Insomnia (11 page)

fourteen

Mia’s dream jolted me to the core the instant it began. Gone were the peaceful scenes and ease of entry. Her dream layers vibrated around me so hard it felt like she’d hit me with them. The impact jarred me until my teeth ached.

I tried to orient myself in the madness. The nightmare swirled around me in chaos. Mia and I were wearing all black, dressed in shadow. She hugged her knees on the ground beside me, sobbing and rocking back and forth. All around us swirled other levels of the dream—bits of visions, nightmares, and memories in a twisted soup of confusion. Every noise reverberated a thousand times over.

My mind recoiled from the barrage on my senses, unwilling to accept the nightmare that had overtaken my sanctuary. Mia’s dreams weren’t like this. There was nothing peaceful or beautiful here. I knelt to the ground beside her, shoving my fists against my ears in an effort to regain some sanity. I wasn’t causing this … was I?

The noises quieted until I could hear only a faint crackling. The smell of something burning filled my nostrils. I was relieved until Mia’s sobs intensified and I was hit with her emotions. They were twin trains of misery and fear, leaving me wide-eyed and panting. My brain couldn’t think under the mad pain of it. What was going on?

The swirling halted, leaving us in a grassy front yard. The other levels must have separated for the moment. The house before us was dark, but I watched as fire quickly spread to each window. In what felt like seconds, it was engulfed in flames.

That’s when I heard the screaming.

I thought it was Mia, but then realized it came from the top floor of the house. Mia rolled to her side, wrapping both arms around her head. Her misery flowed into me as it escalated. Ending it was all that mattered. Unable to close her eyes or truly block out the sound, she thrashed about, trying to turn away.

The screaming in the house got louder, and I forced myself to face the blaze. If Mia had to witness it, so would I.

There were figures moving inside. I saw faces in the upstairs window—a man and a woman, both older. The woman had long brown hair, and the man haunting dark blue eyes. They had to be her parents. I watched them pound on the window. The man fumbled with the latch, trying to open it.

Smoke clouded the view and I couldn’t see. Then both figures were highlighted as the flames surrounded them. With their arms wrapped around each other, they melted into the fire, and within seconds, all was quiet.

Mia’s gasping breaths filled the stillness, and I crouched down beside her. My gut twisted. I knew my tears matched the ones that drenched her face. So much agony. I hoped to God this wasn’t a memory, but deep down I knew it was. The clarity of the sky, the stars, the vividness of the heat, the smell—it was too well defined to be just a dream. This was real. No simple nightmare was this solid—this terrible.

Mia had watched her parents burn.

Sitting beside her, I buried my head in my hands, knowing how much I’d added to her problems. No wonder she never answered any of my questions about her past. I’d never in a million years imagined she could’ve witnessed something so horrifying.

I knew I couldn’t touch Mia in a dream, but this was too much. I couldn’t just watch her, not alone in so much pain. I reached out and wrapped both arms around her shaking shoulders. I gasped when I felt the soft fabric of her shirt with my hands and she relaxed against me, sobbing into my chest. Then she wrapped her arms around me and clutched me so tight I had to work to breathe. I could feel her pain as it eased. It was so strange and it made no sense at all, but somehow, I was helping her through the nightmare. Somehow my touch didn’t pass right through her.

I held her for hours as the swirling layers came and went. We sat on the grass, and Mia cried into my chest until the flames burnt the house to ashes. I absorbed her sadness and brushed her soft hair with my hand. She smelled like salt and flowers. Trying to soothe her eased my own guilt, even if I didn’t deserve it.

After the flames died out, the house and yard faded to blackness. She still clung to me, but her sobbing had stopped. Her breath came in quiet puffs, but they were slowing in frequency as she regained control. The other layers of her dream faded to the background and I knew I should try to sleep, but I couldn’t—I wouldn’t—leave her. Not in this nightmare all alone. I owed her that much. Especially when I knew she could feel me here.

“Thank you,” Mia whispered.

