Inevitable (43 page)

Not quiet
enough it would seem.

“
Eww! You two are disgusting!” Kara shrieked as she entered
the kitchen. I felt Blaine’s breath quicken against my neck as he
let out a soft laugh. His laugh was the most beautiful, comforting
sound in the whole world. I got to hear it a lot these days. Every
day.

He was happy.
I was happy. Our family was happy.

That’s what we
are now – a family.

I moved in shortly after Mitch’s funeral (which Blaine
insisted he attended as proof that he was really gone). Trudy
witnessed the whole…
episode
and with the scars shrouding Blaine’s body, the
police admitted there was no denying it was an act of
self-defence.

There was a disused annex off the side of the house which
Trudy had converted for my mum, ready for when she came out of
hospital. She was discharged after five weeks with a whole new set
of meds and an endless list of appointments to various counsellors
and therapists. That was s
ix months ago now and she’s trying so hard. She’s
never missed a single appointment, she takes all her medication (I
watch her) and she’s… Well, I was going to say she’s ‘normal’ again
but hell, my mum’s never been normal.

She’s my mum
again. I’m thankful for that today.

Trudy and I
have grown closer too - although I don’t think I could ever
call her ‘mum’. She’s been teaching me to drive during my free
couple of hours between school and work. She says I’m a natural –
if you don’t count the time I reversed into one of her prized
statues out the front. She’s different since Mitch… She’s happier,
freer. She’s actually pretty funny and I can see how she and my mum
became such good friends in the first place. If Trudy allows
herself to forget that’s not all that posh for a minute – she’s got
the same crude sense of humour as Mum.

So although I don’t think of Trudy as my
mother, she’s most
certainly become a very special friend. I’m thankful for that
today.

“
You want me to do the carrots,
sis?” Kara asked, interrupting my
reverie.

“
Sure,” I replied with a grateful smile. “Thanks…
sis.
”

Kara is
adorable and it feels fantastic having a baby sister to worry over.
She reminds me so much of myself at that age. She’s stubborn and
fierce and takes no shit from anyone – except maybe Blaine. I’ve
been trying to teach her how to tell him to fuck the hell off when
he starts with his over-protective brother crap but she’s not got
the balls yet! I know it’s because she loves him. And he loves her
which is why he’s so bossy of her in the first place.

I’m so proud of how well she’s coped with the last few
months. The things she saw
that
day are enough to completely fuck up a thirteen
year olds mind, but she’s been so brave. There have been a few
occasions I’ve caught her crying in her bedroom – alone. She would
never let Blaine see her cry and I know it’s because she feels
guilty for missing her dad. I suppose that’s natural though. She
has an entirely different set of memories and emotions attached to
that man than Blaine does – it must be hard to let those
go.

I love my
sister. I’m thankful for that today.

And yep, she
finally got me hooked on The Vampire Diaries. I’m a closet Team
Damon but I wouldn’t dare tell Kara that though – or Lori for that
matter.

I’m so proud
of Lori. Sky started spitting her venom during finals week and
announced to the cafeteria that she’d seen Lori kissing another
girl. You could tell by the smug grin on her face she expected Lori
to either a) deny it, or b) run away crying. Much to her surprise
however Lori simply replied ‘and she kisses so much better than you
did’. I swear the whole cafeteria erupted in laughter, pointing and
mocking… not Lori – Sky. I wouldn’t normally enjoy watching such a
scene but Sky was a manipulative bitch who made my best friend’s
life hell for too long. Last I heard Daddy cut off her credit cards
and she was working in Walmart. Being the child that I am, the
thought makes me smile.

All in
all everyone at school was accepting of Lori’s revelation. It was
at home she struggled the most. Her mother refused to talk to her
for almost three weeks and then Michelle donned her no-bullshit
cape and went to see Mrs Hanson without warning Lori. To this day
nobody except Michelle and Mrs Hanson know what was said. All we do
know, is that night Lori came home to the longest, tightest hug
she’d had from her mother since being a little girl.

Now, Michelle
and Lori walk hand in hand, loud and proud. After graduating they
were both accepted into UCLA and now share a dorm on campus.
They’re so in love it makes me feel a little nauseous and I find
myself hoping me and Blaine don’t stare it each other so gooey-eyed
in public.

Although I
suspect we probably do.

Lori has
been the best friend I could ever ask for. Michelle a close second.
I guess I should throw Don in there somewhere too. I have wonderful
friends. I’m thankful for that today.

Thanks to our altogether fucked up start to the year Blaine
and I both failed finals. So did Jason. Not because he had a hard
start to the year, but because he was spending more time screwing
girls in the back of his car than studying. Therefore we are all
repeating senior year – together. It’s not as bad as I imagined. If
I’m honest I’m actually quite enjoying it and for the first time in
my life I have a career goal. I’m planning to go to university and
major in psychology. It feels kind of weird admitting this but my
mum’s illness really intrigues me – fascinates me even. I want to
understand it better – help people in her situation…
our
situation.

Blaine has
quit football – even though he was their star player. I think he’s
making a stand more than anything. Letting the world know nobody
can tell him what to do anymore – except me of course! He wants to
study law and I just know he’s more than capable. He’s one of the
smartest people I know. It was circumstance keeping him from
graduation, not lack of intelligence.

I love him so
much. He loves me so much. We were meant to be – there’s no other
explanation for how complete he makes me feel.

