Inside Out (23 page)

“I don’t know about that. He’s very self-assured.” Whereas she was not.

“Trust me on this. I watched Brody fall and fall hard. I watched Arvin and Maggie fall in love. Hell, I watched Todd fall in love with Ben. All these hypermasculine men love to pull as much pussy as they can, but once
the one
comes along, they’re charmingly befuddled and single-minded.” Erin leaned back with a sigh. “That was very good. Thanks for bringing it to me, Ella.”

They chatted for a while, but Ella had to get back to work, and Elise had afternoon classes, so their group disbanded. Ella had been surprised to see Cope still there with his mother. Annalee waved at her, wearing a big smile. Cope spoke to her for a moment and then got up, moving to the door to intercept Ella.

“You leaving? I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk.” He traced a fingertip along her bottom lip, making her achy and tingly. He must have known this because he got the look. Oh that look of his. Turned her to putty every time.

“Gotta get back to work. I have a client intake in half an hour. I’ll see you tonight?”

“I’ll pick you up on the way and drop you home.”

She knew better than to argue. He seemed to like ferrying her all around, so who was she to disagree when she liked being with him?

“Six thirty then?”

“Yep.” He leaned in and kissed her quickly but thoroughly. “See you then, Red.”

Blushing, she was sure she was every bit the red he loved to call her. She rolled her eyes and hurried out, not grinning until she’d pulled away and had turned the corner so no one could see her reaction.

14

He’d been preoccupied the whole time they worked out. Even as he went over various ways to break out of someone’s hold, as he patted her butt or snuck kisses at the back of her neck, his voice held sadness.

She hated to hear it.

“I’d prefer to sneak out tonight,” she said as they packed up. “I just saw Erin earlier today, and I think she’s stressed and not feeling especially well. I don’t want to bother them. Can you just drop me home?”

He took her bag and then her hand. “I can do anything you like, Red. Come on, I think I’d like to just get out of here too. I’m tired today.”

They rode down the elevator in silence, but he stood close, and she was content to simply be with him.

“You’re upset.” She waited until they’d gotten about a mile from Erin’s before speaking.

“I’m relieved to be with you. You do something to me, help me find that calm, quiet place inside where I can hear myself think. Hell, see? I didn’t even mean to say that, but I did. You draw things out that I don’t mean to share. But when I finish, I’m relieved, not sorry.”

Wow. That was some commentary. It made her happy. But
he
wasn’t happy just then. Not totally.

“Can I buy you a slice of pie?” In for a penny and she did have pie at her house. Pie made everything better. “Well, not buy. I have pie at my apartment. I can guarantee that my mom’s pie is a million times better than store-bought anyway. She had me convinced when I was little that love was the secret ingredient. I nearly got into a fistfight with some other neighborhood kid who denied it. Oh, and I have decaf coffee. Or we can stop at B&O if you’d rather. If you want to talk to me about it, you can.”

He was quiet for a long time as he drove, and self-consciousness crept in.

“You don’t have to. I know you’re tired. We can have a rain check and do it another day.”

He laughed, taking her hand and kissing it quickly before letting go. “I’d love a slice of pie. I just don’t want you to go to any trouble.”

Despite her renewed state of fluster after his casual hand kiss, she managed to keep going. “It’s pie. I can handle it.”

“Of this, I have no doubt. You’re an eminently capable person. I’m always impressed by you. And I want to be with you.”

“Oh. Well, good.” He found street parking a few blocks from her building, and before she could, he reached back to grab her gym bag, carrying it to the doors and then up to her apartment.

“Have a seat at the table, and I’ll get the coffee started.” She motioned and bustled about her kitchen, trying to find her calm again. “Pumpkin or apple spice? My mom makes the best crumble topping for the apple pie, if that’s something you like.” She’d made an effort, going over to her parents’ house to drop things by for Mick and, while she was at it, delivering some of the donuts her father loved. Her mother had then stopped by her office that morning, delivering two pies.

It had been a while since she’d felt so much hope.

She turned and caught him watching her.

