Innocent Lies (10 page)

“The next round is
on me.” Logan hollered over his shoulder as he collected his latest
winnings. Our eyes met. He was incensed. I felt bad, but not bad
enough to do anything about it. Ethan meant too much to me. I
wasn’t willing for him to find me talking to Logan.

A hand gripped my arm, and then a
chest was taut against my back. I laid my head against his
shoulder. It was not a doubt in my mind it was Ethan. The smell I
had become addicted to flooded my nostrils. “Hey, gorgeous.” I
almost moaned as I molded myself against his body.

He swept my hair to the side and
kissed me behind my ear. “Looking for someone.”

I smiled and turned, wrapping my
arms around his neck. “You,” I whispered. “You smell
good.”

“Thank you, but next time make sure
it’s me. If I was to see you with another guy like that.” He kissed
the tip of my nose. “It would be bad.” He pinched my behind and
pushed me closer to him. “You’re mine.”

I laughed, loved having him claim
me in the middle of the local bar overflowing with drunken college
students.

“Come on, Privy,
it’s break time.” He dragged me off with a pull of the hand. I
winked over my shoulder at Sarah and held up my finger signaling to
give me a moment. In truth, I hoped for a lot longer than a minute.
He sat me down at the booth in the farthest corner of the bar, held
up two fingers to the nearest waitress, and mouthed, ‘beer.’

“I don’t
drink.”

“One drink won’t
hurt you.” He scooted close to me and rested his forehead on
mine.

“Bad influence.” I
curved my hand around his neck.

“Very bad
influence, but you still love me.”

I didn’t know if I loved him yet,
but it was darn close. I had never felt the way I did when I was
around him. It was stronger than anything I had read about in any
book. If that was the start of love, I wanted it. My hand scraped
across his neck.

“Oh, babe,” he
whispered and his eyes closed. He grasped my hand and held it in
place. “I wish you could feel what you do to me.” His eyes popped
open. “I’ll make you feel the same. I’ll show you what we can
achieve together.” He laced his fingers through mine and traced the
palm with his thumb. The music blared in my head. I heard someone
in the distance ask where I went. I didn’t care. I was with Ethan,
the one person who could chase the demons away.

The waitress had the worst timing
and pushed two bottles across the table, breaking the moment
between us. I peeked up at the bottle as a lady’s hand brought it
up to the reddest lips. I gulped, not knowing what was happening.
Ethan’s hand slipped from mine. He turned and an invisible wall of
ice formed between us. He clicked bottles with her. It was the same
lady that he talked to in the coffee shop. His brother’s
girlfriend. “Victoria,” Ethan whispered.

She looked at me and snarled.
“Who’s the little flavor of the month?”

I wanted Ethan to turn and tell me
I was his. He never acknowledged me. “No one,” he
snapped.

I tumbled out of the booth without
a glance from Ethan.

“She is pretty.” Victoria said. I
felt his eyes on me for a brief moment. “E, you really should learn
that these whores are a distraction.”

I felt the tears
roll. A distraction. A whore. A no one. I glanced back one more
time praying Ethan was following me. He was laughing with
her.
No, no, no, I won’t let
him get to me.
He talked
about how I made him feel. He made me feel like trash. My nickname
from high school played in my ear, Icky. The rants I heard so many
times ‘I would rather hump trash than even touch her. The nastiest
junk in town.’ I heard those berating millions of times, but for
the first time ever I felt icky. I hailed a cab, and through the
tears told him to take me to the nearest motel
.
I wanted
to crawl back into the place I was truly safe. Where I only trusted
me and only me.

Friday, November 7,
2014

I couldn’t yet face the world and
missed class again. I had managed to rummage together enough money
for two nights at the hotel and one take-out pizza. I tossed my
plate from the continental breakfast across the room knowing
checkout was in two hours. Mad was an understatement. Not at Ethan
that was the problem. I couldn’t find it in myself even to have an
inkling of ill thoughts toward him. Because I would have felt so
much better if I could. Than feeling disappointed in the reality
that I was no more to him . . . I wished I would have known what I
was to him.

I slowly and methodically bathed.
It was the first bath I had taken since . . . I was with him. His
smell clung to me and for some crazy reason made me feel . . . I
don’t know how it made me feel. I loved it and hated it soon would
be gone. Why did I let him get to me in such a short amount of
time?

My heart cracked open
and released a new wave of tears. I placed the body wash back on
the ledge of the sink and smacked the side of the tub. He took my
heart, told it beautiful lies, and then shattered it open. He
treated whatever we had between us like it was wrong. It hurt. He
felt that pull between us the same as me. There was no hiding the
emotions behind each and every kiss. Why, when all he would ever do
was leave did I want him to hold me? Why was that arrogant man the
only one who made me feel whole? I dressed in the same old clothes
and smiled when a small trace of his particular odor
lingered.
Ugh, I hate
him!

I spent the rest of the day window
shopping. Hoping against hope it would relieve some of the
emptiness I was plagued with. It did nothing but irritate me, just
a reminder that I had no money, no life, and no Ethan. It was
getting late and I was running out of time. I had to face Sarah and
Deacon and explain my sudden MIA status.

“Where the hell have you been?”
Sarah almost attacked me when I stepped into the front door. I
placed the keys on the table and flipped through the mail. “Answer
me. I’ve been worried sick. You haven’t answered your phone. Ethan
is about to go bat-shit crazy. I’m surprised he’s not
here.”

