Into The Fire (28 page)

Alessandra leaned forward. “What is it, Ash?
I know I don’t have a date anymore but I am hungry.”

“Then let’s order.”

She pressed her lips together in irritation.
“I don’t want to eat with you.”

Ouch
. That shook my confidence. I
tried to remember how great we were together. I knew she was mad at
me, but deep in my heart, I knew there was something else there.
“Look, I’m not good at talking about my feelings. Honestly, I don’t
have very many feelings. I’m pretty cut and dry in that
regard.”

Alessandra looked bored.

“This isn’t easy for me to say…I’m new to all
of this. For the past few months, I’ve been struggling to figure
out what the hell is going on in my brain.”

“And did you figure it out?” she asked
coldly.

“No. The problem isn’t with my brain…it’s
with my heart.”

Her eyes dilated slightly.

“Alessandra, I know I’m not much. I’m
arrogant and stubborn. I’m hotheaded and bossy. And I get jealous
really easily…as I recently found out. I don’t have a lot to offer
and you were right when you said I wasn’t your type. But…I want to
be.”

She tilted her head slightly like she didn’t
understand my meaning.

“I know I said I didn’t do the girlfriend
thing and relationships weren’t my forté but…I want one with you.”
I held my breath as I watched her reaction. “I don’t want you to
date other men. I don’t want you to look for a husband on Tinder. I
want to have you all to myself. Give me a chance. I really think I
could do it if you were patient with me.”

Her expression didn’t change at all. She just
watched me with a stoic expression.

Fuck, this was worse than I thought.

“I would never date you, Ash. You aren’t the
kind of man I want.”

Fuck, that hurt. No one had ever hurt me with
their words before, not like that. I put myself on display and made
myself vulnerable. And she stabbed me a dozen times before she
wiped the blade clean on my sleeve. “Why?” I wasn’t perfect by any
means but I was a good guy. “It seemed like you wanted me for the
three months we were together. Actually, it seemed like you
couldn’t get enough of me.” I tried not to sound arrogant but it
was a struggle.

Alessandra regarded me coldly. “I don’t date
liars.”

Liar? She thought I was a liar
? “I can
honestly tell you I’ve never lied to you—to anyone.”

She shook her head in disappointment.

“I haven’t,” I barked. “What do you think I
lied about?”

“You want to know something?”

“I guess…”

“A few months ago, I made a really stupid
mistake.” Frost covered her eyes, and her words were colder than
the artic. “You told me not to fall for you. You told me you’d
never offer me anything. For some idiotic reason, I did it
anyway.”

What
?

“My heart betrayed me and did whatever it
wanted. I found myself unable to think about anyone but you, my
best friend in the entire world. So, I made a stupid decision
without thinking. I went by that restaurant and picked up brunch
for the both of us. Then I headed to your door, ready to tell you
exactly how I felt.”

Where was this going? Did she ever make it to
my door? Why don’t I remember any of this? How did I not notice the
way she felt about me? I would have said something if I knew.

“When I asked if you had slept with anyone
since we met, you said you hadn’t. I took that as a declaration of
exclusivity. I thought it meant you wanted to be with me and only
me—even if you didn’t realize it. But when I knocked on your door,
you didn’t answer it. Instead, I came face-to-face with one of your
bimbos. She wore one of your t-shirts with nothing underneath and
her hair was a mess. And she looked tired and satisfied.” Sadness
filled her eyes at the memory. “And when I asked you about it, you
lied. That’s why I’ll never be with you, Ash. I don’t date
liars.”

Now everything was making sense. My lips
stretched into a smile when I realized Alessandra felt the same way
I did. I could have had her long ago if I just figured out what I
wanted. Now I understood why she pushed me away and dated that
loser.

“Why the hell are you smiling?” she
snapped.

“Because I’m happy.”

“That I’m miserable?” Alessandra asked
incredulously. “That’s an all-time low, even for you.”

“No, not at all.”

She narrowed her eyes.

“I never slept with that girl.”

“Oh really?” Condescension was in her
voice.

