Infraction (2 page)

Soothing strokes of my hair woke me sometime later, and my eyes fluttered open to
find Caroline staring at me with wet eyes.

“Caroline?”

“You gave us quite a scare, sweetie,” she said with a sniff. Her fingers continued
to run through my hair past the bandage that circled my head. “How are you feeling?”

I attempted to move, but my body protested by shooting pain throughout, including
my lungs when I breathed. “Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

“Full size work van.”

“Huh?”

She smiled at my confusion. “You were hit by a full size work van.”

“Oh. Well…that hurt, probably more than a truck.”

Caroline tried to suppress a laugh, but it came out anyway. “I bet it did. Do you
remember?”

I shook my head, an action I found to be bad when my head began to spin. “How long
have I been here? I know the doctor came in, and I had all those tests after Nathan…”
I trailed off, my brow scrunching as I remembered how he was dressed. Not in his normal
tailored suit, but in the same drab hospital gown I was wearing. “Why is Nathan in
the hospital?”

She pursed her lips. I knew she wasn’t happy with him and all that had gone on with
our breakup, but there was something in the look upon her face. She was…torn.

“It’s almost seven in the evening on Friday, you’ve been asleep for most of the day,
and you’ve been here for almost two days. Nathan…well, he ran, literally ran to you
after you called him… Lila, were you aware he was in a car accident?” she asked, avoiding
answering my question.

“No, but I figured that was probably what caused his scars.”

She stared at me for a moment as she processed that bit. “And his wife?” she asked
with reluctance.

“I just found out he had been married and that she died.”

She contemplated for a moment as if she was wondering exactly how much to tell me.
“I made it to the accident scene because I was getting off the elevator when Nathan
was rushing on, and he said to Jack that you were in an accident. I followed after
him, running as well, which you know how hard that is in heels. Anyway, when I got
there he was calling out your name; the police were trying to move him back behind
the line. You were unconscious on the stretcher and you…”

“Caroline?”

Tears slid down her cheeks. “I thought you were dead. There was so much blood. Nathan
saw you and lost it. He had a massive panic attack, which I wouldn’t have known the
signs of if it wasn’t for you. It was…terrible to see, much worse than when I watched
you. They had to sedate him before, I don’t know, he had a heart attack or something.”

“Why?” I asked, confused. Why did he care?

“Why what?”

“Why was he having a panic attack?”

She stared at me with her eyes wide before she leaned in. “Lila…because he thought
he’d lost you; he thought you were dead.”

“He didn’t have me to lose.” My breathing picked up as the emotional pain tightened
my chest. “He threw me away.”

A pained expression crossed her face. “As much as I hate him for hurting you, I think…I
think he’s in love with you.”

“He said that.”

“He did?” she asked, surprised.

“Yes, but I don’t believe it.”

“Why not?”

“Why would he throw me away if he loved me? I’ve been thrown away and thrown around
and none of those people loved me,” I said, my eyes trained on the ceiling.

Her fingers were shaking as they glided across my arm. “People sometimes do it when
they love someone.”

“So, you’re telling me that all people throw you away, whether they love you or not?
Why do I want to live in a place like that?” My chest was screaming at me. I tried
to lie back and calm down in hopes it would help, but the movement caused my leg to
jostle, and I almost passed out from the combined pain that cut through me.

It was time for a new dosage of pain meds.

“Please don’t talk like that,” she begged.

“Why? You’re telling me it doesn’t matter; I’m going to be thrown away anyway! I should
have killed myself when I was younger. That van should have done me in!” I cried out,
tears streaming from my eyes. I struggled for breath, the pain unbearable.

“Lila…” Caroline’s voice faded away, a tear falling down her cheek.

“Don’t you ever fucking say that again!” Nathan’s voice growled from the door.

I gasped and turned my head to find Nathan, eyes blazing with fury, standing in the
doorway with a few people behind him. The action was too fast. I was hit with dizziness,
my head falling back onto the pillow.

In a flash he was standing over me, his features concerned. There was so much force
behind his expression I wasn’t sure if I could handle it.

“Please, don’t ever say that again… Don’t leave me, Lila.”

His fingers brushed against my cheeks, and I had to forcibly stop myself from leaning
into his touch. It hurt, but in a different way. My heart fractured again at the look
on his face I caused. My gaze moved to anywhere but his eyes. That was when I noticed
he was back in his suit, minus the tie.

“You left me,” I said.

His fingers dropped, his hand returning to his side. “Let me explain. Please? I need
you.”

“Sorry, I don’t think I’m fit to help you out at the moment,” I sneered, turning to
look up at him.

