Indwell (Chasing Natalie's Ghosts) (8 page)

“Where the hell have you been? You made your mother worry!” I could see the anger in his beady, squinted eyes. It wasn’t really me he was angry with, but he needed an outlet. I arrived home at the wrong time.

“Mom knows I went out,” I simply stated. I took my first step up and closed my eyes for a second, wishing this episode to be over. I tried to run up the stairs but he caught my ankle and dragged me down a few steps. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked me back up to the landing. I tried not to cry but it hurt. Once we reached the top he held my elbow and briskly walked toward my room.

“Please leave me alone. It’s not that late,” I begged. I wasn’t feeling very tough as I sobbed. He ignored me. He opened my door and threw me against my dresser. My back hit the corner. I had tears streaming down my cheeks, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back. My head was throbbing and now my back ached. I looked up to see if he was still coming for me. He was standing just a foot inside my room looking above me at something. I felt the warm air circulate around me. I knew Adam was in here. I was too sore to turn and look though. The light in my room flickered and the pages in my book that was lying on my dresser flew open. I tried not to smile at the simple things Adam was doing. When my father glanced down at me, I think he was shocked by the look on my face. Through my tears I was smirking.

Adam grinned as he slammed the door shut then opened it again. I was so shocked when he grabbed a clump of my fathers’ hair, the same way he had grabbed mine and led him out of my room. He slammed the door shut again. I laughed uncontrollably as I heard my father’s footsteps race down the stairs. When I stopped I looked up at Adam. He wasn’t smiling anymore. I tried to stand but before I could Adam already had me in his arms. He carried me to the bed. My head was still throbbing and I winced when I touched it.

“Damn it!” I said as I moaned. Adam gently placed his warm hands around me. I rested my head on his firm chest. He was so inviting. I twirled a lock of his hair in my finger.

“You look really tired,” he said, laying me down on the bed. He wrapped the blankets around me and then lied down beside me. He began to rub my back. There was no need for words tonight. I closed my eyes and immediately fell asleep.

7. GIFT

I knew this day was coming. My father was home a lot more now too which always caused concern. Recently, he had been busy making his own `moonshine’. There was a continual stink in the house because of it. He also had a new group of friends that liked to show up at odd times, like three in the morning or on Sunday afternoons. They never stayed long though. It was always a relief when they left. I knew well enough why they were there and it wasn’t to buy my father’s alcohol. He was selling drugs again. He had been doing it intermittently for years. It explained the company he kept, the moving, the highs and lows of his income. He was also a user, which explained his emotional highs and lows.

The Christmas tree didn’t seem as appealing to me as it did last year with just the popcorn strings. This tree was all done up with lights and glittery decorations. I found it quite hideous for some reason.

“I have a surprise for you. Get your boots and coat on,” Adam told me early, Christmas morning. I smiled and quickly obeyed him. Once outside he led me down towards the river. There, near the bank of the river was a small evergreen tree, he had decorated it with pinecones, red berries, dog wood and popcorn strings. I started to cry. It was the most beautiful tree I had ever seen.

“I love it Adam, thank you so much,” I ran to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I looked up to kiss him. He held my face gently, stared at me for a moment and then kissed me. He turned away, as if he was trying to hide his face from me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I know what’s coming and I’m not sure if I can handle it,” he said.

“I don’t understand. What’s coming?” I asked.

“You’re moving again,” he said flatly. I gasped.

“Where did you here that?” I asked, starting to shake.

“I overheard your parents talking. They plan on telling you at dinner tonight. They don’t even plan to have you finish the school year here. Your father has already found a house hours away,” he explained. I just kept shaking my head.

“They can’t keep doing this to me,” I cried. I wanted to hit something so badly. I wasn’t about to take this out on Adam. I turned back to my tree, it was so perfect. I fell into the snow, punching the ground, crying. He let me continue for a few minutes, when I was starting to slowdown, he carefully picked me up and carried me to the back porch and put me down.

