Infinity. (Infinity Series) (22 page)

I reply very quietly, “I miss you too. Kiss A for me.”

“I will.”

We both linger, not wanting to say goodbye. It makes me feel marginally better that she’s missing me also. Finally, I tell her, “Put Ainsley to bed and call me back. I just want to talk to you before I go to sleep.”

“Okay,” she whispers.

Then, I hear Brad in the background mumbling something. “What did Brad say?”

“He’s telling me that he has her bathed and in PJs. She’s ready for her night story and Mommy time.”

The words “Mommy time” open the gaping wound back up in my chest. I want to scream, “What about Daddy time?” Little girls need their daddies just as much as they need their mommies. It should be me that bathed her, and put her in her jammies.

I found a new book at the bookstore to share with Ainsley. It has a dog in it that looks like Pancho. There’s this battle raging in my head between being grateful that Charlie has Brad to help her out, and being insanely pissed that some other man is doing my job. I tell her bye before I say something that I’m going to seriously regret.

The images of Charlie, Brad, and my daughter, shopping and having lunch, pop to the forefront of my brain. The tabloid speculation is like a brush fire burning out of control that our marriage is over because Charlie is living with Brad in Houston. The pictures of Brad pushing Ainsley in her stroller through a park near Carmen’s home. Charlie and Brad having sushi together at a restaurant in Houston. Brad pushing Ainsley in a toddler swing in Charlie’s mom’s front yard.

I laugh ruefully at myself. I’m fucking jealous of Charlie’s gay assistant. He may not be fucking my wife, but he’s stepped in and taken up my jobs in every place but the bedroom. That’s bullshit. Ainsley has one father. Charlie has one husband. Brad needs to step back, and figure out his place.

My heart is attempting to beat its way out of my chest. Sweat starts pouring off of my forehead. It’s difficult for me to breathe. My dream, the one where Charlie tells me that I’m not good enough for her and Ainsley, floods my mind in crystal clarity.

“It’s coming true,” I say out loud. “My dream is coming true. The vines are carrying her away from me. Charlie is leaving me for Brad.”

I flop back against the couch, and stare at the ceiling. When that does nothing to calm me, I lean forward, putting my head in my hands, trying to take a breath. “Why does she even need me? She has her toys. Brad doesn’t have a mistress job. Brad is there to take care of every one of her needs. Brad is her protector. Brad is her partner. I’m just the motherfucker who brings home the paychecks.”

Here’s the best part. I’ve paid the asshole to take over my role. I handed him my daughter and my wife on a fucking silver platter.

I grip the arms of the sofa, willing my lungs to expand. The tightness is about to overtake me.
Fuck Colin. Calm down.

I try to push the pain out of my heart and think good thoughts…

The day that Charlie and I got married.

The night she told me that we were pregnant.

Hell, seeing her on that elevator for the first time in eight years.

Our kiss in Clay’s brag room.

Dancing with her at the George Strait concert.

She loves you. She wants and misses you.

Slowly, slowly, I begin to take in air, and my heartbeat returns to a non-sprinting rhythm.

I fall back against the couch, and turn my head to stare at the first family picture that we took right after Ainsley was born. Charlie is dressed in a white blouse, and black pants. I’m wearing a vibrant blue shirt, and nice jeans. My gold Super Bowl ring gleams in the light.

We’re sitting on the fireplace hearth. She’s holding Ainsley, who is dressed in a long ivory gown, in her arms, and I have Pancho on my lap. Just a hint of his Dallas Cowboy’s dog collar is visible. We look so happy. Charlie has a contented smile, and her eyes are bright lavender. She’s wearing her infinity necklace, diamond earrings, wedding band, and past, present, future ring that I had given her about a year prior. Ainsley’s eyes are closed, and she looks to be dreaming of angels. Even Pancho appears to have a smile on his face. Our house was so calm and peaceful that day. Charlie is looking at the camera, but my eyes are cut to the side; I’m staring at my girls.

When the photographer showed us the proofs, Charlie immediately grabbed this picture and said, “That’s the one.”

I’d raised my eyebrow, questioning her choice. “I’m not looking at the camera.”