Her small hands rubbed my back, sending a shiver down my spine. She was trying to figure out who I was. Her hands ran up to my shoulders and down along my biceps until she pushed her face away from my chest and looked up into my eyes.

Her expression went from curious to horrified, and in a split second she was on her feet. I lay back on the ground as her panic ran through every nerve ending in my body, transforming them into something raw and terrible. The moment she broke physical contact with me, she seemed confused. She spun back and forth, her eyes searching and her arms held out in front of her for protection. I realized she couldn’t see me anymore. I froze, trying to breathe through the fear. I’d hoped maybe I could show her who I really was, that I didn’t want to hurt her—if only in her dreams. But it was no use. This was my fault. My actions had caused her terror. I didn’t resist as it cut like a scalpel, tearing my insides apart. I deserved every slice.

Before I knew it, the dream changed and swirled around us like fabric in the wind until we settled inside our school. A thunderstorm vibrated the building. Mia ran to the wall and flipped the light switch. Nothing happened. Typical nightmare scenario. My muscles tensed, sensing this dream wouldn’t get any better.

A low, dreadful chuckle came from the end of the hall, followed by the sound of footsteps. I squinted and Mia stopped, standing still as a statue, both of us trying to make out who it was. The figure stayed in shadow.

The footsteps quickened and a primal growl filled the air. Mia’s flight instinct made my hair stand on end, and she sprinted down the hall away from the figure. I was jerked along with her until I got my feet under me and ran beside her.

The hall seemed to go on forever, the pursuer coming closer with every breath. Mia ran until she was panting and clutching her side. My heart pounded in my ears from my own exertion. We came to the end of the hall, but instead of the doors that led out to the back parking lot, there was another wall of lockers—a dead end.

Mia searched for something to defend herself with, but there was nothing. She tried to open a locker to hide in, but they were all locked.

New emotions flowed with the fear now, a spike of anger and confusion. My own anger mingled with hers. I wanted so much to help her, protect her from any more pain. Watching her parents die and having creepy me following her around? She’d been through enough. If anyone deserved to have peaceful dreams, it was Mia.

The footsteps slowed, and again the disturbing laugh echoed around us.

“Please—leave me alone,” Mia whimpered.

“You know I can’t do that.” The voice from the shadows was deep, distorted and gravelly. “I told you how I feel about you.”

“Threatening someone isn’t love.” Mia spat out the words.

“Maybe you don’t know what real love is.”

The pursuer was mere feet away now, and their conversation sent a chill through me. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see who it was anymore. He lit a match, and I choked as I watched a darker, colder version of myself lift up a torch and light it. No, this couldn’t be happening.

The sneer on my face and cold light in my eyes were darker than I’d ever seen in a mirror—almost inhuman—but still, I could see him for what he was. Mia knew me better than I thought, and better than she should. She could see the darkness within me, and she’d brought that part of me to life in her nightmares.

And here, I couldn’t even try to control it.

Fear pulsed from Mia as she cowered away from the torch’s flames and Darkness walked closer. I didn’t want to see what Mia thought I was capable of, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away. As I stood in the corner, my entire body shook with the fear I’d inspired in her.

Darkness reached out and touched her face. She cringed and he grabbed her hair, smashing her head into the locker. My skull exploded with her pain. Mia screamed and blood ran down the side of her face.

“You’ll learn to love me—and no one else.” The voice was mine now, not the gravelly distortion of before. But it didn’t make any sense … it couldn’t be me. I’d never said anything like this, nothing about “loving” Mia. Unless, of course, the threatening e-mail said these things, the one she’d thought was from me. I felt ill, overwhelmed by every emotion and image around me. The dream might not be me, but it came from the reality I’d created for her. My actions made her believe I was this guy.

Mia whispered something too low to hear, and Darkness brought the torch near her face. She froze like a deer in the headlights, unable to move with the flames so close. My spine stiffened as I felt her cold fear. After seeing the nightmare of her parents’ deaths, I knew why. No wonder she’d refused when Jeff had tried to bring her closer to the bonfire at the beach.