I was going to go into a rant, to dig into him more, but the expression he wore stopped
me. The mask was once again gone, and I was astonished by the emotions emitting from
the man in front of me. The pain he held was visible, etched into his perfect features.

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise,” he said in a low voice.

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. There was no response. He’d never promised me anything
before. The word had never slipped past his lips.

A throat cleared behind him, and I craned my head around to see his father standing
next to a woman with dark brown hair speckled with grey and a soft, sad smile. Another
woman with the same dark hair was also with them, and Andrew made up the rear.

“It’s getting late, Nathan. We need to get you home,” George said.

I felt a tugging at my waist and glanced down to find Nathan’s hand fisted in the
thin hospital blanket and my wonderful hospital gown.

“I…please?” Nathan begged.

Sadness washed over the older man’s face. “Visiting hours are over, and Lila needs
to get some rest.”

Nathan stared back at his father, beseeching him.

While he did that, Caroline stood from the chair and leaned forward, placing a kiss
on my forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?” Her hands smoothed the hair from my
face. “I love you.”

I squeezed her hand. “Bye. Love you, too.”

She walked toward the door, glaring at Nathan as she went.

“I’ll be back around lunch to check on you,” she said upon parting through the crowd
and exiting.

“Lila,” the older woman began, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

I stared at her for a moment before remembering my manners. Even if I didn’t know
who she was, I still needed to be polite. Teresa would be disappointed otherwise.
“Thank you.”

She gave a tight smile before exiting as well, George right behind her.

“I’ll be back in the morning,” Nathan said. I roamed my eyes back up to him, one of
the few things that didn’t hurt to move. He leaned down and also placed a kiss on
my forehead. My heart hammered in my chest at his closeness. I wanted to tilt my head
up and capture his lips in mine. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

He walked out the door and my chest seared, but for a different reason than the bruised
ribs. Moisture filled my eyes before flooding down my cheeks.

From my periphery, Andrew’s tall, lanky form walked over to me.

“What do I do?”

He pursed his lips. “You should hear him out, let him explain. That way you can make
a decision based on all the facts.”

“You know, then.” A statement, not a question.

“Yes. I made a call to an old friend in the D.A.’s office. You need to hear what he
has to say. I don’t like what he did to you, but I have a better understanding of
why he felt he needed to do it and…” he trailed off and sighed. “I can’t hate him
for that.”

He took my right hand, my good hand, in his. His long fingers dwarfed mine as they
always had. “We’ll all be in to see you at some point in the morning. We all love
you and want you to get better.” He paused, his expression torn. “That includes him,
you know.”

I nodded, and he squeezed my fingers before turning and walking to the door. “Hey
Drew?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now get some rest. I know you haven’t been unconscious enough today,”
he said with a wink and a wave goodbye as he disappeared.

It was quiet then, the beeping of the machines and the aching pain the meds didn’t
dull down my only company.

I stared at the ceiling and contemplated Nathan’s request to hear him out and wondered
if I could. I didn’t have anything else left to lose; he’d taken what little there
was of me. So what harm would it be? Maybe then I could understand and begin getting
over him. I still didn’t believe he wanted me. He felt guilty, was all.

Doubt crept into my mind as I replayed his frantic pleas in my head and the three
words he had spoken most vehemently.

“I love you.”

The words swirled around in my head, and I didn’t even notice the nurse when she entered
to take my vitals. I did, however, notice the new meds she slipped into the IV, because
my eyelids grew heavy, and I drifted back into unconsciousness.

C
HAPTER
2

I
t was a fun-filled morning in the driest sense.

I awoke in pain—something I knew was going to be my constant companion for the months
to come. As soon as the nurses knew I was awake, they pumped me full of more pain
meds. The drugs helped, but made me a little on the loopy side.

Not what I needed to be when my first guests of the day arrived: police officers.
They’d come to take my statement in regards to the accident, and unfortunately I was
unable to recall anything. The last thing I remembered was running out to my car in
the rain and then waking to Nathan calling my name in the hospital halls.

They asked me where I was headed, did I see the van, was it still raining, what color
was the light? Standard questions, but I was getting more and more annoyed with their
attempts to get some answers out of me other than the only one I had:
I don’t remember anything
. They weren’t going to jog my memory.

Got in the car, woke in the hospital. End of story.

It surprised me when the officers questioned me about the call I had made to Nathan
before the paramedics arrived. I had no recollection of it at all, but I remembered
Caroline mentioning the previous night I had done so.

After a few minutes, they grew frustrated with my non answers and left, stating they
would be in touch. I knew they would, but I still didn’t have any answers on how I
ended up here besides what I’d been told.

