Inky (9 page)

“Don’t apologize. You’ve had a lot of shit going on and yeah, that good. Come on, we better go. I forgot he’s cooking for us. I’ll fill you in on the way.”

***

When we got into the car, Aimes stopped for a moment and looked at me.

“Ah, Jesus, Aimes what is it? Just spit it out!” I was joking but the look on her face said she was totally serious.

“I never thought this would happen again, I mean, since you haven’t lived with your mom. It just caught me off guard. I was scared. I think I was more scared than I was when we were kids, Ink.”

As best as I could, I leaned over the center console and hugged her tight, “That’s the last time you’re ever going to have to do that for me, okay? I wasn’t expecting it either. Hell, no one should expect something like that but I know I’m strong. Something changed in me that night. It took me a week to think it out, but now that I have…well, it won’t happen again. Thank you for being there, Aimes.”

“Always.”

Chapter 9

The next week went quickly. Evan was so excited for me, finally getting exposure for my work. He went to our favorite Mexican dive and brought home just about everything on the menu. He told us all about his recording session and how the popular singer was, in fact, a little bit tone deaf. I loved when he got inside information like that. We laughed at his stories and when we went to bed on Thursday night, I decided it was time to come clean.

“So, she psychologically tortured you?” He asked.

“Among other things, yeah.”

“And your leaves are different colors, depending on if what she did was bad or really fucking bad.”

“That about sums it up, yes.”

“And you told a teacher and they did nothing?”

Something was strange about his voice, almost like he didn’t believe me.

“My mom was a teacher and everyone loved her. No one believed me. They thought I was making it up. She claimed my injuries were self-inflicted and that I was acting out because my dad had left us. She knew the system and she knew how to work it. When I was really young, she was more Mommy Dearest than anything else but when I was nine, she started to date Joe. He was a bad man, Evan. I was a kid but I watched them do lines of coke off each other and get high, but when she drank, that was the worst. She managed to hide it, though. She went to work every day, like everything was normal.”

“So, you weren’t really homeless then.” It was a statement, not a question. I’d told him that, in my past, I didn’t always have a place to sleep at night.

“Technically, no. But it was better than staying home. Joe was there almost every night, Evan.” I had to stop for a moment and decide how I was going to tell him the rest. “I didn’t always get away from him. At first my mom pretended like it wasn’t happening. I told her but she claimed it was just more of my lies. As I got older and started to develop, she said it was my fault, that I was trying to seduce him. That’s when she got more physical with me. I tried to get involved with as many school activities as I could so I joined Community Children’s Choir. I had to audition for it and I needed my mother’s permission so I forged her signature. Someone she knew told her they’d heard me do a solo and I was quite good. After that, she forced me to sing and then…it always changed, but she found a way to make me fear it.”

He sat, not even looking at me and stared out the window of my bedroom. I think he was absorbing it all. Even though it was old news for me I knew it was a lot to take in. After what felt like hours, he finally put his arms around me. When he pulled away I saw his eyes were hard; he was pissed, “Where are they now, Ink?”

“Honestly, Evan, I don’t know. She doesn’t live in that condo anymore. She had an accidentally-on-purpose fall at work and claimed disability as well as a hefty pay-out from the school. The janitor had mopped and apparently didn’t put the wet-floor sign out, so she was then able to become a full-time alcoholic. I know for a fact she had Joe rough her up so it would be more plausible.

When I was 16, I got emancipated. I had a waitressing job five days a week and I was still getting straight A’s in school. I typed up a declaration for my mother to sign and she did. She didn’t even look at it. The only problem was that people don’t really want to rent a room to a sixteen year old. That was why I stayed with Aimes so much. As far as Joe is concerned, I never knew much about him. He was smart. He never left anything around to identify himself and he never spoke about his life. When he was there, he was either all over my mother or all over me, but no wallet and no car that I ever saw.”

