Intensive Care: Escape to the Country (12 page)

“Partly I guess,” Amanda said. “We’re just used to people coming and going. Figured you’d be the next in line to leave.”

Kate frowned in confusion. “Have I given any of you the impression that I’m not intending to stay?” she asked.

“No, you haven’t,” Amanda agreed.

There was an awkward silence before Amanda spoke up again. “Well if it’s any consolation, I happen to think you’re doing a good job.”

“Really?” Kate looked uncertainly across at her.

 “Yeah, you actually handled the whole thing with Pete Anderson and his family really well. I’m sorry I was so rude to you that day. It was a pretty stressful shift.”

Kate nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“And today you were good with Norm too. I shouldn’t have snapped like I did.”

Kate nodded, speechless.

“Can I give you some advice?” Amanda looked at Kate expectantly.

“Sure.”

“Don’t worry about what people are thinking and don’t let their attitudes toward you change who you are or what you do. Focus on doing your best, and always do what you know in your heart is right. Just be yourself and you’ll make friends here, I’m sure of it.”

Amanda’s eyes searched hers, and Kate felt she was looking for clues that what she was saying was hitting the mark. She nodded, letting Amanda know she was still listening and taking in what was being said.

“Just remember, Kate, it takes time.”

Kate smiled wanly at her. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.” She took a deep breath, looked Amanda straight in the eye and sighed. “Any idea how
much
time?”

The next day Kate woke with renewed energy and had an uneventful day at work. She registered for the fun run and made sure the brochures were prominently displayed around the unit. Once she let the staff know she’d signed up, others joined her and there was a buzz of excitement as people started talking about how much fun it would be to run together. Some of the staff were even talking about making matching costumes to run in. Kate was going to pass on that – she couldn’t see herself running twenty-one kilometers in a pink tutu!

Now all she needed was to organize a training program and get her family and former work colleagues to sponsor her. She also needed to ask Joel to be her training buddy. She chuckled at the idea. She could only imagine what the small town gossips would have to say about that! She and Joel already ran together nearly every Saturday morning and sometimes if the weather was perfect, they’d meet in the early evening before the sun set for a quick loop around the river. The more time they spent together, the more Kate found she was relying on his friendship to keep her from running back to Sydney.

If she was really honest with herself, she would have liked something more than just friendship, but she was trying to put those thoughts back in their place. The problem was, when she was with Joel she could be herself. She never had to wonder if she was good enough for him, the way she had when she was with Marcus or his friends. He was a great guy and had become someone she could trust
–
a true friend.

“Hey Joel!” Kate greeted him cheerfully as she walked through the door of the Bean Counter later that afternoon. She was pleased to see he didn’t look too busy. “Have you got time to stop and have a coffee and chat?” She tried to suppress the reason why her pulse raced whenever she was around him.

“Sure, hang on.”

He turned to the girl beside him and Kate caught the cold glare that was directed toward her. If looks could kill, Kate would need to call an ambulance very soon.

“How are things going at work then?” Joel asked when they were sitting at a quiet table in the back corner of the café. “Are things getting any better?”

 “Yeah, it’s getting better, but I still haven’t made any real friends,” Kate said. “I think the fun run will be a good way to connect with some of the staff outside of work. You know, I actually overheard one of them call me a citiot the other day.”

“A what?” He looked up at her in confusion, his face screwed up.

“Citiot,” she repeated.

“What does that even mean?”

“I guess it’s a short form for city idiot. She was suggesting that I should go back to where I belong.”

“Jeez, that’s a bit rough.”

“Tell me about it. At least one of the other girls replied and told her she was out of line and a bit harsh and when I walked in they were both pretty quiet. I bet they realized I’d heard them.”

“I’m sorry, Kate.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not your fault. And they’re just words anyway. They can say whatever they want but I’m not going anywhere. Some days I want to – it seems much easier to go back to Sydney – but it’s not going to happen. There’s nothing left for me back there.”

Kate knew she was trying to convince herself as much as him.

“Well, I’m glad you’re staying,” he said softly, and she could tell by his tone he meant what he was saying. It made her feel so special. “You’ll feel like an outsider for some time, Kate. It takes a while to settle into a small town and Birrangulla isn’t as small as some. To them you’re still the girl from the city and by the sound of it they’re just waiting to see if you’re going to stick around. They don’t know you yet, Kate. Give it time.”

“That’s what one of the nurses told me. It’s going to take time.” She let out a loud sigh. “I just wish I knew how long.”