I watched as I—
he
—grabbed a strand of her hair and touched it to the fire. She squeaked when the flame leapt up, almost reaching her head before Darkness squished it between two fingers. He laughed. He enjoyed torturing her.

I knew I had to stop him, but I couldn’t. My fists passed right through him. Apparently I could affect the Dreamer—at least with Mia, I could—but I was as helpless as everyone else when it came to the dream itself. Thunder shook the building from outside like a reflection of all the frustration I felt.

Darkness—this other me—opened a locker and pulled some kind of metal stand out. I swore under my breath and took a step back. That locker had been locked when Mia tried it just a moment ago. Darkness put the torch in the stand, the flame positioned far too close to Mia’s face. Her entire body was trembling so hard that the locker behind her made a strange rattling noise that echoed in the empty hall.

Darkness grabbed the hair on the back of her head with one hand and crushed her face to his. His other hand wandered freely over her body and she screamed in protest.

I shuddered and backed away from the scene. I couldn’t do it—couldn’t feel this—couldn’t be a part of this.

No matter what he did, Mia couldn’t seem to move. Her eyes locked on the fire, paralyzed. My worst fears played out before my eyes and I felt her terror—the terror of
my
victim. How could I have let myself become this monster in her life? Was it within me, aching to get to the surface?

No, it was worse than that. I knew it had already gained some kind of control over me.

Darkness rammed Mia’s head into the locker again, growling, “Kiss me back, or I’ll make you wish you had.”

Mia didn’t blink. She didn’t lift her eyes from the flame, but she was still in there—striving to fight back. Her anger flared as she opened her mouth and brought both lips inward until only a thin strip of pink remained. Mia had strength. She was still herself.

Darkness roared, a sound of fury unlike anything I’d ever heard before. He rammed Mia’s head against the locker again. Ruby blood dripped down to the floor. He did it again. Again. And again. Her eyes were still open, but they appeared unfocused as the dream began to blur.

“Stop!” I felt my voice tear lose from my throat. My brain was smashed by wave after wave of pain. “Stop hurting her!”

Nothing changed; no one heard. I kept yelling until my throat went raw, pounding my hands against the locker behind me until they bled, but it made no sound. I crouched deeper into the corner, quaking and sobbing as I watched myself beat Mia to a bloody pulp. Her face was unrecognizable except for her dark blue eyes. They weren’t watching the flame anymore. It seemed like they were staring straight at me. The
real
me. And with one final bone-shattering smash against the locker, they closed, releasing me from my own private hell.

fifteen

When Mom heard me puking in the bathroom, she told me to stay home from school. It was Friday, so I knew I’d be missing a history test, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t really sick, of course—not exactly, anyway—but staying home sounded good. Every time I blinked, I saw images from Mia’s nightmare and they made my stomach roll.

So here I was, at home in the daytime. Alone again. I’d tried to sleep, to go into my white void—if only to escape the pictures that kept pelting my brain like BBs fired at close range. But for the first time in years, I couldn’t.

Reliving what I’d seen in Mia’s nightmare was the last thing I wanted to do, but it wouldn’t leave me alone. Every flash of it brought up more questions and worries. Who sent her the e-mail? What did it say? What had started the fire that killed her parents?

Addie had said that Mia went to therapy during the first week of school. That was good. If that fire was a memory, especially a recent one, she would need all the therapy
she could get. But I’d have to get Mia to talk to me to answer the questions I had, and the likelihood of that happening anytime soon was less than zero.

Besides, the dream had brought up more questions, beyond those just about Mia. Like, how had I been able to touch her? Was this another aspect unique to Mia? I hadn’t tried for years to touch a Dreamer, so what was different now? Could I touch anyone? Had she actually seen me? Would she remember it after?

I growled and punched the throw pillow on the couch. Just once, I’d love for something to be easy.

There was a knock on the door. I glanced at the clock on the microwave. School was over, and I figured after last night Finn would show up at some point.

When I opened the front door, the grin dropped from his face. “Whoa, you’re really sick? I figured it was an excuse, but you look terrible.”

