Innocence (29 page)

He noticed a nurse walking through the set of double doors. “Hello there, Mr. Richards,” she said holding out her hand to take a firm handshake.

“Actually, I’m Mr. Edwards,” he corrected her.

“That doesn’t matter. Have you come to see your daughter?”

Bile filled his throat. “Yes.” He coughed.

“I can understand how tough it is for you. First visit?” she asked.
Should I run now and stay away and not get involved?

“It is,” he managed to say.

“I will talk you through everything. It is alarming, but I am sure you have seen your girlfriend in a similar condition,” she said gazing at him.

“Yes…sorry,” he said, flapping his hands in front of his face trying to fight the tears.

“Don’t worry about it. We understand you’re having a tough time and any partner and father would be worried sick. It is only natural to be worried at this time.” The nurse calming his fear for what he was about to see.

He could hardly breathe when the nurse used her card to enter through the first set of double doors, taking him with her. He washed his hands. He held his breath and then she walked him through, seeing all the baby incubators. He swallowed his heart, trying to hold back his fears, listening to the monitors and saw other parents close by the incubators. He spotted one lady feeding her baby through a tube, the size of the little one made his stomach churn.

Dazed whilst he walked through the area, looking at the incubators unable to see the baby, one having a blanket over the top and others he saw nothing but equipment, machines sounding loud and one chimed louder and a nurse came through to press a few buttons and then opened the incubator and touched something.

His stomach curdled.

“Here you are, Baby Richards,” the nurse said.

She stopped before him and he almost ran into the back of her.

“Whoa…so sorry,” he said.

“No worries. Here you go!”

He turned his head to see the large incubator and saw nothing but tubes and machines. He stepped forward to the tiny little baby in the incubator with beeps and lights flashing. He stepped closer and saw a contraption attached to her fragile face.

“It can be daunting, but she is having twenty-four hour care and is doing remarkably well,” the nurse said.

Calvin gawped at the tiny life inside the incubator and noticed the baby smaller than his hand moving its arms and legs back and forth.

“She is doing excellent, last night when she came to us she was hardly moving,” she told him.

Calvin could not take his eyes of the little fragile baby with tubes coming out her teeny frame.

“A little alarming with her being so tiny, due to her arriving early, we need to keep her warm, until she maintains her body temperature,” she explained.

He observed the baby through the plastic Perspex with a blanket over the roof of the incubator.

She continued, while opening the door and pointing out what was doing what. “This monitor is to keep track of the baby’s heartbeat,” she said touching the sticky pads on her chest. “Now, because she came with breathing difficulties she’s on a ventilator—a machine that blows air and oxygen through a tube into their nose or throat and into the lungs, mimicking a breathing pattern through a nasal cannula, here.”

He tried to digest the information.

“We’re checking her oxygen levels here,” she said taking hold of the baby girl’s foot and showing him a red light attached to her foot. “This tube, we’re making sure that Baby Richards is receiving her fluids, medicines and nutritional needs, at the right rate and speed she needs,” she told him. “She also has an IV line in her wrist for antibiotics, to prevent any chances of infection due to her immune system being low.”

Calvin scratched his head totally baffled by all the information.

“I know I have told you plenty and no doubt you haven’t taken all the information in, but if you need any anything please ask. She is in the best hands possible, I have some leaflets for you to read as I know this is daunting. Is she your first?”

Calvin looked at her and he nodded his head up and down.

“I will go and get you a drink before you collapse on us,” she said smiling at him.

Calvin turned back to the baby, she was so miniscule, all these machines surrounding her and yet what hurt more was the fact Sophie hadn’t even seen the tiny bundle. He was sick to the core over the nightmare that had unfolded in the last week of his life, not believing he was standing by the incubator of a baby, who didn’t even enter his life until earlier in the week and now…how his life had taken a drastic turn.

