Inner Guidance (22 page)

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A Near-Death Experience:

Inner Guidance Saved My Life

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I knew I had connected with the Voice of God.

In a most powerful way, I felt unshackled from something huge, something that perhaps had been impeding my spiritual progress. Could it be true? Had the Mahanta helped release me from an unknown debt?

Whatever it was, I knew this represented a major turning point in my life. At the time, I felt I didn’t need to know the details; I was simply grateful and deeply relieved.

Before I left home for my trip, I wrote a letter of thanks to Harold Klemp, the spiritual leader of Eckankar.

I knew him both as the outer teacher and the Inner Master, and I usually called him Sri Harold. The Living ECK Master is respected but not worshipped.
Sri
is often added to his name as a title of spiritual respect.

Sri Harold receives letters from people the world over, and this morning I wanted to write him too. I wanted to be sure to tell him about the brilliant inner experience I had in the dream the night before.

The house was quiet, so it was a perfect time. The night before, I had fallen asleep with a roaring fire and a good book. Now carnelian-colored embers smoldered in the stone fireplace, and a smoky scent filled the room.

I relit the fire to counter the morning chill and sat down at my desk.

For several minutes, I sang HU, a love song to God.

It is taught as a spiritual exercise in Eckankar. HU is a simple, spiritual song that opens the heart to God’s love.

In the letter I wrote that morning, I expressed gratitude for the unseen blessings I could feel winging their way to me. I shared all the details of the dream and confided my new belief that I had won the lottery of life!

What exactly that might mean, I was not sure, but I was certain it was wonderful.

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I finished the letter and left it on the dresser in my bedroom, ready to be mailed.

P
ain pulled at me, and with a horrible thud, I snapped back into my broken body. I was lying in a heap of metal, covered in glass and blood. I realized I could easily pull myself away from this anguish by leaving my body, and I did. Looking down on the scene with inner vision, I saw everything clearly, even though my body was shrouded in rubble and my physical eyes were tightly closed.

From above, I realized that the entire top of the car had been torn off by the powerful impact. The person in the car did resemble me, but it did not feel like me at all. My perspective was completely changed. It was difficult to relate to that injured body, and I realized it was most certainly
not
me, for the real me was floating peacefully above the entire scene.

As I drifted above the wreckage, I felt a question arise from within: Would it be possible to stay alive—

live life on earth with my beautiful daughter—and still know this freedom and amazing sense of exhilaration and joy?

Interesting question
, I thought, not wanting to put any attention on it. I didn’t really know or care. I knew that nothing could compare with what I was feeling now: total contentment. Simply, I longed to stay in this sweet, floating freedom.

Yet my attention was being directed toward the spectacle below, and a second impression came to me:

“Look at the scene of the car wreck. Look carefully at what’s going on down there.”

With a gentleness which I’ve come to recognize as the presence of the Mahanta giving me inner guidance, Inner Guidance_CH 16-21.p65

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my attention was being redirected. I followed the guidance given and turned to examine the scene below
.

Watching from my perspective as Soul, which at the moment was hovering around the tops of the trees lining the highway, I studied the car wreck. I could see everything in great detail, and I gazed with detachment at the entire drama, looking at it like one would watch a play.

Vehicles were arriving with lights flashing and sirens screaming—fire trucks, police cars, and an ambulance.

I could hear many people talking. The injured driver of the truck that hit my car was being rescued. He was unconscious. From my treetop vantage point, with greatly heightened senses, I could smell alcohol all over him.

It made sense now. I suddenly understood what had happened: a drunk driver had passed out at the wheel of his truck with his foot on the accelerator. No wonder the truck, alone on the highway, had been so totally out of control.

How it had careened until it had perfectly aligned itself with my car, I could not imagine. Still, I felt no sense of judgment as I watched, but just a serene awareness as the paramedics and firemen carefully carried the wounded man to the ambulance. I watched the vehicle transport him from the scene of the wreck.

Then my awareness shifted. My daughter! Where was she? Ah, yes, rescued by the kind woman.

And what about me? There was only one ambulance.

Wait! Why had they left without me? Sarah was surely being cared for, and the drunk driver was already on his way in the ambulance, yet there my body lay in the smashed car, still bleeding and motionless. At the same time, I saw a strange sedan arrive on the scene.

The vehicle was long and dark with a rounded top. Was it a hearse?

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Aghast, I realized the rescue team believed I was dead. I was shocked back into full awareness of my physical body.

“I’m not dead,” I cried out inwardly. “I want an ambulance! I want to be rescued!”

S
everal men approached my wrecked car. One ignited a blowtorch, and I could see that he was going to use it to cut the metal away from my body. The hissing sound filled the night air.

“Careful!” I wanted to shout, “Don’t burn my body!”

I suddenly felt defensive and very distressed. I wanted to be with my daughter! I wanted to be with her—and
not
dead.

My thoughts spoke to no one in particular.
They
shouldn’t assume I’m dead just because I’m not in that
injured body. Unless, of course
, I considered,
I
am
dead!

A clear realization pressed itself into my consciousness, showing me exactly what I needed to do. Inner guidance, coming loud and clear now, forced me into urgent and immediate action.

There was no time to lose; Sarah needed me.

I made my intent clear, to the universe and to myself.

“I’m getting back into that body right now!” I shouted inwardly. I had a child, and I would not leave her. “I cannot be dead! I
will not
be dead! I am going back, now!

I want to live!” I declared.

F
or the second time in one night, I was flying straight into a torture chamber, and there was no stopping it. The pain was excruciating, and I truly did not know how long I could endure it.