“Not sick, but I feel terrible.” I leaned against the counter, grateful Mom wouldn’t be home until later. If Finn thought I looked bad, Mom would probably freak.

Finn pulled a chair out and sat on it backwards, facing me. He crossed his arms over the chair back and frowned. “What happened?”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “Do you know what happened to Mia’s parents?”

“No. Addie might, but she hasn’t talked to me since yesterday. Her parents were in the dream?”

“Part of it.” I walked to the table and pulled a seat out for myself. My body was too heavy to hold up anymore. I crossed my arms on the table and slumped down in the chair. “In the dream, she sat on the front lawn and watched her parents burn in a house fire.”

Finn glanced away, not speaking for a minute. When he did, his voice was quiet, somber. “You think that actually happened?”

I considered denying it, but what good would it do? “Yes.”

“That must’ve sucked.” Finn walked to the fridge and grabbed a Dr. Pepper. He held one out to me, but I shook my head.

“The dream only got worse from there.”

Finn fidgeted as he popped the top on his drink and sat back down. “What’s worse than watching that?”

“The watching wasn’t as bad as the feeling,” I mumbled.

Finn sat his drink on the table in front of him. “Huh?”

“I could feel what she was feeling. That’s not new; it’s always been that way with Dreamers. It’s not that bad, usually.” I rubbed my knuckles across the surface of the table and looked up. “But this time was terrible.”

“Oh.” Finn gulped his drink, eyes huge. “Wow.”

We were quiet. His slurping gulps echoed through the room. The clock on the kitchen wall ticked the seconds away. No more secrets. No more dealing with everything alone. I needed to tell him everything.

“Someone chased her down the hall at school. I think she’s afraid of fire—which makes sense, if that really happened to her parents.” Everything spilled out in a rush, like a poison I’d been holding inside—like it could kill me if I didn’t. “Anyway, when the guy caught up with her—it was me.”

Finn winced. “You were chasing her? Why?”

“It wasn’t really me. She dreamed it was me. She thinks I’m the one who sent the e-mail, and so in her dream … ” I traced the grain on the table in front of me with my finger. “I had to watch myself be the bad guy.”

Finn sipped the soda and pulled on his ear. He stood and walked out of the room. He came back a few seconds later with my basketball. “Come on. Let’s go shoot while we talk.”

I shrugged and followed him outside. Finn stood at the foul line we’d painted on my driveway when we were thirteen. He took a shot. Nothing but net. “So, did the other you catch her?”

“Yes.”

“And?” He retrieved the ball and tossed it to me. I took a shot, but missed—I didn’t care. My mind filled with flashes from the nightmare.

“She thinks I’m a monster. Whatever that e-mail said, it must’ve been bad.” I pushed my hands into my hair, tugging on the roots. The pain made me feel better for some reason. Maybe because I deserved it.

“What happened?” Finn gripped the ball so tight his knuckles stood out, bright white, against the rest of his skin.

I took a breath and spoke quietly, looking anywhere but at Finn. “In the dream, I held a torch to her hair and beat her head against the locker until she was so bloody I couldn’t see her face anymore.” A shudder ran through me and I swung my arms back and forth to shake it off.

Finn let out a low whistle before making another shot. “Did the other you say anything?”

I thought back, trying to remember. “Something about making Mia love him.”

“Okay, so we know the psycho e-mail guy probably said that.” Finn dribbled through his legs while he talked. “And with that kind of violence, we can assume he included some pretty horrible threats too.” He pivoted on one foot to face me. “Do you have any idea who it might really be? Anyone else ever popped up in her dreams before?”

“No, it’s always been just her alone, until now. Her dreams were pretty repetitive until last night.”

“Is that normal? To have the same dreams over and over?”

“Well, nightmares might repeat because of the strong emotions tied to them, but I’ve never seen that with other dreams. Then again, there are a lot of weird things about Mia’s dreams.” I grabbed the ball from Finn and fired off another shot from the top of the key—and missed. “Like last night, she cried during the fire, and I hugged her. I’ve never been able to touch the Dreamer before. But when I held her, she could feel me. That’s definitely new.” I rubbed my eyes and blinked a few times. They didn’t want to focus anymore.

