Infinite Ties (All That Remains #3) (4 page)

Her arms tighten around me. “Joseph,” she
says with a sigh.

“I don’t know why Airen left that letter,
but I know he didn’t do it to hurt you. If he knew you’d be so upset he never
would’ve done it. Talk to him, Abigail. Scream at him, curse at him, kick him
in his arrogant balls if you need to…then forgive him. Because he loves you,
and whatever is going on that has you so upset, you need him, and he sure as
hell needs you.

“You don’t see all the ways he loves you.
The way he stares at you when you aren’t paying attention, as if you hold his
whole world upright. He’s awed and humbled at the powerful feelings you bring
out in him. He worships you, ladybug. Don’t ever doubt it.”

Abby

I have to get out of here. Ever since my
little meltdown I haven’t had one second to myself. Joseph has stuck to me like
a second skin. When he gets into the shower, I take advantage of the
opportunity to escape. Though the sun has scarcely breached the horizon, the
air is already hot and muggy, making my tank top stick to my sides. Without a
real destination in mind, my feet carry me into the woods, down the trail
toward Sara’s grave.

When I come to the small gurgling stream,
I can’t resist wading in the cool water. After splashing my face and neck, I
settle on a large rock and lie back, throwing my arm across my eyes to block
out the world. My feet dangle in the brisk water while my mind struggles to
come to grips with this disaster that’s sure to cost me everything I love.
Maintaining an indifferent attitude and pretending I’m fine has taken all my
energy and willpower, but has also helped me reign in the panic and despair.
This is the beginning of the end of my relationship with Airen and Joseph. How
much longer do I have with them?

My heart aches when I recall Joseph’s
sweet voice swearing I have nothing to fear, that they won’t let Jon hurt me.
They don’t understand the power he has. That he can hurt me in the worst, most
brutal way. By destroying their love and respect for me, and revealing what a
pathetic, disgusting person I really am, no matter how successfully I’ve
managed to conceal it.

I have no doubt that he’ll tell them who I
was and what I did before I wised up and accepted that I couldn’t be loved.
They’ll see the hopeless waste of space that he saw; a pitiful mess just
begging for someone to show me that I was wrong. That they’ll see me that way
is unbearable, but worse is the betrayal and disgust they’ll feel when they
learn the truth. They’ve loved me with everything they have, and it’ll leave
them feeling tricked and dirty.

All because that son of a bitch is here.
Since I found Airen and Joseph, Jon’s words had faded from my memory. Now they
echo through my brain.

“It’s not my fault you come from worthless
fucking people.”

“It’s makeup, not magic. I don’t know why
you bother, it doesn’t help. Save your money.”

“I can’t have a kid with you. It’ll be
just like you. Don’t name it after me. My first son when I marry will carry my
name.”

“I tried to love you.”

“I found someone better than you. I don’t
want you.”

“Since when are you such an early bird?”
The remnants of his cruel words are drowned out by his smug voice as he steps
into the clearing.

My first instinct is to give him whatever
he wants if he’ll promise to go away and keep his mouth shut. But there’s
another stronger side of me that won’t allow me to submit to him. A rational
part that realizes it doesn’t matter what I say or do, he’s here to ruin my
life, so why give him the satisfaction of making me beg for mercy that he’ll
never show? I have to be strong, cold. “What do you want, Jon?” I demand.

“I want to see my son.”

“You’ve never claimed him, never gave a
fuck before. Now you want to be father of the year?”

“What have you told him about me?”

“Very little. We were together three
years, you kicked me out when I got pregnant, and I never saw you again. I
didn’t see any point in telling him you insisted on an abortion.”

“He looks like me.”

“Not enough to hurt him.”

He laughs and his hand clamps down on my
arm. “I want to meet him, Gail.”

“Then will you leave?” My voice is small,
and it pisses me off. I can’t let him intimidate me.

He smirks. “Afraid I’ll screw up your
little harem here?”

“Let the past stay in the past, and I’ll
allow you to meet Carson.”

