Insight (30 page)

We walked around the house along the fence. Volunteers had laid out paintings that could be saved. Most of them were mine, a few were my mother’s. I walked by them slowly. Remembering the images, I wondered if I’d really helped them, or if I’d only sustained them for the moment.

“Are all of these yours?” Marc asked.

“The ones of the people are,” I answered.

My mother was more of a still art painter. Marc leaned closer to get a better look. “I think I know this girl,” he said, looking at one of the paintings. It was one I had done of a young girl almost a year ago. I remembered how lonely she felt.

“Landen, this looks like that girl we helped bring home a while back—for umm… what was his name? Austin, wasn’t it?” Marc said, not feeling sure of himself.

Landen looked closer at the painting. “It does look like her,” he said. “Was she lonely?” he asked me.

I nodded, astonished that it could be the same girl. “You know her?”

“Maybe. We’ve carried so many home, it’s hard to say for sure. I only remember her because she had no family or belongings. Austin found her living in a shelter; a storm had taken everything from her. It was like she breathed for the first time when she stepped through the gates of Chara.

I smiled, hoping it was the same girl. I wanted all the people that I’d helped to be happy.

In the center of the backyard, there were two large containers. Inside them were more paintings, books, and small knick-knacks. I walked in and started going through the things, making a pile for us to carry home to my mother. I knew it would make her feel better.

The sun was setting, and the volunteers were leaving one by one. Brady and Chrispin came over to us. We all leaned against the fence, waiting for my father. Mr. Campbell waved at us as he climbed in the passenger seat of another truck. I was sure he was going to Gina’s Diner to retrieve his truck. Josh and Chase came around the house with handfuls of bottled water, then they walked over and passed them out to us.

“Thank you,” Landen said, taking two bottles, one for me and one for him.

Josh had yet to lose his confused expression. He must have said something to Chase because now they both looked confused. “It’s Livingston, right?” Josh said to Landen. Marc and Chrispin were in mid-drink when they heard Josh. They both stopped and stared at him while Landen tilted his head and pulled his brows together, questioning Josh.

“Landen,” Landen said finally. I could feel the tension building.

“Sorry. My fault,” Josh said, glancing from Landen to Chase.

“Do you know a Livingston?” Chase asked Landen.

Landen’s lips turned into a sinful smile. “I think I may have met one before. Why do you ask?”

Chase and Josh shook their heads and laughed at themselves. “It’s nothing,” Chase said.

“Chase,” I said sternly, knowing that he knew something. Landen put his hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me down before I lost my temper.

“All right,” Chase said, raising his hands, knowing that I’d rip him apart if he didn’t come clean. “Remember your friend, Drake?” I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, anyway, he asked Josh and me if we’d ever seen a guy named Livingston with you or your dad. He said he was tall, dark, wavy hair and unmistakable dimples. We thought he was talking about an older man, but I don’t know,” Chase said, looking at Landen. “You kind of fit the profile. We just thought it was weird that you showed up after he said that.”

Landen turned his head slightly to look at Marc and get his take on what Chase had said. Josh followed Landen’s eyes to Marc. “Hey, do you know Drake?” he asked. Every one of us stared at Josh in disbelief.

“Should I?” Marc asked, trying not to look baffled.

“I don’t know. You just look like him,” Josh said defensively.

Everyone turned and stared at Marc. It was clear the comparison made him uncomfortable. Josh had a point, though. Both Drake and Marc were built the same way, with a dominant profile I hadn’t noticed before. I think it was the eyes that threw me off. Marc’s are light brown with a sparkle in them, but Drake’s are as dark as the night, with a degree of magnetism that pulls you in.

Headlights beamed around the side of the house, breaking the tension; it was Gina’s truck. I could feel Clarissa and Dane. Landen held my hand and led us to the front of the house. Another van pulled in behind Gina’s. I felt Hannah and Jessica with my father and Ashten. My father must have had success.