Through the gurgling of blood in my ears, I could Inner Guidance_CH 16-21.p65

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hear two men’s muffled talking and the hissing sound of the blowtorch. I grew violently ill and knew I must hold on tightly to stay in this body.

Suddenly I heard a man speaking directly to me, very slowly, loudly, and deliberately: “Can you hear me?

Can you speak to me? Come on, Dear. Can you move?”

Desperately he added, “Are you
alive
?”

The shattered windshield pressed into my face, and glass splinters were piercing my mouth and tongue. I could not answer his questions. I did not dare to move any part of my face. It felt as if my eyes were also full of glass, and I would not even try to open them. Yet it was critical that I somehow find a way to respond.

“Honey, if you can hear me,” he pleaded, “just give me a sign that you’re alive; just a sign!”

A sign! How could I signal him? I wondered what part of my body I could move safely. I tried to put my attention on my left hand. I commanded myself to act:

“Control your hand!” The little finger of my left hand was sticking up above the rubble. I managed to wiggle the finger slowly, very slowly. In case he could see me, I tried to smile with my mouth closed, forming a weak, desperate grimace. I continued to gently wiggle the pinky finger of my left hand.

He saw the movement. “Dear God, she’s alive! She’s alive!” he shouted out to the others. Choked up and in tears, he hoarsely whispered, “You just hold on. Sorry we didn’t get you out of here sooner. We thought we’d lost you! We’re here now. It’s OK. Just hold on!”

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In the Heart of God:

Inner Guidance to Sing HU

The quickest way to put your state of consciousness in the heart of God is to sing HU.

—Harold Klemp

How the Inner Master Works
29

hey began work immediately with the Jaws of

Life, a contraption designed to pry wreckage
T
apart and provide access to anyone trapped inside.

“She’s still alive! Let’s get her out of here—fast!”

Those were the last words I heard as I descended into the dark peace of unconsciousness.

When I arrived in the operating room, I was shocked back into full awareness, and I was sick with pain. My eyelids were stretched open, and my eyeballs were being flushed with sharp streams of water. At the same time, they were pulling stitches into the cut on my head.

Simultaneously, while my tongue was held out from my mouth by some kind of device, another doctor was removing glass, piece by piece, from the soft, bleeding tissue. As blood dripped down my throat, I gagged and tried to turn my head. It was unbearable.

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A doctor spoke to me sternly. He explained that due to the concussion, they were unable to give me anything for the pain. He warned me not to allow myself to vomit.

After shifting from free-floating bliss to unspeakable agony, I could not control the violent response of my body. I gagged again as I struggled to free my head.

“Stop!” he urgently warned me again. “Just hold on; you’ve got to! Be still and hold on.”

But my body had sustained massive injuries. I was bleeding internally and had cracked bones and too many cuts and wounds to count. My head felt like it might explode, and each throb of blood through my swollen temples brought a new wave of severe nausea. It almost made me faint, but they kept bringing me back. Suddenly, I was struggling even to breathe.

“We’re losing her!” a nurse called out.

Through all the pain, I still knew that the responsibility was mine. I knew what to do, and I had to do it. I had to switch my attention to the Mahanta and my inner guidance. I cried silently, sending an urgent distress call to the Inner Master: “I need you now more than ever! Help me. Now, now, please, now! Tell me what to do.”

“Sing HU.”
It came as a distinct impression, a powerful inner communication—inner guidance so strong it was as if I was a receiving tower picking up a direct message from the universe itself. I heard it loudly, clearly penetrating my pain and misery. I was being directed by my inner guide, the Mahanta, to sing HU, a prayer of the highest sort, which I often sang as part of my Eckankar spiritual exercises. Of course! I knew and understood this. I could help uplift the entire scene by simply singing HU.

But I could not sing. My tongue was still held tightly in the surgical vice.

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Inner Guidance to Sing HU

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S
ince I could not sing aloud, I
thought
the word HU silently in my head. Then, when the last piece of glass was removed from my tongue and it was suddenly freed, I weakly whispered, “HU.” Tears poured down my face as I sang HU as loudly as I could and the hoarse sound filled the room.

“HU-U-U-U.”

The doctor who had admonished me to be still and hang on was continuing to remove glass from my face, but he had finished working on my eyes. I could now see him, despite the tears. I began to let go of the tension and pain as I sang HU, and I looked into his face, imploring him inwardly to join me. Suddenly, I heard him encouraging me.

“HU, HU,” the doctor called out. “You just keep singing that word. I don’t know what you’re doing, but just keep it up! That’s it, Sweetheart,” he urged. “It’s helping.

That’s better.” I was much more relaxed; I was breathing more easily now and felt some relief. He picked up the chant, “HU-U-U-U.” As he sang along with me, he encouraged the others to do the same.

“Sing,” he urged the other doctor standing by my head. And to the nurses in the room he said, “Sing!”

A nurse yelled, “She’s stabilizing.” She called out my vital signs, and a little cheer went up. “Keep it up! You’re doing a lot better,” the nurse encouraged me. Then she joined in the song of HU.

Everyone was singing it. The room filled with the sound of HU.

I sing HU every day. I know its many benefits. Like an Olympian’s training serves him in times of competition, in this crisis, my daily spiritual practice was serving me well.

This sacred name of God, HU, reverberated through my very being. Resting quietly on the table now, I no Inner Guidance_CH 16-21.p65

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longer felt the pain. I sighed with relief. I felt happy and relaxed although I was fully aware of all the desperate activity going on around me. I smiled and gently whispered HU, and then left the chanting to the rest of them.