Inevitable (31 page)

“
You in there, Maddie?”

No. A fucking
ghost has hijacked the bathroom and locked the door.

“
Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute,” I answered as chirpily as I
could manage. “Actually I’m just gonna hop in the shower,” I tacked
on when I gagged on the whiff of vomit coming from my matted
hair.

“
Bacon?” she asked. I retched loudly. “Too much to drink last
night huh?” And then she laughed. I wished she was
right.

“
Something like that,” I muttered and then I heard her
footsteps growing fainter as she made her way to the
kitchen.

I
lingered in the shower until the water ran cold. Even then I didn’t
get out straight away. The cool spray was refreshing… and painful
enough to help me forget. When I eventually resurfaced I threw on
some joggers and a wholly unflattering, shapeless grey t-shirt
before scrunching my hair into a high ponytail and heading out into
the living room.

“
I won’t do it. You can’t make me.” my mum whispered
aggressively down the phone. “Get fucked, Trudy.” Then she hung up.
Her eyes widened in horror when she spun around and saw me standing
there.

“
Oh,” she uttered. “Bacon,” she said, “I’m making bacon.” She
nodded to herself as if she was having a conversation with someone
who wasn’t there.

“
Can I talk to you?” I asked warily. What the fuck was it
with Treacle lately? People loved her then hated her, or hated her
then loved her. I was missing something and I was determined to
find out what.

“
I thought that’s what we were doing,” she said and then
practically ran the two steps into the kitchen. “I put you some
bacon under the grill anyway. You need food if you’ve got a
hangover. I know you might not feel like it but-”

“
Mum!” I interrupted. She was avoiding the subject she knew I
was going to question her about. “Please come and sit
down.”

“
I can’t. The bacon will burn.” I reached across her and turned
the knob for the grill off.

“
Please,” I virtually begged. She huffed into her shoulder
like a stroppy twelve-year-old and then stomped over to the sofa.
“What’s going on with you and Trudy?” I asked bluntly. No point in
beating around the bush.

“
Nothing.”

“
Don’t lie to me! That’s not the first row I’ve heard you have
with her. Something’s going on and I want to know.”

“
There’s nothing to know,” she said, shrugging and looking
towards the floor. I sat myself down next to her.

“
The doctor said he thought you were hiding something from him.
That maybe you had a trigger that led to your…” I trailed
off.

“
That led to me turning into a fucking nut case?”

I sighed,
unsure of how to proceed. If I yelled at her, insisted that she
answered me she might close down… or go mental again. But if I
tried the nicey-nicey approach, she might walk all over me and
convince me there was nothing to worry about.

“
Please, Mum. I’m just worried about you. I could always ask
Trudy.” I tried calling her bluff. I had no desire or intentions of
talking to
Treacle but my mum didn’t know that.

“
No!” she snapped. “You mustn’t do that! Promise me, Maddie.
Please don’t do that.”

“
I’m not promising anything. Either you tell me, or
she
does. I want to know
what’s going on!” I insisted.

“
Maddie please. I can’t… just leave it alone.
Please
.” I shifted nervously in my seat. This sounded a hell of a
lot more serious than I was expecting. To be honest I thought my
mum had just stolen a few bucks from Treacle’s purse or something.
I know that sounds despicable, and even worse that I sound not
altogether arsed about it – but well… that’s just something my mum
would do I guess.

“
Mum you’re starting to scare me now. What the hell is going
on?” I looked down at my mum’s hands. She was trying to stem the
trembling by twisting her fingers together on top of her
knees.

“
Mum!” I snapped. She started to cry so I placed my hand on top
of her knee and squeezed it encouragingly.

“
Please, Maddie. Please don’t do this,” she pleaded, her voice
rippling through her sobs.

“
Do what, Mum? Will you just spit it out already!” I barked
impatiently. I hadn’t meant to but she was freaking me the hell
out. “Please, Mum. Whatever it is will be okay. We can deal with
anything you and me, remember?”

My mum brought
my hand up to her lips and kissed each of my fingers before
clutching it close to her heart.

“
Okay,” she sighed, deflated. “I need you to promise me
something though?”

“
Anything.”

“
After what I’m about to tell you, you will probably hate
me. You will probably want to run away and never look back and I
won’t blame you for that. I knew this day would come eventually –
despite praying every single day that it wouldn’t. What I need you
to promise is that you’ll try and believe me when I say that I love
you. That I have
always
loved you, despite the shit job I’ve done of raising
you.”

My pulse
throbbed so violently it felt like my body was trying to take off.
What ever she was about to say I was almost sure I wasn’t ready to
hear. What the fuck had I done?

“
Promise me, Maddie!” she repeated.

“
I-I promise.”

My mum nodded
and dragged in a deep breath.

“
Maddie, I’m not your real mother,” she claimed
calmly.

“
What! What the fuck are you talking about?” I shouted, jumping
up from my seat. This had to be a joke. Her sickest ever granted,
but a joke nonetheless. Unless… oh my god she was going mental
again. “Should I call the doctor? Do you think it’s happening
again? Yes. I’ll call him. I think it’s happening again. Where’s my
phone. Shit where’s his number…”

“
Maddie!” my mum yelled. I didn’t see her stand up but
suddenly her face was level with mine. “Maddie look at me,” she
ordered, placing her hands on my shoulders. Reluctantly, I did as I
was told. “It’s the truth. I’m not going mad. I’m not making a
joke. It’s real, Maddie. I’m not your mum.”

How? Who?
When?

“
You-you… how can you not be my mum?” I shook my head. I felt
like if I shook it hard enough it would toss out all the impossible
shit pouring into my ears.

“
Trudy is your mother, Maddie.”