Dane and Clarissa got out of the truck and walked over to the van where the girls were. Olivia’s aunt was driving, and my father was in the passenger seat. He rolled down the window. “Willow, I have good news for you,” he said. “It seems Jessica and Hannah are in need of some relaxation to relieve some stress they’re under, so I invited them to come to Paris with us for a week.” I smiled, not having to try hard to seem surprised. Olivia’s aunt leaned forward, looking at all of us grinning, but her eyes hesitated on Chrispin for a moment. That’s when I remembered showing her Olivia dancing with Chrispin.

Landen remembered, too, and he quickly stepped in front of Chrispin. “You guys split up. They’re going to take us to the airport,” my father said. Landen nodded, then turned and pushed Chrispin and Brady in the direction of Gina’s truck. Chrispin looked back at Landen like he’d lost his mind. Landen nodded his head, telling Chrispin to go. Once out of sight, we climbed in the van with Jessica and Hannah. My father had given them something to help them relax, and it was clear it was already taking effect by the peace I felt within them and the smiles on their faces.

After we were dropped off at the airport, we waited for a few moments, then hailed a cab to take us back to the passages near my house. Inside the string, the current was flowing more aggressively than before, causing us to rush through the passage. Landen and I stayed on the outside, ready to pull everyone through if the storm erupted before we reached Chara.

Once home in Chara, we took Hannah and Jessica to my father’s house. I could sense how nervous my father was about having them here. I’d never thought my father believed in myths, but then again, I never imagined that he was from another dimension either. It seemed everyone except Marc had someone to see, to tell that they were home safely. Marc, Dane, and Clarissa followed us back to our house, and we all gathered in the living room.

“You don’t think I look like Drake, do you?” Marc asked Landen.

“Does it matter if you do?” Landen retorted, falling back into one of the large chairs and staring at the ceiling.

Marc was immediately irritated by Landen’s short tone. Landen was being distant with everyone, but I’m sure it hurt me more than them.

“I just want to know how he knew Dad’s name,” Marc argued.

“He’s always in Esterious,” Clarissa answered, trying to give Landen a break from always having to have the answers.

“So am I. So are you. Did he say our name? No.”

Landen sat up and looked at me, then at Marc.

“Where is your dad anyway?” Landen asked.

Marc stopped pacing and looked back at Landen; a singe of fear hit him. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since your celebration…Ashten said he went to Esterious to find a way in the palace.”

“He should be back by now, don’t you think?” Landen said.

Marc had been so distracted by everything that had happened that he hadn’t noticed. Guilt came to him immediately.

“You know, you’re right,” Marc answered. Fear coursed through the room. Marc rushed to the kitchen to call Ashten.

Aubrey told him that he was already on his way to our house. We waited, watching Marc get more upset, pacing across the room.

Ashten and my father came through the back door at the same time. As they came into the room, their concern grew as they saw Marc in his freaked state.

“What’s going on?” asked Ashten.

“Where’s Dad? Shouldn’t he back by now?”

“Well, not really. He was intent on staying until all this was worked out,” answered Ashten.

“Did he go into the palace?” Marc asked as his anxiety grew.

“I don’t think he’d try anything that would put himself in danger,” Ashten promised.

I glanced in Landen’s direction. I could tell Ashten didn’t believe his own words.

“We need to get him, he needs to know what we know!” Marc yelled.

“What do we know? What did you guys figure out?” Ashten demanded realizing that they were missing something.

“Drake asked Willow’s friends if they knew a Livingston,” Landen explained.

My father and Ashten looked at each other. I clearly felt their confusion and frustration.

Ashten looked back at Marc. “I can see why that would bother you, but I’m sure there’s a reason,” Ashten stated in a forced calm tone as if he knew Marc was seconds away from doing something foolish.

“Yeah and I’m going to find out right now,” Marc bit out, walking to the door.

Ashten moved to block Marc’s exit. “You’re not going to find him tonight. Curfew has already set in—he won’t be out, and you’re sure to be killed if they see you on the streets,” he said as Marc’s face fell. “Look, he’s fine. We’ll all go in the morning, well, Jason and I will go with you.”

