I asked holding out my hand. He took it and didn’t let go. I didn’t pull away.

“Of course I can forgive you Natalie. That is not even necessary for you to ask,” he replied, surprised.

“I was wondering where your from if you don’t mind my asking?”

“I’m from Ireland, Dublin actually.”

“How did you get involved in this?” I inquired carefully.

“In what exactly?” he asked. I knew he understood my question but he was stalling. I grinned at him.

“You know what I mean, with this phantom hunting and expelling of light stuff. Please tell me your story?” I pressed on, smiling again. I placed my hand through his arm and we walked down toward the beach. He patted my hand as he walked with me.

“Well I was born in 1812 in Dublin, Ireland. I was twenty five when I was first introduced to a Seeker. Since I was a little boy I have been able to see phantoms, good or bad, anywhere and everywhere I went. I could talk to them and hear them respond to me. I could feel them as well, their hair and skin. Sometimes I could hold their hands, but it never felt real like it does for you. I would feel tingles go up and down my arms, it was surreal. I have to admit, only to you, that I did repeatedly fall in love many times myself. Many of my good friends when I was growing up were phantoms. I am sorry to ask but I am interested as well. Natalie, just how deeply can you feel them when they touch you? Do they really feel like I do now? Are they solid, firm, warm or cold?” He glanced at my hand still holding his arm. He looked so fascinated that it was hard to be upset with his questioning. I knew he was genuinely interested. He stared into my eyes.

“They feel alive to me Clive, warm and firm,” I told him as I squeezed his hand, nodding. I decided to be honest with him. Maybe he really can help me understand all of this.

“I have seen phantoms since I was a small child too, probably since before I could speak. I have made friends with them. I had always felt safe with them, more secure than I did with the actual living. Adam was different of course. He saved my life. If it wasn’t for him walking out of the forest and across that river I wouldn’t be alive talking to you today. I wanted to end my life and I thought the frigid river was a good way to try and do it. I wasn’t afraid of death, I wished for it. Adam caught me before I fell into the freezing cold water. He held me till I felt better and then he brought me home. He checked in on me. He began to need me as much as I needed him. To me he was my savior. He was my angel and as long as I could see him then I would continue to live. I believed that once he was gone, then my time here would be over. I believed this to be true and Adam accepted it. He came to see me every day. Of course we fell in love. As you know most spirits are beautiful but Adam was more than that, he was beautiful on the inside as well. All he had wanted was to rejoin with his family. He felt alone and trapped. I was his support as much as he was mine. We depended on each other. Only he was dead. When I finally acknowledged what I knew to be true from our first meeting, it didn’t change anything between us. My favorite people have always been dead. I know you have been informed about Cheveyo and Anton too,” I sighed, remembering that I had been followed.

“I have heard bits and pieces, yes Natalie, I am so sorry for not understanding how innocent and yet how vital your relationship with Adam was. We were still under the assumption that Adam had turned to the others and was following the wrong path. Natalie, he was angry and quite vile before you met him. I really don’t want to tell you now, what he had done before he took exile in the woods.” He sighed as he looked down the path. I didn’t want to know. To me Adam was my angel. He could do no wrong. I knew I wouldn’t believe anything he said to the contrary. I was glad he didn’t go any further.

“Are you interested in watching the extraction of the light Natalie?” he asked.

“Yes I am. I would very much like to know how all this works. I still don’t completely understand how you capture them or how you transport them. I’m very interested to know how they are not hurt by this and how they find their way home peacefully. I would love to learn more Clive, thank you.” He seemed surprised by my eagerness but pleased.

“I would love to escort you tomorrow night then. I will meet you in the main hall at nine. I’m sure Hayden will not let you go alone so he can join us as well. Elizabeth will be meeting us there too, I’m afraid. I hope you will seriously consider joining our team. You will be an asset Natalie,” he said as he smiled at me. We turned to walk back to the Inn. He was quiet on our way back. He seemed lost in thought.

“Can I ask you a personal question?” he looked almost ashamed as he asked this. I knew it would be about Adam again.

“Sure, I think.” Clive stopped walking and stood in front of me.

“The intimacy you and Adam shared, was it the same? Is it the same as being with a living person?” he asked as he looked down at his shoes. He seemed so incredibly innocent at this moment. I wished Hayden could see how much of a pussycat he really was. I smiled and looked him in the eye as he raised his head. I wrapped my hands around his neck and was as close to his face as I could get without touching him.

“I have never felt so alive. I felt him all through my body. I can’t say it was the same as a living person. It was different. How could it possibly be the same Clive? You said it yourself, that the tingles went throughout your body, the energy, it feels surreal, overwhelming even,” I whispered to him. I kissed him on the cheek than turned and walked ahead of him. I believe I shocked him. He was speechless. When he finally collected himself and reached my side again he held my hand.