Infinite Love (50 page)

‘Happy birthday, Mia,’ smiled Sofia as she kissed me and then Greyson.

‘Thank you Sofia, you must be so tired if you only just landed.’

‘I slept on the plane. You look tired though.’

‘I’m fine, just a restless night. I was so excited to know you were all coming today.’

‘Happy wedding anniversary, too,’ she smiled and turned to kiss Gabe and Tabitha.

‘Robert,’ I beamed as he appeared with the cases.

‘Mia! Happy birthday and wedding anniversary. I’ve been so looking forward to spending the week here with you all. How’s my grandson,” he asked as I handed him over. Greyson clapped his hands, he loved Robert. Especially when Robert threw him in the air and caught him. I both loved and hated it at the same time. Greyson always squealed with delight, which was wonderful, but I was terrified of Robert dropping him.

‘Where’s Ava?’ I asked, disappointed. ‘You haven’t left her with the nanny have you?’

‘No,’ he smiled. ‘She was so excited to come and see her big brother that she wore herself out running around on the plane. She’s asleep in the car.’

‘No, she’s not,’ laughed Gabe as we heard a sudden alarmed cry. ‘Here Mia, take Tabby and I’ll go and get Ava out.’ This time Tabitha smiled and giggled when I took her from him. I put her on my hip and brushed her dark hair from her forehead and kissed her. She
was
beautiful. I smiled as I saw Gabe get his sister out of the car and she flung her arms around his neck.

‘When is everyone else arriving?’ asked Robert.

‘Within the next couple of hours. Go and get settled in upstairs and we can all go and visit Tabby’s grave, then we can come back and have some champagne while we wait for everyone.’

‘Are you ok?’ asked Gabe as he sat at the table with his arm around me and kissed my temple.

‘I am,’ I nodded as I wiped a tear from my eye.

‘Happy tears?’ he asked.

‘I haven’t had one sad tear since the night we thought we’d lost them and Lexi,’ I confirmed as I clutched his chin and kissed him. ‘I’ll never have unhappy tears again, not now that I have you and my wonderful children.’

‘I’m so in love with you, Mrs. Austin,’ he sighed with a happy smile and kissed me again. I looked around the table, so happy to have all my loved ones with us today.

Lexi had Tabitha on her knees, and Doug was sitting with his arm around Lexi’s shoulders and I smiled. They’d been dating for thirteen months, ever since he asked her the moment she woke up from her operation and had said yes, thank God. I was so pleased for her. He’d moved in with us and had nursed her back to health, while we were getting to grips with our two new arrivals. We’d sent them on a two week holiday to the apartment in Hong Kong when she was feeling better. She was a full time counsellor now, for the foster children’s service, and had given up work at the club. Doug had taken over as the full time assistant manager to me, and they had some weird living together arrangement flitting between their two apartments. Our movie Tuesdays weren’t as successful, not with two demanding babies vying for our attention during the films, but I just loved that she was so much a part of their lives, calling in regularly at night and over the weekends to spend time with me and to see them.

Georgie was engaged to Justin, finally. They’d been together for eight years now and I really thought it was never going to happen. They were chatting to Sofia, who kept looking over to watch Robert, who was bouncing Ava on his knee. Mum and Gerry were fighting over cuddling Greyson. Tabitha was a bit more reserved, but Greyson adored anyone who had time for a cuddle, tickles or kisses. Mum and Gerry were firm friends with Robert and Sofia and often spent some of their holiday time over in New York with them, which was wonderful. We went over there regularly with Gabe’s work, Beth accompanying us as well. In a few weeks the five of us were due to leave for a month in Hong Kong for a streamlining of the offices, which Gabe was in charge of. I was really looking forward to it, I had happy memories of Hong Kong from the part of our honeymoon there. I was startled from my daydream by Gabe tapping his knife against his champagne glass.

‘Can I have everyone’s attention please?’ he called and we all looked up at him, Tabby started crying for her Dada, so Lexi passed her over to him and he held her with one arm as he started his toast. ‘I just want to thank you all for coming to spend Christmas with us, I can’t tell you what it means to have you all here, for our closest family to be together. I would like to propose a toast to my gorgeous, wonderful wife, mother of my children and light of my life, on her twenty-fourth birthday and our fourth wedding anniversary. When I said those vows that day, I really didn’t think it was possible for me to have more love in my heart for her as I did that day. She proves me wrong each morning when I wake up and see her smiling face, and my heart breaks every time I see her holding one of my children in her arms. I love you Mia Austin, forever.’ Everyone clapped as I started crying again and Gabe dipped his head to kiss me.