“Yes, really. Sawyer went out with this girl
and her sister came along. I had no interest in her and just wanted
to leave. But since she was all alone and drunk, I took her back to
my place and let her crash on my couch. I gave her those clothes so
she had something to sleep in. The next morning, she left. Nothing
happened.” My grin was even wider now. If only I’d known this a
long time ago. “The only woman I’ve been with is you. There’s been
no one else since I met you at that coffee shop—on scouts
honor.”

She didn’t seem convinced. She was still
suspicious.

“I’m not lying, Alessandra. I can track down
that girl and prove it to you if necessary.” I leaned over the
table and felt my arms shake in excitement.

She started to loosen up. “Really?”

“I promise.”

Alessandra averted her gaze. “Oh…what a
misunderstanding.”

“Yeah…” Honestly, I didn’t regret it that
much. I needed to lose her to understand I wanted her. “So, you’ll
give me a chance? Because I can be charming and sensitive. I can
take you out to dinner and open doors for you. I can…be whatever
you want me to be.”

She kept her look guarded. “What does that
mean, exactly?”

“I want to be more than just a fuck buddy to
you. I don’t want you to see anyone else. And I don’t want to see
anyone else either.”

“So, you want to be my boyfriend?” Hope was
in her voice.

“Well, I don’t know about that…” Commitment
still terrified me. I didn’t like labels. Forced to remain in one
spot indefinitely was my biggest nightmare. I needed freedom to
roam around and do other things. Perhaps it was a side effect from
my time in the military.

Disappointment flashed across her face. “You
don’t know? Then what do you want, exactly?”

“You.” That was the simplest answer. “I miss
you. I want you.”

“But…you know I want marriage and kids
someday.”

I didn’t want to think about that. I couldn’t
picture myself as a husband or a father. Too much responsibility. I
could barely take care of myself as it was. “I can’t promise
anything right now. But maybe we could go there someday.”

All the happiness on her face evaporated.
“Ash, if you don’t want to get married and have kids someday, then
I’d be wasting my time and my youth on you.”

Fuck, I was losing her
. “Just…give me
some time. I will try to give you those things. But I can’t do that
right now. I’ve never felt this way about a girl before. I’ve never
been sick with jealousy, and I’ve never been driven with rage at
the thought of losing someone. Alessandra, I don’t even know who I
am without you. I’ve been so depressed and alone. I need you in my
life. I don’t know how to explain it or put it into words… I just
know I need you.”

Her eyes softened and the disappointment
faded away.

“Maybe we can have all the things you want.
But I need time before I get there. Can you give it to me?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “My brain is
telling me this is a bad idea. I’ll end up with my heart broken all
over again—and much worse. But my heart is telling me to give it a
try—because I want you so much.”

Hope burst inside me. “Go with your heart.
I’m doing the same thing. This is scary for me too.”

“Ash, we might destroy each other…”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.” I reached
across the table and grabbed her hand. My thumb moved across her
knuckles in a gentle embrace. “Take it with me.”

Alessandra stared at our joined hands before
she looked up at me. Indecision was still in her eyes before it
faded away. Then she nodded. “Please don’t make me regret
this.”

The pain in her voice wounded me. “I’ll
try.”

***

We walked inside her apartment then slammed
the door. I only had one thing on my mind. It was all I’d been
thinking about lately. I didn’t just crave the lust between us. The
physical intimacy was something my soul missed. I couldn’t go on
without it. I needed it just as much as water and air.

I grabbed her face and kissed her
aggressively, needing to touch her as much as possible. My lips
found hers and I cherished them with everything I had. I’d missed
them this past month, and the fire inside me rekindled once they
were combined again.

I stripped my shirt off as I guided her
toward her bedroom. Once my chest was bare, she ran her fingers up
and down the grooves, like she’d been fantasizing about this
nonstop.

I unzipped her dress as we entered her
bedroom then I yanked it off. If it ripped, I didn’t give a damn. I
preferred it when she didn’t wear clothes anyway. When it was off,
I got rid of her bra then kissed her neck.

Man, I missed this.

Her fingers fumbled with my jeans and tried
to get them off. Her hands were shaking so much she couldn’t get
the zipper. I did it for her then kicked the jeans away. Then I
pulled my boxers off and my cock popped out. He was more excited to
see her than I was.