“Don’t give up, Kate.” Joel looked intently in her eyes. “That’s what they’re probably waiting for. They assume you’ll give up and walk away. So don’t give anyone that satisfaction. I reckon all the organization you’re doing at the hospital for the fun run will help heaps too. Once they see you’re involved in the community, it will make a big difference. Trust me. And try not to be so paranoid. Once they know you they’ll love you.”

“I hope you’re right.” Kate sighed again.

Out of the corner of her eye, Kate caught another look from the blonde behind the counter.

“What’s with
her
?” Kate asked quietly, indicating with a nod of her head in the girl’s direction. She immediately forgot her reason for coming to see Joel. “I don’t even know her and she’s giving me the cold shoulder treatment. Am I imagining it?”

Once again the paranoia was returning.
Doesn’t anyone like me?

“She’s just being overly protective of me, that’s all.”

Confused, Kate raised her eyebrows, looking at Joel with a silent question.

“Oh, jeez love, haven’t I introduced you yet? That’s Emma.”

His sister!

Relief flooded through her.

All the times she’d seen them together in the café she’d thought they were a couple! Her face burned with embarrassment. He rarely mentioned his family and she’d forgotten about Emma. Since the first time they’d run together, they’d both avoided any deep personal discussions. She hadn’t mentioned Marcus and he hadn’t probed any further about what had brought her to Birrangulla. When they ran they usually just chatted about their day or their favorite books and movies. Sometimes she shared funny stories from work. Their conversations were light, and sure, sometimes they’d flirted a little with each other, but it was never more than just friendly banter. She would have been devastated if he’d been flirting with her and he had a girlfriend.

“Clearly she’s forgotten the story Mum read to us as children – the one where the boy made faces and when the wind changed …” He didn’t finish his sentence as Emma made her way over to their table with their coffees in hand.

She placed them on the table but before she could turn around to return to the coffee machine, Joel grabbed her gently by her wrist.

“Emma, this is my friend Kate I was telling you about. The one I go running with.”

“Hi Emma.” Kate smiled warmly, sitting forward in her chair and turning to face her. “Thanks for making the coffees.”

“You’re welcome.” Her reply was clipped, her polite words not matching the look in her eyes. Kate noted she didn’t have the same strong accent as Joel and she commented on this fact, trying to form some sort of connection with her.

“I was only six when we came out from Ireland. I’m the baby of the family. But I’m sure Joel’s already told you that,” Emma replied.

“He told me he had a sister, but I didn’t realize it was you until just now,” Kate said, hoping she sounded warm and friendly.

“So, what else has Joel told you?” Emma asked, hands on hips, her face dark.

Kate was shocked with the anger she saw in the other woman’s face. Her usually pretty features were scrunched up in disgust.
Why?
Kate had simply come in to rope Joel into helping her train for the fun run. So why was she getting this type of response from a woman she had only just met?

Emma crossed her arms and glared at her brother.

Okay, so it’s not just me she’s cranky with.

“Has he told you about Rebecca?”

 “Emma.” Joel’s voice was quiet but his warning tone told a different story.

Kate watched as his blue eyes clouded over and his face flushed. She had never seen him look this way. He was usually always smiling and his face was like an open book – easy to read. The man in front of her looked closed off and distant.

“No. He hasn’t mentioned Rebecca.” Kate tried to keep her voice even. She looked Emma straight in the eyes, trying to remain calm as she answered the question and ignored Joel’s reaction. Her stomach was churning.

“Well perhaps you should ask him before you keep spending so much time together.” Emma continued her petulant stance, moving her hands back to her hips and glaring at her brother.

Kate frowned. “Emma, I think you might have the wrong idea about Joel and me. We’re just friends.”

Kate tried to ignore the attitude Emma was displaying toward her, but she was more than perplexed.
Who is Rebecca and why has Joel never mentioned her?

Turning from Emma, Kate looked directly at Joel, her eyebrows knitted together with a mixture of confusion and hurt. She was pretty certain friends would mention if they were in a relationship. When he didn’t reply, everything within her wanted to push her chair away and stand up and yell at him like a sugar-filled toddler having a tantrum. Instead she took a deep breath and dug her nails deep into the palms of her hands as she fought for control of her emotions. When she spoke it was in a voice laced with indignation.

“You didn’t tell me you had a partner.”

The smile had gone from Joel’s eyes and it was replaced by something Kate still didn’t recognize.

“I don’t.”

Thick silence followed his words, heavy with Kate’s shock. By now Kate was totally baffled but didn’t know what to say. She felt like she was stepping on hot coals ignited by the sparks flying through the air between brother and sister. The air felt as though there wasn’t enough oxygen for the three of them. She had no idea what was going on.