‘Well, I’d like to make an announcement if I may,’ said Doug as he stood up and looked down at Lexi, with a hand on her shoulder. I pulled a tissue out of my pocket, knowing what was coming, I was going to need it. ‘I asked Lexi to marry me this morning and she’s agreed, making me the happiest man alive today.’ Everyone started clapping and cheering and Lexi went bright red.

‘Second happiest, Doug,’ laughed Gabe as he stroked my hair.

‘Second and third happiest, boys,’ announced Robert as he stood up. ‘We’re not quite sure how it happened, but we are thrilled to tell you that Gabriel and Ava are going to have another brother or sister.’

‘What?’ I gasped.

‘You don’t know how it happened? Surely you’re a bit old for the birds and the bees lecture, aren’t you Mr. A?’ laughed Doug.

‘Dad, I’m so happy for you both.’ Gabe handed me Tabitha as he went around to congratulate them.

‘You do realise that the new baby will have an older brother that’s a father to their nephew and niece who are also older than them, and yet they’ll still be their Auntie and Uncles? You know what? I’ve totally lost this confusing chain of events,’ I laughed and kissed Tabby’s neck as she giggled at my laughter and tugged on my hair. Gabe was really happy that I was letting it grow again, it was already down to the back of my shoulder blades and Tabby loved to pull it.

‘Well, while we’re on a roll,’ smiled Georgie as she stood up. ‘Justin and I have set the date. We’re getting married in February, Valentine’s Day in Toddlesworth and we obviously expect you all to be there.’

‘O my God,’ I uttered. My brain was about to explode with all of these happy events coinciding. I looked at Mum wide eyed as she stood up. What the hell was she going to announce?

‘Well, I’m pregnant too,’ she said with a big smile.

‘WHAT?!’ Georgie and I gasped at the same time and I noticed Gerry go pale and drain his champagne.

‘Only kidding,’ she laughed. ‘I was just feeling a bit left out.’

‘Mum!’ I moaned. ‘You just nearly gave me a heart attack.’

‘Christ Princess, how do you think I felt?’ replied Gerry with a shaking hand on his chest. ‘Particularly as I had a vasectomy fifteen years ago.’

‘Dad,
please,
’ laughed Georgie. I smiled. I loved that she called him Dad now too. As expected, she’d never heard back from Richard and had taken it quite hard, but we were both over him now. I had more than enough love in my life from all the people in this room.

‘Well, we have got a new puppy to replace Mr. Biggles, if that counts as our happy bit of news?’ asked Mum.

‘You did?’ I’d tried to be sad when he’d passed away earlier in the year, but all I could think was
Great, I can put my feet on the floor when I sit on the sofa, without getting my ankles bitten by the evil little bugger
.

‘We did. A lovely Shih Tzu called Porridge.’

‘Porridge?’ everyone queried.

‘Shih Tzu by name, Shih Tzu by nature. When he was training he kept missing the puppy pads and his shit stuck to the floor. When it hardened it looked like chocolate flavoured …’

‘Ok, ok,’ I laughed as Georgie tried to explain. ‘I think we’ve got the picture, thanks.’ I went to clear up the plates from lunch. I hadn’t had to do anything, Gabe had hired caterers in and we were going to the gourmet burger place tonight for my birthday meal. I hadn’t been back since my first birthday with him, when Milo had been with us. I stroked the black cord and silver infinity bracelet that he’d given me, as I thought of him with a sad smile. Without him stalling Adam long enough for Mason to spot what was happening, I wouldn’t have been standing here today.

‘Hey, you ok?’ asked Lexi as she came to stand next to me at the island.

‘I’m just great, thanks. Was just thinking about Milo.’

‘I’m sure he’d have been happy to see
you
so happy with your new family,’ she smiled as she put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed. I nodded and brushed myself off.

‘So, he finally asked,’ I laughed as I grabbed her hand to look at her solitaire ring. He’d told Gabe and I a few months ago that he was going to do it, and I’d helped him pick the ring. But he kept losing the courage to ask her, thinking she’d tell him to sod off, in typical Lexi fashion.

‘He did,’ she beamed. ‘I was nearly as happy as when you paid for these new tits,’ she nodded, as she cupped her new C cup boobs.

‘You really love them don’t you?’ I giggled.

‘I stroke them and talk to them at night and tell them how lovely they are.’

‘You’re crazy,’ I laughed. ‘It was the least we could do after what you did for us and you were always bothered about your flat chest. You gave us an amazing gift, I wanted to do something that would make you smile every day too.’

‘I swear it’s the only reason Doug proposed. He can’t take his eyes off them, or his hands.’