Ashten glanced in Landen’s direction, then at me.

“We’re not afraid of him. We’re going to have to face him sooner or later,” Landen said shortly.

“Later sounds better to me,” retorted Clarissa, reminding Landen that this affected all of them, not just us.

Landen closed his eyes and shook his head, avoiding a sarcastic remark that he would regret as soon as he said it.

“Look, let’s just argue about this tomorrow. You all need your rest, especially if we’re going to Esterious tomorrow,” Ashten said, defusing the situation.

Marc charged toward the door, anger coursing through him. He had every intent of going to Esterious that night.

“Marc,” Landen said, halting him. “Rest…I know where you sleep.”

Marc’s face fell then he turned and walked slowly out the door. He knew we could see his intent, as well as the fact that if we wanted to we could watch him sleep without him ever seeing us.

The blunt prediction and threat that Landen had given left the room stunned; the power that we’d built using each other had escaped their attention until now.

“So, am I to presume that you two will not need me tonight?” my father asked.

“No, we’ll stay here,” Landen answered, staring at the ground.

Dane and Clarissa quietly walked out after Marc. Before leaving, my father walked over to where I sat and kissed my forehead. Ashten hesitated, then followed.

We were now completely alone, and for the first time in my life, that was something I didn’t want. I could feel the tension between us. The pressure of everything that was happening to us made itself known.

Chapter Sixteen

Landen stood and walked to the mantle. He was staring at my willow tree. His anguish hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Willow,” he said solemnly, “we’ve made a big mistake.” His words were a dagger in the heart. I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t find the air.

“Excuse me?” I managed to exhale out.

He stared at the floor with disdain. “It’s my fault that those people in Esterious live that way that all this is happening to the people you care about.”

I stood, walking to him slowly. His emotions were a brick wall between us. I reached for his arm, and he shifted away. He wouldn’t look at me. The rejection burned every part of me.

“You can’t say that we have no control over—”

“Willow, you haven’t seen what I’ve seen, know what I know. Donalt’s people— those people live a life that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.”

“Landen—”

He raised his hand to stop me. “No, listen to me. It’s a virtual hell. No color, they live in identical houses, inside and out, they eat the same food, wear the same clothes, work day in and day out. They’re executed if they break the simplest law. No one smiles or laughs. It’s dark, no life. No one has a will to live.”

“How is that your or my fault?” I shouted, defending us both.

He paced the floor, his hands on his head, his eyes closed.

“I stole your heart. You were supposed to stop all of that, but you fell in love with me and never looked back, and now look—how many people do you think have died because we were too selfish?”

“I am
not
selfish,” I bit out.

Landen turned quickly and put his hands on my shoulders. His eyes were different. The blue had changed, and the window to his soul was closed.

“Willow, listen to me. If you have to choose between me or saving those people, I want you to save them. I don’t think you can have both.”

I jerked his hands off me and stepped back, more angry than I’d ever been in my life.

“Are you insane? What are you saying? You—you want me to be with Drake!”

“Willow—”

“No. Don’t ‘Willow’ me! One minute you’re telling me that you love me and you’re going to fix everything, and the next you’re telling me to go to another man. How dare you!”

“I am not telling you to go to another man!”

“Yes, you are! Are you even listening to yourself?”

“Willow, I told you to save those people.”

“Which means I have to be with Drake! How can you stand there and ask me to pay for something that was done millions of years ago?”

“Do you think this isn’t killing me? Do you not feel how bad it hurts for me to tell you that? We have to fix what we’ve done wrong. Chara will go to war with Esterious, they will never think twice about it. People will die, Willow. They have died because of us, and will die because of us.”

“What did we do?”

“You didn’t go back, that’s what.” He bit out.

“So now you’re saying that by us staying here, that was a mistake? That this dimension, your family, my family—every
single
person who has a soul mate because of you is a mistake?”

“We didn’t stop them, and now look—look at your friends, look at our family. We
did
this.”

