Intensive Care: Escape to the Country (16 page)

“Marcus Antony Thornton, you must think I’m stupid!”

“What?”

She glared at him. “What makes you think I would willingly give up the career I love, the job I’m good at, and move overseas away from my parents to a country where I can’t even speak the language? Just because you
care
for me?”

“Don’t be like that, Kate. You know I love you.” Marcus’s answer was not what Kate expected and she recoiled slightly. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d said those words to her.
Does he actually still love me?
Her mind raced in circles.

As he spoke, he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a familiar turquoise-colored box from within its depths. Kate felt slightly ill as he handed her the small box to open. She lifted the lid hesitantly and instantly felt herself relax. Inside was a pair of large diamond earrings, not the ring she realized she had been dreading to see.

“Katie darling, you know I don’t believe in marriage – it’s just a piece of paper – but I know how much you love jewelry. They’re real Tiffany you know, although I don’t know how anyone can tell the difference. Cindy helped pick them out.” He leaned toward her and looked into her eyes. “Maybe now you can see how much I want you to come back home. I need you to come home. I can’t take this job in Hong Kong without you.”

Kate closed the lid of the box and handed it back to Marcus, understanding what he was inferring. Without her by his side, playing the role of “hostess,” the job offer was off the table. Kate’s eyes were finally opened and she understood why their relationship had been so wrong, even from the very beginning. Her body began to relax as the tension within her eased. She actually felt sorry for him.

Choosing her words carefully, she spoke calmly and softly, her voice full of conviction and passion. “Marcus, I
do
love jewelry but I prefer to receive it for all the right reasons. You cannot bribe me with gifts to become your token partner for the rest of our lives. I want more than that. I am
worth
more than that. The moment I felt like I had to prove my worth to you was the moment I had to walk away forever. These past four months I have realized I am so very different from you. I want different things in life than you do and perhaps what has happened is all for a reason. It’s for the best.” Kate paused and looked him in the eye. She was about to address the elephant in the room. “After the baby …”

“This has
nothing
to do with that,” he snapped and Kate saw the menacing flash in his eyes again.

“Actually Marcus, it has
everything
to do with our baby,” she replied evenly.

“Oh for god’s sake, Kate, it wasn’t even a baby. I’ve told you before, you just have to move on.”

“So? What? It was just a blob of tissue to you? Is that it?”

“You’re a nurse. Surely you know that’s all it is. What were you? Eleven weeks? It’s not like it was even viable—”

She cut him off. “I was over twelve weeks pregnant.”

“The timing wasn’t right.”

“The timing was never going to be right for you, was it?” She spat the words out as though they tasted like poison on her tongue.

“A baby would have interrupted my plans for our future.”

“Yeah,
your
plans for
my
future. I can’t believe I even let you talk me into an abortion.”

“Bloody hell, don’t call it that! It was a termination, Kate, that’s all. Women do it every day. You make it sound all emotional when you talk like that.”

“Maybe because it
is
emotional for me. That baby was part of me.”
And you’re my only link to the baby
, she wanted to cry out. Once Marcus was gone, Kate’s greatest fear was that all memories of the baby would be gone with him. That was the problem with keeping it a secret.

“It wasn’t a baby! It was a bloody mistake,” he yelled.

Kate drew her breath in sharply. She always wondered if he felt this way, but this was the first time he had admitted it. With clarity, she knew she could never go back to him.

“I think you should go.” Kate stood up. She never wanted to lay eyes on him again.

“So I’ve driven all this way for nothing,” Marcus said.

“I don’t think it’s been for nothing,” Kate replied bluntly. “Now we can both move on with our lives and become the people we are meant to be.”

She walked toward the front door, catching sight of him standing up and putting the box back in his jacket pocket, retrieving his car keys at the same time.

“I guess I’ll be going then.”

“You guessed correctly.”

He looked dejected as he walked toward his car. Kate remained silent as he unlocked it before getting in behind the wheel. He looked back toward her as he pulled the seatbelt across his chest and something within her broke.

“I hope you have a happy life, Marcus.” She couldn’t believe how civil she sounded.

And I forgive you.

As the unspoken words echoed through her mind, she felt like a massive weight had lifted off her shoulders. She hadn’t even needed to speak the words out loud.

“You too, Kate. You too.”

