Intentional (5 page)

Jeremy

I’m really excited to show Mattie around Sedona. I think she’s going to love it. We head out on the Red Rock Scenic Byway to view nature at its best. Mattie seems relaxed and happy as we make our way along the winding roads.

We stop at a particularly scenic viewpoint and get out of the car. Mattie looks over at me and exclaims, “Isn’t it beautiful? These pictures are going to be great!” She turns around to take a few more shots.

I feel an overwhelming urge to grab Mattie and kiss her senseless. I didn’t expect to have such intense feelings for her. She already thinks there is a possibility that I’m some sort of player because of some unfounded office gossip, so I don’t want to scare her off on our second date.

I’m trying hard, but I can’t seem to get myself under control, both emotionally and physically. My mind is telling me to slow down, but my body is gravitating toward Mattie every time she’s within a few feet. This is disconcerting because I’m always in control. I have systematically put my life together in such a way that I know what to expect in most every situation. This never happens to me.

Mattie suggests a local restaurant for lunch, Barking Frog Bistro. She couldn’t have made a better choice—the food is great, and the atmosphere is intimate, with romantic lighting, soft music, cozy booths, and Mattie. She would make any setting feel intimate to me.
We sit close together, almost touching, so that I can smell the floral, sexy musk scent of her perfume.

I fantasize about leaning in those few inches, running my nose over her neck, and placing a kiss just below her ear. I’m already leaning forward when I stop myself. This is getting ridiculous. It takes all my willpower to pull back, but looking at Mattie I wonder if she feels this too, this attraction and connection that’s happened faster and harder than anything I’ve ever experienced. Just as the thought crosses my mind, I see her looking at my lips, and my resolve crumbles to dust. I lean forward again.
Bang
—the loud crash of falling dishes brings me back to my senses.

I look around and discover that we are the only customers left. We have been so involved with each other that I haven’t noticed. We decide to head out to the shopping portion of our date.

I spend the rest of the afternoon shopping with Mattie. We continue to laugh and talk as we go from store to store. I find myself making an effort to keep a healthy distance from her. I think if I touch her, even a slight touch, it will set me off.

I’m really enjoying the day with her, but this internal battle is starting to wear me down. I need to get her home so I can go back to my house and jump into a cold shower.

Chapter 5

January

Mattie

It’s our third date, and my nerves are a tangled mess. I think it’s because the date is going to be at Jeremy’s house. I trust him already, but I hope he doesn’t have the wrong impression about why I agreed to come. I wouldn’t usually go to a man’s house for a date, especially so soon, but the combination of Jeremy and
Pride and Prejudice
was too much for me to resist.

I am not even going to tell Sarah anything about this. She’ll go ballistic! She’s overprotective sometimes, but I know it’s just because she cares about me.

Jeremy offers to pick me up, but I make an excuse to drive myself over. I tell him I have some errands to run and I’ll need my car. I want to be able to leave when I choose. I guess Sarah’s unrelenting dialogue about Jeremy is making me cautious.

I park in his driveway and take a good look around. This is really intimidating. I didn’t grow up poor or anything, but this place is palatial in comparison with what I’m used to. My parents worked hard
to afford the typical middle-class neighborhood that I grew up in. We lived in a cute rambler with three bedrooms and two bathrooms. I never really thought about money during my childhood. I always felt that I had enough. I still do, but this house is so different from what I’m accustomed to.

What am I doing with this guy? He’s so beautiful, it’s almost painful to look at him. Now I find out he’s rich. Extremely rich. I really shouldn’t use that against him, but this is way out of my comfort zone.

I walk toward the house. It looks like a Tuscan-style colonial. It’s perched neatly on a few acres with a 360-degree Red Rock view. My stomach dips as I walk past the courtyard and its huge water feature. The sound of the tinkling water helps calm me a little.

I take a deep breath and continue on to the front door. It can’t be just a normal door—no, it’s twelve feet high, made out of iron and brass. I’m feeling a little bit like Elizabeth Bennet in the movie we’re about to watch. I decide to keep an open mind and knock on the door.

Jeremy answers almost immediately. His hair is all messed up, he’s wearing a pair of sweats and a ripped T-shirt, and he has peanut butter on his cheek, right below his eye. This is not what I was
expecting. I look him up and down. It looks like a peanut butter party has taken place all over his clothing. I ask, “What have you been doing? Exploding peanuts?”

He takes a look at himself and laughs. “It got a little out of hand. I’m usually pretty good at this. Come on in and I’ll show you.”

I walk in, and my feeling of being overwhelmed returns. This place is spectacular! The windows are floor to ceiling to take advantage of the breathtaking views. There are cathedral ceilings with skylights. I see a solarium. I’m guessing there is a library, but I don’t want to snoop around too much.

Jeremy leads me into his dining room. I’ve noticed something about his house: it is sparkling clean. This doesn’t look like a bachelor’s home at all. I ask, “Do you have a full-time maid or house cleaner?”

He grins back at me and answers, “No.”

“Do you have your mom living here?” He throws his head back and laughs hard.

I start laughing with him. “Okay, I guess that was a stupid question.”

He shakes his head. “No, not stupid, just funny!”

I have to know. “So explain to me how this house is so clean.”

He guides me over to the couch and sits next to me. A little smile appears on his lips. “You’ve found me out. It’s my deep, dark secret.” I wait for him to continue. He takes a deep breath. “I like to clean.”

It takes me a minute to connect the words with the person. “You mean, you keep this huge house clean all on your own—no help?”

“Guilty,” he replies.