His heart melted, it would be Sophie’s instant reaction to want to get to her daughter and protect her, the only problem, she was still in intensive care herself.

“Here you go, Mr. Richards,” the nurse said, handing him a cup of tea. “I’ve put sugar in it to keep you going,” she told him.

“I am worried about her mum,” he explained.

“They both need to remain strong and fight and they will. Don’t worry, as a family you will need to be strong.”

Chapter Thirteen

He entered Sophie’s room, his heart thumping in his chest. He stood for a few seconds looking down on her wishing she would wake up, it was the second day now and he needed her to meet her daughter, who now was suffering with anaemia, inflammation of her bowl, and could really do with her mother’s milk, the doctors had stopped her milk and antibiotics, it was worrying and Sophie had no idea what was going on.

“Okay, miss, we really need you to wake…your daughter needs you, come on, Sophie…I mean what on earth is keeping you?” he said trying to add humor to the situation when really he was being destroyed. Rosalind and Alan were being great, they had spent the night with the little one, being there for any changes, and Calvin was by Sophie’s side, refusing to move.

Yesterday he had managed to go out and get loads of bits for the little one, as she’d been doing so well, only in the early hours she took a turn.

“Listen here, Sophie, I have tried music, talking to you, touching you and told you about little one and yet you still remain asleep. I understand you have been through hell but your little girl needs you, her mummy. Now wake the hell up and stop playing games,” he said, harsh, but what else could he say? He had tried everything and yet still, she stayed asleep, locking herself from the real world. Maybe, that was why she remained asleep, unsure what she’d wake up too, petrified to the reality that had become her life, yet she could rest assured he’d stay by her side.

He had spent the entire night thinking about his current situation, trying to decide what would be the right approach to his future. London was so far away, it wasn’t a quick trip down and then back home. Yet, unsure someone could be appointed the new manager for the branch and him stay up here. He longed to keep close to Sophie and the baby and make sure they got settled before even contemplating heading back down south.

“Listen to this music…I am losing a battle here with you,” he said, placing his phone close to her ear and hit play,
Deepest Blue,
by Deepest Blue He stood, singing the lyrics to the song, moving about the floor, not caring if anyone heard him, twirling around thinking back to the very night he held her tight, how they danced, laughed had a great time while he took the time to admire her, having her so close had been perfection and she had been more prettier than from a distance.

‘Am I dreamin now walkin on the moon. And I don’t know how to reach you, baby. Every time I try to move closer

We’ve only got this time to prove, that together we can make it through, I’ll never hide my dreams from you. You’re my deepest blue’

He paused and stopped singing. He glanced at Sophie…he knew that they had to somehow get through the mess that had occurred and try if possible to move forward. And as for him hiding the truth about the way he truly felt about her would have to wait. The right time would come along, but regardless of what happens he will be by her side.

The next track started playing which he enjoyed and always boosted his moral
, Return to Innocence,
Enigma He could not help but start joining in the lyrics, it was a tune he played around the hall when he had been younger, it gave him the energy and enthusiasm to continue with his destiny.

He stood at the window, staring out onto the concrete garden that was dull and boring, no sunlight and totally dismal. He turned around to look at Sophie, really needing her to snap out of her sleep. He closed his eyes, listening to the sound race through his heart, singing the lyrics not caring who heard him, all he needed was to see Sophie’s beautiful brown eyes, but all appeared to be a lost cause. Calvin was now beginning to see the reality of how some people waited anxiously for their loved one to respond and wake up.

Calvin walked back to the bed and sat down on the armchair, gazing at her while screwing up his nose, trying to think of another way to tempt her into waking up. He had a picture of little one on his phone so when she woke she could see her. The doctor had said it would be a day or so before she could see her daughter, and he bet she would be annoyed by that.