He closed the car door and Kate waited for him to wind down the car window.

“Marcus, why don’t you give Cindy a call? I know she loves Tiffany just as much as I do.” As she spoke, he turned the key in the ignition. The car roared to life and Kate wasn’t sure if he’d heard her. If he did, she hoped her words didn’t sound too bitter.

Standing in the cold in the doorway of her farmhouse, Kate hugged herself as she watched Marcus drive away from her life for good. For once she felt like she’d handled confrontation well. She waited until the taillights of his car were no longer visible before closing the door.

Although she was filled with a fresh sense of loss, she also felt ready to move on. She’d cut the cord between them and she was finally set free.

Kate was still tired when she woke the following morning. As she stretched and yawned, it took her a moment before she remembered the events of the day before and she sat bolt upright in bed. After months of constantly feeling angry and hurt by Marcus’s betrayal she was surprised by how empty she felt. It was as though a large space had been opened in her heart, ready to be filled again. She expected to feel sad at the loss of their relationship but there was nothing. No pain. No anger.
Perhaps this is what forgiveness feels like.

Immediately her mind raced to Joel. She had to let him know what had happened. Out of nowhere a thought hit her like a ton of bricks and her heart plummeted. Had she just lost two men in one day? Grabbing her phone, she sent him a short text.

Looking forward to catching up later today. That is if you’re still coming.

Joel’s reply came back immediately.
What happened between you and Marcus?

All sorted.

Are you going to go back to him then?

No way!

Did you forgive him?

Yes.
And she believed in her heart that she had.

Kate could tell that the temperature had plummeted overnight and she fell back in the bed, pulling the covers up tight under her chin, sighing deeply. She couldn’t wait to see Joel later that day. It was useless trying to deny her feelings for him. Her “just friends” mantra wasn’t working at all. As she lay in bed, she gave herself permission to daydream of a possible relationship with Joel. Now that Marcus was out of her life for good, maybe Joel wouldn’t be so hesitant around her. Then again, maybe Joel wasn’t really through his grief and that’s why he kept holding back from her. She was so confused. Was Rebecca’s death going to be a major hurdle in the two of them getting together? If in fact he wanted that to happen the same way she did.

She sighed. It didn’t matter, she decided. He was totally worth pursuing. And she would wait for as long as it took him to get over Rebecca.

Eventually she knew she had to get out of bed and she was glad she had left the heaters switched on to the low setting overnight. The house was cool but not icy cold as it often was in the mornings. The coals were still glowing beneath a large log she had placed on the fire before going to bed. She added kindling and paper the way she had seen Joel do it and coaxed life back into the fire. Before long the flames had taken hold of the dry hardwood and were roaring with life and warmth. Joel would have been proud of her achievements.

Opening the lounge room blinds, Kate was stunned to see snow had fallen during the night. The paddocks surrounding the farmhouse were blanketed in a layer of white. She let out a small sound, wishing she had someone to share her excitement with. As she gazed out the window it seemed like the snow was a parallel for how she was feeling – fresh and clean and pure, ready for the next season.

Turning on the television as she got dressed in front of the fire, she caught the last of the weather report.

“… last night brought a taste of winter back to much of New South Wales with many residents waking to find a layer of snow on the streets. The cold front will persist for the remainder of the week. There’s a sheep graziers alert and farmers are being warned to expect more cold temperatures over the next forty-eight hours. Local townships can expect further snow flurries. If you’re heading up to the ski resorts, there’s been a fresh covering of snow that is delighting those on the mountain. Here’s Rachel Digby with that report.”

Kate muted the television as scenes were displayed from the nearby ski fields. She went to find her warmest coat, gloves, scarf and beanie and spent the next hour walking around the property taking photos. The sky was overcast and it looked like it might snow again, although she wasn’t sure, having never seen snow actually falling before.

The neighbor’s cows were standing at the fence watching her, their backs covered in a dusting of white powder. Kate didn’t know anything about cows, but she had already decided these ones were the most beautiful breed. When she had first seen them in the paddock beside her house she had Googled them and found that they were called, quite aptly, Murray Greys. Their silver-gray coats and soft brown eyes made them look so friendly. They were an anomaly in the area as all the other cows she’d seen were black ones. In the background, the row of pine trees that formed one of the borders of her neighbor’s property stood like stately statues, dark green against the white backdrop. Kate snapped another photo as one of the cows bellowed plaintively at her. She laughed and wondered if cows felt the cold.