No, stop. Ethan had
been there. He acted like he cared.
“Ethan is what happened to me. He let me know what he
thought of me, and I spent the last two days trying to
forget.”

“I’m not quite sure what you
believe. Ethan is crazy about you. He has been beside himself
looking for you.”

I pushed past her. “E is a good
actor. I need a bath, clean clothes, and a nap.”

I started to yank off my shirt,
but did a double take. It still smelt of Ethan, and I was not ready
to shed the last bit of him, yet. I collapsed on my bed suddenly
feeling exhausted. It had been years but I did something that even
surprised me. I sobbed uncontrollably. Tears formed almost daily,
that was, however, a gut-wrenching cry that seeped from my soul.
Within moments, I heard Sarah come in. She crawled into bed beside
me and without a word held me as I let the thought of him
go.

Saturday, November 8,
2014

“No,” I screamed
as I pounded my fist onto my mattress.

The last three nights, I had the
same dream I have been plagued with the last few years. But worse.
The cold, hard ride in the bed of the truck was the same. The
difference was, I was no longer pulled out by the monster from my
past. It was Ethan and something in his eyes let me know he could
hurt me far worse than the monster ever did.

I heard the newest star of my
dreams. “Let me back there,” Ethan yelled.

“No, I don’t know
what happened, but Dylan has never disappeared and more, she has
never cried herself to sleep.” Sarah replied.

“Please, she’s
screaming,” Ethan begged. “I can never say I’m sorry enough.” I
heard his fist slam onto the wall.

“She wakes up
screaming a lot. I’m sure you’re only adding to the nightmares.”
Sarah informed him.

I shoved the pillow over my face
only to have it pried away. “I don’t care what is going on with you
and lover boy out there, but he is about to get us in trouble.”
Deacon said, hovering over me with a glare.

I slung my legs off the bed and
ran my hands through my ragamuffin hair. I was not ready to face
him. I didn’t think I ever would have been. My legs wobbled as I
walked into the living room, and caught a glimpse of Ethan. He
stood there with his hands crammed in his pockets. The look in his
eyes was a new one and could only be described as pure
agony.

“Privy, I thought I would never see
you again.” Ethan reached for me. I slapped his hand away and
folded my arms across my chest. “Talk to me?” he added.

“You hurt me.” I shrugged a
shoulder. I was angry he was there, and even angrier that I wanted
him there. I wanted the will to scream at him and tell him to
leave. It wasn’t in me. No matter how much I hurt.

His face fell. “Privy, you are the
one person I never meant to hurt.”

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand
there and have that talk with him. My heart felt like he had ripped
it from my chest, stomped on it, tore it into a million parts,
placed it back in my chest, and told it to beat like nothing had
happen. “Night, Ethan.”

He took a step back into the hall.
I shut the door, falling to the ground. I listened to his footsteps
as he walked away and heaved a sigh.

“Dylan, you really
are dumb. You’ll never find another Ethan.” Deacon said across the
room before turning her back on me.

I needed to get away. I grabbed my
purse and opened the door. Stepping out into the hallway, Ethan
caught me and smashed me against the wall.

“Privy,” he
whispered in my ear. I trembled. He was the first person that made
me feel human and was also the first that made me feel like a piece
of trash.

“Ethan, don’t. I’ve been told all
my life I was a piece of crap. I have been treated like crap more
times than I can count, but you, Ethan Phillip Asher, you are the
first person who made me feel lower than dog shit.” The tears
started flowing as everything I had blocked away smacked me in the
gut.

“Dylan, please. It killed me to act
like I didn’t care. You mean more to me than anybody ever
has.”

“You have a funny
way of showing it.” I tried breaking the hold he had on me. It was
useless, his grip only tightened.

“We both have demons we’re
fighting.”

I squirmed in his arms trying to
escape. He held me closer. I felt every muscle in his body strain
against me. He stroked his nose along my cheek and kissed the
corner of my lip.

“I can’t take any
more pain. Not now.” I said and melted in his arms. His breath
heavy on my face. I wanted to pull away from him, but couldn’t. I
was certain that I would never be the same again. In his arms was
where I belonged. Positive, if he hurt me, I would have been broken
beyond repair.

“Babe. You. Are.
Amazing.”

“Why then? Why did you act like I
was a common whore?”

He cringed and pulled away from
me, holding my face in his hands.

“I’m not the kind of girl you bring
home to daddy.” I stated so blankly it startled even me.

“Not my dad.” Ethan pushed the hair
off my face. “My father is my demon. I won’t let them know who you
are until I’m sure you’re safe.”

“What do you mean?”

“There are things about me you
don’t know yet. I will tell you but until then, I’ll never let
anybody hurt you especially not them.” He kissed my forehead. “Come
home with me? Please, Privy.”

I shook my head ‘no,’ gripped his
hand, and did the dumbest thing I had ever done in my life. “I
can’t.” I said and turned from him.

Saturday, November 15,
2014

I had to remind myself to put one
foot in front of the other that whole past week. I haven’t seen or
heard from Ethan since I turned my back on him. I did it to save my
heart. The only problem with that was, he had ripped it from my
chest and kept it. The hollowness where my heart beat was
pronounced and physically ached. Bruises and broken bones heal, I
didn’t know if I ever would.

I tossed in bed, not
ready to face another night alone, and slung a pillow across the
room.
Why did I let that
S.O.B. get to me? How I wish I had never met him!
That was a lie and I knew it. When I
was with him, I felt alive and whole. I needed a clear head and
prayed after a week of mourning that I would finally be able to
move on. I flinched as the door was flung open.