I study him for a bit. He doesn’t look like he’s joking. I need to tell Jeremy something: “I have a dark secret too.” He raises his eyebrows. “I’m like a tornado. I might be the messiest person I know.” He scoots closer to me and takes my hand. I look down at where our hands are joined; mine is actually tingling. The sensation is traveling up my arm and spreading throughout my body. I realize that I’m not in any danger from Jeremy’s making inappropriate advances—I’m the one that I need to worry about!

He looks right into my eyes. I can’t look away. He says simply, “I’ll do it. I’ll clean up after you.” He’s serious! That is probably the
nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. My messy behavior usually brings out the worst in people.

I laugh. “Thanks. Although it does look like you have a little mess going on in the dining room. I can help you clean that up.” He gets up from the couch, tugging me up with him.

Once we get to the dining room, I see what’s going on. He’s got about eighty pieces of bread spread throughout the dining room and kitchen. I spot two large, open jars of peanut butter, a big container of honey, and one of raspberry jam.

“Tomorrow is my day to deliver sandwiches to the men’s shelter downtown. I just need to put these together, and I’ll be ready to go.” He continues to hold my hand.

I look up at him and ask, “Why?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “Because they need it.”

I am overcome with an incredible rush of emotion. Could I be falling in love with him? Already? This is insane; it’s only our third date. As I’m struggling with these new feelings, Jeremy looks over at me and asks, “What is it? Is something bothering you?”

I don’t know how to answer this, so I say the first thing that comes to mind. “I’m trying to figure you out.” Jeremy seems so
perfect. Can I trust him? Can I trust myself or my feelings? I want to be smart about this. I’ve been trying so hard to be careful with my emotions; I don’t want to make another mistake, like the one I made with Evan.

He smiles. “What you see is what you get.”

He seems ideal, wonderful. I want to believe him. I know my body wants to believe him. “You almost seem too good to be true.”

Jeremy laughs. “Well, I can dispel that for you right now, Mattie. I’m far from perfect. I spend most of my life trying to control the outcome of most every situation. It comes in handy with my job, but on a personal level it can make relationships challenging.”

I look into his soulful brown eyes as my heart flutters in my chest. I love a good challenge.

I lean over to wipe the peanut butter off his face. He grabs my hand; now he has both of them. He holds them together next to his chest. We stand looking at each other.

He asks, “Mattie, I might be crazy, but do you feel this? I feel something so deep for you, I can’t even explain what it is. Do you know what it is?”

Breathless and dazed, I nod. “I think I might.”

He continues to stare into my eyes as he slowly brings his lips to mine. I thought that when he held my hand he was setting off sparks, but this? The second his lips touch mine, I ignite. I can’t help my response. The minty taste of his toothpaste combined with peanut butter was the most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. I need to get closer, so I lean in.

Our bodies are touching; I can feel his warmth through our clothes. Jeremy has both of his hands on my face as our kiss becomes deeper, almost desperate. He grasps my hair tie, pulls it free, and starts to run his hands through my hair. His warm, moist lips move to kiss the base of my neck as he inhales deeply. I move closer—I can’t get close enough. Everywhere he touches me, I feels as if my skin is going to burst into flames. I have never been kissed like this.

I hear him groan as he runs his hands down my back. I don’t want this to stop, but I need it to. I break away suddenly. We are both out of breath. I see Jeremy shaking his head. He asks, “What the hell just happened?”

I answer, “I think we lost a little bit of control.”

He seems shocked. “A little bit, Mattie? No, that wasn’t a little—for me that’s huge. I am so sorry. I really did intend to watch
the movie—
only
watch the movie. I don’t want you to think I invited you over for anything else. Have I offended you?”

I smile as I lean back into Jeremy and say, “I’ll only be offended if you don’t kiss me again!”

He shakes his head while moving away from me. “I don’t think I can. Next time, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.” “Let’s get the popcorn and put on the movie.”

This makes me giggle. I like the fact that he doesn’t have control with me. I ask, “Not one? Not even a good-night kiss?” Now I’m teasing him, and he knows it.

“Yes, we can, but only with you in your car, safely belted in.”

I say, “That works for me!

I help Jeremy finish up with the sandwiches and pack them away for tomorrow. We make some popcorn and settle onto his comfortable sofa to watch the movie.

The good-night kiss doesn’t go as planned. We start out right: I am safely seat belted into my car with the window open. Jeremy leans in for his two-second kiss.

I didn’t know if it would happen again, but it does. His lips are so soft and warm. As soon as they touch mine, I can’t help the sound of delight that comes from me. I hear a low moan that comes from deep inside Jeremy’s throat. His hand reaches around, and he holds on to the back of my neck, pressing our lips closer. After a minute, I feel the seat belt clasp releasing next to me. Jeremy has his hands under my arms, and he lifts me out of the car through the window, barely breaking the kiss. He’s holding me, pressing me back into my car. I can feel every inch of his body as he draws me closer. The door handle digs into my back, but I don’t care. I feel him deepen the kiss even more. The sensation of his touch sends electricity sparking through my body. I put my arms around him and sigh into his mouth. This feels so good. I know it’s getting out of control again, so I need to stop it. I know of one guaranteed way to do it.

I pull back; Jeremy is reluctant to let me go. I don’t want to let him go either, but he needs to know something. “Jeremy.”

He groans. “I know, I know. Mattie, you’re going to have to stop me. I can’t seem to do it.”

I laugh softly. “I want to tell you something.”

I can tell he’s trying to concentrate. “Yes, what is it?”

“I’m a virgin.”

That stops him in his tracks. He takes a step back. I can tell he’s trying to figure out if I’m kidding or not. “How can that be?” he asks.

I have to laugh again. “Well, Jeremy, I’ve just said no to those who’ve asked. It’s pretty simple, really.”

He looks confused. “What have you been waiting for?”

I think about my answer for a moment. I say, “I think I’ve been waiting for you.”