“I don’t want to go back in there. Where did you live? Before I arrived here where did you live? I want to go there,” I begged. He grabbed my hand and swung me around in his arms, he lifted me off the ground. Within seconds I felt a strange detachment from this world, as though I was in some strange cloud, everything was a blur. I couldn’t make out anything around me, it was all too bright. When the light began to dim I noticed he had stopped at an old abandoned house. The windows had been boarded up. It was built deep into the woods, a long laneway led to the house. It truly was in the back country, completely secluded. He opened the front door and I walked in slowly. He quickly began pulling the sheets off the couches and chairs, than he went to work starting a fire. He disappeared upstairs and came back with two big duvets and a pillow.

“Sorry if they’re a little dusty,” he apologized.

“Why have you never brought me here before?” I asked. I was astonished he had a home.

“This is my hideout. If I ever felt that maybe you shouldn’t be with me, then this is where I would hide. I know it’s foolish, but I thought if I could hide from you, then it would be easier to leave you,” he explained.

“Why would you want to leave me?” I asked, looking at him, shocked.

“Natalie, I don’t want to leave you, but sometimes things like this are out of my control. Now you’re the one leaving me and I wanted you to know that there will always be a place you can find me,” he explained as he looked at me, reaching for my hands.

“I have no way of getting here Adam. I don’t even know if there is a road that leads here anymore. You’ll seriously have to draw me a map.”

“No Natalie, all you’ll have to do is come to the river bank. Just say my name and I’ll be there, with you,” he said seriously.

“I’m not leaving here, just so you know. This is my new house now. All I need is you,” I told him, reaching my hands around his waist.

“You can’t stay here. I would love it if you could, but I can’t feed you and you won’t be able to leave here without my help. This would become your prison and I can’t have that,” he tried to explain.

“Please, just let me stay awhile,” I begged, pulling him down on to the blankets with me. He didn’t fight me this time. He pulled me closer to him. I ran my fingers gently over his eyes, cheeks and lips. I slowly leaned in to kiss him. His scent was surrounding me. I climbed onto his lap, still holding his face as I kissed him harder. He gave up his resolve and lost control. He quickly undressed me and kissed every part of my body. When he returned to look into my eyes, I was tingling and dizzy. That’s when he held my hips in his hands and brought me to him. I felt lost in his energy and I prayed I would never be found. I could stay in this moment forever. I would never forget this feeling for as long as I lived.
“I love you more than life,” he whispered as I fell asleep in his arms.

When I awoke I looked up at him, watching me from the couch. I smiled as I reached for my clothes, wrapping the blanket around me I went over to him. He held my waist, holding me with both of his strong hands, as his head rested on my stomach. I brushed his hair off of his beautiful face. He looked up at me with his icy blue eyes. He was my angel. Once I was clothed I sat beside him on the couch.

“So, what is our plan? You know I’m not leaving you, so we need a plan,” I demanded.

“I wish I knew,” he said, sounding defeated.

“We should get going. Your parents will start to worry about you soon,” he sighed.

“Do you really think I give a damn how they feel? They sure as hell don’t care about me,” I replied, starting to feel frantic now. He took hold of my hands and kissed them.

“We’ll think of something,” he said as he let go of me and grabbed my coat and boots. He put the sheets back over the furniture and put out the fire. Tears streamed down my face. This was too much, this was worse than all the others leaving me. This was going to kill me. That’s it! Death is the only answer. The worst that could happen is already happening. I’m losing a part of my life that brings me the most peace. Even if I did come back to visit him, he might not be here. This is my only option. It’s strange how the idea didn’t scare me. I was even excited by it. I couldn’t tell Adam my plan though. I knew he would be extremely angry with me if I tried. He opened the door when he was ready to go. He tilted his head to look at me, searching my eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked, curiously.

“I am so happy. You make me so happy,” I said hugging him. He squeezed me, smiling and wrapped me up in his arms again and we were off.