“
What!” I jerked away from her. She reached out for me but
then seeing the hostility oozing from my body she shrank back
again. “Trudy?
Trudy
Trudy? Trudy Elwood Trudy?”

“
Yes, Maddie.” I kept shaking my head. “Trudy’s maiden name was
Davis.”

Holy shit.
My
surname is Davis!

“
I can’t…what… I mean why…”

“
I can’t tell you why she left you, Maddie. I mean, Mitch
offered her an escape out of our one-bed rat infested flat. He
offered her money and luxury. She would never want for anything… so
she took it. But as for you, I don’t know why – or how – she
could’ve left you.”

I felt faint.
Sick. My mum was the pivot as the room span around us.

“
But I loved you. I still love you! I was a screw up I know.
I’ve been fucked up my whole life but I never left you! I couldn’t.
You were such a beautiful, perfect little girl and I didn’t even
need to think about taking you on as my own. As far as I’m
concerned you
are
mine. You always will be.”

“
Is-is that why we came here? So you could…
introduce
me to the woman who
gave birth to me?” I wouldn’t call her ‘Mum’. I
couldn’t.

“
No. We came here because as usual I fucked up. I needed to
get away –
far
away - and Trudy offered to help us. She swore to me
nothing would change – that she was happy to be in your life as a
‘friend’. But when she saw you…”

“
So you would have lied to me for what? Forever? You would’ve
let me live here with her, knowing who she was and that she
abandoned me!”

“
I’m so sorry, Maddie.” Without realising what I was doing I
started walking towards the door. “No don’t go! Not like this.
Please talk to me. Don’t leave me, Maddie, I love you! You’re my
baby!”

When I
looked back my mum was on her knees with her hands clasped as if
she was praying.

“
I’m not leaving,” I assured her. “Well, I
am
leaving but I’m
not
leaving
leaving. I’ll be back later. I just need some air.” It was
a sort of lie. I was coming back – but I wasn’t leaving for air. I
was leaving to go and have it out with Treacle, and the way I felt
in that moment I was pretty sure I was going to smack her
abandoning arse into next week.

“
I don’t hate you…
Mum
,” I said without looking at her. Then I pulled on some
trainers, walked out the door, slammed it behind me and sprinted to
the main road to hail a taxi.

Blaine

Maddie didn’t
reply to my text. I’d finally succeeded in making her hate me. That
was a good thing. I was happy about that. Expect I totally wasn’t.
It hurt like hell.

I spent the whole of last night lying awake and doing
something which only ever makes me feel like shit… thinking. At one
point I found myself wishing I could go back a few months. Life was
so much easier when all I had to think about was which girl to
get
wasted
that night.

Strikes were an…
issue
, of course but on the whole if I kept my mouth
shut and excelled at football then I didn’t have to deal with them
too often – couple of times a month maybe. Things would still
likely be that simple if I’d never allowed myself to get so close
to Maddie. Maybe if…

No. I don’t
regret that. I can’t.

Despite
everything
I only ever felt happy… safe, when I held Maddie in my
arms. I would always be grateful for that. In fact, if I spent the
rest of my life succumbing to this torturous existence it would
almost be worth it knowing I had experienced what it felt like to
love… to
be
loved.

I was rummaging in the freezer for ice for my knuckles when
I heard banging at the door. Not regular knocking – but bashing
utter shit out of it
knocking. Curious, I made my way towards it. I hadn’t
buzzed anyone in so it must be someone with the code to the gates.
The thunderous bashing continued and I rolled my eyes as I reached
for the handle – it was probably just Trudy forgot her keys…
again.

When I opened
the door my heart leapt up into my throat and I struggled to
breathe past it.

“
Maddie
?”

My instincts
told me to run but then I realised I couldn’t – I was in my own
house for fuck’s sake.

“
Is she here?” she asked fretfully. “Trudy I mean.”

“
Um, no. My dad’s took her away for the night. Kara’s at a
sleepover. It’s just… me.” Maddie’s face dropped and then tensed
again. Her expression was flipping between anger and sadness to
downright despair.

“
Maddie?” I pressed carefully. “Has something happened?”
Besides me treating you like shit without explanation, you almost
being raped and then you witnessing me nearly beat the slimy fucker
to a pulp of course.

Suddenly
a torrent of tears washed over her beautiful face. I didn’t
hesitate – I leaned over the threshold and pulled her into me,
cradling her head against my chest. My own tears threatened as her
delicious smell invaded my senses. God she smelt good. She felt so
warm, so comfortable. Her body moulded into mine like she was made
just for me.

Fuck, I loved
her.

“
Will you come inside?”

She simply
nodded, slowly raising her head from my chest. I led her into the
main living room and gestured my hand towards the couch.
Cautiously, I perched down next to her. We sat in silence for
almost half an hour. The only sound was the sniffles which
accompanied her tears. I didn’t press her to talk. I didn’t touch
her – I didn’t have the right anymore.

“
Everything I’ve ever believed is a lie,” she eventually
muttered so quietly I barely heard her.

Holy fuck. She
knows.

I toyed with
the idea of playing dumb whilst she explained but I’d had enough of
lying to her – of treating the most precious thing in my world like
utter trash.

“
You know, don’t you?” I said, cocking my head to get a
better view of her eyes. They widened in astonishment… or
betrayal.

“
What do you mean ‘I know’? Do
you
know?”

“
I don’t know. What do
you
know?”

“
Don’t fuck with me, Blaine! Did you know Trudy is my
mother?”

Yep. She
knew.

“
Yes. Yes I did.” What else could I say? She bolted as far away
from me as she could. I hung my head low. I had never been so
ashamed of myself.