“I think perhaps I should go. Thanks for the coffee.”

Kate rifled through her wallet and took out a five-dollar note. She banged it down on the table next to her untouched drink and stood up. Swinging her bag onto her shoulder she left the café without looking back. For someone who hated confrontation and disliked causing a scene, she would have been given full marks for her effort. If there had been a door to slam on her exit, Kate would have slammed it hard. She took fast, angry steps down the laneway, as her breath came in labored rasps.
I’m such an idiot!

She couldn’t believe she’d been starting to have feelings for Joel, then in one moment, with one word, it had all come crashing down around her.

Rebecca.

It looked like Joel was no different to Marcus after all. Another man not to be trusted.

As she was returning to her car, Kate heard her name being called. Knowing it would be rude to pretend she hadn’t heard, she waited until Joel caught up to her. Getting behind the wheel, Kate turned the key in the ignition and strapped on her seatbelt. She stared straight ahead, unseeing, and didn’t turn to look at Joel. She had nothing to say to him. He squatted beside the car on the curb and leaned his arms against the passenger side door while he waited for her to wind down the window. Eventually she jammed her finger on the button that opened the window.

“Kate, I think we need to talk.”

“I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s best if we
don’t
talk. And I don’t think we should see each other again either,” she retorted, glaring at him.

“No Kate. You’ve got it all wrong. Please, will you let me explain?” Joel asked. Even the gentle lilt of his accent did nothing to appease her anger.

“I don’t know that there’s much for you to explain, Joel. But perhaps I should explain something to
you.
I should have told you this when I first met you. I moved here because I had just walked out on a three-year relationship. Turns out we held different ideas regarding the future of our relationship. I left him when I found out he was having an affair with another woman.” Kate glared at Joel, aware that she had shocked him with her words. “Right now, I feel like
I’m
the other woman, and to be quite honest it makes me feel sick.”

“Oh Kate. I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

She heard his remorse but her resentment remained.

“Of course you had no bloody idea because I didn’t want anyone to know! I moved to Birrangulla to get on with my life. And now I’m stuck here in this job that I love surrounded by people who seem to hate me. I haven’t made a single friend in the whole town except you. And now I don’t even have you!” Even as the words came out, she knew she must sound pathetic to him.

Joel opened the passenger side door without asking her permission and folded himself into the small space beside her. He waited, without speaking, as Kate tried to compose herself.

“Kate, would you let me take you out to dinner tonight and explain?”

She turned and looked at him, her eyes narrowing with disbelief.

“No! Of course you can’t.” Kate was flabbergasted. “What would Rebecca think?”

His eyes were as flat as the ocean on a totally still day when he replied.

“Rebecca is dead.”

A few hours later Kate rifled through the box of clothes she’d placed at the top of her wardrobe when arriving at the farm. They were the clothes she had worn regularly on dates out with Marcus and his friends in the city but until this point she had had no reason to use them, and had stuffed them out of reach and view. Eventually finding what she was looking for, she pulled the black dress over her head and smoothed the skirt over her slim hips, staring at herself in the mirror. The dress was made of expensive material. It clung to her figure and she smiled at her own reflection. She knew it was flattering. Adjusting the cowl neckline of the dress to maximize her cleavage if she bent over, she took another look in the long mirror and sighed, her shoulders slumping in frustration.

Joel’s words echoed in her mind.
Rebecca is dead
. She sighed again and flopped down onto her bed. Here she was, getting excited about dressing up and going out for dinner with a man whose girlfriend was dead! Not only did it seem inappropriate to be going on a date, if that’s what this dinner was to be called, now she felt ridiculously overdressed. Nevertheless, she slid her feet into black leather high-heeled shoes and appraised herself again. Kate knew she looked great but something still didn’t feel right.

What if he’s just taking me to the local pub for a counter meal?

“What
do
people wear out to dinner in the country?” she said out loud in frustration. Matilda blinked at her and then went back to washing herself.

Rummaging through the clothes in her wardrobe again, Kate suddenly remembered she had recently purchased a new dress that she hadn’t yet had the chance to wear. Pulling the navy dress off its hanger, she buttoned it up and tied the thin leather belt around her waist. The dress came to her knees and she teamed it with a pair of boots and a funky, colorful beaded necklace. As she looked at her more casual reflection she smiled.
Much better.
She squared her shoulders, feeling much more confident. Now at least if they went to the local pub she wouldn’t stand out in the crowd by being overdressed and it wouldn’t look like she was trying too hard to think of the evening as an actual date.