She’d leaned over, and kissed me on the cheek. “Yes, but the devoted look on your face says everything that I choose to remember about the birth of our daughter.”

It struck me for the first time that maybe Charlie had to forgive me as much as I had to forgive her.

She has to end this living apart bullshit. It’s been almost a month since her dad passed away. It’s time. Hire a new doctor, sell the practice, do something, but I’ve been a supportive husband for long enough. I’ve offered to give her money, if that’s what Carmen needs. The world is hers if she’d just move back home. It’s time to reclaim my family.

Charlie

The Tank is loaded down. My well-drugged baby is secured in the backseat. Brad is DJing from the passenger seat, and I’ve got the cruise-control set. Barring any issues, I should be able to make it to the second half of Colin’s game.

Jenny is waiting for me at our home. Miguel is going to drive me to the stadium so I don’t have to worry about parking. Carter is anxiously waiting for Brad, and a little reunion time.

The sun is shining, and it’s another gorgeous late fall day in Texas. In two short hours, I should see my husband in his very sexy football pants and tight jersey. Yum! Five or six hours after that, I might get to actually kiss him, and say hello properly.

Colin must have been a miserable SOB lately because Jenny offered to stay at our house tonight and take care of Ainsley for us. When we announced that we were expecting, we were informed that Jenny’s job description did not include nanny responsibilities. I can only think that Colin’s been such a bear that she feels like she’s taking one for the team by giving us some time away from parenting.

Brad checks the clock, and finds the game on the local radio station. We hit the outskirts of Dallas right when I was expecting. I do a mental fist bump with myself. The Cowboys are about to kick off.

Everything goes as planned. Brad stays to get Jenny and Ainsley settled while Miguel and I race to the stadium. I flip down the mirror and check my appearance, just in case the paparazzi are waiting for their high-dollar picture of me arriving at the game.

Then, I send Colin a text.

Me:
The eagle has landed. Pulling into the stadium lot now. Love you to infinity
.

As I flash my ticket and have my bag checked, the butterflies in my stomach begin beating their wings in time to the fan noise. It’s been fourteen days since I’ve seen him. I want my husband.
Desperately.

I enter our suite to the shrieks of Liza and a couple of the other players’ wives that I’ve become friends with. This feels so normal. I did this every home game for two years. Normal is such a foreign feeling that I’m not sure what to do with it.

Then it hits me. Nothing since my dad passing away has felt right. Gosh, I could even go all the way back to becoming a mom, or finding out I was pregnant. My life has changed so much in a year and a half. Right now, in this second, I feel like the old Caroline. The one who attended every one of her husband’s games. The girl who lived and breathed Colin Fucking McKinney.

I’m the girl who’s practicing the kind of medicine that I love again. The one who walks through the practice doors every morning, and feels alive. I’m no longer just biding my time, keeping my medical license active. I’m developing relationships with patients—watching them heal because of my care.

The feeling of normalcy is so foreign to me that it almost barrels me over. I grab the granite countertop in the suite to steady myself. Since I dropped Ainsley off, I haven’t thought about her once. I’ve only been focused on getting to my husband. I let out a sigh, realizing that this is what the old Caroline felt like, and the best way to describe this sensation is
right.

“You okay?” Liza asks. Her face is tight with concern.

I smile, and it’s not forced. “Yes. I think that I am.”

“Read your card. Our curiosity has almost gotten the best of us.” She motions to a vase filled with mixed colored roses that I honestly hadn’t even noticed.

I grab the envelope that reads
Charlie
in Colin’s script.

Carefully, I remove the card, and read his awful left-handed penmanship. “My heart only beats for you.” Then he drew the sideways number eight, and signed it CFM.

I’m smiling like an idiot as I bring the card to my chest, pressing it against my heart. Dear God, my whole body tingles with love for that man.

I pour myself a glass of wine, and say hello to Colin’s parents before I settle into the open seat next to Liza to watch my man play football.

****

“Hey handsome, care to join me in the hot tub?” I ask my gorgeous husband, who’s already ripping off his clothes as if they’re on fire. I’m wearing nothing but a smile. I’d advised Jenny earlier that she should probably not look in the backyard tonight. I couldn’t promise that Colin and I wouldn’t be making a porno. I also told the two security guys in the pool house to turn off the backyard cameras.