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this before, Ink? Why did you hide it?” I knew he was hurt; that much was clear. “Didn’t you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you, Evan. I just didn’t want you to feel sorry for me. You know, your parents are great. Your childhood was so normal. I thought it was enough to say mine wasn’t and leave it at that. I thought if I just told you my mom was an alcoholic that would be enough. I didn’t think the details were important but honestly, I’m tired. I’m tired of reliving this over and over again.”

“So if that guy, Joe, hadn’t attacked you…would you have ever told me?” I had to stop and think about it. Would I?

“I don’t know.” I said softly.

I was glad I told him and surprisingly, I felt such a tremendous relief. I didn’t have any secrets from him, well, no big ones, anyway.

“Ink, I’m glad you told me. I wish you felt like you could’ve told me sooner. It might have changed my mind about things.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, I don’t know, I just think you should have told me.”

“Well, I’m telling you now. And ya know what? I can count on two hands all the people I’ve told. That should tell you something right there.” I was starting to get upset. He was acting like I betrayed him. I got up off the bed and walked to my closet.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m done with this conversation. Aimes wanted me to tell you. I told you. You think that was easy for me, Evan? I’ve been avoiding having this conversation with everyone for years, not just you. And yeah, if that guy hadn’t attacked me, I probably wouldn’t have said anything. Not because I don’t love you or trust you or anything like that. It’s because that’s my past and I was happy for it to stay there. Get it? So tonight, I’m going to the bar and I’m gonna have a couple of nice strong drinks, or ten. I’m going to listen to music, and dance and show those people I’m not afraid of my own fucking shadow and next week I’m gonna go to that exhibit and stand proudly by my work and the week after that I’m gonna sing in front of the entire bar, and you know why? No, you don’t know why…because my past and all the shit that happened to me won’t control me anymore!”

I stormed out of my room and slammed the door behind me. I was met in the hall by Aimes.

“Dude, Ink, what the hell is going on in there?”

“I’ll see you at Rusty’s.” I turned from her and stormed down the hallway.

“Wait. I’ll take you... just wait five minutes. Don’t walk there…”

“Don’t treat me like a fucking child!” I yelled.

“Ink!” She screamed at me, “Give me five minutes. I’ll walk with you and I’ll tell Gus to bring my car later. Just wait.”

In what was more like two minutes, she was at my side. I walked quickly, so pissed off I couldn’t stand it.

“Ink, we’re a block away from the house; tell me what the fuck is going on?” I was livid. And what the hell did he mean
it might have changed my mind about things?

“I told him, okay? I told him and he acted like I, I don’t know, like it was my fault or something, like he was some sort of victim in all this. How can he change from being the best, most caring and understanding guy ever to…I don’t even know what just happened in there.”

“Did he say anything? Did he have any reaction at all?” she asked.

“No, he just kind of sat there. He asked a couple of questions, wanted to know where my mom was now.”

“And you’re pissed?”

“Well, he just, I don’t know how to explain it, okay? He just didn’t react…” I said on an exasperated breath.

“Like everyone else?” She cut me off.

“Well, now that you mention it, yeah.” She rolled her eyes at me, “I saw that.”

“I meant for you to see it, Ink. Jesus, will you listen to yourself? He did exactly what you wanted him to do. You didn’t want him to give you the whole sad pity thing and he didn’t. He listened to your story and he asked a couple of questions, right?”

“Ah, FUCK!” I yelled. In the middle of the street, I screamed profanities like pure white trash.

“Hold on a minute, okay? Calm down. Just listen to me for a minute.” I finally stopped and looked at her. “Ink, Evan has been weird for a while. I told you that. This whole engagement has been really fast. Then all of a sudden you’re attacked by some guy, all because he didn’t come back to get you at three in the morning and then he finds out about your past…”

“He wanted to know!” I yelled, “You made me tell him!”

“I didn’t make you do anything,” she said calmly. “But I’m glad you did. If he can’t handle it, how’s he gonna handle marriage, Ink? I’m your best friend, okay? And you’ve been in a relationship with Evan for about a minute. You have history together and he’s great but take your time.” That got my attention.

“Did I ever tell you about the time my Mom had an affair?”

“Get. Out. Of. Town!” Aimes’ parents were the most loving wonderful couple I’d ever seen.