When we reached my house he whispered in my ear, “I’ll see you soon” and he was gone. I went inside and prepared to brace myself for the lovely Christmas gift my parents were about to present me with, just the destruction of my whole world. I sat through it quietly. Luke didn’t seem to care. John on the other hand threw his plate against the wall and told my dad he was a “fucking asshole”. That started an even bigger fight. John turned and walked upstairs. He began to pack his things, while my mother cried silently. When John returned minutes later he put on his shoes and jacket.
“I’m leaving mom. I can’t live with that jerk anymore. I hope someday you will say those words too.” He kissed her on the cheek and patted Luke on the head as he headed for the front door. He stopped in front of me.

“I hope you’ll have the courage to leave this dysfunctional environment soon too,” he gave me a hug and walked out. I didn’t know where he was going, but I was jealous of how he must be feeling right now, completely free of it all. `Don’t worry John’, I thought to myself. I am leaving soon too. I’m just taking a different way out, I smiled to myself.

My parents had started packing a few days after New Year’s. I didn’t have too much time left to come up with a plan. I spent hours going over different scenarios with Adam, but we couldn’t come up with anything that would work. I wasn’t a ghost. I needed sustenance and in order to get it I needed money. I couldn’t travel as quickly as he could either. That could pose problems in the future for us. The unfortunate thing about Adam’s ability to travel was the restrictions he had. He was incapable of leaving a certain radius surrounding his house. Which explained why he couldn’t visit me when I was at the hospital, it was too far away, which is the reason why he won’t be able to find me when I move. He won’t be able to go far enough. It was extremely frustrating. He had tried several times to find an exit but nothing seemed to work. I had to build up my courage to do what was appearing to be our only chance. I just prayed we would be together at the end of it all.

I quickly rummaged through the bathroom medicine cabinet. The one good thing about having psychotic parents is that there was always a wide range of mind altering drugs around. I thought if I made myself an antidepressant cocktail mix then that might put me out, hopefully stopping my heart. I was not too familiar with the effects of medication on the body but I knew a little about overdoses. My fathers’ friend had died from a heroin overdose right in the middle of our kitchen floor many years ago.

I can remember that night so clearly, it was the same night Cheveyo introduced himself to me. My father had come home early with some of his friends. I could tell by the volume of their voices that the festivities had begun hours before they arrived home. I grabbed a hold of Muffy, my big white husky and took her outside. I was trying to find the boy that had saved me in the field from being run over by a tractor but I couldn’t find him anywhere. When I walked back into the house, I noticed that there probably wouldn’t be any dinner that night either as my mother had joined in on the party. The music was loud. The table was covered with bottles, ashtrays, foil, spoons, lighters and odd glasses with tubes. I just shook my head and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a large bowl of cold mashed potatoes from the fridge, covered it with ketchup, found three cans of cola, some spoons and went to find John and Luke upstairs. We sat on the floor quietly and ate dinner. They thanked me for the grub then went back to setting up the broken racetrack in John’s room. I walked up the remaining stairs to my room and shut the door.

 I didn’t want to see any of my father’s friends. They gave me a creepy feeling when I was near them. I slammed the door as I quietly cursed them all. I closed my eyes as I fell onto my bed. I looked up at the ceiling and rolled over. There, sitting on the floor was my hero. I looked back at my door to make sure it was shut then turned on the lamp. He jumped back into the shadows of my room.

“Hi!” I said. I was not really sure why he was here but I was happy he was. He looked kind of sad, so I decided not to ask too many questions right away, I didn’t want him to leave me.

“So, I wanted to say sorry for being mad when you pulled me out of the field, so I’m sorry,” I said cautiously.

“You are forgiven,” he said smiling at me.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Cheveyo,” he replied.

“Cheveyo. I like it. My name is Natalie,” he smiled up at me again. He already knew my name. I remembered him saying it in the field. Some loud banging sounds interrupted our conversation. It was coming from downstairs. It sounded like a chair possibly being thrown against the wall. I also heard some glass breaking, then came the swearing and crying.

“Good times,” I said under my breath, frowning. A few minutes later Luke came running into my room, slamming and locking my old heavy wooden door. The lock on the door was a metal square that had a small metal tab on the top that slid back and forth, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn’t.