A grin spread across Finn’s face. “Dream action—sweet.”

I tried to laugh, but it sounded forced even to me. “Yeah, until she saw my face and freaked out—that was when the other part of the dream started.”

Finn’s smile fell a little but he kept dribbling. “And you’re sure you’ve never touched anyone in a dream before?”

“No. I’ve tried, but it’s never worked. It’s been a while, though. Maybe something is different now.”

“But what?”

“No clue, but I’ve been doing this longer now. Maybe I have more control?” I shrugged. “There’s really no way to be sure.”

Finn nodded and made a lay-up. Then he grabbed the ball and turned to face me. “So, how are we going to figure out who really sent the e-mail?”

I stared at him. I hadn’t really expected Finn to help anymore. After last night I felt useless—maybe everyone would be better off if I just left, ran away and never came back. Although, if the e-mail freak was serious and did anything to hurt Mia after I was gone, I’d never forgive myself.

Of course, I’d probably be dead soon—but I’d be a totally pissed-off ghost.

Snagging the ball from Finn, I made my first basket. “We have to start by figuring out who might want to hurt her.” I dribbled the ball for a minute and then shrugged. “I’ve been following her around and I have nothing. The only people I see her with are Jeff and Addie.”

“Yeah, we might need help to figure this out.”

“In that case, we have two choices. Ask Mia, which is not really an option, or somehow get access to her computer. Getting the e-mail and seeing the address would be a good place to start.”

“Three, actually.” Finn picked up the ball and dribbled it a bit before taking a three-point shot—
swish
. “We could see if we can convince Addie to help us. She and Mia hang out all the time. If we can get her on our side, she could help figure out who sent it, and maybe even get her hands on the e-mail.”

I frowned. “She’s not even speaking
to you
. What makes you think she’ll help me?”

“It’s Addie. If anyone can convince her, you can. She’s been friends with you almost as long as I have. Trust me. She wants to believe you aren’t bad.”

I wasn’t so sure, but I shrugged. Anything would be worth a try at this point.

Finn nodded. “Do you ever watch her dreams?”

“No.”

He grabbed the ball and held it still. “Why not?”

I searched through my mind for a better reason than the real one. I knew Finn wouldn’t like it if I said his sister was the only girl I’d ever really liked, and I didn’t want to risk ruining that. Even if it hadn’t been against the bro-code, after hearing what Finn thought about Jeff dating Matt’s little sister, it was clearly off the table.

“I don’t know,” I finally said, then shrugged and grabbed the ball from him. Great answer. Smooth.

“Well, you need to—tonight.” Finn grabbed the ball back. “Then, tomorrow, you can tell her too.”

It felt insane to even consider telling anyone else I was a Watcher. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Addie, but she already considered me nuts these days. It would be risky to discuss the dreams with her. I clenched and unclenched my fists a few times, allowing the tension to flow out through them.

“Without any other option besides breaking and entering and then hacking into Mia’s computer, I guess it’s worth a try.” I met Finn’s eyes. It was disturbing to see him looking grim. So un-Finnlike.

I took the ball and dribbled for a minute, enjoying the controlled feel of it in my hands. “One night won’t work, though. She might not remember enough from one night of dreaming for me to persuade her. I need a couple days to be safe.”

“You better get started. We’ll need her to help convince Mia that you’re innocent.”

My next shot bounced off the backboard, but Finn jumped and pushed it back up and in.

“You suck. Why aren’t you on the basketball team again?”

“I’m humble.” He grinned. “Don’t like to steal all the glory, you know? Try to spread it around to losers like you.”

I laughed. “Wow. So generous.”

He shrugged. “It’s how I roll.”

I tucked the ball under my arm and headed toward the house. I felt much better having a plan, even if it did feel crazy to tell Addie. After last night, doing nothing wasn’t an option anymore.