His eyes darken and narrow. “Allow me? Who
the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”

I wince as his fingers tighten around my
bicep. I didn’t lie to Airen when I said Jon never hit me. He always swore he’d
never hit a woman, but he saw no problem with grabbing and pushing, sometimes
hard enough to bruise.

“Take your fucking hands off of her.” Joseph
steps into the clearing, his voice deathly calm, his expression fierce.

Jon releases me with a sneer. “Relax, we
were just talking.”

“Everything okay, ladybug?” he asks,
glaring at Jon who scoffs at the pet name.

“I’m fine.” Actually, I’m terrified one of
them is going to swing at the other. Stepping between them and squaring my
shoulders, I glare at Jon. “Tomorrow afternoon. Come after lunch, and I’ll make
sure Carson is home.”

He nods, satisfied he won. “Tomorrow
afternoon, Gail.” He walks away without another word, leaving me with a very
pissed off boyfriend.

Grasping my shoulders firmly, his piercing
green eyes bore into mine. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I reply shortly, shrugging out
of his grasp.

“Why did you run off like that? You scared
the shit out of me.”

“What do you mean, run off? I took a walk
in the woods. Why are you following me?”

“Abby! I’m trying to keep you safe. Look
at you. Your whole body is trembling. What if I hadn’t showed up?”

He’s right. I barrel into his chest,
hugging him hard and pressing my face against his heart. “I’m sorry. Thank
you.”

He sighs and kisses the top of my head.
“Were you trying to meet with him alone?” I’m as surprised by the edge of
jealousy in his voice as I am by the accusation.

“What? No! I just wanted a few minutes by
myself. I didn’t know he’d be out here. I don’t want to see him, I swear.”

“I believe you. Let’s take a walk.” It’s
not a suggestion. His hand grips mine, and he leads me toward the lake.

“I don’t want to talk about him, Joseph.”

“Of course you don’t. Fortunately, I don’t
give much of a shit what you want right now, Abigail. I’m more concerned with
what you need.”

“I need to prepare Carson.”

“So, you’re going to go through with it?”

“I don’t have much choice.”

“Sure you do. Airen and I will send his
ass back to Indianapolis.”

“He won’t give up until he gets his way.
We don’t need a new enemy to guard against. I won’t force Carson if he doesn’t
want to meet him, but I don’t think that’ll be an issue.”

“Are you worried about his influence on
Carson?”

“No, he’s had two great role models to
emulate. He considers Airen his father, and you know he looks up to you.” I
squeeze his hand. “I just don’t want him to be disappointed when he realizes
what his father is like.”

“And you’re worried Jon will reveal some
deep dark secret that will make us quit loving you,” he murmurs.

“We’ve covered that already.”

“It’s not going to happen, my girl.” The
blare of Airen’s voice over the radio clipped to Joseph’s belt saves me from
answering.

“Is Abby with you?”

“Yeah, we’re just taking a walk.”

“All right. I’m heading to Eric’s to patch
the roof. Lane and Walker are with Jayla, elbow deep in finger paint.”

Joseph chuckles. “Thanks for the warning.”

There’s a pause before Airen’s asks, “How
are you, Abby?”

“Fine. We need to talk tonight.”

“Sure thing, darlin’. I’ll see you later.
I love you.” I’m flooded with guilt at the longing in his voice, the hope that
I’ve forgiven him. I’m such a bitch.

“I love you, too. Be careful, Air.” I’m
awarded with the sight of Joseph’s adorable dimples as a sunny smile brightens
his face. “I’m still mad,” I mutter petulantly, after Airen signs off.

“You’re still scared,” he corrects. God,
he’s infuriating, especially when he’s right.

“That too. Can we go home now?”

“Not just yet. Look familiar?” I look up
from the leaf strewn ground to see the dilapidated barn where we once took
shelter when we were trapped by a violent thunderstorm. We spent the night
talking about our fears and hopes before curling up together in a pile of hay
to sleep. It was a long time ago, before Joseph joined our relationship, before
the cult, before our first kiss.

