Inevitable (36 page)

“
She’s amazing. She’s fun, sarcastic and annoying as hell.
She’s just like you in fact…” If it hadn’t been for the angry
blisters speckled across his shoulders I’d have smacked him with a
pillow. “She looks so much like you too. I didn’t notice until I
found out the truth. But her hair’s the same colour. And her eyes –
she has those beautiful chocolate eyes of yours.”

I had never
been close enough to Kara to study her eye-colour but on reflection
her hair was most definitely the same chestnut shade as mine. Just
thinking about her felt so surreal.

“
Do you think she’ll hate me?” I asked. That poor girl had no
idea what was waiting for her when she got back from her sleepover.
The idea that I was being presumptuous crossed my mind. Nobody had
actually said Kara was to find out. But surely there have been
enough lies between our fucked-up families?

“
Of course not!” he didn’t hesitate to respond. “How can you
possibly think that?”

“
Because I kind of hated her when I found out. Or at least
I
wanted
to.” Scorching waves of heat flooded my cheeks as I
revealed out loud what a spiteful, jealous bitch I was. “I was so
jealous of her. Envious of the fact she was wanted. But then I
realised that wasn’t her fault. She’s just a kid. I was a nasty
bitch for even thinking such things.”

“
You were hurting,” Blaine interjected.

“
That’s no excuse,” I said firmly. “Besides, I also realised
that I
had
always been wanted. Maybe not by the person who
should’ve
wanted me, but I was
loved all the same.”

Somehow we had gotten off track. When I started this
conversation it was my intention for us to work out how we were
goin
g to end
the years of abuse he’d suffered at the hands of his twisted
father. Yet now we were talking about me and
my
problems and I wasn’t quite sure how
that happened.

“
I need to get dressed. I, um… well, I might need some help,”
Blaine muttered sounding embarrassed.

“
I guess it will be good practice for when we’re old and
grey and I’m wiping your wrinkly arse,” I teased in a
ridiculous effort to
lighten the impossibly dark world we lived in right now.

I helped Blaine into the shower (even though I’m sure I
didn’t actually need to) and passed him the shower head so he could
just wash his ‘essentials’. It was then
he explained how he got the blisters
on his back. He said he didn’t do it intentionally, seeming
mortified at the idea he’d become a self-harmer or something. ‘I
was just trying to wash it all away’ he told me. I fought so hard
not to cry, but whilst he was getting dry a few escapees snuck from
my eyes.

Back in the bedroom I tenderly applied more
bur
n gel to
his back and shoulders, noting that the blisters were already
looking a little calmer, before holding out a white cotton shirt
for him to slip his arms into. He gulped as it hit his skin and
every part of me wished I could take the pain for him.

“
I have a trust fund set up by my mother that reaches maturity
when I hit eighteen,” Blaine said out of nowhere.

“
Okay?” I said questioningly.

“
That’s just two months away. So, after what you said last
night I was thinking we could use it to set up somewhere new after
graduation. Take Kara and your mom with us. What do you
think?”

It sounded so
easy, so tempting. But last night I wasn’t thinking rationally. My
runaway plan just blurted out in a moment of desperation.

“
Blaine you can’t take Kara. She’s not yours. And rightly or
wrongly she loves her father – to her he’s the perfect dad. She
wouldn’t leave him, or Trudy for that matter. The only way out of
this is expose your dad for the monster he is.”

Blaine sighed
and ran his tense fingers through his hair which was still damp and
ruffled from his shower.

“
Maybe Trudy will help us. Maybe she’ll come too,” he said
quietly, as if he was reasoning with himself and I wondered if he
was thinking the same thing I was – if Trudy was prepared to leave
Mitch she would have done it a long time ago.

“
Does Trudy know what your father does to you?” I asked. It was
a question that had been burning a hole in my mind for a
while.

“
Not everything. Nobody knows everything,” he admitted,
sucking in a sharp breath. I think a punch to the stomach wouldn’t
have left me as winded. He said
nobody
knows? What was he keeping from me? I
opened my mouth to ask him and then closed it again. I didn’t know
if he would even answer me, but I was petrified in case he did. How
fucking selfish was that?

“
We will talk to Trudy.
Together
,” I said, trying to sound optimistic as I
took his face in my hands. “We’re in this together.”

“
Together,” he repeated with a smile that didn’t reach his
eyes. Then he took my hands from his face and clutched them to his
chest before lowering his head and brushing my lips with
his.

“
You know, the face fluff kind of suits you. Makes you look all
worldly and sophisticated,” I teased. Seeing it appear a little
thicker each day from a distance at school, accompanied with his
troubled face and sunken eyes – he looked kind of trampy. But now,
freshly showered and baring those brilliant white teeth of his
through a wide smile… he looked pretty freaking hot. Mature –
professional.

“
You think?” He cocked an eyebrow and rubbed along his rough
jaw with his thumb and forefinger. “Well maybe I’ll keep it, just
for you,” he said in a cheeky tone, winking at me. Then he took
hold of my hands again and kissed each knuckle one by one. It was
impossible to imagine anything was wrong with the world when Blaine
was this close to me. Instinctively my hands broke free as my arms
wrapped themselves around him.

Wincing, he
stiffened and pulled back.

“
Shit! I’m so sorry.
” I flustered when I realised what I’d done. “Are
you okay?”

“
I’m fine, I’m fine,” he assured. “Maybe need to lay off the
hugging for a day or two though.” He winked at me and I so wanted
to believe he was happy. But he wasn’t. He was shattered… defeated.
I’d have given my life to fix him in that moment – to make him
happy again. “Can I take you on a date tonight?”

“
A date?” I asked, a look of perplexity washing over my
face.