“I like the way you move, Ella Tipton. Just so you know.”

Ella had no idea what to do with the things he said to her sometimes. He seemed so casually sure of himself. But she liked it most of the time.

He grinned at how flustered she was. “Apple then.”

She gave him a big slice. Having seen him eat, she knew he had a big appetite, and of course her mind wandered to how that translated to sex with him.

Sex had always been something she wished she was better at. Bill had been good at first. Kind. Saw to her needs in all sorts of ways, but he’d started to say things about how she was too eager for it, or too carnal, and how she was in danger of whorish ways. So she’d shut down. There’d been no girl on top. No oral. Missionary with the lights off. She’d kept totally silent because once when she made a sound, he’d told her she was wanton.

Now she had let the total opposite into her life and her bed, a man who seemed to love it when she was wanton. At times she struggled with what the heck to do with all the hormones running riot in her system all because of one Andrew Copeland who currently stared at her like he planned to do naughty things to her.

Which, she thought, wasn’t a bad way to end her day. At all.

First things first, though. She put the plate down in front of him and joined him with her own slice of pumpkin. “Coffee will be done shortly. Do you want to talk about your dad and Ben? Is that why you’re upset?”

“I do, but I can’t, not right now. God, I wish I could.” He sighed. “It has nothing to do with you, though, please understand.” He looked so miserable she wanted to kiss his forehead. Instead, she leaned forward and took his hand.

“I understand far more than you think I do.” She paused, licking her lips. They were on the verge of something, and she wanted to move carefully because they both deserved a deeper level of honesty. And because she cared about him and saw he was hurting.

“Sometimes things fall apart, Andrew. Sometimes you have to watch people you love be in terrible pain. And you’re afraid that you can’t fix it. And there are all these allegiances you have and you’re trying to protect everyone and it’s not possible to do that, of course, and so you feel terrible guilt because damn it why can’t you just fix it? And then you can’t speak about it for one reason or another. And silence when you’re being torn up inside is pretty painful.”

Her lip trembled, and Cope’s heart ached. Her eyes held unshed tears, and he had to keep looking up at the ceiling to stop his sympathy tears in reaction.

“I respect your silence if that’s what you need to do. But I’m here to listen to whatever parts of the story you can tell me. Or not. I’m here either way.”

Then there was quiet as she met his eyes and smiled, and Christ, he just sort of fell all the way into balls-out love for Ella Tipton.

“Now, coffee is ready.” She stood after a several long moments. “I’m going to make it and we’ll have pie and talk about other things for a while at least.”

The coffee was warm and good, what he needed along with the pie and her company. Even with the seriousness of the discussion, his attraction to her was undeniable. After being happily single for so very long, the utter certainty of how he felt about her fit him like a second skin. Each time they had these moments, he got to know her better, understood her more.

Something about her made him want to share. Christ, he found himself drawn to the way she just listened. He felt so quiet with her. Quiet so that he could enjoy the way she made him feel, the bloom of this new facet between them. Their chemistry was incredible, sensual, the tension between them growing in a way he’d never experienced before. So. Fucking. Good.

At the same time, it was all wrapped up with his need for her to know he was more than just that guy who’d flirted with her for years. With his concern that he’d rush her or hurt her unintentionally by pushing a button or acting like her ex for some reason.

“Thank you.”

Surprised, she smiled. “What for? Pie? I can’t take credit, it’s my mom. And I’d eat every last bit of it if I didn’t share it.”

“I’m always thankful for pie. You’re a good listener. Most people are good talkers. You’re a good listener.”

“Thank you for that. I figure if you can’t be there for your friends, who can you? I don’t want you to feel like you have to say anything to me at all about it. The last thing you need is more pressure. You’re here for pie and coffee. That’s all.”

“You’re not even going to try to kiss me good night?” He put his hand over his heart and pouted.

She blushed and then laughed so hard he had to lean forward and pat her back. More as an excuse to touch her than from alarm.

“Sometimes I don’t know how to respond to the stuff you say.” She rolled her eyes and sat back.

“That a good or bad thing?”