“You know you could wake, you could tell me I’m a shithead and I would totally understand, as I have been naughty…very naughty, told the doctors and nurses I am your partner and that we’re delighted about the arrival of our daughter. I mean to be honest, I feel like she is mine, but I’m allowing your parents to make all the decisions they’re really taking to your daughter, day and night your mum is there, being supportive. I think you’ll be pleased, at least I hope that is what you wanted.

“Ross has started the proceedings on getting a house for you and little one. And in a few weeks I’m going to be twenty-eight, you know what that means approximately ten years ago, we…” he paused composing his thoughts, tears building in his eyes. “God, just look at me,” he snorted and wiped his eyes. “I’m afraid I’m being weak. I really want to spend time getting to know you better, but I know your main concern will be the baby, and I don’t doubt that for one second. I have to say you are testing me, making me open my eyes. I guess I have been so locked away in my own little bubble, and the perfect life of money and having everything at my feet, and then reality hits home. The thing is, Sophie, I like it, it’s challenging.”

Tears fled from his eyes as tried not to feel the emotion and pain his heart suffered with. He wanted to hold Sophie in his arms and give her the lifestyle she’d missed out on. He chewed his lower lip, far away with his thoughts while the tunes played. Memories filtered through his mind, remembering the days of innocence and how he used to run around the land of the hall and enjoyed life to the fullest, no problems, no concerns at all, and certainly no girls.

He looked at Sophie… “Come on, Sophie, don’t give up, your daughter and I need you. Look, I’m so sorry for what happened ten years ago, if I could turn the clock back, I would, but I can’t do that. What I can do is make it up to you and hope in time you will forgive me. I was a young man, full of testosterone, only thought of my dick, and yes, selfish that might be, but that night of the party I longed for you there…and well…we made love. I loved you then, between and now, please wake up,” he said. “I am not going to say goodbye…in fact, I’m going to hang around like a bad smell.” He chuckled.

He became drowsy, just sitting and talking to her. Tired and exhausted, he closed his eyes while holding her hand and placed his head nearby to rest.

Calvin fell asleep. He woke up to a stiff neck. He lifted up, rubbing his neck, but it hurt when he tried moving it from side-to-side. His phone still played the tracks he left running. He could not believe he had fallen asleep, but then in all honesty, he hadn’t slept correctly since rushing Sophie into hospital.

He looked at Sophie, and saw her still sleeping. He tilted his head back and forth, trying to remove the unpleasantness of his discomforting neck. The tunes started again, he yawned and added a stretch.

“I am so shattered,” he told her. “I am kind of staying at Ross’s house to be closer to you.” 

Calvin’s mouth was dry and he reached for his water on the table and drank some of the fluid, it tasted warm, making him screw up his face.

Calvin turned back to Sophie and noticed her fingers moving. Startled, he watched her fingers hard, hoping his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. Her fingers moved more. Quickly, he jumped to his feet to lean over Sophie.

“Sophie, Sophie, can you hear me…please wake up,” he pleaded with her while keeping a close eye on her face, and her eyelids started fluttering. “Sophie, Sophie,” he called out to her a few times, hoping finally she was waking up and it wasn’t just nerves in her eyelids.

Her eyes started blinking. With no time to waste he pressed hard on the bell alerting the nurses at the station, like they had told him too.

Within seconds the room flooded with nurses surrounding her bed, saying her name. He kept right back watching them waiting for a response when suddenly Sophie started choking…she was awake.

* * * *

Sophie opened her eyes with something stuffed down her throat. She automatically started choking and saw many faces above her.

“Sophie, welcome back,” one voice said.

But she had no idea what on earth had gone on. Frightened without a clue what had occurred and surrounded by faces she didn’t know.

“Try and stay still, Sophie,” another voice said. 

She had no idea what she had to stay still for.

Whatever, had been in her mouth had been removed and she was delighted. Her mouth was dry and she was shaking, scared of what had happened to her and desperate to hear the news.

She scanned around, having her arms and legs touched, hearing the sound of beeps. She tried looking around the room when suddenly a few nurse’s had given her space and they started messing about with her.