This time last
year I was pretty much alone. Mopping up my mum’s sick on the odd
occasion she bothered to come home. Twelve months later and I am
about to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner with my boyfriend and my
wonderful family. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I have never
been so happy.

I am so
incredibly thankful for that today, and always.

Blaine

“
W
e
did it, lish!” I said proudly, stepping over the sea of graduation
caps and turning to Maddie. She smiled, equally proud and then
leaned in to kiss me.

We did it. We graduated. Now we are ready to start our new
life – just the two of us. I have bought us an apartment smack bang
in between Trudy’s house and the university and we officially move
in tomorrow. We made the decision to apply
for local universities back in the
fall – neither of us willing to leave the family we’d spent our
entire lives missing out on. Besides, it doesn’t so much
matter
where
you study, but how hard you are prepared work.

Life is good. Actually fuck that, life is great. I’ve
almost forgotten what it feels like to be sad, or scared…
almost.
It took me a good
six months of therapy to let go of the guilt. Yep, you heard right
– I’ve been going to therapy. We
all
have. At first I only agreed to go because Maddie
asked me – adamant that therapy was for pussies. But it was without
a doubt one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. My therapist –
Amanda – has this way of getting me to talk without even having to
ask me questions. Then she suggests ways of re-thinking things that
seem obvious once she’s said them but yet I’d never have come up
with them on my own.

Sometimes we
go as a family but most times on our own. We never ask what was
said at anyone’s sessions unless we bring it up voluntarily or
during family sessions. I don’t think it’s the kind of thing any of
us feels comfortable discussing over the dinner table – ‘hey could
you pass the salt? Oh yeah and do you remember that time I skipped
practice and my dad raped me?’

My stomach
twisted just thinking about it.

Having to see Kara every day, knowing how much she
missed
him
even though she would never say it, tore me apart. We
didn’t look each other in the eye for weeks. For the first few days
she couldn’t even be in the same room as me. I took
him
away from her. That
was how she saw it – at first anyway. The guilt shredded my insides
to ribbons – despite what
he’d
done to me and almost did to Maddie. She refused
to believe what
he
had done – or rather she didn’t want to. The evidence was
forever etched upon my back.

Then, after arriving home from her fifth therapy session
she called my name for the first time since
it
happened and hugged me as if she
needed my touch just to breathe. I don’t know what happened in
therapy that day and I don’t care. Like I said none of us ever
discuss our private sessions – not even Maddie and me. All that
matters is I got my little sister back that day and I will
never
ever
let her go again.

In some fucked up sense I missed
him
myself for a while. That was closely
followed by me hating myself for feeling such a thing. Then I
accepted it. I didn’t miss what he’d done to me. I didn’t
particularly miss
him
as such. I learnt to realise I missed the father I’d never
had. These days I don’t tend to think about
him
that much – I won’t allow
myself.

The initial few weeks that followed
that
day were the worst. Naturally
everyone found out what had happened. It made the papers and the
local news. Everyone knew what a twisted fuck
he
was and how weak
I
was. Or at least that’s what I used to
believe – that I was weak. It was only when my therapist asked if
Kara had been in my situation and acted the way I had would I
see
her
as weak or pathetic? Would I think she deserved it for not
being stronger like I believed for so long about myself?

No. Of course not. That’s when, for the first time, I
realised I wasn’t responsible. I didn’t deserve the things that
happened to me and it
wasn’t
my fault. It was
his.
He obviously had dark issues rooted deep inside
him that were beyond anyone’s control but his own. I have accepted
the fact I will never know the what’s or why’s. I don’t need to
know. I don’t
want
to know. It’s over – that’s all I need to know. The past is
exactly that – past… gone. That’s why I have vowed to only allow
myself to think about the future from now on. After all, that’s
where I’ll be spending the rest of my life.

T
here
were stares and whispers when I started back at school but I’ve
never been one to care what other people thought so that didn’t
bother me…
too
much. The hardest part was probably the one armed hug I got
off Jason, followed by lots of masculine coughing and a pat on the
back.

Jason has graduated too…
just.
He’s not applied for any colleges though, choosing
instead to go into his father’s undertakers business. The whole
idea of that creeps me the hell out but each to their own I guess.
I think he’s in love too, even though he fiercely denies it. But
let’s just say he’s been screwing Bonnie Jepson exclusively for
three whole months now and I haven’t caught him so much as glance
at another girl’s tits.

Yep, he’s
definitely
in love. I’ll have to start inviting them on Maddie and my
date nights with Lori and Michelle if he keeps this up. If for no
other reason that I
need
another guy there. There’s only so many times I can listen
to three girls discussing everything from vampires to makeup to
periods without wanting to rip off my ears and dissolve them in
acid.

“
Congratulations!” Kara beamed, crashing in between me and
Maddie in the crowd of cheering students. She high-fived Maddie and
then me and then took hold of both our hands and started dragging
us towards Annie and Trudy who were standing teary-eyed at the back
of the hall.

Kara has changed… a
lot
. She has grown up so much – physically as well as
emotionally. She’s turned into quite the little stunner, her
resemblance to Maddie growing by the day. And… she’s got her first
boyfriend - or at least the first one that she’s told
me
about. I’m not quite
sure how I feel about that. Screw that, I know exactly how I feel –
I don’t fucking like it. He seems a nice enough kid I guess but I
can’t look at him without remembering what was going through
my
mind at that age and
wanting to ram his face into the nearest wall.