“It’s an entirely Cope experience.” She turned pink. “It’s good. Mostly.” She tried to look severe but failed.

“I do like that for some reason.” He relaxed, letting go of his hesitation. “I just feel this need to fix this, and I can’t. It’s miserable and there’s so much anger and I worry things have been said and done that can’t be taken back. My life seems very full of it at times. Sometimes, Ella, I wonder what’s wrong with people. I get so down about the things people do and say to each other.”

She tipped her head, and he reached out, sliding the edge of his thumb along her jawline. Her skin was so soft, pliant, and her lips parted in pleasured surprise as he stroked over the space just below her ear.

“And then you.” He smiled. “You and my family and friends. You all remind me that there’s so much more to life than the stupid shit people say and do. Thank you.”

She blushed so prettily all he could do was smile at her like a total moron. She made this night better, made knowing his father had said those horrible things to Ben sting a bit less.

“There have been times when I was sure I would break. And then someone reached out, just checked in on me, sent me a card, stopped by the café to see me, whatever, and I made it through another day. That’s all we have.”

His everything was turned inside out because she was this thing he’d never considered he’d ever deserve, and it bloomed before him.

“I need you, Ella. Can I have you?”

She put her coffee mug down and nodded, a serious look on her face. “It’s your turn.”

Now it was his turn to be surprised by something she said. “That so?”

“If I recall. Though the second time on Friday was sort of mutual, I’ll give you credit. Because it was a really lovely second time.”

“ ‘Let me, then, be what I am, wherever, and in whatever weather . . .’ ”

She stood, holding her hand out. “That’s lovely. What is it?”

He took it and let her draw him toward the bed.

“Neruda’s ‘It Means Shadows.’ You let me be Andrew. Not very many people see the difference.”

“I like Cope too, you know. But you can always be Andrew with me. And quote me lines of poetry. That’s a bonus. Don’t hide who you are with me. You don’t need to. Here and now, it’s just me and you.”

He drew in a shaky breath.

“I know. Thank you for that.”

She pulled her shirt up and over her head, surprising him with her boldness, pleasing him with the sight of her breasts and with the knowledge that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

“Don’t thank me, Andrew. I like who you are. I like
how
you are.”

His control was gone, sifted through his fingers like sand. In two steps he was against her body, his mouth seeking hers, his arms encircling her, holding her close while he plundered her mouth with his own.

Her taste, always Ella, tonight a bit of nutmeg and the creamy coffee she’d been sipping, sang through his system, smoothing the jagged parts, exciting his senses.

They tumbled to the bed, a tangle of arms and legs, clothes flying everywhere. He fell into her every time he touched her, but just then it was fast and hard, submerging himself, letting the shock of homecoming rush through him.

He groaned as her bare breasts slid against his chest, the heated silk of her skin, the hard points of her nipples. And again when her nails dug into his biceps as she urged him closer. Some primal thing deep inside roared to life. She wanted him as desperately as he did her. He’d pleasured her enough that she wanted more, trusted him to give it to her.

That was big.

So big he tucked it away to think on later.

He ducked out of her way when she reached for his zipper, wanting to put her first and knowing if his pants came off, he couldn’t resist being inside her. He had other plans just then.

Ella watched as he shimmied down her body, pulling her workout pants and underwear off. He paused at the socks, but then as he turned to look into her face, he drew them down her legs, first one, then the other.

He didn’t then pay any attention to the spot with the scars, instead lowering his head to kiss up her inner thighs and across her belly. He’d been wearing his beard scruffy over the last few weeks, and she loved the way it felt against her skin. Not scratchy at all.

Erin had told her that all the guys with beards used conditioner to keep them soft. She shivered at the mental image of Cope standing in a shower stall, head tipped back as water sluiced down his body, his arms raised to wash his hair so his biceps would be all bulgy.

She sighed, always sort of awed at how much power he had over her libido. The intensity was marvelous but a lot to process.

He chuckled against her skin, but when he spoke, his tone was rough and jagged. “I love that sound you make. Makes me all hard and needy for you.”