This is our first time seeing each other in a couple of weeks, and I want and need my husband. I’m craving his touch on my skin, his warm breath on my neck. I want all of him. I want to bask in his attention.

I’ve got an old country Pandora station playing on the outdoor speakers. The hot tub is bubbling at a fantastic ninety-nine degrees. Our Waterford crystal champagne bucket is filled with bottles of water for Colin. I’ve an open bottle of Malbec wine sitting next to the champagne bucket, and a halfway empty glass in my hand. It’s just like old times, except we’re parents now, and my dad is dead.

Colin leaves his clothes on a sun-lounger so I get to watch him walk towards me in all his naked glory. My nipples tighten into sharp points, and it’s not from the chilly night air. His body is perfectly sculpted as if he’s been carved from a block of solid marble. His abs ripple as he moves closer. Involuntarily, I lick my lips, wanting a taste of his full lips, pec muscles, and the very hard cock that’s standing at attention.
That’s my husband, and he wants me just as much as I want him.
I’m so aroused I’m even able to ignore his limp.

“See something you like?” he asks as he flashes me my half-smile.  Those green eyes of his twinkle in the moonlight. Dallas won. He played an inspired game. Ainsley and I are home. Colin’s happy.

He climbs into the hot tub, sinking into the bubbling water, and lets out a very contented sigh. His long, muscular arms rest outside of the hot tub on the brick surround. I scoot next to him, snuggling up to his side, noting that we fit together perfectly after all this time. Two halves making one whole.

His pec muscles beg me for attention, so I bring my tongue and lips to his nipples and begin to suck and nip the one closest to me while I pinch the one furthest away. Colin’s groans of appreciation bathe my insides with hot liquid lava. I long to feel his pulse against my lips so I kiss my way up his toned chest to his heart. His rhythm tells me that he’s as turned on as I am.

We need to reestablish this connection. I don’t want to talk about football, or Ainsley. I can’t give him his being time. Not now. I need to feel him against me—every muscular inch.

“You haven’t even said hello to me yet, wife of mine.” There’s humor and love in his words.

I ignore him and climb on top, placing my knees on either side of his thighs. He grabs my waist and pulls me to him, using his tongue to slowly make love to my mouth. Our kiss takes on a comforting yet desperate edge that speaks volumes about what we’re feeling. It’s
I missed you more than I can articulate
, and
I love you more than myself
.

His erection is pinned between us. Even through the numbing effects of the water, his hardness throbs against my stomach in anticipation. My hands go from lovingly massaging Colin’s scalp and running my fingers through his dark-blonde waves to gripping his back muscles as I rub my hips against him, craving the friction of his erection against my clit. His soft moans of pleasure make me ache to have him. God, I’ve missed this.
Colin.
It’s one simple five-letter name, but the man behind it is anything but simple. He’s intense and moody, he’s passionate and loving, he’s private and public; the five-letter name that defines my husband is my drug of choice.

I still haven’t spoken a word to him. I prefer to let my body do all the talking for me. I begin to rotate my hips, using my core to massage his penis. Colin uses the weightlessness of the water to move my slickness up and down his length. I throw my head back, breaking our kiss in ecstasy as his erection puts just enough pressure against my bare, exposed clit.

We’re home. This feels like what home is supposed to be like. I grab his face in my hands and lean in, giving him a soul-searing kiss. I don’t want to tell him how much I need him. I want him to feel my desire, my love, my want, my
need
for this. What we have between us in this moment is not defined by time or space. It’s love and lust, tied up in a gorgeous box labeled passion.

He kisses me back, matching my intensity perfectly. I feel him guide my hips up a little higher and then bring me down, encasing his erection inside of my heat and wetness. I moan into his mouth as he brings me down further and further until I’m sitting on his thighs, filling me with himself, his hardness.

I let him move my hips up and down and rotate me on his erection. I’ve given my whole self over to him for him to use as he wishes. And for my own needs. I don’t want to be in control of this. I’m in charge of so many things in my life right now, I just want to turn my pleasure over to Colin and let him bring the love and release that I crave.