‘So when’s the big day going to be? Valentine’s is taken now by Georgie.’

‘We’ve not discussed that,’ she replied, looking at me horrified. ‘That will be way, way,
way
, down the line. One step at a time, Mia. This is one night stand Lexi we’re talking about.’

‘Will you stop that,’ I chastised with a smack on her arm. ‘Five and a bit years ago we made a new leaves, no strings pact, and look at us. I’m happily married to the love of my life and have the two most adorable children, that
you
gave to us. You’ve made yourself a career at something you’re wonderful at, you’ve been in a steady monogamous relationship for thirteen months and you’re engaged. We’ve
changed,
Lexi Clarke. Even with all of our crap, pushing each other’s buttons sometimes,
all that
baggage and buttons, yet we’ve made it. We’re different people now, better people.’

‘I guess we are,’ she smiled as she hugged me and went back to join the others.

I stood at the island and watched them all, with a ridiculous smile on my face as I listened to them all laughing and the children giggling. I was going to have serious cheek ache if I carried on smiling like this all day. My eyes were drawn to Gabe, my gorgeous husband of four years, the undoubted, indisputable love of my life. He blew me a kiss and winked at me, making me melt. I cocked my head as he turned around and bent over to pick up Greyson and Tabitha. My breath hitched and my stomach fluttered as I took in the sight of his perfectly toned backside in his trousers. The sight that had made me literally fall for him in the first place. I thought of the inscription in his ring
Forever & an Engine
and smiled. We really were. We’d made it through the honeymoon period, that awful time around his accident. We’d experienced so much love and loss, and yet I fell more in love with him every day.

We really were destined. Gabriel Austin was my infinite love.

The Abduction

I picked up my phone to check for messages. Her two hours at the gym were nearly up. Two hours that I’d hated. Knowing I’d left her, with
him
. My only reassurance was that Mason was watching his every move. I’d catch that bastard out if it was the last thing that I did. Trying to take Mia away from me.
She was mine
. My chest already hurt after just two hours away from her. From the moment I’d first laid eyes on her she’d wrecked me. Crippled me with the strength of my love and passion for her.

I nodded at Doug as I listened to the message from Mason and suddenly my whole world came crashing down around my ears. Mia had been taken. I gripped the edge of the pool table, my knuckles turning white as I roared in agony, then puked my guts up all over the red baize.

Doug and Lexi drove me to the hospital to see her, but it was me that needed to be taken to A&E. I was dying. My heart was disintegrating at the thought of losing her, and I knew that I’d never be able to reassemble it if I did. She owned me, completely. Without her, I’d be the walking dead.

The Specimen

Come on Gabe, get a grip
, I told myself as I tried to masturbate into the specimen cup, but it just wasn’t happening. I needed Mia, my muse. No one else even stirred a reaction in me anymore, not even Chelsea. Mia had blinded me to the opposite sex, she was all I could see. I stuck my head around the door and my stomach flipped to see her sitting there, her beautiful hair tumbling around her shoulders as she picked at the top of those damn sexy over-the-knee socks.

‘It’s not happening,’ I whispered. She looked up at me surprised.

‘You can’t …
you know
?’

‘No.’ I was embarrassed, this had never happened before, but he soon jerked to attention when she stood up and gave me that amazing smile, then came in to help me out. She looked hurt when I asked her to face the door. I couldn’t look at her while I was being sexual, not since … not since that bastard took her and tried to touch her. I’d let her down, I’d promised to protect her and I hadn’t. I felt so damn guilty that I couldn’t even look in her eyes when I came. I didn’t want her to see how much I hated myself for breaking my promise to never let anyone hurt her. I’d only loved two women in my life. My mum and Mia and I’d failed them both. Mia was going to be my redemption. I was supposed to take care of her, having a child with her would cleanse me, prove that as a man I had what it took to look after my family. It would make up for my failings as a child. I couldn’t look at her face as I emptied myself into that cup.

The Wedding

I practiced deep breathing as I looked out over the loch. I was getting married and I was nervous as hell. What if she changed her mind? What if she didn’t turn up? She’d promised me that she didn’t blame me for her abduction and I’d finally started to accept that it wasn’t my fault. I’d done everything that I could, but I still needed to shrug off this weight of losing Mum and my sibling. Mia had helped me so much, she’d made me believe that I was a good man, a strong man, a man that she felt safe with. Starting my new life with her was everything to me. She’d be mine completely, for eternity. Having our child together would finally lay those old ghosts to rest. She was going to cure me, was already so close to curing me.

‘Dude, seriously, you need to chill,’ laughed Doug as he slapped me on the back.