“Do you happen to remember what happened four million years ago, because I sure don’t. If you do, enlighten me. Tell me why I’m cold and selfish?”

“I didn’t say you were cold.”

“Basically, you did. I know that if those stupid charts are right and I’m back or whatever they mean, then I should be the same person, and I happen to know myself well: if I stayed here, I had a
damn
good reason.”

“You loved me.”

“And I
still
love you, and if that was my reason it was good enough then, and it’s good enough now.”

“Willow, neither one of us will let others suffer so we can be together.”

“You have lost your mind!” I screamed.

He didn’t say anything. He just turned his back to me. I felt rage coursing through every part of me. I took off the necklace with the charm and slid off the ring, then sat them on the table and walked to the front door.

“Don’t leave,” he said. “You just told me to be with Drake. To be a pawn in a game that I’m not playing,” I said coldly as I opened the door.

“Willow—”

I stormed out of the front door and down the front steps. I couldn’t find my breath, my chest hurt so badly. Landen didn’t follow me. He knew I wasn’t going far. I ran through the field. I didn’t know where I was running to, I just knew I was running from it all. My entire life flashed before me, all the people I knew, the dreams, Landen, Drake, Perodine, my family, my Libby. I ran as if the demons themselves were on my heels. I couldn’t see through my tears or hear anything over my heartbeat.

I didn’t stop until my breath left me. I fell to my knees and looked up; the moon was almost full. I could see the outline. It taunted me…I felt so small and insignificant…why me?

Any other person could have played my role, and they would have been strong enough to fight this battle. Why would I find Landen, only to have to choose to lose him? Why would anyone hurt me that badly? What did I do to deserve this? I crawled the three feet between me and the base of the large windmill, then leaned my weak body against it and raised my head to the heavens. My breath was coming back slowly, but the pain in my chest was real. My heart was breaking.

The stars seemed so close, as if I could touch them. I’d never noticed them before, how detailed and extraordinary they were.

I don’t know how long I sat there, questioning who I was, before I felt someone coming toward me. I glanced up to see a small figure on the hilltop. It was Rose. Her emotions were so peaceful that I felt that emotion seep into my soul. When she reached me, she sat down quietly by my side.

“How did you find me?” I asked.

“Libby called me. She said you were sad.”

“Did you call Landen?”

“No, I could feel you. I knew you were alone,” she answered.

I looked at her.

“My home is right there.” She pointed to the hill she had just walked over. I smiled at myself, realizing that I’d run almost all the way to her house. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“He wants me to be with Drake. There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You know that’s not true,” she said with a smirk.

“He told me to choose him.”

“Willow, I’m sure you only heard what you wanted to hear.”

“It’s just not fair…it can’t be that black and white.”

“It’s not.”

“Then why is everyone telling me I have to choose?”

“Who is ‘everyone’?”

“Perodine, Landen—”

“Did Perodine tell you to choose between Landen and Drake?”

“She just said that I had to choose again…obviously, I chose Landen last time, and Landen thinks it’s our fault that the people in Esterious are suffering, that Monica is de-”

I couldn’t even say the word before tears hit me like a flood. Rose wrapped her arms around me and let me cry, rocking me back and forth.

“It’s not either of your faults. Everything has its reason, and you need to take this grief and use it as your weapon.”

“Why am I being punished for the day I was born?” I asked, trying to dry my face.

“Why do you think you are?” Rose asked, genuinely surprised.

I sat up straight and shook my head in frustration. “Ever since I came to Chara, all I’ve heard about is the stars and moon alignments; it decides how you learn, what your insight is, and apparently dictates what your fate is. What is the purpose of living if it’s already chosen for you?” I blurted out angrily.

Rose let her shoulders droop; she understood why I was so angry. She then shifted in front of me on her knees and gently placed her hands on my shoulders.

“You’ve misunderstood why Chara looks to the heavens,” she said softly.