In another paddock sheep tried to graze, searching for food among the frosted grass. Kate was pleased to see there were no lambs and the sheep seemed to be well covered by wool. She couldn’t imagine how a lamb would survive the cold temperatures, although perhaps it wasn’t lambing season. She had no idea. As she stood watching the sheep, a lone kangaroo appeared from behind two large silos. It bounded across the snow and she watched until it was gone from view, marveling again at the beauty of the Australian countryside. It was as though she were seeing the views and images for the first time through the eyes of a tourist.

She was still outside when Joel arrived. Like her, he was bundled up against the cold, but looked relaxed and comfortable in the frozen landscape.

“Hey there Miss City Chick,” he greeted Kate enthusiastically when he found her in the backyard.

“There’s snow,” Kate squealed as she twirled around in a circle like a child. Everything within her wanted to rush up and hug him but she resisted the urge.

“I take it you’ve never seen snow then, eh?” Joel grinned and his dimples stood out in cheeks that were red and flushed from the cold.

“Never! It’s incredible! I’ve been out here all morning. It’s just so peaceful. And so pretty.”

“Want to come with me for a drive?” Joel asked. “I’ll take you up the mountain where there will be lots more snow. This will probably be all melted by later today unless it starts snowing again.”

“Can we make a snowman?” Kate asked.

“Sure, of course we can make a snowman,” Joel chuckled.

She could see that Joel was humoring her but she didn’t care. She kicked off her gumboots and left them at the back door while she went searching for things to decorate her snowman.

With her head buried in the fridge she called out to Joel, “I’ve got a carrot. What else do snowmen need?”

“We can find some sticks for his arms and rocks will do for his eyes and mouth. You might want some sort of hat and an old scarf.”

“Clearly you’ve had experience building snowmen,” she called out.

Joel laughed again and the sound made her heart do a strange flip. Marcus was all but forgotten.

“Scarecrows and snowmen,” he said, “that’s my forte!”

They headed off and Kate was pleased that Joel was driving slowly and carefully in the slippery conditions. As they pulled out onto the main road she was amazed at the changes the snow brought to the countryside. As Joel drove, she snapped more photos and there was little opportunity to discuss the previous day’s events. She was glad he hadn’t raised the issue but she knew he eventually would want to know what had happened between her and Marcus. After driving for half an hour, Joel flicked his indicator on and pulled off the main road onto a smaller track.

“Is this even safe?” Kate frowned, worry creasing her brow.

“It’s all good, Kate. This is a four-wheel drive and I’ve got chains if we need them.” He turned to her and gave a cheeky grin. “Do you trust me?”

Kate nodded, but she wasn’t entirely sure. Having never driven on snow she was somewhat scared that they would slip backward down the slope.

“I promise it will be okay.” Joel looked intently at Kate to reassure her then broke into a smile. “Come on, Kate! Lighten up, this is going to be fun. Honest.” He grinned again and Kate found herself smiling in return and her body relaxed instantly. There was something completely alluring about his smile that made her have complete faith in him.

Kate kept quiet as Joel negotiated the narrow track that wound its way upward. As they crested the top of the hill she gasped. Below her was a lake, almost black in color, its edges bordered by fresh, white, untouched snow.

“Joel, it’s beautiful. What is this place? I never knew there was a lake up here.”

“It’s actually the Birrangulla Dam. It’s one of our water storage dams. In summer it’s one of my favorite places to come to. Most of the kids come up here to swim and you’ll even see some of the local schools rowing up here.”

They climbed from the car and Joel led Kate to a small clearing beside some pine trees.

“Here’s the perfect spot for your snowman, Kate. There’s plenty of fresh snow here.”

“I don’t even know where to start,” she giggled.

“Ya just gotta get in and use your arms to scoop the snow into a mound.” He demonstrated. “You’re going to be cold and wet and will probably regret doing this but hey, everyone’s gotta make a snowman at least once in their life.”

By now he had caught her enthusiasm and was dragging fresh snow into a pile for her to shape. They worked together quietly in the stillness. All of a sudden Kate realized her cheeks were wet, and she looked up to discover large soft flakes of snow falling from the sky.