“What is going on?” she asked, dismayed and needed an explanation of some sort.

“You’ve been unconscious for two days,” a nurse said to her. “But thankfully your partner has been here and playing your tune, so romantic,” the woman said.

Sophie could not remember her having a partner. She flicked her brows up. Mouth dry and had people moving around her asking her stupid questions.

“Can you lift your arm?”

Sophie was totally baffled.
Of course I can lift my arm you stupid women.
She lifted her arm.

“And your leg?”

Is this a frigging joke? What the hell has happened to me?
She tried casting her mind back, but all was faint.

“Have I hit my head or something?” she asked, dry mouthed, longing for a drink. Her mouth was bitty, along with her body, scabby and needed to be freshened up.

“No, you had an operation,” the nurse informed her. “But don’t worry, we have called for the doctor and he is going to check over your vitals, although you seem to be fine.”

“I need a drink,” she muttered in a husky voice.

The nurse turned around and with a straw gave her some water, it trickled joyfully down her throat, still unsure as to what the heck had happened and how she ended up where she had. Sipping the water, just enough to wet the inside of her mouth.

“Partner?” she recalled a nurse saying, confused.

“Yes, he has been with you day and night,” she was informed.

With that she saw the nurse lift her head and gaze at someone across the other side of the room. With great care Sophie turned her head to her left and saw Calvin, cowering in the corner, lifting his brows, and smiling.

“Hey, baby, good to have you back,” he said.

Sophie furrowed her brows. She watched him rush toward her and lean into her kissing her on her forehead.

“You had me so worried,” he said and lifted his head, his eyes met hers.

“Have you forgotten about your partner, don’t you recognize him?” the nurse said joking.

Sophie stared at Calvin and turned her head to face the nurse. “Yeah, I remember him,” she added and wondered what the hell he had been up to, what lies had he been telling? Then it dawned on her. “I was pregnant,” she screamed. “My baby,” she said and reached down to her tummy.

“She is in neonatal unit, you were haemorrhaging and needed an emergency C-section,” the nurse explained when she felt her left hand being touched. She turned to Calvin.

“Is she okay,” she asked. Her eyes filled with tears.

“Sophie, we need you to keep calm. The doctor is on his way,” the nurse explained.

“I need to see her,” she cried out unable to see anything with the tears filling her eyes.  

“She is getting the best treatment, Sophie,” Calvin told her.

“No…I need to see her and now,” she cried out.

“Sophie,” the nurse said. “Please, keep calm, or you will make yourself poorly again narrowing your chances of seeing your daughter for a few days.”

Sophie could not believe what she heard. Her daughter was born and in the neonatal unit. Tears flooded down her cheeks, she was scared and longed to get to see her daughter immediately. She was born too early, ten weeks too early. She remembered being rushed into hospital because she started bleeding and then after examination the doctor wanted to give an emergency operation. After that, things went pretty vague and she had no idea what on earth had happened.

“I want to see my daughter,” she shouted again.

“Sophie, she is safe, and neither one of you can move. Your daughter—” the nurse said when Sophie cut her off.

“Kacey, her name is Kacey Sophie,” she informed her.

“Kacey Sophie is safe and needing a little help, she’s in the best hands possible and so are you, you cannot go anywhere until we have the all clear from the doctor and you getting upset and angry is only going the prolong your time getting to see her.”

“I have a picture on my phone,” Calvin hyped up.

“You do?” she said, wiping her eyes.

With that she watched Calvin reach for his phone on her pillow. Her heart raced eager to see her baby girl and to make sure she was okay. Impatient she saw Calvin move closer to her and place the phone in her direct view, showing her the picture of a tiny little dark haired girl with tubes coming out her nose and a plaster of some sort holding the tubes in place. Tears gushed from her eyes to the beautiful sight of her baby girl who was weak and needed her mum’s attention.