‘What if she’s changed her mind? What if I screw up again and she leaves me?’ I sighed as I shoved my hands through my hair. I’d never been so nervous in my life.

‘She hasn’t changed her mind. She was wearing her dress and looking seriously happy. You’re the love of her life mate, anyone who didn’t know that would spot it a mile off. She stuck with you through your accident and all the crap you went through, when most girls would walk away. If she can handle that, you’d have to be a pretty shit husband to make her walk away from you now, and if she did, I’d probably tell her that it was for good reason.’

‘Thanks, some mate you are.’

‘Gabe, I’m telling you that for her to leave you, it would have to be a fuck up of royal proportions, so you’d deserve it. Anyway, you can relax, she’s here and she looks stunning.’ 

I nodded and took another deep breath. I couldn’t look around. I was so emotional that I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. She wanted me, she loved me and she trusted me. I never wanted to let her down, ever again. I wanted to be the perfect husband, the man she deserved. I gritted my teeth to prevent me from looking around at her. I’d missed her so much these last forty-eight hours and sixteen minutes, but I didn’t want anyone to see me cry. I was man for God’s sake.
You will not cry Gabriel Austin,
I told myself. I knew it was a ridiculous promise to make to myself the minute I turned to see her standing at my side. Seeing her everyday still took my breath away, but today …  today she’d just hit me with a wrecking ball.

‘Mia … I …
wow
… you look … so … damn it, I can’t talk again.’ I laughed, embarrassed as I felt my eyes water. ‘You’re
stunning
,’ I sighed as I took her right hand and squeezed it hard. I cupped her face and leaned in and planted a tender kiss on her lips and heard her let out a soft moan, which made me chuckle. I loved that I affected her so badly. As badly as she did me.

‘I wasn’t going to cry,’ she moaned as she dabbed her eyes.

‘Me neither,’ I nodded as I wiped my eyes and scanned her again. I’d never seen her look more beautiful, and this was
Mia
we were talking about. When women were created, she’d set the beautiful benchmark. Damn it, I was getting hard as well. Her firm tits were heaving in that gold bodice. ‘
Amazing
dress, baby.’

‘Thank you,’ she giggled. She knew exactly what was running through my mind. I nudged her fingers apart and laced mine between them, determined not to let go until I knew she was officially mine.  I cursed myself for choking during my vows, but when she said hers, all sincerely as her stunning blue eyes merged with mine, she ripped my heart right out of my chest. As my wife she owned it now, it didn’t belong to me anymore.

 ‘O baby,’ I sighed and hauled her against me and kissed her with all the passion I could muster. I didn’t care that I’d jumped the gun. She was mine. Finally mine and I wanted to taste my wife.

The Loss

I thought I’d been a bundle of nerves when my sister Ava finally arrived, safely. It had felt like some of the shackles of my childhood had been released. I had another chance with my new sister, to love and protect her, as well as Mia. Those nerves were nothing compared to what I was feeling right now, as Mia lay on the bed awaiting her ultrasound. Getting her through this pregnancy was my life’s mission and I was not going to fail this time. I’d walk over hot coals for my wife and unborn child. No way was I losing either of them.

When we were told that our baby was growing in her fallopian tube and needed to be terminated, I’d never felt pain like it. I’d been eviscerated. I felt my guts spilling out over the polished hospital floor. I tried so hard to be strong, to be the man that my wife needed, but inside I was dying. I’d failed,
again.
How many more times could I let the people I loved down?

I could see her pulling away from me, shutting down because the pain was too much for her to endure. I was
losing
her. I was so desperate I even resorted to blackmail. “Talk to me or I won’t show you any affection,” I snapped. What the fuck was wrong with me? I tried to focus on managing Greyson’s while she recovered, but I hated being there. Everyone just went about their business like nothing had happened. It hadn’t. To them. They didn’t know the loss we’d suffered. I felt like a pit pony, the tar was dragging me down and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get out. We were drowning. Having a baby with her was all that could save us now. The thought of it was a shining lighthouse beacon slicing through the fog. We just had to focus on it and we’d make it safely to shore, avoiding crashing on the rocks.

The Separation

I recognised the look in her eye when I told her that we were trying the IVF again. She reminded me of that argumentative, stubborn and challenging girl that I first fell in love with. That I was still in love with. But this was one battle she wasn’t going to win. Her having our baby was so important, I thought she understood that. I was furious with her and lashed out as she refused to see sense. She knew what this meant to me, to us, why was she fighting me? When she told me that she wasn’t coming to New York, that she needed some space, I lost it. If she thought she could just take a break now, when I could feel her drifting, when I was clinging to her by my fingertips, she had another think coming. Ordering her to stay didn’t work. I should have known better. This was my Mia. My hot headed, feisty, challenging, Mia.

