Into The Fire (27 page)

“Yes.” I couldn’t recall her name, but yes, I
knew whom he was talking about.

“She called me the other night.”

“Oh?” What other reaction was I supposed to
give?

“We got to talking and reminiscing and…she
said she wants to get back together.” He was at war with himself.
It was clear he was happy by the news but he felt guilty for
wasting my time.

“Oh.” I wasn’t expecting that.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this.”

“No…it’s okay.” I was just a little
suspicious. Tony called me out of the blue and I didn’t think it
was entirely friendly. “I’m happy for you if you’re happy. I
just…don’t jump the gun.”

“Meaning?”

“I don’t know…remember what she did to you.
Don’t take her back so easily. Make her work for it. If she sees
you come back to her so quickly, she might do it to you again in
the future. You know what I’m saying?”

He shrugged. “I think she just got cold feet
and needed space before she realized what she really wanted.”

“But that isn’t fair to you.” I didn’t want
to come off harsh but I cared about him. “What she did was wrong
and she needs to understand that.”

“I know,” he said in agreement. “If she were
anyone else, I’d just kick her to the side but—”

“She’s the one.” I understood that all too
well.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“I’m happy for you,” I said. “There are no
hard feelings—honestly.”

“Really?” he asked. “That’s more than I
deserve.”

“It’s really not a big deal. Things happen.
And I know how you felt about her.”

“Thanks for being so understanding.”

“Of course,” I said. “I just hope things work
out this time around.”

“I think they will,” he said. “She seemed
sincere. And when I told her I was seeing you, she was really
jealous.” He smiled. “I particularly liked that part.”

I chuckled. “Rub it in a little bit.”

He sipped his wine again. “Can we still have
dinner together?”

“Sure. I’d like that.” I clanked my glass
against his.

“Well, it looks like you can be with that guy
again.”

I wish it were that easy. “No…I just stopped
seeing him. If I give in again, I’ll be stuck there forever.”

“He’s not the committing type?”

“Nope.”

“Typical heartbreaker…”

“Exactly,” I said. “I would love to be stuck
in that vortex forever but I know I need to get out before I’m in
so deep I’ll never crawl out. I’m already hung up on him as it is.
I’ll never move on if I go back to him now.”

“Forgive me for saying this, but it sounds
like you’re in love with him.”

“No.” I couldn’t let that happen. And if it
did happen, I couldn’t admit that to myself. I would just be even
more hurt.

“Well, I know you’ll find the right guy if
you keep looking for him. You’re such a beautiful woman with a lot
to offer. If I didn’t already have someone, I’d have fallen for
you.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

He groaned. “I’m not looking forward to
telling my sister.”

I chuckled. “She won’t be happy. I know she
didn’t like your ex much.”

“Actually, she hated her,” he corrected. “And
you’re right. She’s going to kill me.”

“Just be strong,” I said. “She’s the one.
Shelly will come around eventually.”

“Yeah…we’ll see.”

***

Now I was back to square one.

I wasn’t seeing anybody, and the only guy I
really wanted to see was a lying asshole. Spending another night
with him was all I wanted but I could never have it. It would be so
easy to cave and invite him over for the evening but I couldn’t do
it. I’d get sucked in all over again.

I didn’t know what to do, but sitting around
and sulking over my terrible love life wouldn’t solve anything. It
was so hard for me to meet anybody organically because I only
worked with women at the office, and when I escorted my clients,
they were all men who had to pay to get a date.

So, not very good odds.

A lot of people did online dating. Some
people said it was a great experience while others claimed it was
horrendous. People weren’t who they claimed to be, and you never
knew when you were going to end up with a psycho on your hands.

But what other choice did I have? I needed to
get over Ash. He was my biggest regret but my favorite mistake. I
wouldn’t trade what I had with him for anything. In the back of my
mind, I knew he would have been the one if he didn’t have his weird
issues with relationships, love, and commitment. If he’d been open
to any of that, things would have been much different.

But he never would be.