An hour after the police left there was a light rapping at my door, and I looked up
to find the older woman with the gray-streaked brown hair standing in the doorway.

“Good morning, Lila. Might I join you?”

I blinked up at her. “Who are you?”

“I’m sorry we haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Sarah Thorne, Nathan’s mother,”
she said.

I was a little hesitant, but she had a sweet, infectious smile. My head tilted as
I looked at her, taking her in before speaking. “It’s nice to meet you. I take it
you already know who I am?”

She nodded. “And I must say, after George told me about you, I dreamed of meeting
you. However, I never envisioned our first meetings to be with you in a hospital bed.”

“You dreamed about meeting me?” I asked in wonder.

“Of course! We’ve all been waiting for Nathan to return, and when I heard he was in
a relationship, I couldn’t contain myself.” Her smile faded. “Though I never thought
our first meeting would be while you were in a self-induced coma because of my son.”

I scrunched my brow and thought back to that time. There was a faint memory of an
unknown voice. My eyes widened. “Oh! That was you?”

She blinked at me. “You remember me?”

“I remember a voice that spoke to me in a different emotion than the other unknowns."

“Well, when I heard you had no one and Nathan was there all of the time –”

I interrupted her. “Wait. What about Nathan?”

“You didn’t know?” she asked, genuine surprise in her expression.

“Know what?”

“He spent every free moment they would allow outside your hospital door.”

I was in shock from her revelation. Not only that, I was pissed. I had suspected he
was there, and she had just confirmed it all.

“I know you’re upset with him, it’s written all over your face, but I want you to
know and realize he didn’t abandon you,” she said, her tone urging and pleading with
me. “Let him explain, let him tell his story. I hope when you hear all he has to say
you’ll try to forgive him.”

“I can’t promise you anything.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’m imploring you to hear him out, before you write him off
for good. He cares so much for you.”

“Okay.” I hoped she was right, but I had my doubts.  Nathan walked away, not me. Was
I supposed to act like he hadn’t kicked me to the curb like garbage?

I felt confused.  I wanted to believe her so much – every fiber of my being begged
for it – but my heart was still bleeding out over his rejection. Letting him talk
to me might be tantamount to ripping the bandages back off my gushing, wounded heart.
How would I survive?

I was already a step away from being completely obliterated by him the first time
he ended things with me. Wasn’t being in the hospital proof enough for them? Yet,
his mother sat in front of me, begging me to hear him out.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my fraying soul.

Just listen to her, Lila.  She seems like a nice woman, and she’s a mother.  She wouldn’t
do anything to hurt you…

That thought died as an image of my father, Steven, popped into my head. He was supposed
to be the one to protect me and love me, but he’d hurt me the most.

No, she’s not him.  Stop thinking that way!

I took in a slow, even, measured breath, opened my eyes, and tried to silence my mind,
focusing on what else she might want to say to me.  She took the time to visit me;
the least I could do was listen to her.

She steered the conversation away from Nathan and me and into a more neutral territory
by asking about me. I was grateful for that.

We’d been talking for a little while when I heard my name being called by a familiar
voice. I turned as Teresa ran through the door.

She was frantic, her words reverting to Spanish. “Ay dios mio!” I only caught about
every third or fourth word, but the overall gist of it was understood. “Mi niña!”

“Teresa, it’s okay. I’m okay, calm down,” I said, trying to soothe her.

Tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh, Lila, when Andrew finally got hold of me this morning
and told me what happened…my sweet girl.” Her hands caressed my face and hair. “You
look a mess!”

I grimaced. “I figured as much.”

“Andrew says you were hit by a reckless driver.”

“That’s what I hear.”

“You don’t remember?” she asked. I shook my head in response. “Well, I’m here now,
so if you need anything, okay?”

“What about your newbie?”

“He’ll be fine. He’s in school today, and he has a cell phone. Kids in this day and
age. Though, I would have felt a lot more secure knowing you had one. I always dreaded
that he would come after you…” she trailed off, her gaze lifted from me, and she blinked.
“Oh, hello.”

Sarah smiled back at her before leaning forward and presenting her hand. “Sarah Thorne.”

Teresa smiled back and took the offered hand. “Teresa Desanto. I’m sorry, I didn’t
mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, no, no. I’m just here to keep Lila company and her mind off of her injuries as
best I can.”

“How sweet of you,” Teresa said, a smile brightening her face. “I’m so happy to hear
Lila has met such nice people.”

Teresa moved back and pulled over the other chair in the room to sit next to Sarah.
There was some small talk, and more about my injuries revealed to Teresa, along with
tales from Spain. Teresa let me know Armando sent his love, and he was coming home
in the next week.