‘If you really love me as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t leave,’ I called, in a last ditch attempt to stop her as she stepped toward the door. I brushed some tears from my face. She
wouldn’t
leave. She’d promised me that she’d never leave me. She’d promised me that she
was
my forever.

 ‘If you loved me unconditionally, you wouldn’t have forced me to,’ she replied looking defeated. How the fuck was this my fault? I was trying to
fix
us.

‘Once last chance Mia, make a decision.’

‘You just made it for me, Gabe.’

I watched stunned as she closed the door on me. She’d just left me. And taken my heart with her, along with all of my emotions except for fury. I left for New York without her and drowned my sorrows for thirteen nights in a row, until Dad finally lost patience with me.

‘Gabriel, you’re making a huge mistake,’ he sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. ‘You’re being unreasonable. Mia’s been through enough. Are you deliberately trying to push her away?’

‘No,’ I yelled as I staggered back to the island and poured myself some more whiskey. ‘I’m trying to
fix
us. Fix my fucking marriage. She obviously blames me. Blames me for losing our … losing our baby. I need to fix it by giving her another.’

‘Please put the whiskey down. You can’t hold your liquor and you need to be thinking with a clear head. There was nothing wrong with your marriage other than this obsession you have with trying to make Mia give birth to your child. Mia is not your mother, Gabriel. Forcing her down this path, risking her life to do it, is selfish and ill advised. It won’t bring your mother back and it won’t make up for any residual pain and guilt that you may still feel inside.’

‘What do you know,’ I muttered.

‘I was her
husband,
Gabriel,’ Dad roared. He picked up my glass and hurled it across the room. I watched it shatter as I stepped away from him shocked. ‘I promised to love her and protect her and I failed too.
Trust me,
I know
exactly
how you are feeling, except I lost Tabitha
and
our baby, you still have Mia, if you haven’t pushed her away for good already
.
Right until the moment Ava was born I thought that she’d wash away my guilt. She didn’t. Ava’s brought me immeasurable love and happiness, but I was the only one who could forgive myself for your mother and the child we lost. I finally have, because living with a foot in the past was stopping me from fully appreciating my future. You
have
to let it go.’

‘No,’ I growled stubbornly as I tried to push him away when he approached me. But when he pulled me into a tight embrace, I suddenly broke down and sobbed on his shoulder. He’d just turned on the light switch, illuminated the truth for me. If I continued down this path I’d lose Mia forever. ‘I love her so much, Dad.’

‘Then let it all go, son. You were a child, forgive yourself and make peace with Mia. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you, she helped you open up and love again and you’ll be miserable without her. I can’t bear to see you suffer any more than you already have.’

‘I need her,’ I whispered. ‘I miss her so much.’

‘So go home and sort this out, before it’s too late. I’ll sort the company jet for you. Go and pack.’

I paced the floor of the plane as I headed home, wringing my hands. I’d fucked up. Seriously fucked up. Dad was right. Mia bearing my child wasn’t going to change the past. Mia was the most important thing in my life, I’d been so focussed on having a baby, how could I have lost sight of that? I was terrified that I’d let her down so badly, that she’d never forgive me. I’d wallowed for two weeks, two
fucking
weeks, letting her think that I blamed her. It shouldn’t have taken me two
seconds
to choose her over any alternative. How the hell was I going to convince her of that? If I lost her now, I had no one to blame but myself. If I lost her now life wouldn’t be worth living.

The Reconciliation

I lay on the bed facing her, our fingers entwined. I had to be the luckiest man alive. My wife was not only beautiful, but she was brave, honest, and forgiving. Against all odds, she’d given me another chance. When she’d lied about sleeping with Tyler to push me away, I’d felt my legs get swiped out from under me. More shocking was that I didn’t hate her, I hated myself. I’d driven her to it. In that moment I’d decided that I needed to let her go. I’d promised to let her go if I thought someone else could make her happy. But that promise was short lived, I was too selfish to let her go. I needed her. I’d turned up drunk pleading with her to take me back, I was prepared to try and bury the pain I felt at her having slept with Tyler. I wasn’t too proud to admit that she had me by the balls. I’d always thought of her as
my
possession, when in fact it was really the other way around. I was hers. Completely. The relief I’d felt when I found out that she’d lied was …
indescribable,
but nothing compared to hearing her agree to go on a date with me again
.
I lay watching her gently breathing as she slept, wondering what I’d done to deserve such an incredible woman.