“Well, my Dad had a girlfriend in college before my mom. One day she called, my mom answered and the ex told my mom they were having a kid. The woman lied; she’d already had the kid after they graduated. Dad broke up with her and moved to California for work and she never told him about the baby. Then out of the blue, she called and told my mom this lie, wanting to get revenge or some shit. Apparently she gave my mom details of their affair that made it very convincing. The worst part was that my mom and dad had been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years. So my mom went out, broken-hearted, thinking this woman gave him what she couldn’t. She left my dad a note saying she was leaving him and she knew he’d knocked up his mistress…it was a mess. Then she went to my grandparents in San Diego and hooked up with her high school boyfriend. He’s a vet. Not important, but anyway, my dad had no idea what had happened. He called Grandma and she was horrified at what my dad had allegedly done. Apparently she called him a ‘fuck-head.’ Can you imagine my Grandma saying, ‘fuck-head’?”

“Eventually the college girlfriend called and told him he had a five year old son. This woman wanted my dad, thought she could do it on her own and concocted the affair. By this time my mom had been gone for two months. Dad went to San Diego and explained everything to Grandma and Grandpa. Mom was sleeping over at the vet guy’s house so he waited all night until she came home the next morning. My Grandpa, Grandma and my dad explained what had happened. I guess my mom had a kind of breakdown after that. My dad stayed with her at my grandparents’ home for three months. It was the guilt that caused her depression. Remember when we were sixteen? Remember how excited I was about my sweet sixteen party? Then my dad said he had to go out of town on business? That’s when they told me the story of my half-brother. He was graduating college the same day and he didn’t want to miss it. The part of the story that stood out for me was that when they told me, they told me together and held each other’s hands. My mom cried when she told me about her high school boyfriend and how he was helping her pick up the pieces of her broken marriage. Then my dad cried as he described watching the pain my mother suffered because she’d been with another man and hadn’t even asked my dad to explain himself. He never once blamed her, Ink. He never left her side for one minute while she got better. When they were done talking, my dad just looked at my mom and said, “because when it’s love, Amelia, you just know, and nothing else matters. You just have to work a little harder sometimes, that’s all.’’

When she finished talking, I was a big sobbing mess. It was a beautiful story and totally unexpected, “How come you never told me this?”

“Ink, it’s not my story to tell. Don’t ever, and I mean ever, mention it to my parents. I would’ve found out eventually because I’m not an only child and my half-brother is in their will but I’m glad they did. My point to all of this, everything that’s happened now and before, it’s a lot to take in for Evan. I’m sure he just wants to be there for you and you kinda made the decision before he even had a chance to man-up. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah. I do. You were right, I should’ve told him. I’m an asshole. Should I go back and talk to him?”

“Nah. Let him just think about everything for a while. He’ll come down later. I already made sure he’d come with Gus.”

“You and Abe are tied for sneakiness.”

“I have no problem with that.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you…again.”

“Inky, it’s okay.”

Chapter 10

With the reception I got walking into Rusty’s, you would have thought I’d been gone for months. The bruise on my head was now covered by my hair and the marks left by Joe’s fingers were covered by my long sleeve tee. Rusty told me he put a new security camera at the back door with an intercom so nothing like my attack could ever happen again – he hoped. He also told me to take all the time I needed. It was a serious moment but no one else caught it.

I quickly changed back to the happy mood and told him that I had a piece showing next week. Always having been the supportive guy that he is, we agreed I wouldn’t start back to work until the week after the exhibit. About ten minutes after being there, my cell phone rang,

“Inky?”

“Abe, is that you?”

It was impossible to hear him over the noise inside the bar.

“Yeah.”

“Hold on, let me go outside where I can hear you.” I went out the front doors where it’s well lit and people were coming in and out of the bar. “Okay, that’s better. What’s up?”

“Okay, so I guess there’s a little change. Your mystery buyer isn’t coming tomorrow. Mrs. Emerson called him herself and explained everything and invited him to the event, for making him wait. So you don’t have to come to the gallery tomorrow after all. Did you get a party frock yet?”