I looked up at her and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

“Chara’s foundation is love. We learn about our planets to help us understand who we are. If you love yourself, then you can love others more powerfully.”

“Then why am I asked to pay for something that was done so long ago?”

“You chose this path. You were chosen by this path,” Rose said with certainty.

“Rose, you aren’t making any sense,” I said, lowering my head.

“Yes I am. You’re just not listening to me,” she said, a little louder than I expected.

I looked up at her quickly.

“At any moment, you can change your destiny. Your thoughts lead the way. Your soul is old, and you’ve chosen this path so often that it has now come to you at a younger age than ever before. So, it’s natural for it to feel forced upon you.”

“Are you telling me that it doesn’t matter that August is walking around with a birth chart that says that I’m Aliyanna? That I selfishly left others behind to suffer?”

“I’m telling you that you are Willow Haywood, and Willow Haywood decides her fate, not the stars,” Rose said, lowering her head and looking up at me. “Listen to me, you have the strength to do this.”

“I have to have Landen. I don’t care if he doesn’t want me. That means I’m as selfish as he said I was.”

Rose reached for my face and ran her hand across my cheek, then stared at me, smiling, pride coursing through her.

“You have the heart of a woman, and a woman’s heart is the strongest thing in any dimension. We love without reason, and we can turn a heart of stone into water.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“You follow your heart. When you do that, everything will find its way. The woman who began this world knew that, and so do you.”

“I didn’t go back. I stayed here, and so many have suffered.”

“Do you honestly believe that you didn’t have a reason for staying in Chara?”

I tilted my head and let my mind try to conceive what would have stopped me. Rose smiled as she felt me calm down.

“Today, you do not have one. Go back with Landen and right what is wronged, side by side.”

“He doesn’t want me. He wants me to be with Drake.”

“Now, I doubt that,” Rose said, standing. She smiled over her shoulder at me as she walked over the hill in front of her house. I sat stunned for a moment. What was my reason? A moment later, I felt a strong emotion of love and knew Landen was coming to find me, and he was coming fast.

In the distance, in the light of the moon, I could see Landen running in my direction.

I was so mad at him.

So freaking in love with him.

I ran to him.

I was running home, where I belonged.

When we reached each other, our bodies collided with powerful force. His lips found mine and as they moved with mine you would have thought it was the air we were breathing. He was holding me so tight, it almost hurt.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I love you, and I would die before I let you leave me for anyone. I love you, Willow. I’ve loved you from my first breath.”

“I love you.”

We fell to the ground, holding one another. In the field of beautiful flowers surrounded by darkness, under a moon that was nearly full, we loved each other. Our kisses were deep and full of raw passion at first, but with each touch, each stroke of our tongues we became gentler. Instead of hiding behind our wickedly dark emotions we started to use our insights, we started to make sure that every desire was granted. His presence completely consumed me.

At that moment we owned the night. The flowers were our bed, the warmth of the summer air and the stars were our blankets, and the rhythm of our passion was serenaded by the distant sounds of nature.

I wanted to crawl inside of him and hide there for the rest of my life. I wanted to forget who I was, who I am, and what was still left to be done.

Once back at our house, in our room, Landen reached in his pocket and pulled out my necklace and ring. He clasped the necklace around my neck. I felt a tingle as the medallion touched my chest. He gently reached for my hand and slid the silver ring on. It hummed and brightened as it rested on my skin. He looked deeply into my eyes; my window to his soul was opened again, and the blue was breathtaking. I lost myself. If it were possible, I think I fell deeper in love with him.

“We’ll do this together, me and you,” he said softly.

I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, knowing that I’d never choose anyone above him. I wouldn’t let any one get hurt because of us either.

After drifting to sleep, Landen made good on his promise, and we went to Marc’s house. We found him pacing the floor in his room, wanting to go, daring to see if he would be able to get away with it. Landen walked over to his bed pulled back the covers, and Marc jumped with a startle. I reached for the light and turned it off. He walked slowly to his bed and laid down stiffly. We sat against the wall and watched him stare at the ceiling.