Joel saw her looking up and grinned. “Stick out your tongue, Kate. See if you can catch one.”

She did as he instructed and then giggled when she heard the click of the camera button on his phone. He kept taking photos of her as she danced and twirled in the snow like a child, catching snowflakes in her mouth. Every now and then she glanced at Joel. Judging by the look on his face, he was enjoying himself as much as she was. For the first time in years she felt totally free, caught up in the moment.

It took them another half hour to finish the snowman before Kate gave it her tick of approval. She posed beside it as Joel took more photos. She then took a few minutes and uploaded one of them to her Facebook page.

“Told you I could make a good snowman.” Joel grinned at her and then leaned over her shoulder to see which pictures she was posting. She felt his warm breath on her neck and a shiver of excitement rushed through her, landing in the bottom of her belly.

“Yeah, snowmen and scarecrows – you’re an all-round general handyman aren’t you?” She giggled.

“You’d better believe it. So, do you want to do something else?”

“Like what?” Kate was curious.

“Make a snow angel.”

“A what?”

“A snow angel. Come on, I’ll show you.” Joel promptly threw himself to the ground and began flapping his arms up and down and opening and closing his legs. Kate looked at him, astonished. A minute later he leaped to his feet and she looked – his body had created the perfect image of an angel in the snow.

“Oh!”

“Your turn.”

Kate mimicked Joel’s actions and gratefully accepted his gloved hand to pull her back to her feet when she was finished. Side by side on the ground were two perfectly formed snow angels. Joel’s gloved hand was still wrapped around hers and she was unwilling to let go.

“How about we go tobogganing?” Joel said, breaking away from her grip.

“Here? How?” Kate looked around her.

Joel walked back to his car and she followed and watched as he reached into the back and pulled out two large plastic toboggans, one red and one green.

“Here’s one I prepared earlier!” He held them up triumphantly.

“What were you,” Kate snickered, “a boy scout or something? Man, you are always so prepared!”

Joel handed Kate the toboggan and walked over to the small hill on the other side of their snowman. Setting the plastic board on the ground he sat down, pushed himself off and away he went. He flew down the hill, whooping with delight, his voice booming and echoing in the snowy stillness. Kate put her own toboggan down and sat down more cautiously on the cold plastic. Grabbing hold of the rope handle in her gloved hands she wriggled her bottom and the toboggan started to move slowly. As she wriggled some more, she gained momentum and soon she was hurtling down the hill toward Joel, screaming, half in fear and half with the same delight that Joel was experiencing. At the bottom of the hill her toboggan came to a gentle stop and she stood up awkwardly. Joel was waiting for her.

“Can we do it again?” she asked.

“Of course we can. But you have to walk back up the hill. I’ll wait here and take a photo of you coming down.”

For the next hour as the snow fell around them they trudged back up the hill only to zoom down again minutes later. Kate realized she was exhausted and hungry and beginning to feel the cold even though she was constantly moving. When they made it back to the car, she also realized she was soaking wet. Joel’s own jacket and pants looked relatively dry as he had dressed in waterproof clothes suitable for a day in the snow, but her jeans were wet through and it appeared her winter jacket wasn’t snowproof or waterproof. Kate shivered violently and suddenly the day that had started so well began to go downhill very quickly. Joel saw her shiver and immediately frowned, a look of concern on his face. It barely registered to Kate as she was having trouble concentrating. She just wanted to get somewhere warm and dry.

“Kate, you’re going to have to take all your clothes off,” Joel said, with an intensity that surprised her.

“I’m going to have to do
what
?”
she asked incredulously. Her mind was foggy and he wasn’t making sense. Surely he hadn’t just said that.

“Get undressed, Kate.” Joel’s voice was insistent. “Down to your underwear.”

“I am not getting undressed in the snow in the middle of nowhere. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Kate was beginning to shake and she couldn’t stop her teeth from chattering. Joel turned the car on and adjusted the heater, cranking it up to the highest setting.

“Kate, if you sit in this car in your wet clothes, you are going to get very sick. You have to get out of them. I’m so sorry I didn’t even notice how wet you were or I wouldn’t have suggested we keep tobogganing.” He sounded so apologetic. “I’ve got a dry blanket in the car and I want you to get undressed in the backseat and wrap the blanket around you. Do it now, Kate.” His tone was serious and Kate had never heard him speak like that before.