I checked out eHarmony and a few other dating
websites. They were a bit of a hassle because of the endless number
of questions. And it seemed directed toward an older demographic
who had serious plans for settling down. I was seeking a
relationship that could lead to marriage and kids, but at the same
time, I wasn’t in a hurry. I needed something less intense.

Then I remembered Tinder. It was known as a
hook-up app but more guys used it because it was so convenient.
Guys didn’t put much effort into anything unless it was working out
or getting a pizza. I thought I’d have better luck with that and
with younger men.

The app was a little confusing in the
beginning, but after I got the hang of it, things were smooth. A
lot of guys tagged me and initiated a conversation. There were
photos and some of them were decently cute. A few of them were
good-looking. One guy in particular caught my attention. He had
dark brown hair and blue eyes. And his name was Sawyer.

You need some meat on your bones. Let me
buy you dinner
. His message popped up on the screen.

Don’t you want to ask me something
first?

Yeah. What do you like to eat?

He was funny so I kept talking to him.
How
about a different question?

Okay…what time do you prefer to eat?

I took over the conversation.
What do you
do?

I’ll list three occupations and only one is
the truth. You have to pick the right one.

This could be fun.

Astronaut. Surgeon. MLB player.

What? He was seriously one of those?
Uh…surgeon?

Nope. Actually, I don’t do any of those. I
was just messing with you. I own a gym in the city. It’s called
Crunch Fitness. Now you know why I’m so in shape
. He included a
smiley face.

That’s still pretty cool. Don’t you want to
know what I do?

I’ll ask over dinner.

I smiled and rolled my eyes at the same
time
. Fine. You wore me down.

Sweet. Dinner on Saturday?

Sure.

That wasn’t so bad. He had a nice personality
and he was funny. Plus, he was really cute. Now that I’d spoken to
him, I felt more comfortable meeting him. He was charming so our
interaction probably wouldn’t be awkward. I was worried about
meeting a complete stranger. At least with Brad, we had a mutual
acquaintance.

I guess I’d just have to see where it went.
This whole thing was unlike me, but if I didn’t push myself, I’d
sit in the same place forever. If I didn’t try to find other
connections, how would I stop thinking about Ash? If Ash didn’t
want to be with me, that was fine.

But I wasn’t going to stick around and wait
for him.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Ash

I entered Sawyer’s apartment without
knocking. “Yo. You need to check out my new shop.” He wasn’t in the
living room so I headed to the kitchen and pulled out a beer. His
keys and wallet were on the counter so I knew he was home. Plus,
the door was unlocked.

“Hold on a second,” he called from the
hallway.

“I’ll drink your beer while I wait.” I
plopped down on the couch and took a long drink. I’d been so
focused on my shop that I hadn’t thought about anything else. It
was a nice distraction from the woman always dancing around in my
mind.

Sawyer came down the hallway wearing a
collared shirt. He buttoned up the front. “What’s up?”

I eyed his nice clothes. He normally wore
jeans and a t-shirt just like me. “Going somewhere?”

“I have a date tonight.”

“Score,” I said.

“Yep. And she’s so damn hot. Like, a ten. No,
an eleven.”

I held up my beer. “Congratulations.”

“So, the shop?”

“Yeah, it’s looking really good. I redid the
floors and painted the walls. Now I have a few portraits around. It
looks pretty cool. And I’m getting a state-of-the-art sound
system.”

“I’m sure it’ll be sick,” he said. “You’ll
meet a lot of babes there.”

“I meet a lot of babes anyway.”

He grabbed his keys and wallet. “Hate to be a
bummer but I need to go. I’m meeting Alessandra in, like, twenty
minutes.”

I was just about to take a drink when I
froze. “What the fuck did you say?”

He stilled like he was terrified. “I have
that date in twenty minutes…?”

“What’s her name?” I stood up and set my beer
down. New York City was a big place but Alessandra was a rare name.
What are the odds of that?

“Alessandra. What’s the big deal?”

“How did you meet her?”

“Tinder,” he answered. “She’s really cool
too.”