“
Well, I had this special night planned for your birthday.
Obviously I totally screwed that one up, but I’d like another shot.
If you’d let me?” My lips curved up into their first genuine smile
in what seemed like forever.

“
I would love that,” I said genuinely. “Although I have to
work tonight. Just till seven mind you, Michelle needs me to go in
early for her next Saturday so she’s covering a couple of hours for
me tonight.”

“
I’ll be there at quarter-to.” He smiled an adorable,
believable smile that filled me with hope.

Blaine’s
mobile vibrated against the wood of his nightstand, interrupting
us. Rolling his eyes he ambled over towards it. After tapping the
screen and staring at it for no longer than a couple of seconds he
sighed.

“
It’s
Trudy. They’ll be back in an hour. I’d best get you home,”
he said, deflated. My heart plummeted into the depths of my
stomach. Walking away from him after everything we’d just been
through was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever had to do in my
life. How was I supposed to function not knowing what his father
was doing to him? Or even what he was doing to himself?

“
Okay,” I reluctantly acknowledged. “I can make my own way
though. Driving might be difficult with-”

“
Maddie, I am taking you home,” he ordered firmly. “Stop
worrying about me,” he added a little more gently.
“Besides, I will
have to drive to get to school.”

“
Blaine you’re in no fit state for school,” I said, concern
flooding my voice.

“
I’m better off at school than here,” he replied. I nodded in
agreement. He was right.

Seeing
as though I arrived last night with only the clothes on my back I
was ready to leave whenever Blaine was. After dragging on some
white cords - which only someone with a body as fine as Blaine’s
could pull off - again wincing as he bent down - then stepping into
his white trainers and grabbing his car keys from his jacket
pocket, we left for my house.

As it stood,
Lori still drove me to school everyday so after puling up outside
my house and giving me a kiss which filled me with both love and
sadness, Blaine drove away. I stared longingly after his car until
it disappeared around the bend at the end of our street. I prayed
silently that nothing, or no one, would hurt him while we were
apart.

It took me a
few minutes to get myself together enough to go inside the house.
My mum shot up from the sofa the second I opened the door.

“
Hey,” she rushed out, trying but failing to sound casual. I
practically charged at her, scooping her into my arms.

“
You need to stop thinking I’m not coming home,” I whispered in
her ear because I knew damn well that’s what she’d been thinking
since the second I left last night. “I forgive you,
Mum.”

She pulled
back slightly, tears burning the edges of her eyes.

“
You…you do?” As she said the words the threatening tears
spilled over the edge and rained down her flushed cheeks. I nodded
at her.

“
I’ve got a long way to go before I can understand, but I
couldn’t hate you. You’re my mum. I love you.”

“
Oh dear god, Maddie, I love you too. So, so much.” Pulling her
back into my chest I buried my face in her neck and we hugged
tighter than we ever had before. We had been through so much
together. So many highs, just as many lows. We could get through
this I knew we could.

Eventually I
had to break free from our embrace or I’d have been late for
school. After showering quickly and dressing even faster I threw a
slice of toast down my neck and washed it down with some fresh
orange juice just in time for the sound of Lori’s horn. I kissed my
mum goodbye and headed outside. Everything was so bizarrely normal.
It unnerved me a little.

When I climbed into the passenger seat of Lori’s car I
could tell instantly something wasn’t right – or rather something
was incredibly
right
. She was literally bouncing up and down with a smile so
wide it looked painful.

“
Everything…okay?” I asked with a bemused smirk on my
face.

“
Sure,” she replied. I could tell she was aiming for
nonchalance but she was squirming in her seat as she started the
engine back up. “What about you?” she asked.

“
Actually…” I was about to tell her I’d had the weekend from
hell and then ask if we could go somewhere private for lunch so we
could talk when she cut me off.

“
For god’s sake, Maddie, are you not going to push me to
tell you why I’m so excited!”

“
Um…” Was this a trick question? “So, Lori, tell me what’s
going on with you,” I said with fake enthusiasm.

“
I thought you’d never ask!” she beamed. “So, Michelle and I
went shopping yesterday and then she suggested we finish the day
off with a movie. So we went to the multiplex and got tickets to
see… oh hell, Maddie, she kissed me!”

“
Oh my god!” Yep, I actually squealed like I was… well like
I was Lori. “Lori this is
huge
.”

“
I know right?”

“
So?
”

“
So, what?”

I rolled my
eyes at her.

“
Soooo,” I repeated, elongating the word. “What does this
mean? Are you two
officially together? Are you
ready
to be together?” I pressed carefully. This was so
much bigger a deal for Lori than if she’d just a kissed some random
guy from school.

“
Well, we talked for a while afterwards. I told her
how…
new
to this I was, and that quite frankly the whole thing
scared the hell out of me. I expected her to tell me to quit being
a pussy-” (that is something I can totally hear Michelle saying)
“and to just bite the bullet you know. I mean… she’s so ‘out there’
with everything. I assumed she wouldn’t understand.”

“
But she did?” I asked but already knew the answer. I’d got
to know Michelle well enough from working with her to know she
would never push somebody into anything. Well, unless your name was
Sky and it was a table she was pushing you into.

“
She totally did. She said I would just ‘know’ when I was ready
to take the next step and tell everybody, and then she said she’d
be there for me when I was. She’s amazing, Maddie.”

“
I’m so pleased for you,” I said because I genuinely was. It
felt comforting to know good things were still happening in the
world.

When we got to school my eyes instantly began their search
for Blaine. I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted him
lounging on the
large patch of grass outside the cafeteria block, propping himself
up on his elbow and smoking a cigarette. Hell I almost considered
asking him for one myself. But then I remembered the time I tried
one of my mums when I was sixteen and ended up spewing my guts
up.