We fell on the bed together and I immediately
positioned her underneath me. I didn’t want to fuck her harder than
I ever had, but I wanted to be inside her as quickly as possible.
My cock needed the moisture between her legs. It needed the
territory I’d claimed as my own every time I released.

Alessandra’s nails trailed down my back and
she gripped me tightly as she looked up at me with parted lips. Her
hair was stretched across the pillow, full of tangles from where my
hands had tugged on it. Her eyes were bright with desire like she
was more eager than I was.

I placed one leg over my shoulder then leaned
over her until her knee was pressed to her chest. My face was
closer to hers and I had her pinned down. I needed to dominate her
like this, to make it clear to both of us that she was mine. I
pushed my tip inside her and felt the moisture there. Only a few
inches had entered her, but damn, it felt good.

She released a quiet moan as she felt me. Her
nails dug into my bicep as I stretched her.

I made the plunge slowly, knowing her pussy
was always so tight. It hadn’t taken me in a long time so I had to
stretch her out all over again, not that I minded. I slowly moved
further inside her, feeling her body mold to me.

Her nails dug further into me, but not out of
resistance. “Ash…”

I loved it when she said my name. She was
claiming me. I liked that. I pushed myself entirely within her and
felt constricted from every direction. She was so wet but so tight
for me. I always made girls wet, but not like this. Alessandra was
wide open to me, pinned to the mattress with my weight on top of
her. Then I rocked into her slowly, savoring every inch of her bare
skin. I hadn’t had sex in a long time, and damn, it felt good.

Alessandra moved her arms around my neck and
anchored herself to me. Her lips brushed past mine, and just when
she was going to kiss me, she didn’t because she was overcome with
pleasure. Her breath landed on my face as she breathed hard. Quiet
moans escaped her lips, and it sounded like music to my ears.

I missed this.

I’d never had a connection like this with
someone. I’ve had a lot of good sex in my time, and I’ve done it in
a lot of kinky places, but no experience lived up to what I had
with Alessandra. She wasn’t particularly experienced in the
bedroom, but she was still amazing. She did so many sexy things
without thinking. She bit her lip and closed her eyes when she was
particularly enjoying it. Sometimes she swallowed the lump in her
throat like she was trying to hold back a scream. Other times she
looked into my eyes like she saw past everything I was projecting.
She knew me better than anyone, down to the bone, but she still
cared about me anyway.

I wanted to do this all night but my dick was
growing firmer with each passing minute. Every time I thought about
releasing inside her, it made me want to explode. The sensation was
so amazing, and I wanted to feel that now. But I also loved taking
it slow, just feeling my cock slide in and out of her. This was how
sex was supposed to feel, dirty but beautiful at the same time.

Her hand gripped my ass and pulled me further
into her. She always did this when she was about to come. Her
actions were predictable because I had her so many times. She
wanted all of me, and a lot of it.

“Like this, cream queen?” I moved into her
harder and gave her my entire length. My balls hit her skin with
every thrust. It was a turn on that she could take all of me
without wincing.

“Mmm…” Her lips parted and she released
pleasurable sighs. She tightened around me and constricted tighter
than a snake. Then she rolled her head back and bit her lip at the
same time. “Yes…right there.”

I loved feeling her come all over my dick. It
was the best sensation ever. I pounded into her harder and gave her
everything I had. I wanted to make her feel as good as she made me
feel.

Her high lasted for nearly a minute, and when
she loosened around me, I knew her moment had passed. She was out
of breath and sweaty, and a look of stars was in her eyes.

I didn’t want to wait a moment longer. I
physically couldn’t. I wanted to give her all of me, just like I
had before. This was the part I missed the most, doing the thing
that inspired her nickname. I gave her a slow kiss just as I
reached my threshold. Then I broke it as I tensed. My entire body
was on fire as I filled her with everything I had. I didn’t make a
lot of noise during sex, but now I moaned like a teenager that just
lost his virginity. “Alessandra…” I remained inside her even after
I was finished. An explosion just erupted inside me and it took me
a few seconds to remember exactly where I was.