“Let’s go inside,” I suggest. Everything
is just as we left it. The cool of the barn feels heavenly after our hike
through the thick heat. Our pile of hay is intact, still covered by a saddle
blanket, and Joseph regards it with a soft grin.

“That’s where it happened.”

“Where what happened?” He’d held me, and
it was comforting, but nothing happened between us.

“Lying in the hay with you in my arms, I
couldn’t quit staring at you, at how sweet and innocent you looked asleep. That
was the moment I knew I was in love with you.”

His soft confession nearly brings me to my
knees. It takes me a moment to reign in my emotions and swallow the lump in my
throat. How am I going to survive losing him? “That…that long ago?” I whisper.

“Yes. I knew it was wrong, that you were
with Airen, but I couldn’t help it. I think Airen knew, though he never
confronted me about it until his trip to Indy.”

“Because he knew he could trust you.
Because he’d fallen for you, as well.”

“God, I love him, Abigail.”

“I know.”

Soft green eyes gaze solemnly through the
gloom. “Does it ever bother you? The way I’ve intruded on your love, your marriage?”

And he accuses me of being thick-headed.
“You didn’t intrude on anything.” I slip my hand into his hair, stroking over
the fuzz on the nape of his neck. “I thought I knew what love was, but what I
considered love now seems weak and shallow. I’m overcome by your kindness and
compassion, astounded by your strength and selflessness. Your love makes me a
better person. Nothing in my life has prepared me for how I feel about you and
Airen. No one has even come close. I love you, and I love him. I’m thrilled
beyond words that you love each other. Do you realize how amazing that is? How
hard this would be otherwise?”

“My girl,” he whispers, his lips brushing
softly across mine.

“I don’t know exactly when I fell in love
with you. You snuck into my heart when I wasn’t looking.”

“And now you’re stuck with me.”

My hands slide under the back of his shirt
to feel his smooth sweaty skin as his lips worship my neck. “I hope so.”

“Forever, ladybug.” The soft patter of a
sudden rain shower on the barn roof makes us both smile. “Now that has to be a
sign,” he murmurs.

“Make love to me.”

He scoops me up and places me on the
blanket while I love every hot inch of his mouth with my tongue. He takes me
with such tenderness and passion, moving with such skill and grace, loving me
right out of my mind. Instead of pushing until I crash into orgasm, he guides
me gradually through the pulsing waves that roll through me, on and on, until
all I can do is moan and cry his name. It’s intense and emotional, powerful and
tender, affectionate and completely devastating.

* * * *

Airen asks Carson to join us in the living
room after dinner. “What did I do?” Carson sighs, flopping into the recliner. I
don’t know how to tell him.

“Your father’s here,” Airen blurts. Okay,
I guess that’s one way to do it.

Carson frowns. “What?”

“Jon’s here. He showed up a couple of days
ago, asking to see you.”

“Why didn’t someone tell me?”

“I’m telling you now.”

“Carson, I know it’s a big shock, and you
don’t have to see him if you don’t want to,” I assure him.

“He got the letter,” he says, grinning at
Airen.

Airen regards me cautiously. “Yes, he
did.”

“You knew Airen left him a letter?”

“I asked him to, Mom.” Carson shrugs.
“It’s not like he was going to be sitting in his old house when Airen and Eric
showed up.” Shit. It doesn’t excuse Airen leaving the note or the fact that he
kept it from me, but it explains why he did it.

“But, why, honey?”

“I want to see what he’s like,” he replies
defensively.

“Okay. He’ll be here after lunch
tomorrow.”

He eyes me, suspicious of my easy
acquiescence. “Are you mad?”

No, I’m terrified. My whole world is
falling apart around me, but no one else can see it. “No. I just don’t want you
to be disappointed or hurt.”

“I just want to meet him. I don’t have any
expectations. I’m well aware he doesn’t give a shit,” he says flippantly,
failing to mask the pain in his voice. I want to tell him for the hundredth
time that Jon’s attitude has nothing to do with him. It’s because he comes from
me. It’s completely unfair. My strong, handsome, good hearted son is nothing
like me or the rest of the family. He’s miles above us, a flower cultivated in
a pile of shit.