Most of the visit I spent listening. I was too tired to concentrate on conversing,
and didn’t have anything of importance to add. I was pretty sure I drifted off once
or twice. It made me happy Sarah and Teresa were getting along so well; I could hear
in their tone their genuine interest in one another, and it set me at ease.

My head lolled to the side, and I looked out the doorway, watching the people walking
back and forth. I stared in wonderment when Nathan entered through the door behind
a nurse. I was shocked he’d come back. He was dressed in jeans and an old gray Harvard
Law tee that clung to his body just right. I tried not to lick my lips at the sight,
but it was no use. It was lucky I was able to pull it off that my lips were dry, and
nothing more. My audience remained oblivious to my ogling him. Why did he have to
look so good? Butterflies swirled in my stomach as I remembered the loving words he’d
spoken to me, while my chest tightened over the memory of the pain he’d inflicted
not long before that.

I once said he was a contradiction, and I was beginning to see I was becoming one
myself, at least where he was concerned.

“Nathan!” Sarah said, smiling up at her son.

“Hi, Mom,” he greeted, bending down to kiss her cheek.

He straightened up and our eyes met. His façade was back on, but I watched it fall
away as soon as he looked at me. Walking forward, he smiled; I was confused as to
why he did that. Upon reaching me, he leaned down and pressed his lips to the top
of my head, his hand cupping the side of my face.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

I quirked my good brow at him. I scoffed, “Yeah right.”

“Lila,” he said in a warning tone.

“Look, this isn’t one of my ‘down on Lila’ moments. I was hit by a fucking van. My
eye is almost swollen shut. The left side of my face feels as big as a beach ball
and hurts like hell. So that tells me I look like someone used half my face as a punching
bag. Don’t think I’m very beautiful at the moment.” I knew I was pretty bad off; I
didn’t need a mirror to tell me that.

He let out a frustrated sigh. “You are always beautiful, even when a van uses you
as a punching bag.”

I stared up at him for a moment before looking down at the tube in my hand. Why did
he have to be sweet right now? I needed to be mad at him, but he kept saying and doing
things that were chipping away at my resolve.

“Oh!” My head popped up as I remembered we weren’t alone. “Teresa, this is Nathan.
We…um…work together. Nathan, this is Teresa.”

I knew no more introduction was needed; he knew who she was. He had an excellent memory,
and his eyes lit up with recognition.

“Teresa, it’s wonderful to meet you.” His hand reached out to grasp hers.

She stared up at him, looking mesmerized. Not that I blamed her; he had that effect
on me quite often.

“It’s nice to meet you, as well,” she said in automatic response, still confused as
to who he was. I hadn’t even had any time to mention him yet.

Nathan leaned against the bed near my head as the chairs were occupied by his mother
and Teresa. His fingers, every once in a while, would run through my hair or touch
my arm.

Teresa looked from me to Nathan and back. “So, Nathan, what brings you here today?”

The room went eerily quiet, and I found myself very interested in the dots on the
ceiling tiles.

“I mean, that isn’t the greeting you give someone you work with,” she added. “And
it isn’t customary the mother of someone you work with comes to keep you company while
you’re cooped up in a hospital.”

Nathan let out a small, nervous laugh under her gaze. His hand rubbed at the back
of his neck.

My stomach rumbled, and Sarah snapped up to her feet. “Lila’s hungry!” We all turned
to look at her, but she didn’t seem to care that she sounded a bit psychotic in her
outburst. “Come, Nathan, let’s go get her some good cuisine, not the yucky hospital
food. You remember how bad that was. Let’s allow the two of them to get caught up
without any interference from us.”

“But I just got here,” he protested.

“Now, Nathan.” It wasn’t a request; it was a demand from his mother. He couldn’t disobey
that.

“I’ll be back,” he said, leaning down to kiss my forehead again before following Sarah
out the door. I stared after them for a moment, then turned back to Teresa.

“All right, what in the world is going on between you two?”

I sighed as best I could, cringing a little before charging into our sordid tale.
I began with him coming to work, the office romp, the growing feelings, and topped
it off with the demise of “us” and ended with his declaration two days prior.

“Wow.” She sat back in awe once I was finished. “That’s quite a history you two have.”
I nodded in agreement. “What now?”

“I…I don’t know. I just don’t know.”  Even I could hear the sadness in my voice. I
didn’t have a response. My heart still hurt so much, and I couldn’t trust him. I was
angry with his declaration. Why couldn’t he have told me two weeks prior? Why did
he now have a sudden epiphany and need to be with me?