Could it be my Alessandra? She was dating the
lame lawyer. Would she go out with someone else? Would she really
resort to Tinder? “What does she look like?”

He shrugged. “Brunette…green eyes.”

“Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“Just do it,” I snapped.

He fished it out of his pocket and handed it
to me.

I opened the app then scrolled through his
contacts. When I found her name, I opened her profile where her
picture was located.

Holy shit, it was her.

What the fuck?

How did this happen?

“You okay, man?” Sawyer asked.

A million thoughts ran through my mind at
once. Did it not work out with Brad? If it didn’t, why didn’t she
call me again? How long ago did this happen? Had she been on other
dates? I wasn’t good enough for her but Tinder was? “Fuck.”

Sawyer stared at me. “What’s going on?”

I was sick of this. I was tired of being
depressed without her. I had no idea what the hell I wanted or what
I could offer her but this had gone on long enough. My nights were
lonely and my days were desolate. She came to my dreams but since
they were painful, they were nightmares. “You aren’t seeing
her.”

“Excuse me?”

I looked through the messages to see what
restaurant they were meeting at. Then I tossed the phone back at
him. “You aren’t seeing her. I am.”

“What?” he snapped. “You can’t just take my
date.”

“She’s
my
date,” I snapped.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Alessandra is mine. You’ll find someone
else.”

“I don’t think so. I found her fair and
square.”

I grabbed him by the throat then gripped him.
“She’s. Mine.” I pushed him back. “She’s my escort. She’s the girl
I’ve been seeing. She’s off limits.”

“What?” He choked for a second. “That’s
her?”

“Yes.”

“Well, you said she didn’t mean anything to
you so—”

“Yes, she does.” I walked out. “She always
has.”

***

I arrived at the restaurant then searched the
tables. It was a nice French place on the Upper East Side and I
wasn’t dressed for the occasion. The host immediately looked at me
with disapproval when I walked inside.

Like I gave a damn.

I searched for the pretty brown hair and
green eyes I found so hypnotizing. After a quick sweep of the
place, I found her sitting at a table against the back wall. Her
hands were in her lap and she stared at the painting mounted beside
her. Two waters and a basket of bread were on the table but she
hadn’t touched anything.

I maneuvered through the tables and past the
waiters until I reached her table. Then I fell into the seat across
from her. I was a little out of breath from running all the way
there, and the adrenaline was still flowing in my blood. My only
goal was to get there, and now that I was sitting across from her,
I didn’t know what to do next. Talking wasn’t my strongest point
and I knew I would have to do a lot of that.

Alessandra made three different expressions
in a row as she took me in. At first, she seemed to doubt her
sanity, like I wasn’t really there. Then shock came into her eyes
when she realized this was real. Soon, confusion took over. “Ash,
what are you doing here?”

Okay, now what? What did I say? I’d never
done this before.
“Sawyer isn’t coming.”

“Wait…you know him?”

“Yep. He’s one of my closest friends.”

“Oh…” Guilt came across her face. “Honestly,
I didn’t know.”

“Why are you going on a date with him? You’re
way out of his league.”

She shrugged. “He seemed nice enough.”

“And what happened to that stiff lawyer?”

“It didn’t work out.” That was all she
said.

“Because…?”

Her sass came to the surface. “None of your
business. That’s why it didn’t work out.”

I wasn’t conducting this conversation
well.

“So, Sawyer isn’t coming at all?” she
asked.

“Nope. Like I’d ever let him anywhere near
you.”

Irritation shined bright in her eyes before
she snatched her purse. “Well, then I should go. Good bye,
Ash.”

“Whoa, hold on. Sit your ass down.”

Her hatred intensified.

I realized my mistake. “I mean, please give
me a second.”

She set her purse down but it didn’t look
like she wanted to.

Okay…here it goes. I wasn’t afraid of
anything, not even a gun pointed right at my head. I’d crossed a
minefield without my heart rate even going up. But trying to
compose my feelings and thoughts into words was too damn hard. How
did people do this on a regular basis? I wish she could just read
my mind. It’d make it a lot easier.